Chapter Four
Cotton
I opened the door and stared in shock at Fox standing on my doorstep. I hadn’t expected my brother to show up so soon, but maybe I should have. The stern expression on his face made it clear he wasn’t here for a social call. When the president of the Hades Abyss MC showed up at your house, it was usually for a damn good reason.
His salt-and-pepper hair needed a trim, and his beard was grayer than I’d ever seen it. He’d just gotten back from a weeklong vacation with Raven, and I figured he’d have looked better. Unless this look was because of me. Damn. I hadn’t thought about the repercussions of bringing Lavinia home with me. I’d been so hellbent on saving her I hadn’t really stopped to think of anything else. If Fox ordered me to take her back, I’d have to disobey. I wouldn’t put her back in the hands of that asshole.
I stepped aside and gestured for him to come in. His gaze sliced through me, and for a second, I didn’t breathe. I wasn’t looking forward to explaining what I’d done. I knew I was in trouble when he didn’t say a damn word. Not a greeting, nothing. He stepped across the threshold, his boots thudding on the wood floor. Once I’d closed the door, I led him to the living room.
I knew Fox cared about all of us, not just the club. The man had given up a lot to be our president. If you crossed him, his retribution was swift and brutal. I’d never been on the wrong side of him before, but I knew it was coming. He wanted answers.
“I suppose you’re here because of Lavinia,” I said.
He grunted in reply.
I waved a hand at the couch, and Fox sank down onto the cushion farthest from me. I had a feeling he didn’t want to be too close right now. I took a seat, keeping our distance as I clenched my hands together. My gaze roamed the room.
He’d always been the observant sort. You couldn’t lead a club like Hades Abyss and not see everything going on around you. He’d even warned me about Tyler, but I hadn’t listened. Now I wished I had. When I’d heard what he’d done to Lavinia, I’d wanted to rip him apart with my bare hands.
My leg bounced as I tried to think of what to say to him. We’d always been on good terms, so I didn’t know why making conversation with him now was so hard. Or maybe I did. I’d gone and done something stupid, and now I had to face the music. It was one thing to bring her here after giving the Pres a heads-up, but I’d brought her home without telling anyone. If he ordered me to take her back, I didn’t know what I’d do. I’d never disobeyed him before. More than that, I trusted him with my life. But I couldn’t force Lavinia to live with that asshole. I’d rather take the punishment.
I reached over and adjusted a cushion on the couch, then straightened the magazines on the table. I saw Fox’s lips twitch and knew he saw right through me. He’d always been good at that. He crossed his arms and stared at me, waiting for me to spill my guts. And I would. But not yet. I needed to get my thoughts in order. I’d have to start at the beginning.
Fox continued to watch, not saying a word. I expected him to demand an answer. Yet he stayed quiet, keeping me on edge. I locked and unlocked my hands, then wiped them on my jeans. He’d never been an easy man to read. Hell, for all I knew, he might have my grave dug out back, and I just couldn’t see it.
I reached for the cushion again, then stopped myself. With a sigh, I raked a hand through my hair and leaned back. I felt like the weight of the world sat on my shoulders right now, and I didn’t even know how to explain it all. I’d been careful with Lavinia, not asking too many questions. She’d tried to downplay things. Until it had all come pouring out of her.
I took a deep breath. “It’s about Lavinia. She’s Tyler’s woman.”
Fox’s brow lifted. “I’m aware. She’s also pregnant with his kid.”
I wasn’t sure I wanted to know how he knew about that. Had he asked Surge to look into her? It wouldn’t surprise me at all if the club’s hacker had simply used the cameras to take a still shot of her face, then discovered who she was, and likely everything there was to know about her.
“Right. She told me they’d been together about six months. He manipulated her, worked his way into her life, and then started abusing her. He pretended to be a nice guy, until he wasn’t.”
I saw Fox’s eyes narrow. Yeah, it had pissed me off too. Then again, any man who hit a woman was a coward.
