Chapter 22 #3
“I expect you to respect me enough to allow me to make my own decisions,” I retort.
“You know better than anyone what it feels like to have your choices taken away. I will never make peace with what happened to me, but I can make peace with giving my life for my people, and I will. I will do whatever it takes, and I will not fight him because it is his choice as well. They stole his freedom, and I did the same. I took his choice away. It doesn’t matter why or that I needed him, I became like them, so I will not fight him on this.
This life . . . All we have are our actions, and our decisions show the world who we are.
If I die, I will die with the same dignity and grace my mother did, for a purpose. ”
“I would never take away your choice,” Corbin murmurs, and my eyes find him. “All we are asking, I think, is that you don’t accept death so easily. Your people and mother would want you to fight.”
“Do not mention her,” I hiss. “You didn’t know her.”
“No, but I know she loved you. I know she was a fighter to raise you and create this place. Do you really think she would want her only daughter, the person she loved most in this world, to roll over and die?” he argues.
“I’ve lived with regrets for doing the same, but you wouldn’t have that luxury.
Death isn’t a beginning no matter what anyone says.
When you’re dead, you’re just fucking dead.
Don’t give up, Elara. I know this life hasn’t been kind to you, and I know you’re hurting, but by accepting this, you are letting it win.
You are becoming a martyr, and you are not that. You are a queen, so act like it.”
It’s the most I’ve ever heard him speak, and as I stare at him, I feel tears fill my eyes. Is he right? Am I doing this because it’s easier? I don’t know, and I look away in shame.
“Do you know why Tate hunted me?” Luan asks randomly, and I glance at him.
I roll my lips inwards, understanding what he means.
“I know you saw some of it, but probably not all . . . . She hunted me because I’m evil, because of the things I did, Elara.
When you have powers like mine, it’s almost impossible to not be corrupted.
I tried my best, but then my family was taken from me. ”
I saw it, but I have never mentioned it. It’s his own pain, but the horror that tinges those memories haunts me.
“I was forced to watch as they tortured, mutilated, and then killed every single person I loved all because of what I could do with my mind and because I refused to be what they needed. I watched my parents, my brother, and his kids . . . my nieces and nephews . . .” He blows out a shaky breath.
“I watched them suffer, and I couldn’t do a damn thing.
By the time it was over, I was completely broken, nothing more than a monster.
I slaughtered all of them. I gave myself over to my power, and I lost myself.
They got the monster they wanted. People paid for me to help them, and I was so lost, I didn’t even realise I was helping the wrong side, killing and destroying innocents.
I didn’t wield the blades, but I put them in their hands.
“I was lost until I met you, until I felt your soul. You’re pure, Elara, no matter what you think or feel.
You are so pure, it burns to look at you.
You’re everything good in this world, and it needs you.
It needs pure souls to counter the evil ones like me.
That’s why Tate sent you to me. She knew.
She knew no one in this world could ever stop or control me .
. . except you. I am not a good person, Elara.
I will never be able to recover from the things I have done, but I let what they did to me make me a monster.
Do not do the same or they will win. This world needs you.
We need you. I need you. Fight. We were made for you, and when you’re tired, when the weight of fighting feels too heavy, we will be here.
We will guard you until you can fight again, like now.
You’re tired, so let us help. That’s why we came with you.
That’s why we followed. Not for your body, but because we saw something in you that we wish we could see in ourselves—a chance.
We all have lost ours.” He looks around.
“Frost lost his people and his land, and yet he found what he was searching for in you. Corbin lost his friends, his family, his maul, and his future. Bellami lost his hope and trust. Eversor lost everything, yet we are here, with you. You’re smart, Elara, but even you couldn’t convince monsters like us with your brain or body alone.
It is your soul. Us evil wretches gather around your purity to cleanse us of our wickedness.
Without it, we are adrift, so no, we will not take your choice from you, but I will ask that you think about it, and if you want to live, then live. We will help you.”
Tears fill my eyes, so I close them. I feel one slip down my cheek, however. “I do not know how I will live after this. There is nothing left for me.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” Bellami murmurs.
“Open your eyes and look. They took your mother, and we cannot bring her back. They took your innocence, and we cannot claim that for you, but that doesn’t mean there is nothing left.
It just means you need to find other reasons to go on, even when it seems hopeless.
I’ve been where you are. Life seemed . .
. pointless. I could have given in and died, and it would have been easier, but I didn’t.
I kept going, even when it was hard. I won’t lie and say some days you won’t regret the choice you made, but you will keep moving forward, one day after the next.
Why does it matter if you die tomorrow or a year from now?
Give yourself a chance, like I did, and you might find your reason for living again. I know I did, and it’s you.”
Licking my lips, I consider his words and how to respond, but nothing seems eloquent enough. Just as I’m about to open my mouth, I’m saved by the opening of my bedroom door. Scrambling to my feet, I hastily turn to the mirror.
The lights don’t come on, which makes me frown.
Someone would only keep them off if they had a reason.
Narrowing my eyes, I move closer to the mirror, watching as the woman who came in steps behind the door, pressing herself against the wall.
A moment later, the door opens slightly again, and someone else slips in, carefully shutting it.
When she meets the first woman’s gaze, they nod and hurry to the back corner of my room, behind the partitioning screen I use to dress.
I recognise them. I rack my brain for their names.
“Samantha, that’s Samantha. She’s the chef.
That’s . . . Belinda. She worked on security before all this happened.
” I drink in the sight of them. They both have collars around their necks, but there are no chains attached.
Belinda has a black eye, but I see anger and defiance in her gaze as she scans the room.
Samantha looks just as fierce, even with a covering on half her face.
What did those men do to them? And that’s only the wounds I can see.
“Are you sure they won’t see us in here?” Samantha murmurs.
“I told you, the rethia’s rooms are the only ones without cameras. Her mother ensured it. I’ve watched those screens for years, so I know every dark corner, and this is one. How are you getting on?” Belinda murmurs.
“Good.” Samantha nods, sparing the door a look. “I won’t have long until he wakes up and realises I picked the lock again. We can’t be caught together. I managed to spread the word as far as the lower two floors.”
“Good. We need everyone we can get for the rebellion. We are running out of time,” Belinda murmurs, and I can’t take it anymore.
“Elara!” Corbin hisses, but I push the mirror open and step out.
Belinda’s arm rises, a knife soaring my way as she yanks Samantha behind her.
I stare at it, unbothered, and it stops mid-air before dropping to the floor.
I don’t look back, but I know that was one of the guys’ handiwork.
Bending over, I pick up the blade and prowl over to the women, who are wide-eyed.
I hand it back, gripping the sharp edge and offering her the handle.
“Good aim.” I nod. “Now, tell me about this message you are spreading. Tell me about my court.”
“Reina,” they both whisper. There is so much awe and reverence in that one word, it shakes me to my core, even as I try not to let it show. In unison, they drop to their knees and bend their heads. Even now, united in servitude, they bow to me. I don’t deserve it. I left them.
Kneeling, I place my hands on their shoulders. “You said we didn’t have long. Tell me,” I urge as I glance between them. “I am here to help.”
They share a look, and worry fills me that they won’t trust me.
What if I have no court of people to come back to?