34. Chapter 33
Chapter 33
Kaitlyn
For my entire life, landing in New York City filled me with excitement. I’ve always loved the hidden romanticism and the little communities within the huge city. I love the sounds. I love the food. I love the social life I built here.
But now, just a few days after seeing my naked body all over the internet and Griffin insisting I leave him, New York doesn’t have the same effect on me.
Marilyn was excited to be back in our apartment, but all I see, feel, and smell is him. He barely spent any time here, but he’s now so woven into my life that he’s everywhere.
The minute I was alone, I kicked off my shoes and climbed into my cold, empty bed and let the tears I’d so bravely held back on the flight begin to fall.
The sun has risen and fallen at least once since I collapsed onto the mattress. My stomach is starting to protest, but I don’t have the strength to move. Now I understand Bella sitting in the chair by the window for months after Edward left her.
I want to lie in bed and rot, but my reputation is falling apart as we speak. I have to girl boss my way through this, even if it kills me.
Somehow.
My newfound inner strength helps me sit up, but that’s as far as I get before someone lets themself into my apartment.
Normally, I’d run for the baseball bat I keep next to my bedroom door, but if someone wants to rob me, I don’t think I’d stop them.
“Kaitlyn? Don’t get your bat. It’s just me,” I hear Katarina say from the hallway. “Hey, sweet girl.” I can hear Kat petting Marilyn and her patented meows are filling the silence.
“I’m here too,” Mika’s voice calls, closer than Kat’s. Her body pops around the corner. She’s still got her workout gear on from her yoga class this morning. Her amazing curls are plopped on top of her head. “You’re still in bed?”
“Yeah. What time is it?”
She turns her head to look out the doorway toward where I hear Kat, as she silently and subtly shakes her head. “Babe, it’s almost one.” Mika kneels down in front of me. Just when I think I’ve cried my last tear; the flood gates open again. “Oh, honey, no.”
“How did I get here? I don’t even understand.”
Kat growls, “Those fucking trolls and a man whose dick I’d love to fry in hot oil happened.”
I snicker a little. “Don’t blame Griffin. He’s hurting too.”
Mika wraps her arms around me. “He cuts you loose and you’re still here defending him. You’re a bigger person than I am, that’s for sure.”
I wipe my face. “Even though I should be angry at him, I’m not. I want to scream and curse his name, but I can’t. Am I broken?”
Katarina tucks my hair behind my ear. “You’re not broken. You’re in love… and also, fuck him. He’s an asshole. I’ll curse his name for you.”
“Is it really bad here?” I ask. “Does everyone know?”
Mika speaks up. “Everyone in our circle knows, but I think that’s it. It’s blowing over pretty quickly.”
“If it makes you feel better,” Katarina continues. “You looked so good in those pictures. You should be proud.” She is trying to make light of it and I love her for it.
“This whole city feels tainted now,” I admit. “I just want to go home.”
“Honey, this is your home.”
“No.” I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. “I want to be on the farm with my dad. I want to be away from feeling like I’m being looked at and judged. I need to be away from where I have history with him.”
“Babe,” Mika adds, “He was at the farm too.”
“I know. At least it’s filled with my father, Mom, and Gilly.”
“These are ghosts you’re going to have to deal with to move on.”
I look them both in the face, resolute. “I’ll move on eventually. Just not now or anytime soon.”
“Kait, what about your job? I mean you’re tied to him,” Kat adds.
“He turned me over to Tobias. He’s my boss now for all intents and purposes. Well, I mean, I guess his mom is, according to an Orion company memo. I know I should have known before that, but I think she was trying to spare me from having too much.” I look up at Kat. “You would have loved her. She reminded me of…” I fall into pieces once again.
One more day plus a generous offer from Mika to sublet my apartment, and I’m waiting for my suitcase at baggage claim in Virginia with Marilyn in tow.
It’s officially been slightly more than three days since I’ve spoken a single word to Griffin, and my resolve is starting to crack. I want to text him. I want to call him, but I know getting my fix of him would only make the entire healing process start over.
Between Gillian’s advice, Jason’s connections, his friend Tristan’s connections, and a few harshly worded cease and desist letters from my own attorney, a lot of the photos and videos have been scrubbed from the internet, at least the ones that focus heavily on me. That has helped in one compartment of my brain. The rest is still a bit of a mess. I hope with a hug from my father my heart can finally start to become less of an open wound.
I walk out toward the carousel at baggage claim, and I see my father standing tall and proud with his hands casually in his pockets. The wheels on my carry-on can barely keep up with me as I run toward him. The low meows from Marilyn in her soft carrier over my shoulder bounce with every step I take until his arms wrap around me.
With my head against his chest, it’s the first time I’ve truly felt warm in days. “Hey there, little Pixie. Everything’s all right now.”
“Is it though?” I breathe against his chest.
He gently pushes my body back away from him so he can look me in the eyes. “Do you trust me?”
I nod. “More than anyone.”
