Chapter 22
CHAPTER 22
A t five p.m., Jess was putting the final touches on a salad for the evening meal when Logan silently appeared, scaring the hell out of her as usual. That was becoming a regular skit of theirs, it seemed. She jumped and gasped as he came around the corner. His hair was tousled, eyes drowsy, his feet bare.
“Sorry,” he mumbled, wiping his face.
Heart pounding, Jess stared at him. “Can’t you make some noise, Logan?” He was heartbreakingly boyish looking. She remembered his game face as he extricated her from the Hill soldiers. Now, his eyes cloudy from a long sleep, he stood, relaxed, staring at her. The contrast was as of night and day.
“How about if I put a bell on me?” and he gave her a cockeyed grin, coming over and taking the knife out of her hand, laying it on the drain board. Sliding his arms around her shoulders, he drew her against him, inhaling the spicy scent of her hair. “I need to work on making some noise,” he agreed gruffly, kissing her hair. “I don’t want to make you jump.” He felt Jess relax into his arms, a soft sigh issuing from between her lips.
“Thank you. My heart’s pounding in terror, Logan. I get hit with flashbacks…”
“Yeah,” he murmured, kissing her temple and cheek. “I can feel it against my chest.” Her reaction was much more than from just a usual fright and Logan knew it had to do with the kidnapping trauma. Whether Jess knew it or not, she had PTSD. Logan felt her melting into him and he leaned his hips against the counter, taking her full weight. “Why did you let me sleep so long?”
She kissed his neck, his unshaven jaw, and then pulled away to drown in the burning, hooded look he gave her. “Because you needed it? Basic common sense?” She watched one corner of that beautiful male mouth curve upward.
“You’re such a feisty little thing.”
“I’m hardly little, Randall, so don’t go there.”
“Hmmm,” he growled, moving his hands across her back, encasing her hips and drawing her tightly against him. “I like a woman with some meat on her bones and, Babe, you are the real deal. Don’t change a thing. I like you just the way you are.”
Her lower body felt scalded. But it was down to sex or eating. And she’d worked all day preparing a major meal for two and wasn’t about to let her pot roast burn in the oven. Gripping his upper arms, she stepped out of his embrace. “Food first,” she told him firmly.
“Hey, a guy can try.”
“Yes, but you need to eat, Logan.”
“You’re right.” He sniffed the air. “Smells good. What is it?”
“Pot roast.”
“Are you making gravy?”
“Yes,” she said, pointing toward the kitchen table. “There’s coffee. So, if you want, pour yourself some while I make it. We’re going to eat in twenty minutes.”
Running his fingers through his hair, he yawned and then padded toward the opposite counter. “I slept hard.”
“Like I said, you needed it,” Jess murmured, pouring milk into the pan. “You must have crashed after you took a shower?”
Logan watched Jess work over the stove. Damn, she looked good in an apron. Who knew she had such a house-frau side? “I did. The bed sucked me in and I told myself ‘Just ten minutes’, dammit,” he muttered, still waking up. His lower body sure as hell was online, but the rest of him was jet lagged, still half a globe away. He needed some decent food in him, having lived off MREs the last couple of days inbound to the States. “I had such good intentions, after taking the shower,” he said, smiling a little, hand looped around the cup. “Quick nap, and then I had every intention of coming out here and carrying you back off to bed with me.”
“You can do that tonight.”
“Promise?”
Jess tossed him a look over her shoulder while stirring the gravy. “Promise. In spades, Randall. You spoiled me and I want more of what you have.”
“Let’s just skip dessert?”
He gave her a very heated look. And her body responded, clenching with need. Jess sighed. “No, now, I made a special dessert for you tonight. Besides me, that is.”
“Yeah?” He sipped his coffee. Logan thought the best dessert possible was Jess, naked, in his arms. In his bed. Forever.
“My mom’s favorite: butterscotch pudding with pecans. Oh, and I have a can of whipped cream if you like it on your pudding.”
“I can think of a lot of things to do with that can of whipped cream.”
Jess laughed fully. “Is that ALL that’s on your mind, Logan?”
He gave her an amused look. “Babe, I’m made out of testosterone. Yes, I think of you in my bed. Making love with you. Waking up in the morning and kissing you. All kinds of sexy things. Oh, and it’s not limited to the bedroom, either. I’m an equal opportunist, so you should be warned.”
