Chapter 22 #2
I spare them a look. “After this, we are in the enemy’s nest. Leave now if you have no intention of seeing this through.” I step inside, leaving them to choose. I need them, but I won’t force them.
I can win this war alone if I have to. I’m so much stronger than when I fled. More powerful, the cost will be higher, but I’ll do it if need be.
I will never chain or shackle others like people have done to me.
Unsurprisingly, they all follow. It’s too small to walk side by side, and I hear Eversor and Frost struggling, but I know they will make it work.
They have to. The tunnel curves through the rock, a passage formed by magic, and the deeper we go, the wider it gets.
It runs for a mile under the forest to the court.
When my mother built this place, she stole the memories of those who created it with a spell, and then made a blood oath with the warlock so he could never speak of it.
Even though they were friends, she took no chances with our safety.
It’s the type of queen she was.
Was . . . The word gut punches me, and I have to stifle a gasp as I stumble. A hand finds mine in the dark and helps me, but I ignore their silent questions. Sometimes it’s easy to push the grief of her loss away by focusing on our people, but when this is resolved, what will be left?
Will my grief fester and eat me whole?
She was my entire world and the only family I had. When this is over, I will be alone and surrounded by the memory of her.
I try to pull myself together as much as I can. I need to be alert, ready for anything. I cannot afford to be emotional when heading into battle. They will use that. I love my people, and those men will use them against me as it is, but if I appear weak, they will pounce on it.
They are predators, but what they don’t realise is that they made the biggest predator of all.
They took away my family and the people I love.
They made me watch them die.
They broke my body.
Now, I have the most dangerous monsters in the world at my back, and I don’t plan to stop until everyone who stood against me is dead.
This is my court and my people. I do not care what will be left of me at the end as long as they are free. I will bear the price.
The tunnels widen enough for my monsters to walk at my side, and I feel their gazes, even if they remain quiet, probably sensing my inner turmoil.
With each step I take, memories crowd my mind—my mother’s determined face, Teresa’s screams, the feeling of my blood on my skin .
. . It all hits me, and each step feels like I’m climbing a mountain, but I keep moving.
I fight through them until my thoughts clear, as if someone shone a light on all the shadows, forcing them to retreat.
My head snaps around, and Luan nods without looking at me.
I will give them back, but for now, you need your strength, and I can help with this.
His voice floats into my head, and I swallow hard. I think, Thank you, at him, and I see his lips twitch.
Strength floods my body, and I focus on walking, the tunnel around me clearing as if those memories were stealing my sight and senses along with my soul.
I should protest and protect my brain, but honestly, it’s a relief to be free of them for a moment.
I still carry them with me, but not having to face them as we head into battle gives me the courage to move faster.
My mother’s voice fills my head with soft commands when she walked me through these tunnels a hundred times. “Left at the fork, baby girl. That’s it. Now which way?”
“Right,” I murmur as I take that tunnel. “Because women are always right.”
“That’s right, daughter, keep walking. It’s good for the soul.
When the tunnel starts to incline, you’re close to home.
Your heart will know it, and it will guide you to where you belong—with me.
” Tears fill my eyes as my steps quicken, my heart pounding in my chest, and finally, I come to the door.
You’re home, daughter. I’ll be waiting . . .
Her voice fades away, and I cling to it, wishing I could hear it again and feel the warmth of her arms and the safety I found in them.
I miss her so fucking much. I haven’t let myself feel that until now.
Grief almost cripples me as I push the door open and step into the room that links to mine.
The two-way mirror shows me the bed, which is still rumpled from that night.
The lights are off, but I know every curve and shadow of that space.
The painting of my mother and me stands proudly above the cold, dead fireplace, and I stare at her features as I sink to my knees and lean into the panelled wall.
The floor changes to hardwood, and there are food and drinks in the corner, emergency supplies.
It’s a panic room of sorts. Clothes hang to the right, along with bags of money and everything I would need. She thought of everything.