“When she didn’t do something he liked, he’d hit her. From what she told me, it got even worse after she told him she was pregnant. I think what happened later is why she ran.”
Fox’s brow furrowed. “What the fuck did he do to her?”
“He offered her up to his friends to use however they wanted. He even made a comment to me that made it seem like he was willing to let me have a turn with her, and when I pretended I’d taken her to my room to fuck her, he simply laughed and walked off.”
“Why the fuck didn’t you kill that bastard?”
“I couldn’t take on all of them, not without prep time, and I knew I needed to get her out of there quickly. So when the opportunity presented itself, I grabbed her and ran.”
Fox nodded. “I get it. What are you planning to do?”
“She has no family. No friends. Aside from Tyler, she’s completely alone. I was hoping she could stay with me for a while. Just until we figure out something else. I can’t send her back, Fox. I get she’s not my --”
“That’s the problem.” Fox’s voice came out low and gravelly. “You know our policy. A woman is kept safe under three conditions. She’s related to a member, claimed by a member, or we’re keeping her safe as a favor to another club. She’s not any of those things, Cotton. I can’t let you keep her here. It’s not fair to ask the club to put themselves and their families at risk for some stranger.”
I got off the couch and paced the floor. “Christ, Fox. I’ll do anything. Just don’t make me send her back.”
“I won’t. But you need to be sure. You can send her off somewhere else where she’ll be safe. Or you can make her your woman.”
I stopped and stared at him. Sure, I’d thought about what it would be like to live with her and raise the baby as my own. But Lavinia might not have wanted that. He was basically telling me to throw her out, or keep her. I’d hoped I could make her safe and deal with Tyler, then give her a choice of what she’d like to do. We were pretty much strangers at this point.
His lips tipped up at the corners. “You heard me. You need to decide if you’re serious. If you take her as yours, we’ll make sure the entire club know she’s under our protection, and Tyler will also have no doubt she belongs to you now. No one will lay a hand on her. She’ll be off-limits to anyone but you.”
“I’m sure he’ll come for her. Tyler isn’t the sort to let something like this go.”
Fox glanced at the window. “He won’t leave her alive. Not after she ran. You know how he is. Even if he doesn’t give a shit about the kid, the fact she ran from him will make him angry. He’ll see it not only as a betrayal, but he’ll want to make an example of her. I’ve known plenty of men like him. The world is full of them. Surge has already started to do some digging. The picture that’s forming isn’t pretty.”
“I don’t know how she hasn’t lost the baby with all the shit she’s been through. I don’t want her scared anymore. She’s so damn sweet.”
“Make the choice. I don’t have all day.” Fox’s tone softened a little. “Don’t let your guilt make the decision for you, Cotton. Your friend wasn’t the man you thought he was. Doesn’t make you a bad guy.”
Before I could respond, I heard a noise. I turned to see Lavinia hovering near the hall, her eyes wide. She’d been listening. How much had she heard?
“Lavinia.” I stepped toward her. “Come sit down.”
She wrapped her arms around her waist. “I heard him. About what you have to do.”
I glanced at Fox, then back at her. “I don’t want you to worry. We’ll figure out something.”
She took another step. Then another. Her gaze held mine. “I trust you, Cotton. You’ve already done so much. I’ll do whatever it takes to stay safe.”
Fox stood. “She’s a brave woman. I’ll let the club know she belongs to you now. I’ll get a property cut made for her.”
I reached out and took her hand. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to be. You’re going out of your way for someone you don’t even know.”
Fox nodded. “Then it’s settled. You’ll have the support of the club. Tyler won’t get anywhere near you. I can promise you that.”
When Fox left, I turned to Lavinia. I had a feeling our life together would be anything but boring.
I focused on Lavinia. Her chin tipped up, and I saw the determination shining in her eyes. No matter what else happened, this woman wouldn’t let me down. Even if she never loved me, I knew she’d stay by my side.