Jess feigned a dark look his way. “Are you this way all the time?”
“No.” Logan opened his hands. “It’s been two months, Jess. You can’t tell me you aren’t a little hungry, too?” He watched her lips twitch, merriment in her eyes. Logan liked her fearlessness. And he’d seen her real courage under fire.
“Oh, I am,” Jess murmured coyly. “But I think we need some fuel first.”
Logan ate like he was half starved to death. Jess sat there watching him gulp down half the roast, three potatoes, a huge pile of carrots, gravy smothering everything, and then he ate half the massive bowl of pudding she’d made as well! Topped with huge mounds of whipped cream, as if the pudding helping, alone, wouldn’t have choked a hippo. He had a satisfied look on his face as he helped her take the dirty dishes into the kitchen.
“I’m surprised you can even walk. Don’t you have a stomachache?”
Logan gave her a one-eyebrow-raised look as he took the rinsed-off dishes from Jess and placed them in the dishwasher. “It’s easy for a SEAL to consume up to twelve thousand calories a day, Jess. And your dinner was incredible. That gravy was to die for.”
“Good thing I can cook. I’d hate to see a restaurant bill for you,” she teased, wiping her hands off.
Logan shut the door to the dishwasher, turning it on. “You’re just one surprise after another, Ms. Courtland.”
Logan took her into his arms, kissing her long and sweetly, feeling Jess sink against him. He broke the kiss reluctantly and tucked her shoulders under his arm. “Come on in the living room? Sit with me? We need to talk.”
It sounded serious. She nodded. “I need to sit and digest the meal, anyway,” she admitted.
Settling Jess against him as he sat down in the corner of the couch, the way she tucked her legs beneath her made Logan smile to himself. He felt her lips against his neck, kissing him. Logan smoothed a hand across her hip, keeping her close. “I’ve had two of the longest, most godawful months of suffering away from you, Jess.” He rested his chin against her hair, feeling her relax totally against him.
“The suffering was mutual,” she assured him wryly, resting her hand against his shoulder.
“That’s what got me.”
“What? The suffering?”
“Well, the quality of the suffering,” Logan specified.
Jess frowned. “I don’t follow.”
Logan didn’t expect her to. He eased her back just enough so that their eyes could meet as she rested her head against his shoulder. “You do realize that we met under the worst possible circumstances?” He saw her eyes darken at the memory of losing her friend, Chief Dan Callahan, a man she’d worked with for years. “See? That’s my point.”
“I… don’t understand where this is going, Logan?”
“Yeah, well I didn’t either for a good month after you left,” he grouched, holding her confused-looking gaze. “We fell in love, right there, in Landstuhl, with one another. I lost one of my best friends and so did you. It shouldn’t have worked.”
Jess sat up, turning and staring into his serious features. “What are you talking about, Logan? You’ve LOST me.”
He reached out, grazing her cheek. Her skin was like satin. “We met under the worst circumstances, Jess. Okay, so we had a night in bed. It shouldn’t have gone beyond that. A need to feel alive, to grieve, to feel good in someone’s arms who wanted you, all that eased our grief.” He saw her eyes widen. “We had less than twenty-four hours with one another and yes,” Logan shook his head, looking away for a moment, and then locking his gaze back on her, “by rights, we should have walked away from one another. Right?”
Jess opened her mouth and then closed it. She stared at him, nonplussed. “WHAT are you trying to say, Logan?” He was so serious. He was almost as focused as when there’d been Hill soldiers nearby and hunting for them.
“Jess, we met, we made love, and we separated, going our different ways.”
“Well… yes, we did. So what?”
“Something happened, Babe.” Logan smoothed his fingers down her forearm. “I couldn’t get you out of my mind, my heart, or my body. Something happened that night. Something important. Real.”
“Yes, it did.” Jess tilted her head, frowning. “Why are you looking like that, Logan? I know we met under terrible conditions. But what happened for me, with you, was… well… life changing. I didn’t know it at the time, but I sure did after we split at Bagram. I felt,” and she lifted her hand, pressing it against her heart as she drowned in his hooded blue gaze, “as if I’d been completed in a way, with you, that I never knew existed. Until that night. Until you walked into my life.” Jess swallowed hard, tears threatening to spill. She saw Logan’s face turn emotional, to an extent she’d never seen before.