“Then that’s all we need. How many bags are we waiting for?” he asks as he takes my carry-on with my computer bag.
“Two.”
“Two? That’s a lot of things.”
“Yeah. Um. I think I’ll be staying for a while, time to be determined. Is that okay?”
“Whatever you need, sweetheart.”
Griffin
The old adage of when you have something to physically do, your mind can block out any and all other things. The minute I watched the plane disappear into the clouds, I went straight to work and didn’t stop for days. My mother needed someone on the inside to prepare the rest of the Orion staff for the major explosion that could come at my father’s hands while he’s being handed his forced firing.
I immediately worked with our marketing, human resource, and leadership teams. Together, we drafted statements that would both satisfy the press with the switch in power and ownership, as well as the lingering personal videos. Everyone and their mother now know what most of my ass looks like and the color of hair that’s not on my head.
I could give a fuck for me. Every comment has to be crafted with the utmost care for Kaitlyn. I can’t be there to care for her like I want to. My words and intent will have to do.
Letting her go was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done, but I can’t give her the peace she deserves. I died a little with every tear she shed and every sob that came from her body. They can come for me, but I can’t let them drown her. They’d snuff the light out of her eyes, and I was too stupid to realize that sooner.
I fire off one final email and freeze when I realize I have reached a moment of… nothing. There isn’t anything left for me to do until my mother gives the go-ahead. All the staff is gone from my apartment. The conference table is empty. The lounge in the living room still has the blanket on it that was wrapped around her. Her laughter is gone. All that’s left is silence.
Silence means thinking.
Thinking means Kaitlyn.
Kaitlyn means… the realization she isn’t here, and that means the cracks around my heart deepen and ache. The tie around my neck feels like a noose. I slide two fingers inside the Windsor knot and pull. The ends of the tie lie loose around my neck. The abject silence is broken by the soft clicks of a woman’s heels. Kaitlyn.
I hold my breath as I look down the hallway toward my front door. Out of the shadows …comes my mother. My heart stops beating as I sink back into my chair, staring blankly at her.
“Griffin?” she whispers.
“Mom.”
She smooths her long inky hair over her shoulder before she sets her handbag on the table in front of me. “I thought you’d be smiling at least. Today was full of good news and action. Wait, are you alone? Where’s Kaitlyn?”
“Gone, Mum. She’s gone.”
She closes the distance between us and takes my face in her hands. “What do you mean she’s gone?”
“I let her go. I asked her to go.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t understand. I knew she was struggling with the leak and the horrible things people were saying, but you both would be stronger together.”
“She was so sad, Mum. I couldn’t bear seeing her cry over it, and you know how it is with our family, with me. Those people slither and wedge themselves into our lives, and they would have destroyed all of her beauty and all of her light. I couldn’t stand by and let it happen.”
She releases my face and crosses over toward my kitchen. “You need some tea.”
This is what she does when someone is upset. She goes into “take care of everyone” mode. I don’t even try to stop her, because it’s futile. This is what she needs, and if I’m honest, I could use a bit of TLC from my mother.
“I don’t think a cuppa is going to solve this one. I don’t get nice things. I’m not meant to have them. I get what’s left behind.”
I hear one of my mugs hit the counter heavily. “What do you mean, Griffin?”
“It’s like you said. I gave up the career I should have had to fill a hole left over and because I’m labeled the playboy forever, the press invaded my privacy, our privacy, and it broke her.”
I rip the tie from around my neck and toss it to the floor. The air here seems to be less and less. I stalk over to the sliding glass door and rip it open. After stepping out into the breeze, I reach for the railings. My hands grip over them with my greatest desire being tearing the metal off the top of the glass wall.
As I look out into the distance, I can see a glimmer at the base of one of the trees. A fucking lens. “You fucking pricks!” I scream. “You got what you wanted. Leave me alone!”
“Griffin!” my mother shouts louder than she has in quite a while. “Get back in here. Don’t give them anymore fodder.”
I whirl around and stomp back into my flat and slam the sliding glass door back into place with such force, I’m shocked it didn’t shatter into a million pieces.
“Please sit,” she continues. “I don’t like seeing you this way.”
“Get used to it, Mum. This is my life now.” I lean against the wall and scrub my hand over my face. “Christ, how am I supposed to work with her now?”
“You don’t have to. Tobias can take point on that. There won’t be any need for you two to have contact if that’s what you need.”
“It’s what she needs.”
“Go to her, Griffin. She needs you and it’s obvious you need her. Work through this. Don’t let her go. If you two can be in the same room, especially near her family where she may feel safer, the love you two share will be enough.”
I hang my head and walk toward my mother. Raising my hands up, I rub them up and down her upper arms in a gesture of love. “Thanks for coming over. Everyone knows to reach out to you for your permission to launch the new face of Orion to the press. I need time to regroup. I’ll call you in a couple of days.” I place a kiss on her forehead. “I love you.”
My mother sighs in defeat. “I love you too, Griffy.”