11. Zurmani
Several Days Later
"Mm," Jawaan moans into my mouth, causing me to kiss him hungrily, and my body feels like I'm hovering over an open flame.
Jawaan pulls back, peering at me intently, and I return his gaze with longing in mine. The heart-rendering tenderness in his gaze makes my breathing sporadic. My heart jolts, and my pulse gallops the longer Jawaan watches me. Jawaan's hand gently caresses my face, and the sweetly intoxicating musk of his body momentarily overwhelms me.
"Go in the house before I say fuck those granny panties you put on to turn me off." Jawaan's voice is huskier than usual, while his eyes show his barely containable restraint.
Without looking away, I back out of Jawaan's grasp, and my weak knees shake while matching the quivering of my limbs.
It took everything in me not to beg Jawaan to come into my house so he could cum in me. For the first time in my adulting sex life, I had to take a cold shower to cool down my honeypot. To say the first date between Jawaan and me was memorable would be an understatement. The night's highlight for me was dancing with him during multiple songs played by the man with the saxophone. Jawaan had me feeling cherished and desirable in a way that I have been lacking. Despite dating for four years, Aldis had never taken me to such an intimate place on a date.
Chile that isn't farfetched since Aldis had only been worried about his dick.
"Zurmani Unique Coates, what the hell are you doing with all that heavy breathing and shit?" Jamaica's question cuts into my thoughts, snapping me back to the here and now.
Heat fills my cheeks, and I attempt to get myself together when laughter pierces the line before Evie speaks.
"Girl, it sounds like she's either thinking about her new man or remembering what he looks like naked," Evie says.
My mouth dries when Jawaan's image enters my mind, and I bite my lip while trying to imagine what he looks like without clothes.
"Hush, Evie. You're normally the religious one between the three of us, so continue pretending in this moment," Jamaica comments in an elevated tone.
My forehead wrinkles, and my mouth twists when I hear the aggression in Jamaica's tone, causing me to investigate the cause.
"What's crawled up your butt, Jamaica?" I ask.
"Nothing."
"She's lonely and bitter," Evie remarks before Jamaica finishes her single-word answer.
"Shut up, Evie," Jamaica adds.
My lips twist into a deep frown, and my brows hike while I try to analyze what's gotten into Jamaica.
"What's bothering you, Jamaica?" I probe.
"Fine, since you forced my hand. I'm not sure if Jawaan is right for you," Jamaica discloses.
My head snaps back like a dart has hit me in the center of my chest because I'm not sure where the statement is coming from.
"Girl. Your jealousy is showing," Evie says, giggling.
"Jealous of what, exactly? I'm giving my opinion on the man who gave us the cold shoulder," Jamaica defends.
"It's crazy to come to that conclusion when you only spent seconds in Jawaan's presence. Hm. The great thing about this entire conversation is that Jawaan is only dating me. Therefore, my thoughts and opinions about my man are the only relevant ones," I respond, rubbing my temple when pain appears from my elevating blood pressure.
"Tell her friend. The only thing that man gave us was a polite smile during the unexpected interruption to the start of his admiration for you," Evie chimes.
"On that note, I gotta go," Jamaica blurts before hanging up without another word, causing my mouth to open.
"Wow. A jealous bitch is a miserable one. Don't let her negative ass fuck with the happiness you feel," Evie says.
Beep. Beep.
The clicking of my other line has me pulling the phone from my ear before a wide smile upturns my lips when Jawaan's name flashes on my screen.
"I-uh, need to take this incoming call. Thank you, though," I say, damn near panting with the knowledge that I'm only seconds away from hearing Jawaan's voice.
"Mhm. Go ahead," Evie says, disconnecting.
Inhaling quickly, I blow the air from my lungs before answering the call, hoping Jawaan can't hear my merriment.
"Hello."
"I need you to meet me at Shadow Stew Memorial, Tigress," Jawaan says in a tone that instantly chills me.
"I'm on my way."
