22. Jackson
twenty-two
Jackson
S hit .
I was not supposed to say that right away. Not like this. But Riley stands and stares at me, still holding a handful of cum and some of it smeared on his face. Since I can’t take the words back, I just change the subject.
Expertly.
“Did you know ostriches are one of the few breeds of birds to have a penis?”
Fuck. I shouldn’t talk about sex. That’s not really deflecting from what I just confessed.
“My mom used to worry I didn’t eat enough protein. That’s why I love hummus so much. It has just as much protein as steak, really.” Grabbing a tissue box from Riley’s dresser, I pull a few out and wipe the gob out of his hand before pulling him into the bathroom. This is the most disappointing romantic confession ever. And yet I can’t stop talking.
“Hunter loves steak, though. Sometimes I worry about his red meat intake, you know? Like, he’s a typical rancher. Beef all day long, that guy.”
“Jackson. ”
Pausing outside the shower, I finally turn to face Riley. Tears threaten to spill from his eyes, and I drop my head.
“I’m sorry, Riley. I didn’t mean to blurt that out.”
This is the most epic failure of professing love ever. He must be so disappointed.
“Did you mean it, though?”
My head snaps up with the urgency in his voice and my heart flutters. “Of course I did. There’s nothing I say that I don’t mean, but I didn’t mean to just say it like that. I wanted to give you the romance that’d you remember. Maybe plan some special date where I can tell you under the stars before I kiss every inch of your body. I wanted it to be a romantic moment like you plan for everyone else, but never yourself.”
Riley steps closer until our chests almost touch and a wave of emotion crashes over me that’s so thick I feel like I’m buried under a wet blanket.
“Tell me what else we’d do on this date,” Riley whispers, his lips hovering over mine.
“I’d make sure you didn’t have to work the next day. We’d drive up to this meadow in the mountains. Even farther up than Hunter’s pastures.”
“That sounds pretty.”
“It is. I’d light a fire if it was too cold, and I’d put the better cushions in my truck bed so we could fall asleep if we needed. If we didn’t see the Northern Lights, I’d show you the stars.”
Riley’s fingers dust over my abs, and he kisses my shoulder.
“What would you show me in the stars? ”
Riley’s hands drift to my hips, his thumbs rubbing along the bone there, and I pull back to watch as a single tear slides down his face.
“I’d bring my telescope and show you Saturn’s rings. I’d give you a tour of the Milky Way and then I’d kiss you.”
“Yeah? How?”
“Like this.” My hands shake as I cup his face and take his lips in a slow and deep kiss. Riley melts into me as our tongues slide together and I hope I haven’t ruined the evening. My heart ran before my brain, and it’s been such a whirlwind of emotions since he showed up at the rodeo last week.
But I kiss him like how I wanted to the first time I said those words. A kiss to tell him he’s the one. He’s tied my heart in a knot only he can untie, but I want that knot to get tighter and never be undone.
When I finally pull away, I’m almost afraid to look at him, because what if he doesn’t feel like I do? What if that kiss wasn’t enough?
“Jackson, that was the most beautiful date I’ve never been on. Just because it didn’t play out how you wanted doesn’t make it any less special. Yes, I love romance, but you do it quietly every day. It’s in the way you make my favourite foods and know how I’ll need to unwind after visiting my aunt. I see it when you tell me random food and animal facts and how you always put my feelings and experiences before your own.”
Riley swallows and takes my face in his hands like I had his before. “Not all romance is a big show that needs planning, Jack. You do it in every single action without even thinking about it.” He presses a kiss to my lips before breathing a shaky sigh. “You made me fall in love with you with barely any effort.”
“What?”
Did he just say what I think he did?
Riley smiles and slides his arms around my neck. “I love you too, Jackson. I didn’t want to, because I was afraid. But I can’t ignore how seeing you is the highlight of my day or how I think of you so much when you’re on the road. We just did something big. Both of us. You trusted me with your feelings, just like I trust that you’ll not do me wrong.”
I feel like I could ride a bull better than Jamieson right now. My happiness bubbles out of me and I smash my mouth to Riley’s.
“You love me. Holy shit,” I mumble against his lips as he laughs against mine.
“I really do.”
“So, we should probably get in the shower soon and get you to bed. Tomorrow is a big day for both of us.”
Riley’s smile fades. “Yeah. Reality sucks. I’d rather just lie around in bed with you.”
Groaning, I press a kiss to his temple and turn us towards the shower.
“I’ll take a rain check on that in about two weeks if the offer stands.”
“It’s a date.”
Riley grins at me as he steps into the shower, and I follow behind him.
This wasn’t how I planned the day to end, but I’m certainly not complaining.
“I knew you had a secret hottie!”