“Is this it?” Bellami asks, filling the silence.
“Yes, this is home,” I admit, my head still turned before I blink and drag my gaze to them. “It’s a two-way mirror. They can’t see in here. It’s also soundproofed. We will be safe here for now.”
“We aren’t going straight in?” Corbin asks in confusion.
“It’s day, so there are too many people around. We will have a better chance of sneaking in at night,” I tell him. More waiting, which I hate, but it’s the smarter choice.
“How do you know it’s day?” Luan asks.
“There.” I nod at the magical dial hanging near my door, glowing a light orange.
“Orange for day, blue for night. When I was a kid, I could never sleep through the night, and my mom had that made for me so I knew when it was time to get up and when to sleep. Orange means daylight. The court will be up and moving around. Too many people. We need to wait for night.”
I close my eyes, pretending to rest even as I hold myself together. Grief, adrenaline, and fear fill me. We are so close, and I have no idea what to expect when I step out of here, but all I can do now is wait.
Will someone die if I do?
Will these last few hours be the difference between life and death?
I don’t know if what I’m doing is the right thing, but I have to trust my gut. I’ve come so far, and I’m so close that I can’t ruin this by rushing in out of fear and anger.
All the emotions leave me drained, and I lean back into the wall, hoping they’ll take the hint.
I feel eyes on me, and when I open mine, I expect to find Bellami or Corbin, hell, even Frost, but it’s Eversor who sits opposite me. He stares at me as he leans forward, burning a hole in my skin. I stare back, wondering what the hell he wants.
“Why don’t you fear me, little human?” he asks softly. I can sense the others looking between us. Usually, our interactions end in us fighting or fucking, so I bet they are wondering what will happen this time.
“Why would I fear you?” I ask as I draw my knees up and rest my arms on them. “There is nothing you can do to me that has not already been done.”
His head tilts to the side. “I can kill you.”
“Then do it.” His eyes flare in shock. “I accepted death from the moment I saw my mother’s lifeless body hit the floor she spent months making for our people.
It would be a blessing after everything, so no, there is nothing you can do that would scare me.
Maybe back then, when I was a different person, but my mother is dead.
They made sure of that. All that is left is the memory of who she used to be, and all I feel now is anger and hatred.
” I don’t know where that comes from, but it slips out.
Maybe it’s because I am so close to home, or maybe I’m just tired of fighting these feelings, but they are the truth.
I’m so fucking angry that it’s started to blot everything else out, masking the pain and fear. The more I sit here, the stronger it grows.
“When people betray and hurt you enough, you turn that anger inward. You let it grow and fester until it’s you versus the world,” he says, and I blink slowly at his unexpected words.
“I did the same thing. We have all been scarred by the world and the people in it. I won’t tell you that you’ll get your old self back or that you even need to, but I will help you.
I’ll give you a chance to help your people, but when this is over . . .” His smile is vicious.
“I know.” My head hits the wall tiredly, my eyes still on him. “You’ll kill me for your freedom. Give me my court and people, and I will gladly die. I will not even fight you. I will kneel before you when you take my life.”
“No!” Frost protests, but I hold up my hand.
“I knew how this would end from the moment I freed him. I made that choice. This is my life. I choose how and when, no one else, is that understood?”
“Elskede . . .” Corbin murmurs.
“No.” My voice is cruel as I take in their wrecked expressions.
They are protesting because they care, but I need them to understand.
“No. My life, my body, my choice. Nobody will ever take that from me again. Just because you travelled with me and have been inside me doesn’t mean you can take that from me.
I do not care who you are to me.” I soften my voice, knowing I’m being mean.
“It’s not fair to ask that, but life isn’t fair.
Even if my decisions lead to my demise, they are mine to make, not yours.
If you can’t accept that, then you can leave now. ”
“So you expect us to sit around and watch you die?” Bellami snaps.