35. Chapter 34
Chapter 34
Kaitlyn
I was so hopeful that when I got to the farm, I would feel a weight lifted off of me. In some ways that was true. Hilary knew I needed time to have my father to myself so she decided to stay in her apartment in the city for a couple of days. I told her not to, but her absolute compassion won out.
After I got Marilyn settled and my bags in my room, I looked around and still saw Griffin everywhere. I could feel his presence in the kitchen, sitting at the counter drawing in the dark. It was almost like the divot in my mattress was still there from where he was. I didn’t care that it was pitch-black in the middle of the night, I wanted to spend time with Rocket.
In my sweatpants and sweatshirt with my work boots to my knees, I hooked him between the posts and gave him a good brushing. It gave my mind only one task to focus on. Move the brush on his coat. That’s all I had to do. I could give all my feelings to him, taking care of someone.
“Like that, boy? Yeah, I know. Look. I brought you a few carrots too. We’ll get back to basics tomorrow. I’ll give you oats and honey for breakfast then we can take a trail ride. I know you like the back field. I’m home now. I’m home.”
“Are you home though, Pixie?” my father asks from the barn door.
“Jesus, Dad.”
His hands go up. “Sorry, honey. I thought I heard you in the house then I saw the lights on out here. Couldn’t sleep?”
“No. To be honest, I didn’t even try. Sleep is kind of like food right now. I take it only when I feel like it.”
“That doesn’t sound like you.”
“Yeah, well, things aren’t exactly normal either.” I look at Rocket’s side, following the movement of my hand. “I’m sorry, Daddy. I’m so sorry. I never want to lie to you again. It made me feel gross, but it was how I could protect Griffin.”
“Sometimes people do strange things when they love someone.” My hand halts and I allow the brush to fall by my side. “Kaitlyn, no matter how you got together with Griffin or what stories you told yourselves, I knew you loved him and any person with eyes could see he worshiped you. He saw who you were and was completely attentive to you. Fake relationship, my ass.”
“Daddy!” I scold. “You’ve never talked to me like that.”
“Well, I’ve never been in a situation like this. His status was a shock then everything you went through in England. I’m still processing.”
“That makes two of us,” I reply, turning my attention back to Rocket.
I hear my father’s footsteps as he crosses the barn to approach my side. “You’ll survive this, Pixie. You’re strong like your mother. It may hurt like hell for a while, but you will come out on the other side stronger than before.”
“I love you, Daddy,” I say as I lean my head against his shoulder.
“I love you too.” He kisses the top of my head.
“I’m shocked Gilly hasn’t shown up yet.”
“Don’t you worry.” He chuckles. “She’s on her way.”
He wasn’t kidding. Gillian, Joseph, and Jason showed up the next morning and it was like I had to begin the mourning process all over again in my sister’s arms.
She lay with me in my bed and held me while I cried, while I slept, and while we simply talked everything through.
It’s not just missing Griffin, even though that is the most painful part, it’s the fact I have been immortalized as the woman who had sex with Griffin Shaw on his balcony for the whole world to see. According to the British media, I’m an American whore who was only after his money and power. That’s a hard pill to swallow, even though I know it isn’t true.
I’m a staunch feminist who believes a woman can sleep with whoever and do whatever she wants, but I’d be a liar if I said all of this didn’t hurt like hell.
Day seven, post breakup, my father decided to make my favorite breakfast in the entire world, so I put on my big girl panties and head downstairs to be with my family.
Color me shocked to find Tobias Carter, in all of his pressed slacks and fitted suit coat glory, standing in my father’s dining room. “Holy shit,” I whisper, a little too loudly.
Tobias and my father both chuckle. “Yeah, I have that effect on most. Hiya, Kaitlyn.”
“Mr. Carter here, and I have been getting to know one another. This one reminds me of someone else I know.” My father kisses my forehead. “Flapjacks are in the warmer and the coffee is still hot. I expect you to eat at least two.” He raises his eyebrow.
“Yes, Daddy.”
“Good girl. I’ll leave you two to catch up. I won’t be far, Pixie.”
My father gives me a wink before leaving the room. “Pixie, eh?” Tobias smiles.
“I’ve been Pixie to him since I was born. What are you doing here?”
“Well, I went to your apartment yesterday and found you gone. Kat was there with your friend, Mika. They explained you’d left the city and may or may not return. After I properly spent time with Katarina, I left her this morning to come find you.”
Tobias slides a full steaming mug across the counter to me. “Drink. Looks like you need it.”
“Gee thanks,” I snark as I pull the warmth into my chilled hands. “You could have called me for business things. I would have responded. I’m not going to abandon my responsibilities, just so we’re clear.”
He raises his hands up in defense. “I never thought you would. I know you have way too much integrity for that. And you have a strong affection for Bianca.”
The mention of her name stings. “I read all the memos that came through for legal approval. It sounds like things are moving quickly and in the right direction. Again, Tobias, I know you didn’t drive several hours on country roads you don’t know just to talk about things that could have been done via email or video conference.”
He sighs. “No. I was asked to physically come see you.”
“Who asked you to do that?” He doesn’t even have to answer. I already know. “Griffin? He sent you?”
“He knows he shouldn’t ask, but I'm hoping when I tell him that even though it looks as if you’ve barely eaten or slept in a week, you’re moving.”
“So, I look like shit. Thanks for the pep talk.” I set my mug down on the counter and begin to massage the side of my head.
Tobias slowly slides off his stool, coming to my side of the counter. He does the one thing he’s never done before. He pulls me into the bear hug of a lifetime. The tweed of his suit holds me in a memory but also slaps me in the present. My fingers wrap around the lapels of his jacket as I bury my face into his chest. “I know I’m not him, but hold on for as long as you like.”
“Is he okay?” I ask.
“Do you want the party line or the actual answer?”
“Both,” I mumble against his chest.
“When he was helping his mother and all the key stakeholders craft everything for the takeover, it was business as usual. Quiet and grumpy. No one would have noticed, I mean, other than the fallout of the pictures floating around. I knew. I could see it clear as day. After everyone left the last meeting, he wanted me to stay behind. He asked me to fly over and check on you. He didn’t think it was fair to do it himself. In reality, I don’t think he could have done it anyway.”
“He’s hurting,” I sigh.
“In every way imaginable.” Tobias kisses the top of my head before pushing me away enough so he can look into my eyes. “I’ve never seen him with anyone like I’ve seen him with you. Even though things seem final, he loves you.”
“I love him. He’s…he was it for me.”
“I don’t have a fucking crystal ball or anything, but hold on to that.”
“I’ll try.”
“That’s all anyone can ask.” Tobias smiles. “I know it’s likely the last thing on your mind, but I do have to go over the plans with you and have you sign off on a couple of things.”
“Wouldn’t Griffin usually ask?”
“Bianca thought this would be best, just for now. She sends her…warmest regards.”
“Tell her thank you and I’m still on board. I want this for her. I want this takeover for Griffin. He deserves to be free.”
Tobias holds two fingers under my chin to tilt it up. “There are many things he deserves.”
When we finished our conversation, he gave me some marching orders and, honestly, I’m grateful for the busy work. I worked up in my bedroom for a couple of hours before I took a break and opened my window for a bit of fresh air, only to see Tobias, whom I thought left, and Jason speaking very seriously by his rental car.
When Gillian calls me down for dinner later, I’m told Jason has left on “business.” I don’t want to assume what that means, but part of me thinks he’s flying across the pond to make good on his promise.