Jamieson slaps me on the back, almost knocking me over.
“When do we get to meet him?” Griff leans against the fence in Hunter’s yard and his smile is one I’ve not seen in a while.
“I think at the banquet after this rodeo.”
“You think?”
“He’s a romance planner, and he has a few events of his own on the go. His aunt also had a hip replacement, and he’s spending a lot of time with her. Actually, I need a favour from you all.”
“You know we’ll be here for whatever you need, Jack.” Jamieson looks to his best friend Griff, for confirmation.
“Of course we can help you. What do you need?”
Hunter walks up to our group and passes out drinks. Beers for them and an iced tea for me. “Who is helping who with what?”
“Jackson needs help,” Griff says before he takes a swallow of beer. “So do you, but you never let us.”
Hunter purses his lips and ignores Griff’s comment. Instead, he focuses on me. “What do you need, Jack?”
“Well, I need some capable men to renovate a darling older woman’s house so she can move around and remain independent. Nothing too technical. A plumber is already lined up for that part, but we’d do the interior stuff and heavy lifting.”
“Is this for your hottie’s aunt? ”
Griff elbows Jamieson. “Dude, he has a name. Don’t call him that.”
Jamieson frowns. “Did you actually tell us his name?”
“It’s Riley,” Griff informs him and I raise an eyebrow Griff’s way.
He shrugs. “I pay attention and listen. You talk about him a lot.”
Huh.
“I guess I do. You’re not wrong. It’s Riley.”
“We’ve got the Kissing Ridge rodeo this week and then we have one more road trip before the season ends. When do you want us to help?” Hunter is already scrolling the calendar on his phone and waits for my reply.
“I know it’s short notice, but if we could do some demolition before we leave on the road trip, it would get the plumber in faster. We can do the rebuild when we return. She’ll be in a rehab facility for a minimum of two weeks, but Riley wants her there until the house is completely finished. If the four of us work at it, we can have it done in a day or two.”
“We could demo for a few hours Thursday. None of us have events on and we all compete Friday evening and Saturday. We could maybe sneak in a few hours on Sunday, but we might need the time to prepare for the following week.”
Griff nods as he looks at his calendar while Jamieson peers over his shoulder. “I have less to do than you three. I could always drop in on my own while you guys pack on Sunday.”
“Honestly, I’m grateful for whatever you can all spare. I know the timing is shit, but I want to help keep her costs down.”
Hunter jams his phone in his pocket, and I catch his eye. Hopefully, he picks up on my unspoken words that I’d do the same for him. He shakes his head briefly before gesturing back to the house.
“I have lunch started and we can hit the practice ring after.”
He leaves and Jamieson tags along after him rambling about grilled cheese sandwiches. Griff gestures to join him and I step over to the fence and lean next to him.
“Thanks for offering to help. I really appreciate it, and Riley will, too.”
“Of course. You’re welcome.”
He stares off into the mostly empty pasture now. Hunter has sold most of the rodeo stock and cattle. Only a handful of broncs and bulls remain. The older stock that breeders aren’t as interested in.
“Are you okay?”
Griff kicks at the dirt and stares at the ground.
“I don’t know if I can keep doing this. The bull fighting. It’s too much.”
“What? Why? I thought you loved it.”
His jaw works and I touch his arm. “For my ears only, Griff. If you want to talk, I’m here. If not, I’m still here later.”
“It’s not the bull fighting I love.” His eyes meet mine, and while Griff is normally less than sunny, he’s never troubled. “It’s Jamieson.”
“Of course you love him. He’s your best friend.”
Griff sighs and raises an eyebrow, giving me his best are you that stupid look.
Oh.
Oh!
“You’re in love with him? ”
“Yeah, Jack. I am, and it’s too hard on my heart. I got into bull fighting to protect him, you know? He thought he couldn't be good without me and it kept us together. But seeing him with other men or women sometimes when we’re away? It’s too much. I can’t keep doing it.”
I don’t know how to process what Griff just told me. I know he and Jamieson are best friends, practically attached at the hip since the day I’ve met them, but I’d never have guessed Griff was in this deep. Or this affected.
“Have you ever…”
He shakes his head. “No. I’ve never brought it up, because… shit, I’m a coward, maybe?” He kicks at the dusty ground with the toe of his worn sneaker. “We had an almost threesome once, and that was too much for me. I excused myself as best as I could while naked with a hard on and left them. I didn’t talk to him for two days after that. Made up some kind of story about not enough condoms and split.”
I’ve known Griff and Jamieson for five years. We’ve all spent so much time together on the circuit, but not once did I ever think feelings were involved.
“Can I do anything?”
“Unless you have any tricks for me to separate Jamieson from work, I don’t think so. I just wanted you to know, so you’re not surprised when I quit.”
