Chapter 17
CARTER
“Come on…three more.” Theo’s hands hover under the bench press bar in Holly’s garage, but he doesn’t touch it. He knows I’ll tell him if I need his help. I let out a groan, arms trembling, but I manage to crank out three more reps before finally letting Theo help me rack the weights.
“Good work,” he says as he adds a few more plates to either side of the bar.
“Dude, why are you adding more? I’m maxed out.”
He grins and motions for me to get out of the way. “But I’m not.”
I grumble as I get up and switch places with him. He’s always been able to bench more than I can, which is annoying. We have identical DNA, and I swear I train as hard as he does. Unless he’s sneaking in workouts in the middle of the night, there’s no logical reason why he can do more.
Holly walks in from the kitchen, a protein bar in his hand. It’s rare for any of us to train outside of the Jaguars’ practice facility, but after a win at home on Tuesday night, we have a rare Wednesday off, and since Charlie is out of school for a teacher workday, we brought the party to Holly.
He has a decent amount of equipment in his garage, but we’re really here for him more than for the weights.
Him…and me, apparently. Since I’m all Theo and Holly want to talk about.
I’m surprised they haven’t gotten it out of their systems already. As soon as we landed in Boston, the two of them cornered me in my hotel room and demanded to know everything that happened with Sarah.
I did not hold back. From buying a ring to our first kiss to the conversation about house rules. I even told them about my confrontation with Miles when he accused me of hooking up with his sister.
In retrospect, I hate that I let Miles intimidate me. Like he’s the big brother warning me not to get handsy on prom night. He asked me to do this. Now he has to trust me enough to let me.
“I just don’t understand,” Holly says, his mouth full of protein bar.
“Why I’m so much stronger than my brother?” Theo says from underneath the bar, which he is lifting with annoying ease.
“Why Miles seems to think Carter is a bad idea,” Holly says, completely ignoring Theo. “And Sarah, too. He’s, like, the perfect guy to take home to your parents.”
Theo racks the weights on his own and sits up. “Boring. Reliable. Perfectly respectful. I see what you mean.”
I tug the towel off my shoulder, tossing it at Theo’s face.
He tosses it right back. “I don’t think it’s about Carter,” Theo says. “We’re talking like the people are the problem. But what if it’s the situation?”
“Explain,” Holly says, and I nod.
“Yeah. Explain.”
“We’re assuming Sarah doesn’t want to be with Carter because he’s Carter,” Theo continues.
“But what if it doesn’t have anything to do with him?
Nobody wants to be the convenient choice.
The default. People want to be chosen. You and Sarah didn’t pick each other.
So, you move in together, you get comfortable, you think you’re into it…
but then you realize you were only into it because she was right in front of you, not because you would have picked her.
Know what I mean? It’s not the same thing. ”
“But he would have picked her,” Holly says. “He was into her before all this happened.”
“For, like, twenty minutes,” Theo argues. “He met her once.”
“Twice,” I say.
“That’s not any better,” Theo says. “You were interested. That doesn’t mean you were into her. Or that you would have been had you just dated her normally instead of diving headfirst into engagement photos and house shopping.”
“I get what you’re saying,” I say. “But I’ve spent enough time with her to know that I would have been into her. Even if we’d just dated normally.”
“All right,” Theo says, his expression turning resigned. He lifts his shoulders in a shrug, like he’s sorry he has to say this next part out loud. “But maybe she can’t say the same.”
It’s the same conclusion I keep coming to, and it doesn’t suck any less to hear someone else say it.
“Still,” Holly says. “Just because she’s trying to protect herself doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you.
Or wouldn’t like you. Nothing about this situation is traditional.
And it’s not like you’ve put yourself out there, right?
So she doesn’t know you aren’t just pretending.
It makes sense she would want to be careful. ”
“I’ve told her I find her attractive,” I say.
“Not quite the same thing as I’d like to build a life with you,” Holly says.
“I think you’re playing the long game here,” Theo says. “You know you have chemistry, so just…be yourself. Show her how good things could be for real and hope she comes around.”
I move over to a rack of weights and pick up a set of dumbbells for bicep curls. “But that goes back to what you were saying earlier. Do I want her to just come around? If she never would have dated me in the first place?”
“That’s your ego talking,” Holly says.
