18. Jackson
eighteen
Jackson
O ur drive to the unplanned rodeo stop took far longer than expected because of a traffic accident that needed to reroute traffic.
Hunter dozed for most of it, and I daydreamed.
About life with Riley. Getting the dog I’ve always wanted. Maybe one big enough to protect him when I’m away. Or maybe he’d want to travel with me sometimes, and he’d prefer a smaller dog?
I thought of showing up with lunch while he worked and growing his favourite vegetables at my greenhouse. When I thought of life after rodeo, Riley was in it. I know in my heart that man was made to be mine.
“Would you stop smiling like that? It’s creepy.” Hunter tosses a hay bale down from on top of the trailer before climbing back down himself.
“I’m pretty sure I’m in love, Hunter. It’s not creepy.”
“You need to work on your dreamy lovey look, then. You have the whole zombie-ate-my-brains look, and it’s not attractive.”
“Oh, fuck off.” I throw my empty water bottle at him, and he catches it with a laugh .
“You know I’m teasing you, Jack. If you want to have some privacy and call him in the camper, I’ll stay outside for a while.”
“Thanks. I tried to call him earlier, but it went straight to voicemail. I’ll give it a little longer and try again.”
Instead of hanging out, we take a ride into town and scope out the rodeo grounds quickly. We stop at a local diner and have an early dinner before heading back to the campground for an early night. On the road since 5 A.M. and up most of the night with Riley is catching up with me.
I still haven’t heard from him since his text saying he got home, and it’s hard not to let my mind wonder if another man like the one from the bar showed up again or something worse. There’s so much we still need to talk about and I want to do it all now. The timing is all crap. If we’d have done this at a different time, I’d have been home today, too, and at his place. I could be holding him while he sleeps and kissing the back of his neck in the night just because I can.
“He probably had something come up at work, Jack. He’s not ghosting you.”
We skipped the campfire tonight, and after showering, we’ve both been quiet while lounging in the camper; Hunter doing crosswords and me reading a birding magazine. Barn owls are super cool.
“Yeah, I know. You’re probably right.”
“Trust me. A guy doesn’t drive 300 kilometres to tell a guy he likes him and then disappear. He might have his phone on silent. Maybe the battery died. Don’t obsess. We have a rodeo tomorrow and then you’ll be home. ”
“You’re sounding like you have some experience in all this again, Hunter. Anything you want to talk about?”
He’s silent for a long time, and I figure it’s his sign he doesn’t want to talk and I’m about to turn off my light to sleep when he surprises me.
“I might lose the ranch.” Hunter keeps his eyes down on his crossword. “When my grandfather died, he left all his assets in a complicated trust.”
Hunter lifts his gaze, and it’s the first time in years I’ve seen him look so scared and vulnerable. I knew something must be going on. Why would he be selling off all the rodeo stock unless he needed the money?
“How come you never said anything?”
“It’s nobody else’s business.” He shrugs as he scribbles down another word. “Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that for perspective. You still don’t know each other that well, and maybe there’s something big he’s trying to work through without dragging you into it.”
“Hunter, you’re my friend. If I can do anything —”
“You can’t. Helping me with labour when I needed it was enough. Right now it’s in a lawyer’s hands.”
When Hunter’s grandfather died two years ago, I assumed he had inherited everything since he still lived on the ranch. The man had no other heirs, and while he was an absolute homophobe, I didn’t think he’d leave his only grandson out of his will.
“Fuck, I’m sorry Hunter. But you know if you need anything, you better fucking ask me. You’re like the brother I never had. I’m here for you. ”
He sucks in a breath and nods. “Thank you. I appreciate that.” He folds the crossword book away with the pencil inside. “That’s enough being up in the feels for me tonight. Let’s get some sleep.”
After we both brush our teeth and turn the lights out, I reach for my phone one last time. My message to Riley still sits unread, but I send another one, anyway.
Jackson: I’m sorry we didn’t get to talk today. I’ll see you soon and hope your night was okay.
Hunter is likely right. He’s not ghosting me, but I still wish he’d pick up his phone and tell me he’s okay.
“Yep!”
