Chapter Three
Lavinia
Cotton’s home was neat and tidy. It also didn’t hold many things that made it uniquely his. I didn’t see much in the way of pictures, knickknacks, or even so much as a colorful throw pillow. Still, it was the nicest place I’d stayed in a while.
“Goodnight, Cotton,” I said softly.
“Night, Lavinia.”
I snuggled deeper into the covers and closed my eyes. I wasn’t sure what would happen tomorrow, but tonight, I felt safe. Except I couldn’t sleep. I opened my eyes and glanced at Cotton, who was parked with on one hip on the edge of the bed. My heart beat a little faster as I took in the soft light of the room. Why had I agreed to stay with a stranger?
No, not a stranger. The man who’d literally taken me out of hell and given me food, shelter, and protection. I placed my hand on my belly and tried to imagine what life would be like for my baby. What if it was a girl? Would she have my hair or…
No. I wouldn’t let my mind go there. I didn’t want to think about the one who’d given me this child.
Cotton shifted, his knee bumping mine. Startled, I glanced at him.
“You’re quiet tonight, yet you don’t seem to be able to sleep.” He leaned back on his hands and stretched his legs out. “Those wheels in your head are turning. What’s got you so pensive?”
I swallowed hard, then took a deep breath. “I just…” My voice faltered.
“It’s okay, Lavinia. You can talk to me. I know things are strange for you right now. You’ve been through a lot, and you’ve been so brave, darlin’. You didn’t let him win.” He reached over and placed his hand over mine. “What’s on your mind?”
My gaze shifted to the wallpaper. The muted colors helped create the comforting atmosphere. I’d never stayed in a room this nice before. Motel, hotel, or a house. My hand slid down my stomach, and I took a moment to gather my courage.
“I’m scared,” I admitted softly. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, and I don’t know how to make sure my baby has a good life. I want to give him or her a loving home. I’d like to have a nursery with a rocking chair. Somewhere I can read bedtime stories. I don’t want my child to grow up the way I did.”
His thumb brushed the back of my hand, and he scooted closer, his leg brushing mine again. This time, the touch didn’t startle me. Instead, it was oddly comforting.
“Why don’t you tell me what it was like for you growing up?” he asked.
I glanced at my belly one more time, gathering my thoughts. Being pregnant had made me think about things differently. I even saw parts of my past in a different light. Mostly my days with my grandmother. Until I’d grown up, I hadn’t realized how hard she’d tried to give me a decent home. “My parents died when I was six. I went to live with my grandmother. She was strict, but she loved me. I never doubted that. I haven’t felt loved since she died.”
Even now, it hurt to think about her passing. She was the only one who’d shown me what kindness was. Until now.
“The house was old and falling apart. I can’t tell you how many nights I shivered under the blankets, wearing a coat to bed. We couldn’t afford much, and there were holes in the walls. My grandmother did the best she could. She made sure I ate, but we didn’t have enough for things like shopping for new clothes, much less buying a better house.”
A surge of warmth crept through me when Cotton shifted his hand to my cheek. The steady, gentle pressure was both soothing and grounding, and I leaned into his touch.
“We lived on her social security and my parents’ life insurance. Although, I don’t think there was much left of it after the cost of their burial. I don’t want my child to ever lack for anything. I’d love to be able to give them so much. To spoil them, but not too much. I want…” I sniffled and blinked away my tears. “I want them to know they’re loved. I want to be the best mom ever.”
“You will be.”
I scoffed and shook my head. “How do you know that?”
“I don’t have to know, Lavinia. I can see it in your eyes. You’re a good person. It’s in your soul, darlin’. You’ll do everything you can to make sure your baby has a good life. I’ll help you. We’ll make sure you have a safe place to live where no one can hurt you. I’ll be there to protect you and the baby.”
“You don’t have to do that.” I glanced at him again. “Why would you?”
He sighed and gave me a wry smile. “I’ll make sure you get your dream, Lavinia. Whatever it takes. At least one of us should get a happy ending.”
“I want so much for my baby, and I don’t know how to make it happen. The idea of failing terrifies me. I can’t let my child know what it’s like to be hungry or scared.” I rubbed my hand over my belly. “I want to bring them into the world and hold them close. I want them to feel safe in my arms.”
Cotton’s palm slid up and down my thigh. “We’ll make it happen. You’ll get your nursery and everything else you want. I’m not saying it will happen overnight, but we’ll get there.”
“Thank you, Cotton.” I tilted my head back to meet his gaze. “I don’t know what I’d have done if you hadn’t come along last night.”