“That’s what I’m trying to say, Jess. It’s crazy. It shouldn’t have worked between us. But it does.”
“Have you been trying to explain me out of your life? That we don’t have time in grade, and it shouldn’t work? That what we share isn’t serious?”
His mouth quirked. Logan heard the strain in Jess’s voice, and he winced. “No, Babe, I wasn’t. I was trying to figure out how love could hit me over the head with a sledgehammer like it did.” His eyes glinted with amusement. “There was never a moment since we’ve been separated in those two months that I didn’t need you, want to hear your voice, hear what you thought, Jess. You complete me in a way that amazes me. I think I’m still in shock over it,” and Logan searched her shadowed green eyes. He could see her thinking, putting it all together from his perspective. Obviously, not her reality. But she was trying to understand HIS reality. His love grew even more for her. Jess wasn’t the kind of person to impose her life standards on another person. She had a bonafide live-and-let-live attitude toward everyone. Even him. Logan rolled away from her, pulling something out of his pocket.
“It seems our relationship is not based on length of time spent together,” he told her. “We’ve both been married. We’re more mature now, we know what it takes to make a relationship work or not.” Logan took her hand and placed a plastic zip-lock bag into her palm. “Jess, two months ago I emailed my mother. I told her I was ready to use my great-grandmother’s wedding rings. She sent them over to me.” He gave her an apologetic look. “This isn’t fancy, and you deserve better, but my great-grandmother, in her will, said that my mother’s first-born son would get them. She had a fifty-year marriage to her husband, my great-grandfather John.” He covered the small plastic bag in her palm with his, and held it there, looking into her shimmering eyes. “I don’t care,” he rasped, “how long or short the time is we’ve had between us, Jess. I fell in love with you, I think, from the moment I saw you. And, when you loved me, your heart was so wide open that I couldn’t believe it. You were fearless. You trusted me with yourself completely. It just blew me away, Babe. And then, to see you under fire, under that kind of relentless, ongoing pressure after you escaped Khogani, made me so much more aware of what you’re made of.”
Logan closed his fingers over hers, seeing the tears flow silently down her cheeks. His voice grew thick. “Jess, you are the most courageous woman I’ve ever met. And, dammit, I want to marry you whenever you say the word. If you need one or two years to think about it, that’s fine with me. I don’t care how long it takes; I’m committed to you. I saw more of you in those days running from Khogani than I probably would in a lifetime, with anyone. Never once did you whine or cry or say you couldn’t do something, Jess. You just gutted it out and you did the very best you could.” Logan smiled a little. “I gotta tell you, I would NEVER want to be put in that position again, with any other woman, civilian or military. Nobody could ever measure up to how well you did. You were a champ. And you stole my heart, Jess.”
With a sob, Jess tried to wipe the tears from her eyes as she stared down at the gold wedding band and diamond solitaire engagement ring in the zip-lock plastic bag in her palm. “Oh, Logan…”
He picked up the bag and carefully opened it, placing the two rings back in her palm for real. “My great-grandmother, Sarah, was a woman of the land, Jess. Our ranch has been in our family for over a hundred years. She was born in Ohio and came west with her husband, John. They created the ranch that my mother and father work to this day. She really was a woman of the earth. I was ten when she passed, but I remember her vividly. She was always on her hands and knees, digging in the ground. Hands in the earth.” Logan looked into Jess’s tear-filled eyes. “You remind me so much of her. I guess I was destined to find a woman of the earth to fill out the rest of my life.”
Gently, Jess touched the wedding bands. They were very old, by the cut of the diamond and design. It made them just that much more special to her. With her fumbling fingers, she kept on trying to wipe away her tears, absorbing the comfort of Logan’s arm around her waist, holding her gently, silently supporting her. “I-I never expected this, Logan…”
“We’ve done everything else fast,” he murmured, catching that green gaze of hers that made his heart swell with love. “I don’t care what your decision is about staying in the Navy or not, Jess.” Logan picked up the solitaire engagement ring. “No matter what you decide, I want you to wear this. You’re mine. And I’m yours. That’s all I need from you, Babe,” and he held her lustrous gaze.