The steer bolts out of the chute, and Hunter guides the animal exactly where I need it. Sliding off Lady, I grab the steer like I do every single time, and the damn thing doesn’t budge. I plant my feet harder and twist him, giving the stubborn animal an extra bump with my hip. He finally hits the dirt with a muffled moo and points his feet in the air.
I don’t even have to look to know that time is too slow for a good money showing here. It will bring money, just not the amount we wanted.
4.4 seconds. That’s way off the mark and it’s frustrating since we had such an amazing rodeo a few days ago .
“It was a stubborn steer. I told you he’d fight you.”
“You did.”
Hunter doesn’t show his disappointment, but I sure as hell hear it.
“It’s not a broken barrier, at least. We still get money for it.”
Hunter leaves with his horse as I watch the next steer wrestler out throw down a faster time than me. I know where Hunter is going. He’s packing up and we won’t stay to collect in person. He gets like this whenever we can’t have a top-three finish. It’s been over a year since we’ve had this low of a showing, but his behaviour hasn’t changed.
Stopping at the official timekeeper’s hut, I give the woman our information. They’ll send me a form asking for banking information once the results are official and will transfer our winnings then. Which is more progressive than some of these rodeos who still mail paper cheques.
By the time I catch up to Hunter, he has his horse unsaddled, and he’s brushing her while she eats.
“Do you want to head home tonight?”
Hunter glances my way. “Yeah. You’re gonna be all mopey if you don’t get back, anyway.”
Disappointment drips from his words, and it’s hard not to take it personally.
“I can’t be perfect every time, Hunter. Cut me some slack.”
He opens his mouth and snaps it shut before opening it again. With a heavy breath, he hangs his head. “I’m sorry, Jack. That was unfair. I’m just…the shit with the ranch is weighing on me and the extra money would help.”
“Hunter…I can loan you—”
“No.” His eyes flash like it’s the most offensive thing I could offer. “I’m sorry I snapped but I still want to get home if you’re good with it.”
“Yeah, man. Let’s go home.”
Hunter pulls into his ranch yard at 2 A.M. We unload the horses and get them into their stalls for the night before he heads for the ranch house and I hop in my truck with a promise to be back in the morning.
The drive to my place is short. I’m barely ten minutes away from Hunter’s, but I drive past my place and straight into town to Riley’s. I shouldn’t be doing this. It’s probably weird and stalker-ish, but I have the elevator code to his floor and he gave me the entry combo for his place.
I won’t be able to relax until I know he’s okay, and he hasn’t changed his mind about us. Yeah, that’s kind of selfish, but I only just got to kiss him. That can’t be the only chance I get.
After parking in the visitor space, I’m relieved to see his car in its spot, and without stopping, I take the elevator to his floor. My hands itch to hold him and my gut keeps telling me something is definitely not okay. Pausing at his door, I knock softly. When there’s no answer, I knock louder before entering the code and stepping into his condo .
A soft glow from the kitchen lights up enough of the open floor plan for me to notice he’s not out here.
“Riley? Are you home?”
His laptop is on the kitchen island, so he has to be here. He takes that thing everywhere. I pad softly down the hall towards his room and let my eyes adjust to the darkness. There’s a form under the covers and a smile finds its way to my face.
“Hey, Rye. Sweetheart, it’s me.” Leaning down to kiss him on the cheek, I pause. This cheek isn’t Riley’s. It’s a short beard and Riley is clean-shaven. What the actual fuck?
Not caring anymore if I wake anyone up, I reach back and flick on the lamp next to the bed. Riley is here all right…with another man.
I don’t know what to say or do. Riley stirs as the strange man rubs his eyes.
“Don’t fly off the handle, buddy. It’s not what you think.”
“Jackson?” Riley lifts his head. “Jackson!” He flings the blankets back and throws himself at me, clinging so hard I can barely breathe.
“You’re not supposed to be home until tomorrow.”
“We came back early because we were both in shitty moods and had a bad time.”
Riley steps back and the sleep lines on his face are too adorable. But his eyes aren’t right. My gaze flicks to the other man, who now sits up and places a pair of glasses on his face.
“This isn’t how I should be meeting you, but I’m Gabe. Riley’s best friend, so please don’t throw a punch.”