“You’re really serious about quitting? You’re so good at what you do, Griff, and you enjoy it. Maybe if you talked to him, he might understand. Jamieson would never want to hurt you. ”
Griff stares into the field for a while and Jamieson yells from the house to get our asses down there or he’s eating our share, too. Griff chuckles with a sad shake of his head.
“Yeah. I think I’m serious. Unless I figure something else out, I need to create some separation so I can move on with my life. I can’t keep pining after him forever. It’s…I feel like I’m drowning, and I just can’t do it anymore.” His last words trail to a whisper, and he blinks fast. “I don’t want to hurt him either, but I think this time I need to put myself first.”
I squeeze his shoulder before we push away from the fence.
“I’ll miss you around, but I understand whatever you decide.” We walk back towards the farmhouse, and I can’t imagine Jamieson taking the news well. He depends so much on Griff, and they mesh together even better than Hunter and me.
My phone chimes and when I glance down to see Riley’s name, the smile on my face is automatic.
“That right there.” Griff smiles and gestures to my face. “That’s what I want. I’ll see you inside.” Griff hustles up the porch steps and I hope he finds what he needs without hurting too much to get there.
“Your parents are incredible, Jackson.”
Riley bumps me with his shoulder as we clean up the kitchen. My mom made a full roast beef dinner with all the fixings and Riley was in heaven. Mom asked him a million questions about weddings but managed to not ask about what we would do for ours. Not that we’re anywhere close to that yet, but I know my mother. She’s dying for it to happen.
My dad just smiled a lot. He’s a smiley guy, but tonight he was extra happy, and it wasn’t the pre-dinner drinks that did it.
“They love you, Rye. I told you they would.”
Riley stares off with a smile on his face as he dries a pot. “I bet you had great family holiday dinners.”
“We did. Lots of food and lots of laughs.”
“Do you think your mom wanted to ask about our wedding? She was getting a little specific with her questions.”
I snort a laugh as I pull the plug on the sink and turn towards Riley. “She was definitely fighting to keep from asking. She’s always wanted me to get married. I think you being into romance and weddings has her extra excited.”
Riley sets the pot down and turns to me.
“Do you ever want to be married?”
Nodding slowly, I step over to him and pull him into my arms. “Yes, I do. I want to be married and get a dog. I want to dance with you in the kitchen at midnight to music that only we can hear in our hearts.” Riley loops his arms around my neck, and we sway like drunk teenagers at a high school dance.
“What about kids?”
“They don’t need to be my own, but I’d be open to foster kids if needed. I’m not sure if I can handle babies, but older kids maybe. What about you?”
“I’ve always wanted a family that I didn’t have. Marriage definitely, but I never thought about being a father. I like your idea, though. I work too much, and I’d like to give back somehow. You inspire me.”
“I do?”
We sway in a circle, and he pecks my lips with a kiss.
“Yes, you do. You stuck with me when I told you I don’t date cowboys. You came when I needed you without even hesitating and you don’t give up. Not to mention all your help with Aunt Agnes and renovating. You’re so…generous and kind. It inspires me to be better.”
I swallow the lump in my throat.
“That’s just me being me.”
“I know, and it’s what I love about you.”
It’s still so new to hear those words from Riley that I can’t stop the smile forming.
“I love hearing you say that.”
Riley kisses me again and I back him up against the kitchen counter as his fingers slide into my hair and a leg wraps around my waist.
“God, Riley…you drive me wild. How do you always make me forget what I’m doing?” I murmur between kisses and Riley smiles against my lips.
“Talent?”
We both laugh and make out like we have all the time in the world. Until a throat clears behind us and I remember my parents are here.
“Sorry, son. I just came to see if you needed help with the tea, but I see everything is under control here.” He chuckles when I groan and hide my face in Riley’s shoulder. “If you two want to get home, we don’t mind. We’ll catch up again after the rodeo tomorrow. Riley, you’re going to sit with us, right?”
My dad walks over to the kettle, not at all bothered to catch us making out like school kids and talks like it’s not awkward at all.
“Yes, of course, Mr. Sutherland. I can’t wait.”
Dad pulls two mugs from the cupboard and tilts his head towards the door. “Call me Dean and Jackson will show you to our seats before his event. Get out of here, you two.”
“But Mom—”
“She’ll be fine, Jack. Unless you want her to start telling stories about you as a toddler, you might want to split.”
Riley perks up. “Oh? I bet he was a darling. Maybe we should stay.”
“No. We’re leaving.” I tug Riley towards the door. “Thanks Dad. Say goodnight to Mom and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Riley looks disappointed, but I press a kiss to his mouth.
“I’ll make it up to you.”
Before he can say anything else, I push him out the door.