My heart is racing, and my teeth instantly sink into my bottom lip when a heavy feeling settles within my body.
Twenty-Five Minutes Later
Between my jittery nerves and the light traffic, my commute to the hospital took longer than usual. My feet feel like they have weights and chains, making them heavier than normal when I enter the hospital. Removing my phone from my purse, I dial Jawaan's number, holding my breath when the ringing sounds in my ear.
"Where are you at?" Jawaan asks when the call connects after the second ring.
"I'm-uh, I'm here," I confirm.
"Bet. I'm with Little Man. Come up." Jawaan disconnects the call without waiting for my response.
The elevator opens a second after I push the call button like it had been waiting for my arrival. Entering the shaft, I press the button for the labor and delivery floor, and the car jolts before ascending. Unsure of the reason for Jawaan summoning me here, I close my eyes and pray.
Father, in the name of Jesus, I'm not sure what I'm walking into, but I ask that you go before me. Work out whatever situation that I'm aware of. Touch Little Man's body and heal him of any ailment he's dealing with. I speak healing over him now by the blood of Jesus. God, I ask that you would also touch his mother. You know all things, and I give you praise, honor, and glory for what you're going to do. Amen.
Ding.
My eyes open when the elevator sounds, letting me know I have reached my destination and forcing me to exit the shaft. My gaze moves left to right, searching for what I can't even identify in my journey toward the NICU. My heart beats wildly, and my mind won't settle on a single thought. I don't know what's happening or what to expect, but I will continue walking. Once I reach the door to my destination, my hand holds onto the knob without turning due to the sudden jitters invading my body.
Please, God, don't let Jawaan or anyone in this room bring me any bad news.
Sighing deeply, I square my shoulders and turn the knob to enter the room with my eyes bouncing around the space despite knowing my exact location.
Okay, none of the parents appear frazzled or distraught, so that's a good sign.
Continuing my stride, my steps pick up when I see Jawaan sitting in the lounger holding the baby. His head is down, and his right hand is slowly gliding over Little Man's back. The closer I get to Jawaan and the baby, the more the air shifts around them. A heavy feeling seems to be hovering above the lounger. When my feet are in front of Jawaan, he lifts his head, and his red, watery eyes nearly stop my heart. Without saying anything, he lifted his left hand and passed a piece of stationery to me. I instantly notice a raised seal, causing my brows to hike and wrinkles to spread across my forehead.
"What's this?" I ask, taking the paper from Jawaan's hand.
Wordlessly, Jawaan's eyes peer into me like he's silently communicating before he nods subtly toward the paper I'm now holding. Lifting the paper, my eyes scan the document, and my chest pinches when the words fill my mind.
To: Jawaan Young & Zurmani Coates,
I have been hearing about your dedication to the baby I have never seen myself having, and I want to thank you. It helps to know that I can depart this life knowing that he will be cared for. I have been praying since I delivered that God would give me an answer to my prayers. Believe it or not, you two were supposed to volunteer at this hospital and in this particular wing. I won't speak out of turn because God can speak for himself concerning His plans for His children.
Nevertheless, I have to be obedient to what He's instructing me to do. With that said, I have listed your names as parents on the birth certificate of the sweet baby you've been watching over. I'm on my way out, but I wanted to ensure that this baby will never end up in the foster care system. Since I don't have any family and the father denied his part in creating the baby from the moment of notification, you will have no one to oppose or fight with. All I ask is that you both give this child the love and family I'm not able to provide. While this might seem surreal, remember that God's plans for our lives have already been predestined.
P.S. The baby will need a name, so give him one that will be meaningful.
Sincerely,
The angel you didn't know God sent your way.
My mouth hangs open, tears fall continuously, and my nose runs while my eyes scan the letter's contents again. Clearly, I'm not reading what my brain is telling me I am. Light chest pain, a dizzying feeling, and numbness fill my body as I attempt to reconcile what this means.
"I-is th-this real?" I ask, stumbling over the words when my eyes connect with Jawaan.
