13. Elliott
THIRTEEN
Elliott
I glance over at Jillian as I pull into the parking lot, barely able to contain my grin. “Surprised?”
A slow smile forms on her face as she figures out where we are. “The zoo? You brought us to the zoo?”
I nod, glancing back at Jamie in the rear seat. His eyes widen. His little mouth drops open and then splits into a huge grin. He stretches up to get a better view out the window. Seeing him like this—so excited—I know I made the right call.
I keep my tone casual, hoping to hide how much I’ve looked forward to this. “I wanted to pick a place Jamie would enjoy. I loved coming here when I was a kid.”
“We did too...” Her voice trails off as if she were speaking to herself. She meets my eyes with a touch of wonder in her gaze. “Thank you.” Her voice is barely above a whisper.
I pull into a parking spot, and Jamie unlocks his seat belt.
“Wait for me, Jamie. I’ll get you.”
I open the door for Jamie and he hops out of the car, ready to take off. “Wait, Jamie.” I touch his shoulder to get his attention, bending at the waist so I’m at eye level. “It will be busy, lots of people. Make sure to stay close. It’s very easy to get lost, okay?”
When I look up, Jillian is standing at the car bumper, her head tilted as she watches us—watches me.
I lock the car. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to take over. I’m used to watching my niece, and she’s a little escape artist and needs constant reminders not to run.”
She nods once. “No, that’s good. Glad you said it.”
A slow heat climbs up my chest, neck, and into my face as my heart rate picks up like it thinks I’m doing sprints. I’m like a child longing for approval, and her nod and words gave me that.
I clear my throat and press the fob to lock the car. Again.
Jillian takes Jamie’s hand and I take a spot on the other side, with Jamie between us, giving her space and keeping true to my promise. This is not a date, no matter how much I want it to be.
As we make our way to the entrance, Jamie goes on tippy-toes, trying to look around the people in line ahead of us. “Jillian?”
She smiles and for a moment I forget what I was about to say.
I nod at Jamie. “Can I give him a lift? Get him on my shoulders?”
Instead of answering me, she asks her son, “Jamie, do you want to go on Elliott’s shoulders? So you can be up high and see everything?”
Jamie lets go of her hand and without hesitation lifts his arms for me to pick him up. He looks up at me with so much trust, it touches something inside—something I can’t name. I lift him to my shoulders, and he holds on to my forehead. Jillian is grinning and I watch her, creating a memory, taking everything in. The way her hair blows in the breeze, how her lips widen in a smile. She’s without subterfuge. No affectation. Simple in the way she carries herself and yet so much more appealing than any woman I’ve ever met, with their thousand-dollar haircuts, expensive clothing, and designer bags. She looks better than any of them in jean shorts, a pink T-shirt, and sneakers. And I bet the small backpack she’s carrying is filled with snacks and bottles of water for Jamie.
Her gaze finds mine and her smile falters for a moment and returns. Genuine. And for me this time.
We walk with Jamie pointing and giving us directions to where he wants to go first. He guides us to the Congo gorilla forest. He taps the top of my head and points down. I lower myself to the ground and lift him up and then down. Jamie runs to the glass panes.
A baby gorilla walks up to the window and puts both of its hands flat against it. Jamie does the same. Their hands are surprisingly similar in size. The baby gorilla sticks its tongue out and Jamie mimics it. The gorilla grins and seems to laugh, and Jamie grins with it.
The people around us smile. Laughter bursts out of Jillian—the sound tentative, almost afraid, seems to catch her by surprise. It’s as if she’s startled by her own joy. And it’s beautiful.
Jamie looks up at her. His face lights up and he throws himself at her. Jillian barely has time to catch him. Her laugh comes out easier now, more natural, and even more beautiful. It’s a sound of letting go.
The drum of a quiet thrill settles in my chest. I helped create this moment for them. I take a step closer to her. “Having fun?”
She looks at me, something softening in her eyes, and gives a small nod. “Thank you for this,” she whispers. “I didn’t realize how much Jamie and I needed this—needed to step outside our routine. He’s so happy.”
I smile, feeling warmth settle in my chest. “I might be enjoying this as much as he is. It’s been a while since I came here last. Maybe a year or two, with my sisters and niece.”
We wander through the exhibits, Jamie leading the way as we follow. I ruffle Jamie’s hair. “What would you like to see next?”
Jamie looks up at his mother, eyes wide, a silent question in his eyes.
She kneels in front of him. “Yes, you can pick whatever you want. The zoo is really big, though, so let’s look at the map and plan our route.”
Jamie points at the Wild Asia Monorail. Of course all little boys love trains.