“It isn’t,” I say. “If she has reasons to resist, I don’t want to pressure her just by being available all the time. I want her to want me because I’m me. Not because I agreed to do this or because she’s living in my house.”
“But now you sound like you don’t trust her to know her own mind,” Theo says.
“If she falls for you, she falls for you. Who cares how or why your relationship started?” He lies back down on the bench and motions for Holly to spot him.
“If you’re good together, you’ll know, and she will too. I think you have to trust that.”
Holly nods. “I agree.”
We are good together. We’re only just getting to know one another, but I already feel more comfortable with Sarah than I ever did with Veronica.
That has to mean something. Even when we’re not together in person, we’re texting.
She messaged me about her visit to the Rooke, I texted her after I played a great game in Boston, then again last night when we were back at the Vortex.
She already feels like a friend. I just want her to be more than that. “So in the meantime, I just…?”
“Follow the rules,” Theo says in between reps. “That says you respect her. Then woo her in all the ways that don’t break the rules.”
“Has she said anything else about hockey?” Holly asks. “About why she doesn’t go to games?”
I push through two more reps before I have to put down the weights. “She hasn’t,” I say. “But I don’t think it’s just a preference thing.”
“Meaning?” Holly asks.
“That she isn’t skipping them because she doesn’t like hockey. There’s more to it than that.”
“Like what?” Theo asks, still cranking out reps. The fact that he can talk while he’s lifting that much weight makes me want to drop a dumbbell on his toe.
“Maybe something happened at a game?” I say. “I don’t know. I get the sense she’s really been through something. I don’t see how it’s all connected, but I feel like it has to be.”
Holly’s expression shifts, like he’s considering how much he wants to say, but then he shakes his head like he’s thinking better of saying anything at all. I watch as he helps Theo rack his weights—sometimes Holly takes a minute to formulate his words—but he never says anything.
“What was that?” I finally ask. “What were you about to say?”
He loops a hand around the back of his neck. “It’s nothing. Or…maybe it was nothing. Either way, I’m not sure it’s my story to tell. This is your fiancée’s family we’re talking about.”
“Sort-of fiancée,” Theo clarifies. “And the sort-of means you should say whatever you’re thinking because our man here is trying not to get his heart broken.”
“Whoa, hearts are not involved yet,” I say. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”
“I don’t believe you,” Theo says to me. “But I do want to hear what Holly has to say.”
Holly drops onto a weight bench, propping his elbows on his knees.
“It’s not much,” he says. “It might have been nothing. But when I played junior hockey with Miles, he came to practice more than a few times with bruises I don’t think he got on the ice.
I mentioned it to our coach once, and he said he’d look into it, but nothing ever happened.
I don’t know that it was happening at home, but that’s definitely what it seemed like. ”
My stomach tightens into a knot. The thought of Sarah growing up in a home with a father like that—it makes me feel ill. She hasn’t talked about it. Doesn’t really seem like she wants to. But even just the possibility makes me want to burn the world down just to keep her safe.
“Miles told me their dad was a deadbeat,” I say. “So that fits.”
“Daddy?”
All three of us turn to see Charlie standing in the garage doorway, her new glasses perched on her nose. Holly gives Theo and me a look, and we both understand our conversation is over. At least for now.
“What’s up, Char?” he asks.
“Is it time for me to go to my playdate with Poppy?”
Holly pauses, his face saying he has no idea what Charlie is talking about. “Right. Your playdate,” he says. “It might be. Let me text Anna really quick.”
Charlie nods. “I’m gonna go pack a snack. Can I take an extra Rice Krispies Treat for Poppy? And another one for Olive? Okay, good, thanks!”
She runs away before he can answer, probably on purpose. Charlie is absolutely crafty enough to turn silence into permission.
“I can’t take her to Anna’s,” Holly says, staring at his calendar app. “A guy is coming to fix the water heater. I have a four-hour window when I’m not supposed to leave the house.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t even have a playdate on the calendar.”
“Are you sure she didn’t make it up?” I ask. “Or…remember it wrong, maybe?”
He stares at his phone for another few seconds. “No, it’s in my texts with Anna. Since they’re out of school, she set it up. I just forgot.” He breathes out a frustrated sigh. “All I do is forget stuff.”
“Let me drive her over,” I say. “I need to see Sarah about something anyway. I’ll just take her with me.”