Chapter 65
A final goodbye.
I smoothed my uniform and looked at Monqilcolnen.
He was sitting on the edge of our bed, rubbing my scales that sat in the bracer I’d given him.
I moved to crouch in front of him, resting my hand on his, and looked up at him.
Monqilcolnen didn’t react to my touch, nor did his eyes look up from my soul scales.
“It’s not your fault,” I said, gripping his hand.
He didn’t react.
Monqilcolnen was still grieving his parents, and now, with the new deaths, he wasn’t coping well. I kissed his knuckles, then rested my cheek on his hand. He gripped my braid as his breathing increased.
“It could’ve been you,” he whispered. “I could’ve lost you.”
“And I could’ve lost you.” I looked up at him. “That is life. We have no guarantees, Monqilcolnen. I’m hurting,” I confessed. “I lost friends, and I know you have too. But it’s not either of our faults. It just is. It happened. I wish it didn’t.”
“As do I.”
I arched up to kiss him. “But I have you and you have me, and we are going to this funeral to say goodbye.”
He closed his eyes.
“It’s a lot.” I took a deep inhale to keep my burning tears in check. “But I need you beside me.”
“Then I will be.”
“Thank you.”
His hand curled behind my neck and pulled me close to press a lingering kiss to my lips. “I will be with you every day until my last breath and be grateful to have the honor of walking beside you, holding you, and loving you.”
Tears slid down my cheeks. I didn’t know why fate had chosen to align mine and Monqilcolnen’s paths, but I was the thankful one. He was the best thing in my life, and I would never take him for granted. I pressed my lips to his.
“You are my soul, my star, my future.”
Nuzzling my forehead, he pulled me up until I could crawl onto his lap. I wound my arms around his neck while his went about my waist. Today wouldn’t be easy, but this was necessary for us, the crew, to say goodbye and continue forward, not that the grief or pain would vanish.
“Come, Mate,” he said, planting his hands on my hips. “It’s time.”
I wasn’t ready, but then again, I never would be. However, I climbed off his lap and took his tail. We made our way through the tunnels to the observation deck once more. Space funerals were different, especially as not everyone was a drakcol.
The space was full, unsurprisingly, and we took a spot against the window, not far from Talvax, who stood opposite of the door, with Urgg at her side.
I spotted Seth and Bartholomew with the princes, but I didn’t move from Monqilcolnen’s side.
I saw Qinlin near the door with Klars next to her, which neither looked happy about, but neither moved.
Eventually, Talvax raised her hands, and the quiet murmurs ceased.
She clasped her hands behind her back. “Finding the words to say are impossible. I tried for hours, staring at images of those we lost.” She shook her head, then said, “Until I realized I would never be able to sum up all of their lives into something meaningful.
I wish I could, but death is never easy.
It is never pleasant. And someone is always left behind grieving.
Some of you knew these people well, and others, you saw their faces in the corridors and counted on them to watch your back in trouble or to simply lend a hand completing a task.
“Each of them was important. Each had a part to play. Each had a story. Sadly, we all know how it ended. Here. I wish I could say it didn’t.
I wish I could change what happened. But that too is impossible.
What happened was an accident that holds no blame.
While seeking to find a responsible party is a natural response, I would urge you to not do that.
Instead, think of the lives we lost, and the sacrifice they made.
“All I can say at this time is to allow yourself to grieve. Let it hurt.” She looked around. “We will never forget them. I swear it. I remember every name of those under my command who have died. I carry them with me, and I will do so until the end to honor their lives.
“Remember their names. Gorgownun.”
An image of the serious drakcol appeared behind Talvax. I listened to her listing the names, watching the familiar faces all while holding back my tears, until…
“Cencay.”
I sobbed, unable to hold them back at the cheerful grin.
They had been so young. This was their senior cadet mission, the one they’d chosen, even though it hadn’t been typical.
Monqilcolnen held me tight, and I turned to hold him close.
However, I kept my gaze on the screen. Knowing who was coming next.
“Kel’yeena.”