Riley reaches up to dust his fingers across the bruise on my face.
“How come you had a bad score? Your face? ”
“No. Because I didn’t hear from you after you got home. You didn’t answer my texts or calls. I thought…I thought you might have had a change of heart.”
Riley’s lips part with an inhale as he shakes his head.
“Oh, Jackson. No. I’m already shit at this. No change of heart.” He runs a hand up my chest, leaving it to rest in the centre. “I didn’t want to bother you. I assumed as an athlete, outside distractions should be minimized. My problems shouldn’t become yours.”
My gaze once again drifts to Gabe, who watches us. His eyes meet mine while his lips tick up in a small smile. “For what it’s worth, I told him to call you. When he said the same thing to me about bothering you, I came because he needed someone.” He grabs his phone from the nightstand and shoves his feet into a pair of slippers. “I’ll go sleep on the couch.”
Gabe grabs a pillow and a throw blanket from the bed and squeezes Riley’s shoulder on the way past before closing the bedroom door softly behind him.
“You will never be a bother to me, Riley. Ever. Promise me you’ll come to me next time, no matter what. I spent almost two full days thinking I’d never have you to myself again. It was…horrible.”
That’s probably melodramatic, but Hunter was right that I let it get to my head. I’m so into this man, and the thought of having him out of my life after only one night didn’t sit well with me. He always answered me before, so my head went right to the worst-case scenario.
Riley takes my hand and leads me to the edge of the bed. After I sit, he wordlessly climbs into my lap and buries his face in my neck. My hands smooth up his back before wrapping tight around his waist and kissing his neck .
“My aunt fell and is in the hospital. She needs a hip replacement, and she looked so terrible. I thought I’d lose her. There’s so much to take care of for when she returns home. I have events still on the go and I called Gabe because….”
Riley sits back with shining eyes. “I’ve known him since forever and he’s like a brother to me. I didn’t want to drag you into all this when we’d only just started something.”
“Have I ever given you a reason to think I wouldn’t be there for you? Just because I’m at a rodeo doesn’t mean I can’t help. It caused me more stress not hearing from you, sweetheart. I needed to hear from you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“When I left you that note to call anytime with anything, I meant it, Rye. I will come running and that’s not an exaggeration.”
I should be more angry at arriving here to find him in bed with another man. But my heart never led me astray that badly before. After the jolt of realizing there was another man here, I knew Riley wasn’t like that. Of course, it helped that Gabe spoke when he did and maintained the same calm demeanour I had.
If he hadn’t, I might have done something less… civil. Like punch him.
“You’re right, I should’ve called you. I just…I didn’t want to throw you off your game.”
Squeezing him tighter, I kiss his cheek.
“You’re forgiven, but please don’t keep things from me again. I told you I was in this all the way, didn’t I?” Riley nods and I sweep the hair back off his forehead. “I mean what I say. Always.”
Riley swallows and rests his head on my shoulder. “I should have known that, Jackson. Will you…will you stay? ”
“I have no intention of going home alone, Rye.”
He nods and slides off me. Standing between my legs, he unbuttons my shirt. When I stand, he deftly takes care of the belt and unzips my pants, letting them puddle around my feet. He says nothing the entire time, but he doesn’t have to. Riley thinks he needs to make it up to me, that I need to be shown proof of his regret.
“Riley.” My voice is hoarse as he turns those gorgeous ocean blues on me. “I’m going to hold you all night and never let go. I’ve got you, beautiful. Let me help you.”
“Okay.” He exhales a shaky breath. “What did I do to deserve someone like you? If you were —”
“I’m not him, Riley. I promise you, this is how you deserve to be treated. Now get in bed and let me hold you until I have to leave for morning chores.”
“Are you always this bossy?”
“Not at all. I’m as laid back as they come, but something tells me I’ll need to speak up more with you to get my point across.”
We settle under the covers, and I pull him to my chest. Just like the night in his hotel, he fits like a missing piece, and for the first time since that night, I feel settled. Like everything will be right with the world if I have Riley in my arms.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispers, and I squeeze him closer.
“Me too.”
After kissing him on the cheek, I lie there until his breath evens out and he’s back asleep.
Then I do the same.