"For what I've been reading every few minutes since arriving... yes," Jawaan confirms in a low voice.
"We-we've got to go see her, Jawaan. She's never met us. How can she give us her baby? Then, she mentions departing this life. What—I—we need to go see her." My thoughts spill out rapidly, causing Jawaan to stand slowly without disturbing the baby in his arms.
"Okay, but take a couple breaths, Tigress." Jawaan's voice is soothing and gentle as if he's speaking to the baby instead of me.
Doing as I'm told, I take several cleansing breaths while staring at Jawaan, whose light orbs provide the comfort I'm desperate for at this moment.
"I know this is a lot to take in but keep calm. We're gonna figure this out together. I'm gonna lay Little Man down, then we can ask the nurse for his mother's room," Jawaan says in an even tone before moving to the crib and gingerly laying the baby down.
My eyes blink continuously upon realizing that Little Man is now in a regular crib and doesn't appear to be connected to anything other than the tube coming out of his nose. I haven't seen him, so a smile upturns my lips, knowing he's improving.
"Oh, hi, Ms. Zurmani," Little Man's nurse says, coming from behind me.
"Hi. Um, we would like to visit with his mother. Can you tell us what room she's in?" I ask.
The nurse's lips press slightly, her eyebrows pinched, and her shoulders droop, causing my temple vein to pulse.
"I'm sorry. She passed away the day after she gave me that letter to give to you two," the nurse says in a melancholy voice.
Oh God!
My hand covers my mouth, and the tears that had been slowing return with gusto, causing my shoulders to shake. An overwhelming sense of devastation surges through my body, increasing the current of emotions I'm feeling.
"Oh God. Oh God," I cry.
Jawaan pulls me into his chest, and a sob shoots from my belly, causing Jawaan to guide me out of the room.
"Ssh. It's gonna be all right, Zurmani. Calm down before you make yourself sick. Come on, baby. Breathe for me. Ssh," Jawaan urges, trying to get me to cut off the loud sobbing I'm doing in the hall outside of the NICU.
Jawaan's voice isn't its usual deep husky timbre, letting me know that he, too, is dealing with some emotions from learning this news.
"I-I lost a baby, which is what led me to this hospital to volunteer. I was getting attached to the baby but never asked God to do this. I-I would never ask him something—oh God. Why—why did she have to die?" I ask, lifting my head and staring into Jawaan's watery eyes.
"While I don't know the answer, I'm learning that God doesn't make any mistakes. We don't and can't understand why God does what He does but I'm learning to trust Him even in my lack of understanding," Jawaan says.
"I'm going to church on Sunday because God and I need to talk on His turf," I say with a small smile.
"Trust me, God doesn't always wait for you to come to His turf. No matter how small or big, a conversation with Him can happen anywhere, not just inside a church, so waiting for Sunday seems pointless. How about we go to the chapel? We can talk to Him together."
Nodding wordlessly, I allow Jawaan to shift our positions and lay my head on his shoulder before we head to the elevator.
"Did we just become parents?" I ask when I enter the elevator car, and my stomach hardens at the reminder of what's happening.
"I think so. This is wild. First comes my lady and now a baby. God seems determined to prove that He doesn't play about me."
"Or telling you that He's indeed playing with you," I say, smirking.
"Hm. We're about to find out because praying about this situation is necessary. Our lives are about to change. I didn't know we would have to maneuver this situation while securing your position in my life. You need to come to the crib when we leave here because you and Cleo will have to become fast friends. My girl can be moody, and I can't afford for you to push her buttons when she doesn't understand you're trying to take her place."
"I'm not a fan of big dogs, Jawaan. Maybe when Little Man leaves the hospital, he should live with me. We don't want your moody dog acting a fool."
"Hm. Let's add this to our prayer requests when we get to this chapel. Since God dropped this in our lap, He's gonna have to help us figure it all out."
Ain't that the truth because you caught me off guard with this one, God. I didn't see it coming at all. Wow!