More tears streamed down my cheeks. She had been so kind to me, kinder than she needed to be.
Always asking after me. Feeding me. Giving me that blanket.
Her death was like a knife to the gut. Kel’yeena hadn’t even been in the navy.
She’d been a civilian, selling food. She hadn’t signed up for danger, but it had found her.
Talvax took a deep breath, then said, “Now, we must say goodbye.”
A pod shot out from almost the lowest deck of the Admiral Ven, then exploded, spreading the ash everywhere.
I closed my eyes to say a silent goodbye to Cencay.
“Mistress Kel’yeena was not a drakcol, and she made her wishes known if something were to happen.” Talvax looked at me. “She told me Wyn would know the words.”
My gut lurched. I did know the words, but I wasn’t from her nest. The blanket she had made me came to mind.
I was the closest she had here. I walked forward, then signaled to Talvax.
A smaller item was released next. It looked as if it was a woven bag, but I knew it was her body wrapped in her own webs.
Her body was pointed toward her planet and released.
She would never make it home, but it was the symbolism that mattered, not if her body ever arrived.
“Your breath moved the webs that now encase you. Each one treasured. Each one missed. The stillness of silence in the absence of your breath is felt until we are joined once more,” I whispered, placing my hand on the cold glass, then said something of my own, “I’ll miss you.”
We were quiet as we cleaned up and climbed into bed.
Wyn. Stars, he was so beautiful. I had always thought so, but he was even more lovely now.
Every part of him drew me, but that also scared me.
I snuggled closer to him, rubbing my forehead against his neck.
He groaned. The sound stirred my cock, but it wasn’t fucking that I craved.
I needed to feel him. I needed to be close, to feel he was alive, to feel he was breathing with me.
“Mate,” I begged.
He reached back for my hand, took it, and placed it on his stomach. “What do you need?”
“You.”
“You have me, Star. That will never change.”
“I need you inside me. Please.” I kissed his shoulder. “I need to feel you.”
Wyn rolled toward me and captured my mouth in a soft kiss, but it was claiming.
He took control like he owned me. He did.
I belonged to Wyn, and I loved that I did.
Pulling him on top of me, I ceded control to him.
He grabbed my hands and placed them on his hips, rocking against me.
His cock wasn’t full yet, but it was growing.
I moaned at the feel of him on top of me, his tongue swirling slowly around mine and his hands sliding over my sides to tease my glands expertly.
His movements were slow and unhurried as he explored my frame, dragging his fingers over my scales.
Each touch stoked my arousal while soothing the cold fear that had burrowed deep within my flesh.
“Wyn,” I groaned, coiling my tail around his. “Please.”
“Let me take care of you, Monqilcolnen.” He kissed my chin, then dragged his tongue up the line of my jaw. I shivered. “You need this.” Wyn met my gaze. “I need this, Mate.”
As we stared at each other, I saw the same fear I felt mirrored in his eyes.
Wyn craved intimacy as much as I did. The last few weeks had been one thing after another, and it had been trying, to say the least. The separation, the fear, the grief, the pain—everything that happened curled into a mass of emotions we had to excise. Together.
“I’m yours.”
He nibbled on my throat. “Yes, you are.”
“You’re mine.”
“I am.”
“Take me,” I begged. “However you want.”
Groaning against my neck, Wyn said, “Thank you.”
His lips worked down my neck to my collar bone.
He licked, sucked, and nibbled over my shoulder, then lifted my arm and dragged his tongue over my armpit.
I writhed, crying out, as embers sparked through my veins.
I wouldn’t have considered my armpit to be an erogenous zone, but whenever Wyn touched me, it turned into one. He sucked hard, and I panted.
“Wyn. Nngh. Mate. So good.”
He nuzzled my armpit, then glanced at me. “You taste good.”
My cock throbbed and pre-seed leaked out, dripping onto my stomach.
With a smirk, Wyn rubbed my tip with his thumb. I bucked under him. He whispered against my lips, “Do you like that?”
“Yes.” I panted, gripping his full butt.
