Chapter 21
CHAPTER 21
November, 2020, California, USA
L ogan pushed his need for sleep aside as he stepped out of his Chevy pickup. It was eight a.m., the late November sun shining brightly across Oxnard, California. Dressed in a clean set of civilian clothes, Levi’s and a black t-shirt, settling his black baseball cap on his head, he looked around the quiet suburban street. Jess didn’t know he had come home two days earlier than he’d told her he would. It had been a lucky fluke, Logan having been able to take advantage of the flight schedules out of Rota, Spain. In just the same way he’d shown Jess on their flight out of Landstuhl, what seemed now a lifetime ago, he slept in a hammock between the huge cargo containers strapped to the deck of the C-5 heading for Joint Base Andrews near Washington, D.C. It hadn’t been the best sleep, but it was better than none. He’d been in transit for seventy-two hours, with only ten hours sleep the whole while.
He could have called Jess once he landed, his cell phone now able to connect once again, but instead, Logan wanted to surprise her. His heart swelled with love for her. In his pocket was their thirty-day schedule. It had been something to look forward to, receiving emails from Jess, and planning their busy, but not too busy, itinerary. If anything, Logan’s love for her had deepened over the past two months they’d been apart. He pulled the bouquet of red roses he’d picked up on the way over from the seat of his truck, his palms damp with excitement. Jess had sent some jpeg photos of where she taught on base, some of the flowers she’d planted outside the house she rented, and other scattered minutia of her new life, but none of her.
Logan walked up the concrete path toward the one-story yellow house with white shutters around the windows. There was a white wooden rail enclosing the front porch. Red and yellow Hibiscus bushes were in profuse bloom on either side of the wide concrete steps up to the porch. It was cooler on the porch, with a soft ocean breeze he pulled into his being. There was a rocking chair, and a small table with a white tablecloth, at one end. Logan wondered if Jess came out here on weekends to have a cup of coffee and just watch the world go by in the morning. Would she be home? It was a Sunday morning. The cul-de-sac was lined on both sides with houses similar to the one she lived in. A dog was barking somewhere but, otherwise, it was quiet as if the families who lived here were still sleeping in.
He knocked on the white door with its four small windows in the upper part. His heart began bounding; he wanted Jess in his arms, wanted to see how she was. Logan hoped he didn’t shock the hell out of her by showing up unannounced. He knocked again, louder this time.
No one answered.
He saw her green Toyota Prius beside the house, recognizing it from photos, so he knew she was home. Maybe still sleeping in, herself? Wandering back down the steps, Logan walked around the car in the concrete driveway to a white wooden fence, about six feet tall. He peered over at it, his heart taking off. Jess was down on her hands and knees with a trowel, digging around some of her flowers. A smile tugged at his mouth. Her black hair was plaited into a single braid hanging over her left shoulder. She wore jeans, sensible tennis shoes and a light pink sleeveless tee. Jess was focused on her digging. Logan saw a pile of weeds she’d already pulled, sitting nearby. She was deeply tanned, looking winsome and so much a part of the earth she loved so much. Logan spotted an empty coffee cup tipped jauntily in the dirt nearby. The flower garden was profuse, multi-layered, and Logan wondered if Jess had landscaped the place herself. He wouldn’t be surprised.
Quietly opening the gate, Logan stepped through, turned, and closed it. He didn’t want to scare her to death, so he remained near the gate.
“Hey, Jess,” he called quietly, “do you think you can plant these?” and he held up the bouquet toward her. She glanced up. A gasp broke from her and her green eyes got huge.
“Logan!” she cried, scrambling to her feet. Jess brushed off her hands as she rushed toward him.
Logan opened his arms, meeting her halfway. Jess threw herself into his arms and he groaned, taking a step back, laughing. He could smell her sweet scent as she hugged him tightly, her sun-warmed body pressed fully against him. “You are so beautiful,” he growled, kissing her hair and, as she turned her face toward him, he swept his mouth down across her smiling one. Jess was damp with perspiration, and he tasted the salt on her lips, heard her moan, her arms tightening around his neck as she hungrily returned his kiss. She was like a wriggling puppy in his arms, kissing him, running her fingers through his short hair, her eyes wild with happiness.