I’d make this work. I’d make her mine and keep her. I saw the question in her eyes. The hope and the fear. I’d banish the latter right the fuck now. She wouldn’t have any reason to be scared. Not of me or anyone else.
When my phone rang, I recognized the tone. Tyler. I took it out of my pocket, slapping it against my palm before setting it to one side. I’d talk to him when I was ready. Right now, I needed to get Lavinia moved into my room and lay down some ground rules.
“We need to pack up your things and get you moved into my room,” I said.
She lifted a brow. “Your room?”
“It’s where you’ll be sleeping now.”
With everything that just happened, and her past experience with men, I knew my words probably hadn’t come out the way I’d intended. It wasn’t that I planned to have sex with her. Or at least, not right away. But it only seemed right to give her the bigger room.
It was wholly different than any operation I’d ever taken part in. I’d stared down the barrel of a gun more times than I could count. Had bombs go off around me. And none of that had felt as terrifying as this moment. My hand lifted, reaching out to her, then stopped halfway to her.
“You have no idea what you’ve just done for me. Maybe most men don’t dream about being a father, but I have. It will be my honor to protect you. I won’t let you down.” It was the best I could give her. My word. I’d do my damnedest to live up to her expectations, and maybe one day, I’d earn her trust and respect. She wasn’t mine officially yet, but I already felt like I’d been given a gift.
“I’m not sure I believe you, but I guess I’ll find out.” Her lips curved into the tiniest smile.
I knew then she’d be all right. We both would. Hell, maybe she’d help me be a better man.
My grip on her hand was firm. Probably stronger than necessary, but I needed her to understand I would keep her safe. No matter what happened. I’d take out her abusive ex if I had to. She needed to know I was strong enough to stand between her and any danger. But I also needed her to see I’d never hurt her. I could be as gentle as a kitten. Especially when it came to Lavinia.
She held on tight, like she didn’t want to let go. I could see the hope in her eyes. The belief that I’d keep my word. Slowly, I let out a breath. Maybe everything would work out. I just had to steer Lavinia in the right direction.
I looked at Lavinia and met her gaze, something passing between us I couldn’t quite explain. I vowed to myself I’d make sure she never regretted letting me help her. I’d protect her and her baby with my last breath. I’d seen her strength. She just needed someone to show her she could stand on her own, or at least lean on someone who cared about her.
I’d be that man. I’d give her everything I could, and her baby would want for nothing. They’d be safe and loved. My gaze dropped to her lips and I wondered if she’d let me kiss her. I held back. She’d had enough thrown at her for one day. I didn’t need to push my luck.
I saw the determination in her eyes, and I smiled. Whether she knew it or not she had a core of steel. She’d needed it to survive Tyler Hughes. She’d shown more than enough strength to get through the next few weeks. It would take a while to find and eliminate him. There was no way he’d sit on his ass. The moment he’d realized I’d left with Lavinia, he’d probably left that place to move closer to our location. The man might be a monster, but he wasn’t stupid. I wouldn’t rest until he was gone.
My hand still gripped hers, and I felt her warm skin against my own. She made me feel things I hadn’t in a long time. I wouldn’t let her go. I’d make sure she stayed with me, no matter what it took. I’d give her the time she needed to learn to trust me. I’d never lie to her. I wanted her to understand she’d never have to doubt me. I’d keep my word and make sure she had the home she dreamed of.
She wanted to stay. I’d do everything in my power to make sure she had no regrets. It wasn’t often you found someone who fit you just right. If it were easy to do, then the entire world would already be paired off with their perfect partner. I had a feeling she’d been made for me. As crazy as it seemed, I’d felt drawn to her the moment I’d found her.
The sunlight filtered through the window, casting a warm glow over the room. I’d loved this house from the moment I’d seen it. I hadn’t thought to share it with anyone. Now, I couldn’t picture it without her here. It hadn’t been a full day yet, but Lavinia hadn’t been able to sit still. She’d wandered from room to room, made herself at home in the kitchen, and had even cleaned a little. I hadn’t expected it, but I appreciated her effort.