“You don’t have to keep thanking me, Lavinia.” He smiled a little. “You needed help. I was in a position to give it. I don’t regret it for a second. Get some rest. We’ll figure this out, one step at a time. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
I leaned into his chest and closed my eyes, savoring the warmth of his body and the solidness of his chest under my cheek. Other than the stressful ride here, terrified Tyler might follow us, it was the closest I’d ever been to him, and I wanted more. My fingers curled into his shirt. I breathed him in, savoring the scent of leather, motor oil, and something that reminded me of pine trees.
Was I so starved for compassion and the kind touch from another human that I was willing to cuddle with a stranger? The old me would have never done something like this, but… I was so tired. Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. I needed someone to lean on, even if it was just for a bit. Someone to tell me everything would be fine, that they cared what happened to me. I hoped Cotton might be that person.
He cupped the back of my head and held me close. “It’s all going to work out, Lavinia. Have faith. As long as you’re with me, I won’t let anything bad happen to you or the baby. I swear it.”
Cotton’s arms around me felt like the safest place in the world. I couldn’t remember ever feeling this way before. The last few months had been pure hell. Not that Tyler had been perfect before that. He’d just become much worse after finding out about the baby. Like he’d wanted to punish me for getting pregnant.
Tyler had lured me in, making me believe he wanted forever with me. He’d said all the right things, done everything possible to gain my trust. By the time I’d realized the truth, it had been too late. I’d been firmly under his control. He’d hurt me if I didn’t give him what he wanted. The first three months, that was the worst of it. But later… I’d had no choice but to let him and his friends use me.
With Tyler, every day was filled with terror and despair. His need for control had left me feeling weak and powerless. Leaving him had been the hardest thing I’d ever done. I knew if I’d stayed, things would have gotten worse, and he wouldn’t have cared if our baby got caught in the crossfire.
I lifted my cheek from Cotton’s chest. As he eased away and got to his feet, I felt the loss of his warmth, but he’d promised to help me. That meant more than I could ever say. When he took my hand and pulled me to my feet, I didn’t hesitate to follow him. Maybe I should have. I’d already trusted one man and gotten burned. Something told me Cotton was different. I couldn’t explain it.
“I’m going to see what sort of food we have in this place. If you need me, just call out. I’ll be able to hear you.”
He made sure I was settled on the couch with a pillow behind my back. I didn’t know how long it had been since I’d been able to put my feet up, and he’d taken it upon himself to make sure I was comfortable. Then he went to the kitchen and started poking around in the cabinets. When he went to the fridge and bent over to examine the contents, I admired the way his jeans hugged his ass. I had to admit that Cotton was sexy as hell.
“I’ll make something simple, but it will tide us over until later in the morning.” He looked over at the window. “Sun will be coming up before too long.”
I watched as he pulled things from the fridge and placed them on the counter. I hadn’t paid much attention to the kitchen, but it wasn’t very big. Once I felt like I could stand again without falling over, I pushed to my feet and went to see what he was doing. I wasn’t the best cook. Growing up, my grandmother had always said if you could read, you could cook. I’d never been sure if that was true or not since I’d never tried to follow a recipe. Maybe once I settled somewhere, I’d learn. I wanted to be a good mom. A good wife. Assuming anyone ever wanted me.
“Sit.” He pointed to the small table.
I sank onto one of the chairs and watched him. He folded up his sleeves and began washing and cutting the vegetables. I’d never realized how sexy a man could be when cooking a meal. I’d never seen Tyler set foot in the kitchen unless it was to grab a beer from the fridge. His idea of cooking was opening a can of soup, dumping it in a bowl, and microwaving it. What Cotton did looked more like a work of art. The knife in his hand moved swiftly and efficiently, and the vegetables became even slices.
His presence calmed me. I hadn’t realized just how on edge I’d been. I’d been able to breathe since leaving with Cotton. The longer I watched him, the more I realized he wasn’t going to hurt me. He’d had plenty of opportunities, but he’d taken care of me instead. I didn’t know why he wanted to help, but I wouldn’t turn down a chance at a better life. The small smile tugging at my lips felt foreign. How long had it been since I’d been happy?
A delicious aroma wafted through the room. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. My stomach growled, and I opened my eyes to find Cotton staring at me. His lips curved.
“You don’t have to be embarrassed. I’m hungry too. We’ll eat our fill. Then you’re going to get some sleep. I know you’re tired. Being pregnant has to be rough.”
“Thank you,” I whispered.
He turned back to the stove. It wasn’t long before he spooned some pasta onto a plate and topped it with a tomato sauce filled with the vegetables he’d cut up. He even added some garlic bread to the side. When he placed it in front of me with a fork, I didn’t hesitate to dive right in. One bite and I knew it was the best food I’d ever tasted. I probably should have eaten slower, but I couldn’t help myself.