“Logan!” she whispered, choking up, “why didn’t you let me know you were coming home early?” Jess saw the gleam in his eyes, melted beneath his boyish smile.
“I wanted to surprise you.”
Her brow wrinkled and she groaned. “But look at me! I’m dirty. I have my gardening clothes on—”
“And I love the way you look right now,” he rasped, cupping her cheek, taking her mouth again, feeling her strength, soft beneath his. She moaned and hungrily returned the kiss. Logan felt himself go hard, wanting her. Wanting all of her. She smelled of sunlight and fresh ocean air, and the loose tendrils of hair around her temples only emphasized the naturalness of the outdoors woman that she was.
Jess released him and he handed her the bouquet.
“For you,” he said, watching her eyes go soft with joy as she carefully enclosed the two dozen red roses in her arms. “I figured, with all the emailing me about planting flowers in your backyard, you might like these.” It made him feel good to see her cheeks flush, the warmth in her eyes, as she lifted the roses to her nose and inhaled deeply.
“Ohhh, these are so fresh and fragrant,” she murmured, giving him a look of thanks. Jess saw smudges of darkness beneath Logan’s blue eyes. “You look thinner,” she said, worried, reaching out, tangling her fingers between his.
“Part of patrol work,” he said, shrugging it off. “You happen to have some coffee in that house of yours? I could use a cup.”
“You bet I do. Come on in…,” and Jess eagerly led him in the back door of the craftsman-style house. She wiped her shoes on the mat and then gestured for him to follow her down the hall. The light oak-wood floor gleamed with morning sunlight.
Logan moved behind her, watching the way her hips swayed. Jess had such long, beautiful legs. He wanted her so damn bad. That long black braid swung easily between her proud shoulders as she led him into the airy, bright pale-yellow kitchen. It was an open-concept layout, and, in one spacious corner, he saw two wooden rockers and a couch. Everywhere he looked, there was wood or natural stone. There was a small fireplace made of red brick and white mortar. This home suited Jess. It seemed to be all about inviting nature in.
“Sit down,” Jess murmured, motioning toward the large, round oak table that sat on thick, curved wooden legs spreading from its center.
“Nice place,” Logan murmured, pulling out a straight-backed chair at the table when she gestured for him to sit. There were two, a dark green cushion on the seat of each. He sat and looked around, seeing four pots on the bright windowsill. Herbs, he would imagine. He watched Jess pull a large glass vase from beneath the sink.
“How did you get home two days early?” she asked, filling the vase with water.
Logan relaxed, arms on the table, absorbing Jess hungrily. Every motion she made was pure grace. He wanted those hands on the vase on him . All over him.
“Lucky fluke,” he said. “There was a C-5 ready to leave Rota about an hour after I arrived. I made it through Ops, found out they had one space available, and grabbed it. Otherwise, like a lot of my team, I’d have to have stayed there until the next morning. And that would’ve also added an extra day wait at D.C. for the next connection. That one fluke let me daisy-chain flights straight through.” He watched her cut the end of each stem and gently place it in the vase. Pretty soon, the full two dozen roses were in it. Jess walked through and placed it in the living room, on a wooden coffee table in front of the sofa.
“You look whipped,” she observed, moving back into the kitchen. Jess pulled down two clean coffee cups and filled them. Carrying them to the table, she sat down at Logan’s right elbow. “Are you hungry?”
“I dropped my gear at my condo and then stopped at McDonald’s,” he said. She looked gorgeous, wearing no makeup, her hair gleaming with blue highlights. The love in her eyes for him made Logan ache. Two months apart from Jess had been a special hell.
Jess stared over at him, her hands around her cup. “It’s so good to see you sitting here.”
Nodding, Logan sipped his coffee. “I’ve never looked forward to coming home as much as this time, Jess,” and he held her luminous eyes. He went hot as her full lips curved.