I gave her a smile and squeezed her fingers. I got another one of those shy smiles and my heart kicked in my chest. I had a feeling I’d do anything to see that look on her face as often as possible. I wanted her happy. I wanted her to feel safe and loved. I wanted her to have the home she’d always dreamed of.
We’d face whatever came our way. Together.
* * *
Lavinia
I’d meant it when I said I trusted him. If I had to choose between staying with him and trusting Tyler, I’d choose Cotton every single time. He might be a biker, but I thought he had his own code of honor. Even more so than my ex.
“Maybe it’s silly,” I said. “Or maybe I’m imagining things, but I see something good in you. I can’t explain it. It’s just a feeling. When I’m with you, I don’t feel as scared. Like Tyler and those men can’t hurt me if you’re around.”
Cotton didn’t say anything for what felt like forever, although I knew it had to be a minute or less. I kicked myself for saying something. Confessing how I felt had been a mistake. Even if I thought I’d seen him watching me with interest a few times, I wasn’t sure and worried I might have scared him off. Every book or movie I’d ever read or watched made it seem like men shied away from emotional scenes or love confessions. It wasn’t like I had a lot of dating experience. I certainly couldn’t count Tyler as an actual relationship or boyfriend.
“I’m not some hero.” Cotton’s voice turned soft, almost a whisper. “Don’t put me on a pedestal as being perfect.”
“That’s not what I meant. I just…” I licked my lips and wondered how to put it into words. While it was true, he was a hero in my eyes, it was more than that. For the first time since Tyler had broken my trust, I wanted something from a man. Not just friendship but possibly a relationship. Stupid, since we’d just met, and I could very well be making the same mistakes all over again, but what if I wasn’t?
“Just what? Are you hoping for a fairytale ending?” he asked.
My heart felt like someone had squeezed it in their fist. I turned my head away and stared at the floor. I’d been so stupid. Maybe it was just the stress of everything making me see things that weren’t there. Or maybe I was so desperate to have someone I could count on that I’d read more into his actions than had been there.
“I didn’t mean it like that.” He eased closer and tilted my chin until I had no choice but to look into his eyes. “I think you’re right. Truth is, I’ve been fighting it. I knew you’d stay here. I had no doubt. I wanted you close, but I told myself it didn’t mean anything. Now that you’re here, I can’t keep lyin’ to myself.”
My lips parted in surprise. Had he just admitted he felt something for me? I didn’t think I’d misunderstood him, but I couldn’t make myself believe what I’d heard.
He cupped my cheek. “I promise you, I’ll do whatever it takes to protect you. I won’t let Tyler, or anyone else, hurt you again. What happened to you was horrible, and I’m sorry I wasn’t there to stop them.”
I leaned into his touch. “It’s not your fault. Men like them… they don’t need a reason. They did it because they could. I was weak and couldn’t fight back. It was like they knew. Tyler didn’t just break me. He took something from me. I’m not the girl I was before.”
“You might not think you’re the same girl, but I do. You’re still sweet and innocent, just a little damaged. We’re all a bit scarred. You’ll be all right, honey. I won’t let them keep you from findin’ peace.”
“I’m worried Tyler will come after me.” I bit my bottom lip and my gaze flitted around. “Men like him don’t let someone go willingly. I’ve seen how cruel he can be. I don’t want him to hurt my baby.”
He sighed and looked down at his feet. When he faced me again, the intensity of his gaze made me shiver. “If Tyler comes, I’ll kill him. I won’t let him get anywhere near you. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe. You understand me?”
I nodded.
“There’s a few things we need to get straight. I don’t want you to leave the compound. Not alone. I know you might get stir-crazy, but if you have to go somewhere, you let me or one of the other guys know. Understood?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t look for trouble. If someone says or does something that upsets you, come tell me. Until everyone gets to know you, I want to limit any misunderstandings. You don’t need that kind of stress on top of everything else.”
