Chapter 58
Thea didn’t think she’d seen anyone look as nervous as Nick now did.
She realised what a lot it had cost him to tell her how much he loved her, and immediately she knew she’d have to choose her next words very carefully.
Nick, once he was in, was all in, and she felt the responsibility of that.
She knew what she had to say to him, but it still scared her.
If things didn’t work out between them, it would break both of their hearts.
Perhaps his, even more than hers. Was she ready to finally make that jump?
‘No,’ she said firmly. ‘You don’t just get to drop a bombshell like that. You need to hear what I have to say.’ She squeezed his forearm gently. ‘Nick. Look at me. Look at me.’
It seemed an eternity before Nick raised his gaze to meet hers.
She was taken aback at the look in his eyes, as if he’d just told her something far worse than that he loved her.
She realised now, just how true it was; how he’d struggled with that fact over the past few weeks, with the pain and ecstasy of beginning a relationship with her.
She also now knew that she’d have to tread carefully.
There was so much to say, but if she got it wrong, things would get far worse.
‘I’m sorry, Thea?—’
Thea’s other hand found its way to Nick’s mouth, and she hushed him firmly.
‘No. You don’t get to say anything now. And you certainly don’t get to apologise again.
It’s my turn to speak, and you’d better bloody well listen.
’ She was amused as his eyes widened, but she willed her face to remain serious.
‘Firstly,’ she said, gently removing her hand from Nick’s mouth, ‘you need to stop apologising for everything. Annabelle always says you spend your life saying sorry for things that are nothing to do with you. Stop taking responsibility for stuff that is literally not your problem.’
‘But Thea?—’
Thea gently covered his mouth again. ‘Shush, or it’s staying there until I’ve finished.’
Nick nodded, a trace of amusement in his eyes.
‘All right.’ Thea fixed him with her hardest stare, but she had the feeling it wasn’t having the desired effect, as his gaze softened, and he moved closer to her. ‘As I was saying…’
Seeing him relaxing a little sent Thea’s senses into overdrive, and she found that she, now, was the one who was struggling with what to say. The words screamed in her mind, but she couldn’t seem to articulate them.
Fuck it , she thought, after a beat or two. There was only one way to make clear what she needed to tell him. Thea closed the remaining gap between them and brought her hand up to Nick’s face again.
‘No…’ she said gently as she saw him draw breath to speak. ‘I’m still talking.’
‘I didn’t say anything…’
Thea’s hand stroked his face and came to rest on the back of Nick’s neck, feeling the warmth of his skin contrasting with the texture of his collar.
‘That’s better.’ She leaned upwards until her lips met with his.
Increasing the pressure, she deepened the kiss, exploring his mouth with her tongue, and pressing into his embrace, as she felt him, tentatively at first and then more confidently, reciprocating the kiss and sliding his arms around her.
They remained that way, locked together, until Thea breathed in again, and gently started to disentangle herself.
‘As I was saying,’ she murmured. ‘You’re not the only one who feels that way.
It’s taken me a while to see it, but I’m in love with you, Nick.
These past few weeks have opened my eyes to something I should have seen before.
You are the kindest, loveliest, sexiest man I’ve ever met, and while I could live with fewer apologies, I’m prepared to overlook that because being with you is the best thing I’ve done for a long, long time.
This thing with Ed is complicated, but we’ll work that out. It’s you that I want.’
Nick’s eyes widened, and Thea smiled at his adorable surprise. ‘Don’t even pretend that you didn’t know that was what I was going to say.’
‘No,’ Nick replied. ‘I’m not pretending.’ He shook his head. ‘Even now, I still can’t quite believe that you love me. God, Thea, you love me!’ He looked down at her in wonder. ‘And I love you. I love you so fucking much. And I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be swearing but I just can’t?—’
As they broke apart once more, Thea was sure that the smile on her face was mirroring the one she could see on Nick’s. ‘I know it’s a bit late, but Merry Christmas, Saint Nick,’ she said. ‘Here’s to the future.’
Nick started the Land Rover again, and they navigated the winding, snowy road back to Orion Close. It had been a long time coming, but despite the snow falling on the windscreen, Thea had never seen things more clearly.