We make our way around the park, stopping at different exhibits on our way to the monorail, Jamie leading the way. We pass families of all sizes, and I can’t help but think how the three of us blend in with them. Anyone looking at us would think we were together. Her gaze travels from family to family—a pensive expression on her face. Is she thinking the same?
Jillian’s hand brushes against mine and I fight the urge to take it, but she surprises me when she laces her fingers with mine, the touch light.
Jamie makes a beeline for the lions, and we follow a few paces behind. Jillian takes pictures of Jamie and the animals. The lion exhibit is crowded, so we take a few steps back and allow the children to get closer to the fencing.
Jamie comes back to us, his gaze bouncing back and forth between Jillian and me. He makes a sign to take a picture, and Jillian grabs her phone and points at him. Jamie shakes his head and holds out a hand.
Jillian tilts her head. “You want to take the picture yourself?”
He nods, and she gives him the phone. But instead of running back to the lions, he takes a few steps back and points the phone at Jillian and me. Her mouth drops open.
“You want to take a picture of us?”
He holds his right hand up in a fist and bobs it up and down. I know it’s ASL for yes because I looked up a few common words.
Surprise shows on Jillian’s face as she watches Jamie. He tilts his head back and rolls his eyes, and I laugh.
Jamie waves with his free hand in a clear gesture for Jillian and me to get closer together. She stands near me, but Jamie keeps waving at us to get closer and closer until we’re finally touching shoulder to shoulder. But this is still not enough for him. Jamie crosses his arms over his chest, fists touching his shoulders—ASL for a hug—a clear suggestion even for someone like me who doesn’t know American Sign Language well or at all .
Jillian raises an eyebrow.
I smile. “Well, let’s not make the young man wait any longer.” I put an arm around her back, keeping the touch light. I don’t want to invade her space or make her feel like I’m taking advantage of the situation. She tenses for the briefest of moments and then relaxes into me. Her closeness and floral scent fill my head with want. I tamper it down. She needs to know she’s safe with me. That they both are and I’m nothing like that asshole in her store. She looks up at me and smiles.
Jamie runs back to us and hands her the phone. I wasn’t prepared for what the image showed. My arm around her, my hand on her waist. Her hand over mine—us looking at each other and smiling. I don’t even remember my hand going to her waist or hers covering mine. I was completely lost in the moment.
Jillian gives me the phone for a closer look. I stare at it for several seconds. “He has a future in photography. That’s a great picture. Can you send it to me?”
Her gaze searches my face. “You want a picture of us?”
“Is that okay? You don’t have to.”
She takes the phone back. “No, that’s fine.” A smile comes to her lips and a moment later my phone beeps. I want to grab it and stare at the picture some more, but I pat my pocket instead, making sure my phone is there.
As we move through the zoo, Jamie points excitedly toward the Wild Asia Monorail. He signs to Jillian, who nods, and we start making our way over.
After walking for a couple of hours, I can tell Jamie is slowing down. “Who’s hungry?”
His arm shoots up .
“Jillian?”
“I could eat.”
“Me too. Let’s go find some food.” I squat in front of Jamie. “You want to go on my shoulders again?”
He doesn’t hesitate.
After lunch and lots more animals, we take a break and make an ice cream stop. Jamie dives into his cone and a spot of vanilla gets on his nose. Jillian smiles as she reaches over to wipe it off. The sight of her—relaxed, laughing, genuinely happy—brings warmth I can’t shake. And then she glances up at me, our eyes meeting, and for a split second, I wonder if she feels it too. That spark, that connection I keep trying to contain.
As we make our way toward the exit, Jamie asks to go to the bathroom and Jillian takes him. I’m waiting outside when I spot a balloon stand. I buy a parrot balloon for Jamie. His eyes widen when he sees me holding it out for him. He takes it, nodding his thanks in that quiet way of his, and I reach out to give his shoulder a small squeeze. There’s something powerful in these simple gestures, in knowing how grateful he is for such a small gesture. Small children are always truthful.
Jillian touches my bicep, and it involuntarily flexes as she trails down my arm and takes my hand. Right before we reach the car, she stops, glancing up at me. “We had a great time. Thank you.”
“I did too. I’d love to do something like this again whenever you’re free. ”
“I think I’d like that. And Jamie too. And maybe...just the two of us another time too?”
I meet her gaze. My heart does sprints again. She surprises me. I don’t want her to think I’d ever exclude Jamie but can’t deny that I want to spend time with her, the two of us, alone. This is a big step for her. I love that she’s taking charge. Her bravery touches me.
“Absolutely.” I keep my voice soft to hide my excitement, my hand squeezing hers. “Whenever you’re ready.” I hope she’s moving forward and maybe—just maybe—she’s letting me in.