“I won’t go off looking to cause problems. I’ve seen enough bad things in my life to know better. I promise not to make things hard for you, or the club. I know I’m living by your rules now, but I appreciate what you’re doing for me. I meant what I said. I trust you. I know my baby will be safe with you, and so will I. I don’t make friends easily. I never have. Because of you, I’m getting a chance to have a fresh start.”
“Stay close to me and you’ll be fine.” Cotton’s hand settled over mine.
The longer I stared into his eyes, the more I saw in him. “I really do trust you, Cotton.”
He squeezed my fingers. “I appreciate that, honey. I’ll do my best to make sure you’re not disappointed.”
I glanced down at our joined hands. I hadn’t expected the sight to be so… intimate. Like we were more than what we were. I’d never seen myself as the type to run off with a biker. Guess I was about to find out how much that world was about to change me.
I looked into his eyes, searching Cotton’s gaze and tried to find the words to explain what I felt. My throat tightened. I tried to swallow down the lump, but my heart must have known it wouldn’t matter if I cried in front of Cotton. He’d already seen me fall apart.
“I’ll do whatever it takes to stay away from Tyler and those men.”
Cotton didn’t say anything right away, and for a moment, my heart ached a little. I didn’t doubt he’d do exactly as he said to protect me. That didn’t mean he’d welcome me with open arms. Not once he realized how broken I really was. His gaze remained on my face, and when he didn’t so much as blink, I started to fidget. He’d see my worry as a sign I wasn’t quite as brave as I wanted him to think.
“Even though I just met you, you’ve done more for me than anyone else. Well, other than my grandmother, but that wasn’t the same thing.”
His hand tightened around mine, and even though I should have pulled away, I couldn’t. The warmth of his skin eased some of the tension in my body. I had a lot to be grateful for when it came to Cotton. Didn’t make it any easier to open up. I hadn’t let anyone see the real me in so long I didn’t even know who I was anymore.
What did he see when he looked at me?
“I’m a good judge of character,” I said. “Doesn’t mean I didn’t make mistakes. I’ll be the first to admit I’ve made some bad choices. Only thing I have to show for the last six months is the life growing inside me. I can be better. I want to be healthier, both physically and mentally.”
He shifted a little on the couch, the frame creaking. “Tyler will come after you. I don’t want you to think he won’t. A man like him? He won’t let any woman get away unless she’s dead. He’ll want to show everyone that you don’t get to walk out on him and his brothers.”
He looked more than worried. I thought I saw betrayal in his eyes. “You were friends a long time?”
“I thought so. Now I’m not sure I even knew the real Tyler. The man I called friend would have never hit a woman, much less done the horrible things he did to you. I think he wore a mask around me until just now. Makes me feel stupid for falling for all the bullshit he must have told me over the years. Sure, I knew he was an asshole, but I never realized he was a monster. Every guy had the potential to be an asshole, even if it was just on occasion, but being a monster? Two completely different things.”
“I fell for his lies too. Maybe it’s not that we weren’t smart enough to see what he was hiding, but he was just that good at deceiving people.”
Cotton gave me a slight smile and patted his thigh. “Come here, baby.”
I hesitated a moment before crawling into his lap. He pulled me close until my head rested against his chest. I took a deep breath and let his woodsy scent fill my lungs. My eyes drifted shut. The longer I stayed in his arms the more relaxed I became. My hand rested on his pec, and I felt the beat of his heart. His fingers combed through my hair before resting on my back. When had I ever felt so content in a man’s arms?
No one had taken care of me in years. It made my heart hurt to know he would, but if things took a turn and didn’t work out the way I’d planned? What then? Knowing my luck, I’d lose my baby, and Cotton would die. It seemed like something that would happen to me. Because I’d been a disappointment to everyone I knew. Even my grandmother would have been disappointed if she was still here. Maybe I’d do better this time.
“Why don’t we head to bed? I’ve got to be up early,” he said.
“Okay.”