Kissing my chin, he worked down the hollow of my throat.
Wyn didn’t speed up, even as I wiggled and cried under him.
He sucked on each of my nipples, making me scream, then continued to explore my chest and stomach.
I would’ve thought he’d touched every part of me before this moment, but Wyn was clearly making sure I was right.
When he reached my cock, he bypassed it to explore one leg, followed by the other.
By the end, I was shaking with need and my cock was weeping with arousal.
However, Wyn had me roll over and began again, licking every speck of me, before pushing my legs apart, splitting my cheeks, and dragging his tongue over my hole.
I cried, pushing up my hips to give him more access. Wyn sucked on my hole, and I sobbed.
“Mate, please.” I rocked against his face, and Wyn speared me with his tongue. I gripped the sheets, my knuckles creaking, and low, needy sounds kept escaping me. Wyn feasted, not rushing as he ate me and stroked my thighs with his tail. When he finally pulled away, I shoved my hips up, desperate.
“Not like this, Star,” he said, his voice husky. “I want to see your face.”
“Yes.” I rolled over and reached for him.
Wyn claimed my mouth in a lingering kiss, then settled between my thighs, his crystal blue eyes locked on mine.
He guided his cock to my hole and pushed.
I groaned at the warm stretch, more than ready for my mate to be inside of me.
He didn’t pound into me fast, but rather moved at a sedate rate, allowing me to feel every fragment of him.
When his hips hit my butt cheeks, all the previous tension eased out of me and left me loose beneath him.
He pulled out, then thrust back in. I groaned, hooking my legs around his hips. Wyn grabbed my hands, interlacing our fingers, and his eyes never left mine as he slowly rutted into me.
When he was fully seated inside of me again, Wyn rolled his hip, making me moan. “Do you feel me, Mate?”
“Yes.” I squeezed his fingers.
He pulled out and then snapped his hips into me, making me grunt. “Do you feel this?”
“Yes. I feel you.”
Wyn lifted my hand and placed it over my sternum. “Because I’m here with you.”
My eyes landed on the bare skin over his soul, the scales forever adorning my forearm. “You are.” I turned his hand around and pushed his claws into me. “I want you to have them, Mate.”
His breathing increased.
“I want you to take them.”
“And I will.”
I smiled.
“After they are medically removed and free of blood, so I don’t faint. Or vomit.”
I chuckled, and Wyn grinned.
“That will be fine,” I said. “I want you to wear mine as I wear yours.”
“I will be your shield, as you are mine.”
“Wyn.” I rocked back into him, my cock throbbing and my hole fluttering around his shaft. My mate got the hint and started to fuck me again in long, smooth strokes that left me shaking and grunting. “I need to come. I need to touch myself.”
“No, Monqilcolnen.” He pounded into me, hitting the spot that had electricity flashing in my eyes. “I want you to come like this, just from my cock.”
I groaned.
“Or try. I want to see it.”
“Mate,” I panted as he kept thrusting into me, still not in a rush. Wyn. He was staring right at me, teeth buried in his plush bottom lip and eyebrows pulled together. Mine. He was mine, and he was right here. With me. “Don’t leave me.”
“Never.”
“I need you.” I hated the vulnerability in my voice, but I couldn’t control it.
“I need you, Star, and I always will.”
“Wyn,” I moaned.
“Look at me,” he ordered, and I met his gaze. “Come for me. Let go, and let me see.”
My lower back tingled and my balls tightened, then Wyn hit me deep, and I cried out. Pleasure, low and hot, washed over me, and my cock kicked as seed spurted out of the tip. My hole rippled around his cock, squeezing him. Wyn whined as warmth flooded my insides.
He flopped on top of me, chest heaving. “Mate.”
I dragged my shaking fingers through his silky hair. “I love you.”
Wyn smiled at me. “I love you.”
The remaining shard of icy fear melted away from the heat of his gaze, and I hugged him close. I didn’t know what was coming, but I knew I was right where I belonged. My inner fire had led me to space, to my fate, to Wyn, and I would never let him go.