“I was counting the days,” she admitted softly.
“You never said much about your job as instructor,” Logan said. “How’s it going?” He saw Jess frown a little. Something was up; he could sense it.
“Well,” she hedged, moving the cup slowly around between her hands, “I’ve been hiding something from you, Logan.” She licked her lower lip, giving him an apologetic look.
“Hiding? As in?”
Shrugging, she said, “My enlistment is up in a month. I’d always thought I was a lifer, figuring I’d put my twenty years into the Navy and then get out, like my parents did.”
Logan stilled inwardly. This was serious stuff. He could tell by the unsureness in Jess’s gaze. “But?”
She sat up, rolling her shoulders. “But my experience over in Afghanistan shook me to my soul, Logan. It’s colored my outlook on whether I wanted to remain in the Navy or not.”
Nodding, he murmured, “It would anyone, Jess. You’re not alone.”
“I know, I know. My poor parents,” and she rolled her eyes. “I never realized just how much my being kidnapped impacted them until I got home and saw the results. It was pure hell on them. Torture.”
“I imagine they were deeply shaken,” Logan said. He saw the stress on Jess’s face, the small wrinkles gathering on her broad brow. She was grappling with a lot of emotions.
“They were struggling, but so was I, Logan.” Jess gave him a long look. “I’m still ramping down from the shock of it all. I still wake up some nights, screaming, seeing Khogani, the hatred of his men toward me. It’s left me shaken in a way I’ve never been before. I feel like I’m still putting myself back together again.”
“We all get those nightmares, Jess,” and Logan reached out, sliding his hand along her slumped shoulders, seeing the misplaced shame in her eyes. “And it’s going to take you probably a good year or more to work through what’s happened to you.”
“You get nightmares, too?”
“Yeah. I don’t know of anyone in our business who doesn’t. You’re dealing with life-and-death situations, Jess. We’re human. We have feelings. I know most SEALs don’t talk about this stuff, but it’s there.”
“That’s one of the many things I love about you, Logan. You’re fearless when it comes to owning up to your emotions.”
He grinned a little. “It’s easy to do around you, Jess.” Because he loved her. Logan wanted no secrets between them. He saw her perk up a bit, but she was still chewing on the reenlistment question. “So, what are you going to do? Re-up? Or not?”
She sighed and shook her head. “I’m so torn, Logan. My parents are pleading with me to quit and come work for their construction company. I see the damage my kidnapping did to my mom every time I drop by for a visit.” Jess searched his eyes. “How do you feel about it?”
“There’s no guesswork for me,” Logan told her quietly. “I want you safe, Jess. If that means you quitting the Seabees, I’m fine with it. But it’s your decision, not mine. And I’ll love you whatever you decide to do.”
Rubbing her chin, she sighed and nodded. “Logan, I cannot tell you how much I needed to hear that! And thanks for the feedback. It’s important. I want to be safe, too.”
“Look,” Logan murmured, “you’re a woman in a man’s world, Jess. It is what it is. The problem I see in the future is that the Navy is going to send you to other hotspots around the world. Most of the places that need wells drilled are Third World countries. There’s a lot of fanatical Muslims in many of those. Look at Africa. And you may be put on a different continent, with some group there that might not be called the ‘Taliban’, but it’ll still be one that’s just as dangerous and just as willing to either kidnap or kill you only because you’re an American woman. And, Jess, you’re ‘the one that got away’. You’re famous in Taliban ranks now. That means glory-seeking fanatics all over the world know your name and want you as a special prize.” He didn’t want to put it so harshly, but that was the reality. He could see her evaluating his words.
Finally, Jess pushed her coffee out in front of her, folding her arms on the table. “I was never so scared as when Khogani took me, Logan. I tried to be brave. I thought I’d never see you again. Or my parents. Or my way of life…”
“Those things had to run through your mind, Jess.”