He helped me stand, then got off the couch. When he reached for my hand, I placed mine in his. We went down the hall to his bedroom. If he’d left the light on earlier, he’d turned it off at some point. He pulled back the covers and helped me into the bed. I wasn’t sure where he would sleep. Would he stay here with me? Before, he’d offered to give me this room.
Cotton walked out, and I kept waiting to see if he’d returned. I heard him moving around the house, the click of the lock on the front door, and then silence.
Despite the fact we didn’t know much about each other, I’d have still felt more at ease with him by my side. When I heard steps outside the bedroom door, I froze. Was he coming back? I saw his shadowy form enter the room, and he sat on the edge of the bed. His touch was light as he reached out to run his fingers through my hair.
“You’re mine now. Under my protection. Nobody is going to mess with what’s mine. Not without paying the price,” Cotton said. “I will never hurt you, or the baby, but if anyone tries to cause you pain, I’ll make them suffer. There are going to be sides of me you may not like, but please believe you’re safe with me. I know that’s going to be hard to do after everything you’ve been through.”
My heart ached a little, and I tried to blink away the tears. How could he be so sweet? And why did I feel so touched that he’d physically hurt someone in order to protect me? “Even if… even if I were to fall for you? You’re a good man, Cotton, even if you don’t realize it. And I’m worried that the more time we spend together, the harder it will be for me to not fall in love with you. Will you be mad if that happens? I know this isn’t a relationship you chose.”
His eyes softened, and he cupped my cheek. “There’s nothing for you to apologize over. I won’t get mad if you care about me. In fact, I think that would be rather nice. Our start may not be conventional, but it doesn’t mean we can’t have a real relationship. I won’t push for more than you’re willing to give right now, but I don’t exactly want us to only be roommates either.”
His hand slid to the back of my neck, and he tugged me closer. He rested his forehead against mine and stared into my eyes. I wanted to trust him. I did trust him. I wanted to love him, and in a way, I already did. It was silly. We’d only known each other a short time, but something told me he was the right man. He had a bigger heart than most.
“You’re not making it easy to keep my hands off you. You realize that, right?” he asked.
I wanted to blurt out that he already had me. Like he said, we were in a relationship no matter how it started, and I also wanted something more than just being friends. If this was a forever kind of thing, then I wanted the real thing.
“I’ve accepted you and your child. I won’t ever put you in harm’s way.” He hesitated and I thought I saw his lips twitch. “Guess that’s my way of saying I’d die for you if it came to that.”
I sucked in a sharp breath. No one had ever said something so… so romantic to me. That might be an odd way of looking at it, but I had a feeling it was the most profound way Cotton could tell me he cared. For him to say something like that, maybe he felt more for me than I realized. It seemed too soon, but I wondered if we could be falling for one another.
I stared into Cotton’s eyes, my heart racing. He’d said things today that had made me care about him more than ever. I didn’t think the man had a clue just how much those words meant to me. To think I might have someone who’d die before they let me come to harm. It made me want to cry. Women like me didn’t get lucky. I had to remind myself this wasn’t luck at all. Cotton had taken me in for a reason, and I had a feeling it wasn’t his tender heart. Not that he’d been horrible to me. Far from it.
“Would it be wrong to ask you to kiss me?” I asked.
“Not if you’re sure that’s what you want.” His gaze searched mine. “Are you positive? We have all the time in the world, Lavinia.”
“I’m sure.” I’d never been more certain of anything before. My heart thumped against my ribs, and I wondered if he could hear it.
The moment his lips touched mine, I knew I’d made the right choice. I leaned into him and savored the moment. Not once in my life had I ever been kissed so tenderly. Despite his size and somewhat rough appearance, Cotton had a gentle touch. It made me wonder how else he might be different from the men I’d known. Sooner or later, I’d get to find out. But for now, this kiss would be enough.
He broke the kiss and stood, giving me one last look before walking out of the room. Looked like I was sleeping alone after all.