From the corner of my eye, I watched Cotton eat. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him. I was just scared. If I’d learned anything, it was that people could lie and pretend to be someone they weren’t. I wanted to believe Cotton wouldn’t hurt me, but I figured a little caution was smart. I’d already made one mistake. I didn’t want to make another.
He wasn’t Tyler. I tried reminding myself of that as I took another bite. Cotton had shown more care and compassion in the last few hours than Tyler had in all the time I’d known him. The longer I watched Cotton, the more I realized he really did want to help me. I wasn’t sure why he’d offered, but I wasn’t about to turn down his help. Not when I needed it so much.
When I finished my meal, I pushed the plate away and rubbed my belly. “That was delicious. Thank you, Cotton. I haven’t had a home-cooked meal in a long time.”
His lips curved a bit. “You’re welcome. It’s been a while since I cooked for anyone. I didn’t realize how much I missed it. You can rest now. I’ll wash the dishes.”
“You cooked. I should clean up.”
His eyes darkened, and I wondered what I’d said wrong. He came around the table and tipped my chin up. “I have no problem helping you. When you cook, I’ll clean. When I cook, I’ll clean. You’re going to be a mama soon. You shouldn’t be on your feet more than necessary. Rest while you can. I know you’re tired. You can barely keep your eyes open.”
“Yeah, but I feel bad. I shouldn’t make you do all the work.”
He stroked his thumb along my jaw. “Let me take care of you, Lavinia. You and the baby. Please.”
I stared up into his eyes. There was a storm brewing in them, but I didn’t think I had anything to fear. Not from him. Not as long as I didn’t cross any lines. I refused to let my guard down completely. I’d learned the hard way not to trust anyone. Tyler had taught me that.
I nodded. “Thank you.”
“If you’re worried I’ll hurt you, don’t be. I’m not like that asshole. I’m not going to lay a hand on you or your baby. I meant what I said earlier. You’ll be safe with me. We’ll make a good home for your little one.”
Mine and Tyler’s baby. Yet Cotton had said we’d take care of the child together. I didn’t understand why he’d said it, but I wouldn’t ask him to explain. I had a feeling I wouldn’t get an answer anyway. He seemed like the type of man who’d make up his mind, and nothing would make him change it.
I stood in the room Cotton had given me, staring at the bracelet on my wrist. Tyler had given it to me the night he’d said he loved me. I’d been stupid enough to believe him. The delicate links of silver had felt like a permanent shackle after a while. Every click as the clasp had closed echoed in my mind. I’d felt as if I’d been trapped in a cage, one I hadn’t been able to break free from. Until now.
I sat on the edge of the bed, running my fingers over the cool metal. Why was it so hard to take the damn thing off? After everything Tyler had done to me, I should have thrown it at his feet and told him to go to hell. Maybe I was more ashamed of myself than I wanted to admit. He’d used me. I’d believed he’d cared about me, and I’d fallen for his lies. I’d let him strip me of my self-respect. Now I was going to take it back.
There was only one way to truly put my past behind me. I needed to rid myself of anything Tyler had given me. The only thing I’d wanted from him had been his love. Since he couldn’t give me that, then he didn’t deserve to have me.
My fingers fumbled with the clasp but couldn’t quite manage to get it open. I closed my eyes and took a breath, trying to calm my nerves. Trying again, I managed to free myself from the shackle, letting the piece of jewelry fall to the floor.
I stood and went to my bag, unzipping it. I rifled through my clothes until I found what I wanted. I’d never worn the necklace my grandmother had given me. It might not be worth much to anyone else, but it was priceless to me. It was the only thing I had left from my family. She’d probably bought it at a garage sale, but it had been the best Christmas gift I’d ever received.
I rubbed my thumb over the delicate locket. Seeing it again made my heart ache. I missed my grandmother. I wished I’d had a picture of her to put inside it. She’d always been so good to me. If I could be half the mama to my baby as she’d been to me, then I’d be doing a good job. I had a feeling she’d have liked Cotton.
I pushed the necklace over my head, then settled it against my chest. As the locket hit my skin, I felt a sense of peace. The tension in my shoulders evaporated, and I gave a sigh of relief. I closed my eyes and pictured my grandmother. The way she’d always hum a little tune. How her kisses had been so soft. I could almost hear her voice telling me everything would be all right.
My life wasn’t going to be perfect. But with Cotton’s help, I had a feeling I’d find happiness. And if not, then at least I’d know I’d done everything I could to make a good life for my baby. I hadn’t cared about myself for a long time. But my child? I’d move mountains to make sure he or she had a good life. I’d never let anyone mistreat them. And I’d never let Tyler near the baby. I refused to let him corrupt my child.