She turned and laid her fingers across his lower arm. “I didn’t want to lose you, Logan. I know we crashed into one another at Landstuhl, but what I felt in my heart for you was so deep, so special and wonderful, I grieved that I’d lost you for the rest of my life.” Jess closed her eyes for a moment, struggling with her emotions. Opening them, she held his narrowed gaze. “I love you, Logan. I want a life with you. I don’t want to worry about being a target, or possibly being kidnapped again. And I know it could happen. You’re right: lesser-developed countries are the well-diggers’ stomping ground.”
He took her hand into his, squeezing it gently. “I’d like it if you never went overseas on assignment again, Jess. It’s purely selfish on my part. I think going to work at your parents’ company would be perfect for you. But it’s your life, Babe. I want you happy, whatever you decide to do.” Logan studied her anguished-looking gaze.
“I’ve never run from a challenge before, Logan.”
“Jess, this was more than a challenge. It’s men who want you dead or want you as a victim to be sold. That’s a jarring reality.”
“I feel like I should stand up and fight it, Logan. Go back to Afghanistan and face my fear.”
“It’s not something you can do by yourself,” he counseled. “Look at it from another perspective, Jess. If you get kidnapped again, you’re putting other operators at risk who will try to save you. These men have families, too. They have people who love them. I don’t think you’d willingly do that. Do you?”
Grimacing, Jess shook her head. “No… I wouldn’t want to do that to them. Even after I got kidnapped by Khogani, I kept worrying about you and Chris. I was afraid for your lives. As much as I wanted you to come rescue me, there was another part of me that didn’t want you to die trying. Precisely because of what you said: you have families who love you, too. I don’t want to put anyone else at risk, Logan.”
“Have you discussed this with your parents?”
Nodding, Jess said, “Yes. They want me to quit the Navy.”
“You wouldn’t be quitting without a very good reason, Jess. Sometimes, we all come up against something so big that we can’t possibly scale it. And, when we hit those times, then we need to look around for other ways to live our life and make the adjustments.”
“Have you ever hit one?” Jess asked.
“Yes.” And then he shrugged. “My marriage. There was nothing I could do to change my ex-wife’s mind. I had to be gone a lot. She didn’t accept it. So, there was no way around it, Jess.”
Frowning, she whispered, “I can relate to that one. My ex-husband didn’t want to respect me as an equal. He didn’t want to change for me, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to be subservient to him.”
“See?” Logan said, smiling a little. “We all hit those brick walls, Jess. You’re up against one right now. Best thing you can do is follow your heart. It really is your compass. How you feel in there is how you should make your decision.” Because he loved Jess, he wanted to sway her, but Logan knew, from long experience, that didn’t work in a relationship. If he swayed her, and she later regretted it, she’d blame him. Not a wise move to make.
“Enough of me,” she muttered, sipping more of her coffee. “What do you need?” And, as soon as she asked, she saw his eyes glint with that predator-like look he gave her when what he wanted was her . “I mean,” she stumbled, and then laughed with him. “Slip of the tongue.”
“I like your tongue.”
Her whole lower body went hot. “I always know where you stand, Logan.”
“No guesswork,” he agreed, giving her a warm look.
“Aren’t you tired?”
“Not anymore.”
She gave a ladylike snort. “You look absolutely whipped. You need a shower.”
“You think?” and he chuckled. “Two days flying transports and no shower. And I didn’t even stop to get one when I hit my condo, just threw my gear into it, got a change of clothes and then jumped in my truck.”
“That says a lot.” She stood and gripped his hand. “Come on, I’ll show you where the bathroom is.”
Logan almost suggested Jess come in with him, but he was damned tired. There would be other times, so he bit his tongue on that matter, following her down another hall. “I like your house.”
“Thanks. Is it me?” and Jess turned her head, giving him a smile over her shoulder.
“Very,” Logan agreed. “All organic and natural. Wait ’til you see my condo.”
“What? It looks like a fishbowl. You have a huge aquarium in it, sailor?”
He liked her teasing. He’d missed Jess. “SEALs parachute , you know, and we work on land , too,” he teased.