Logan had thought he knew what love was the first time he’d married. Looking back on that, over the last two months, he’d realized that he’d been too young, too selfish and self-centered, to make it work. He’d never taken the other person into consideration. But years and hellish experiences had honed and shaped him, matured him. And now, he knew he loved Jess with every fiber of his being. There would never be another woman for him but her. She’d gone through hell with him. Her courage under fire had been remarkable. And he wanted her as his mate for the rest of his life.
“You’re in the military like I am,” he went on. “There’s a word that fits us well, Jess: countermeasure.”
“Employing a device or strategy that has the objective to impair the operational effectiveness of the enemy,” she said.
“Exactly. When you were kidnapped. You escaped. I found you, and then we escaped Khogani’s search for us, together . We kept thwarting his attempts to find us.”
“We both used our skills and experience to stop him from finding and capturing us again,” she agreed. “We employed a lot of countermeasures, Logan. Mostly yours, though, because you knew how to use your experience in Afghanistan to keep us under his radar, even the trick of wearing Afghan clothes to look like Taliban.”
“But you had the guts to use your Swiss Army Knife to cut the rope and you escaped out of the cave, rolling, never standing, keeping your head. That was your countermeasure.”
“Good point,” she murmured, touching the rings.
“Do you need time to think about this?” Logan asked her quietly.
Jess made a soft sound in her throat, shaking her head.
“No… no, I don’t, Logan.” Jess closed her eyes and took in a deep breath and released it. She pressed her brow against his. “I’ve done a lot of thinking and feeling these past two months, too. About myself. About us. What is important in my life.” Jess lifted her brow away from his, absorbing the cool, slight weight of the rings in her hand. “My heart always had the answer, Logan. My head got in the way so many times. I couldn’t explain why I had fallen so deeply in love with you, so quickly. I still can’t. All I know is that you fulfill me. We’re a good team together. I saw that when we were escaping from Khogani. If we can get along under such a horrible, stressful circumstance, I’m sure we could make a marriage work. Don’t you?” She saw Logan give her a faint smile.
“We’ll make it work, Jess. That’s my promise to you.” Logan picked up her left hand and slid the diamond engagement ring on it. “Now,” he said thickly, “I’m going to pick you up, carry you down the hall to our bed. And I’m going to love you, Jess…”
Never had Logan wanted to love a woman with all his body, his heart and soul, as he did Jess. He laid her on the bed and saw the longing in her eyes matching his desire. Standing before her, Logan pulled off his t-shirt and shoes, got rid of his Levi’s, and his boxer shorts. His eyes never left Jess as she quickly removed her clothes. There was a palpable, sizzling, aching connection between them and, as she knelt on the bed, pulled him toward her, she was an equal partner in every way.
Jess smiled into Logan’s dark, glittering eyes. His large, calloused hands slid around her smooth shoulders, and she whispered, “No condom, Logan. I want to feel you. All of you, tonight.” She saw him hesitate, his brows dipping momentarily. “I just had my period less than a week ago. We’re in a safe time.” She placed a kiss against his powerful chest. “Please?”
There was such a difference between using a condom and not using one. Logan had wanted to take Jess that way, but time hadn’t been on their side. Easing his fingers through her loose black hair, he framed her face, leaned down, sliding his mouth against hers. “Anything you want, Babe,” he rasped, feeling her lips open hungrily. Her fingers enclosed his biceps and Logan felt himself drowning in the splendor and heat of her mouth. Groaning, he eased her back on the bed, settling beside her, wanting her mouth once more.
Nothing existed anymore for Logan, but Jess. She moaned as his tongue glided across her lower lip, her breath growing uneven. Rolling on her side, she met and moved against his erection, pulling a growl out of him. More than anything, Logan loved her boldness as a bed partner. She wasn’t limp or tepid in his arms, shy or unsure, wanting him to lead the way. Her lips were eager, hungry and glided against his, her fingers sliding through his short hair, holding him, her tongue dancing sensuously against his.
Only Jess existed. Her scent, the silk of her hair against his jaw, her little moans catching in her throat as he grazed the curve of her breast, his thumb moving languidly across that tight, hardening nipple. Pressing soft, lingering kisses against her eyelids, her cheek and finally, seeking the scalding heat of her mouth, she writhed in his arms as they held her captive. Releasing her mouth, Logan next sought and found that nipple just begging to be further seduced. As his lips settled over it, he heard Jess cry out, her back arching, pressing herself solidly against his erection. Heat rolled up through him and he felt himself tremble as her warmth, her satiny skin, moved against his flesh.