The chains that had bound me to Tyler fell away. I could leave it all behind. It was time I protected myself and my baby. Cotton had promised he would be by my side as long as I needed him. Eventually, he’d decide I’d become too much trouble. But this time, I’d be ready to stand on my own. I wouldn’t let anyone use me again. Not for anything.
I’d put the past behind me and build a better future. One worth living in.
Cotton had been so good to me. I wanted to believe he’d keep me safe, but I’d thought the same thing about a lot of people. It hadn’t taken long for them to show their true colors. I had no reason to think he’d be any different.
Except the nagging feeling in the back of my mind told me he wouldn’t hurt me. That he’d be the man I’d always dreamed about, but never thought I’d have. Was it possible to have a fresh start? Did such a thing even exist for me? I’d been hurt so many times. But I didn’t want to think about that. Not now.
“Lavinia, what’s wrong?” he asked. I hadn’t realized he’d come into the bedroom. How did he move so quietly?
“I’m worried Tyler will find us and hurt me or the baby.” My voice shook. “I don’t want this baby born into a nightmare.”
Cotton leaned forward and took my hand. His grip was firm but gentle. “Never happen.”
There was something about the way he looked at me that made me want to trust him.
“I know you’re scared. But I swear one of two things will happen. I’ll keep you safe, or I’ll die tryin’. He won’t get anywhere near you or the baby. I’ll make sure of it.”
I blinked rapidly, fighting back the tears that wanted to fall. My free hand went to the locket around my neck. Without the memory of my grandmother, I didn’t think I’d have survived what Tyler had done to me. If it wasn’t for her, I might have given up already. But this baby deserved to live a good life. One where they could be happy and free.
I’d caught Cotton watching me quite a few times. More than once, I’d seen a hungry look in his eyes. It made me wonder what he’d be like as a boyfriend. Would he be gentle? Rough? Or a mixture of both?
I hadn’t meant to compare Cotton and Tyler as much as I had, but it was inevitable. Especially when I kept expecting Cotton to do something to remind me of the man I’d left behind. The longer I was with the biker, the more I realized how different they were.
Tyler had lied to me from the moment we’d met. Even before we’d gotten involved, he’d been hiding things. Cotton, on the other hand, had been up front with me. He hadn’t hidden anything, not even the road name his brothers used for him. He’d been kind, and I didn’t think it was an act. Tyler could be charming when he wanted something. Cotton? He was gruff and had a more no-nonsense attitude.
“Have you done this before? Rescue a woman?”
“I’ve helped women get out of bad situations, yes. But this is the first time I’ve offered to take someone home with me. I’m not sure why I felt like I needed to help you. I just knew you’d been through hell, and you looked like you needed someone.” He paused. “My club doesn’t like seeing women in bad situations. I’ve helped rescue quite a few in the past. There was no way I could sit back and watch Tyler hurt you. If I’d done that, I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself.”
“I do need someone. I know you told me not to thank you, but I still need to. You’ve been amazing, Cotton. I don’t know what I’d have done without you.”
“Probably found another way to escape. You look like you’re a fighter.”
I smiled a little. “I like to think so. Tyler took a lot from me, but he didn’t take my spirit. I’d have found a way out. I’ll make sure my baby is safe. I won’t let anything happen to him or her. If that means I have to kill Tyler, then I will.”
I wondered what he thought about me killing Tyler. Not only had I threatened to do it, but I was also willing to. Even if I had to go to prison. My child would be better off without him.
“You shouldn’t have to kill anyone,” Cotton said. “But if it comes down to that, I’ll make sure you don’t go to jail. You aren’t a killer, Lavinia. I won’t let you become one.”
“Thanks, Cotton. You’ve given me so much. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you.”
“You don’t need to. I’m glad I met you. As far as I’m concerned, everything happens for a reason. It’s possible I met Tyler in the Navy just so I could find you.”
It was a sweet sentiment, but I didn’t think he could be right. No one had ever cared about me that much before, at least not someone who wasn’t related to me. If I could help it, I’d make sure he didn’t regret this. Cotton deserved someone who would be good to him. I didn’t know if I could be that person, but I’d try my best. I just hoped I didn’t let him down.
To protect my child, I’d trust him. If he ever became a danger, I’d be ready to leave. But I really wanted to believe he’d be there for me.
When I’d been with Tyler, I’d been too afraid to even dream about the future. Now I wanted to think about the days and weeks ahead. I knew there’d be plenty of challenges, but as long as I had Cotton, I’d be able to face them.
I’d felt weak and broken the last five months. The first month with Tyler hadn’t been so bad. He’d still been trying to give me a false sense of security. But now I’d discovered a strength I hadn’t realized I possessed. Maybe it had something to do with the man who’d rescued me. I’d never been very brave, but right now I felt like I could do anything.