Jess stopped at a cabinet in the hall and pulled out a thick, blue terrycloth towel and washcloth. She handed them to Logan. “I would say, from what I know, hmmm… you were born in Wyoming, so, even though you’re in the Navy, I bet your condo has a Western flavor to it.”
“We’ll see,” he said, giving her a teasing look.
“I’ll be out in the kitchen if you need me. I think I’d better get serious about making us dinner tonight?”
“No way,” Logan growled. I’d like to take you out, to your favorite place?”
“Oh, then that means La Jolla, my favorite oceanside retreat. I love going to the Crab Catcher Restaurant. Best seafood on the West Coast.”
Logan was far too tired to drive through Los Angeles, all the way back down to La Jolla in San Diego, but he sensed Jess was joking about that anyway. “Let’s eat in, then. And I suppose you have teaching duties tomorrow?”
“Yes. My leave doesn’t start for two days,” and she leaned up, giving him a quick kiss on the mouth. “So, you either stay here for two days with me until that happens, or pine away for me in your condo?”
“I’m staying,” Logan told her. “And you’re going to have to be lucky to get out of bed to leave to go teach tomorrow morning.” He saw her eyes grow amused. At the same time, her cheeks flushed. Yeah, he was going to love the hell out of Jess. Two months had been way too long without her at his side.
Jess had been out in the kitchen for nearly an hour when she had heard the bathroom door open. Frowning, she wondered where Logan had wandered off to when he didn’t reappear. In the hall, she saw the bathroom was empty. Turning, she went to her bedroom. Her heart turned over. Logan had dried off, pulled on his Levi’s and t-shirt and laid down. He was sprawled out on his belly, sound asleep. Jess knew he was super sensitive to sound, and she didn’t want to wake him. Backing up quietly, she turned with a smile on her mouth and padded toward the kitchen.
She busied herself with making them a pot roast with carrots, potatoes and celery. She knew Logan had probably not slept for at least forty-eight hours. And he was suffering global jet lag on top of that. And who knew what other stressors had been on him before he and his team had even left Afghanistan? Jess knew she would never be able to push for that length of time without caving in to the need for sleep. He was a SEAL, and he was used to brutally pushing his body physically when necessary. Jess knew how badly he’d wanted to get home to see her. A new warmth flooded her as she peeled the potatoes. Luckily, she lived on a very quiet street, with older couples. The bedroom was at the rear of the house, so Logan should be able to sleep without getting awakened by any sharp noises or other sounds. The urge to go in there and slip beside him was real, but Jess knew she’d wake him up. And he desperately needed some sleep.
In her musings, Jess revisited their earlier conversation about her reenlistment. Logan was completely unlike her ex-husband, the all-too-macho Mark Willard, who would have just told her what to do. Instead, Logan’s sensitivity, his understanding and respect of her boundaries, was completely different and refreshing.
She pressed her hands on the countertop, closing her eyes, feeling torn over leaving the Navy or staying. Life wasn’t simple. She’d already put Logan and her parents through a special hell, not to mention, herself. And she was still paying the price for the kidnapping. If someone approached her from behind, and she didn’t hear them, it scared her out of her skin. She was jumpy. And then there were the nightmares. The guilt that Logan had killed men to get her to safety. They had families, too. Jess had cried more often in the last two months than she had in the whole rest of her life. Everything would suddenly hit her, out of nowhere, and she would begin sobbing.
Logan understood what was happening to her. Probably because he’d gone through some of it himself. She was sure he felt no guilt about killing those two men. It was his job. His responsibility had been to get her to safety. And Jess knew those two Taliban soldiers would have killed them in a heartbeat. She wouldn’t be standing at her kitchen counter contemplating this if Logan hadn’t done what he did.
Shaking her head, Jess continued to peel the rest of the potatoes for the pot roast. She hadn’t anticipated Logan being here for two nights yet, and her fridge was mostly empty. The least she could do for him was make nice meals for the both of them, as a welcome home. And she was a good cook. Drying her hands on a nearby towel, Jess sat down at the kitchen table and wrote out a list of things she’d need for dinner tonight and tomorrow night. Logan was going to get absolutely spoiled.