The power of her love for him broke him in a way that shattered his heart, sending such a powerful tidal wave of emotion through his chest that Logan lifted his lips from her nipple and simply wrapped her in his strong embrace, holding Jess, absorbing her in every possible way. There was such a driving need in him to couple with her, make her his forever, brand his essence deep within her loving, inviting body. He felt as if she sensed and understood why he held her so tightly, his head bowed against hers, their breaths ragged and uneven, and it was true: Jess did.
As Logan pressed gentle kisses against her hair, trailing them to her cheek, he encountered her salty, warm tears. It was as if they were in touch with one another on a completely different, incredible level. She wasn’t crying because she was sad or grieving. No, as he lifted his head away from hers, drowning in the dark green and gold of her luminous eyes, Logan understood they were tears of celebration and happiness. That Jess was once more in his arms, wanting him within her, moving in sync like they always had. As she slipped her hand down across his lean ribcage, sliding it between the two of them, enclosing his erection, he shut his eyes tightly and tensed. A low, animal groan rose in Logan’s chest as she moved her fingers deliciously around him, so close to losing control over her exploring touch. Logan felt so busted open beneath her hands, her lips opening to his, meeting him fiercely, their hunger for one another nearly overwhelming.
He felt her release him, tearing her mouth from his, her eyes narrowed, filled with arousal.
“I want to ride you, Logan….”
Those were the sweetest words he could ever hear, and he gave her only a dark, hungry look in response. Without speaking, he rolled onto his back, picking Jess up effortlessly with casual strength, helping her settle her satiny, curved thighs against his narrow hips. The languor, the starvation for her, made his erection throb with need at the settling of her wet, hot core against him. He saw the huntress gleaming in her eyes, her black hair thick and loose across her shoulders as she smiled down at him. Settling his hands against her hips, he guided down upon him, closing his eyes, anticipating…
Her long fingers skated across his darkly haired chest as she slowly, torturously eased herself back. Instantly, Logan groaned, thrusting his hips upward to meet and hold her over his aching erection. She slid like such warm, drizzling honey down across him that he gritted his teeth, afraid again that he could no longer control himself. Jess leaned down, her teeth taking small nips along his corded neck, then licking his flesh and then kissing each area. Her hands were ever roaming, softly moving to his nipples, squeezing them teasingly, making his back arch, pressing him more powerfully against her core. She was such a tease that his fingers dug more deeply into her sinuously moving hips, the fire enveloping him. If she kept up this burning form of sexual torture, he’d never last. The gleam in her eyes was of a woman not only pleasuring herself against him but holding a luminous love with every touch she shared with him, whether by her mouth, her hands or that incredible, sweet core.
“Babe,” he groaned, lifting his hands, framing her face, making her look at him, “I’m not going to make it if I don’t get inside you…” Logan watched her full lips curve.
“I was wondering when enough was enough,” she laughed huskily, leaning down, dragging her breasts across his chest as she slowly took his mouth.
He was burning beneath her stunning, feverish desire for him. Logan felt her lift and then make one scalding downward movement that brought a hiss from between his clenched teeth. In that one fluid motion, she moved him to her entrance and, without hesitation, sheathed down upon him fully. His body buckled. He growled out her name, gripping her hips, unable to think any longer. And when Jess began to establish a hard, pressing rhythm, all Logan could do was match it. He felt her muscled walls collapse inward, felt her stiffen, throw her head back and cry out. Her orgasm flooded around him and she was paralyzed on top of him, her eyes tightly shut, her lips parted. Logan thrust deeply into her, holding her hips, keeping her angled to milk her every sensation. And then, just as she had a second, crashing orgasm, he felt heat slam down his own spine, roaring through him, flooding into her with his essence.
Neither could move, frozen against one another, trapped in heated ecstasy. Logan heard Jess sobbing his name, her fingers frantically digging into his chest wall, her entire body quivering as she was deluged with intense, ongoing pleasure. It felt so incredibly good to be inside her, feel the power of her as a woman, and then to empty himself within her, claiming her. Making Jess his.