Saranya Chapter
Saranya:
Sitting on my back porch with Cowboy, I tried to settle my racing heart.
I’d brought out a pitcher of lemonade and a plate with two traditional Thai desserts.
I was curious to see if he’d try them and what he thought of them.
I loved to bake when I had the time. It was something I’d gotten from my mom.
The first one was fried bananas, gluay tod.
They consisted of under-ripe bananas, which held up during frying and didn’t become mushy.
They were encased in a crunchy batter that included grated coconut and toasted sesame seeds.
The other one was khek ma-muang, mango cake.
It was a coconut cake with a rich cream icing and fresh mangoes inside and on top.
It could be made with a vanilla cake base, but I preferred a coconut one.
“Please help yourself to the lemonade. This one is fried bananas, and this is mango cake. I’m not sure if you’ll like them, so don’t feel obligated to try them.”
“How can you go wrong with either of those? Yum. Here, sit back. I’ll serve you,” Cowboy said, surprising me.
“Oh, no, I can do it,” I protested, but to no avail.
He gave me a stern look, then poured us both a drink, plated one of each on two serving plates, handed me one with a fork and napkin, and placed his in front of him. I was distracted from eating due to watching him take a bite of the bananas. He closed his eyes and smiled.
“This one reminds me of Filipino turon. I love those.”
I admit, I was surprised he’d had turon.
It was either bananas or jackfruit wrapped in a spring roll wrapper, deep-fried, then coated in a sweet caramel sauce.
I loved those as well. I shouldn’t be so shocked or stereotypical.
Dad was Caucasian, and he enjoyed a variety of foods from many different ethnic backgrounds.
I guess I was recalling past guys I’d dated who turned up their noses at anything that wasn’t “American food” to them.
Next, Cowboy forked up a large bite of the mango cake. As he chewed it, he groaned in pleasure. The sound made me instantly picture him in the throes of passion. My pussy grew damp, and my breasts tingled. I held in my gasp.
“Goddamn, did you make these, Saranya?” he asked.
“I-yes, I did.”
“Christ, then you have to say yes.”
“Say yes to what?”
“To become my woman. I thought you couldn’t get any more intriguing, and then you do this. You’re making me fall fast.” He grinned.
Knowing he was teasing, I went along with it. No way would I let him know how much I wished we could be together.
“You’re lucky my parents aren’t here, or you’d be in trouble.”
“Oh yeah, why?”
“Because they would take that as a serious offer for me, and before you know it, they’d have us engaged and walking down the aisle.
They’re a bit anxious to see their only child married and with a family.
They’re old-fashioned that way. I’ve told them I don’t need a man beyond his sperm to have children, and I’m capable of raising them on my own.
More women choose that route these days. They hate the idea.”
I had no clue why I revealed all that to him. His scowl told me he was unhappy with something I said. It must be the married crack.
“Don’t worry. I won’t tell them what you said, so they won’t come hunting you to marry me. I was joking. Don’t look so upset.”
“I’m not upset at the marriage part. I agree with your parents. You shouldn’t have kids and raise them alone. You deserve a husband who’ll love, support, and protect you and who’ll do the same for your children. Your kids deserve to have a father.”
His fierce assertion made me wonder if he had experience with this. A wayward thought popped into my head. Before I could censor myself, I said it.
“You seem very adamant about that. Do you have kids who live with their mother and not you?”
His scowl deepened. “No, I don’t have kids. I’m careful when I have sex. However, if there had been any accidents, I would’ve done everything in my power to ensure they were living with me, whether their mothers were or not.”
“Hey, sorry, I wasn’t insinuating anything. You sounded like it was personal for you.”
“It is. I grew up in a home with two loving parents like yours. They’re still together. While I believe kids should have two parents whenever possible, I don’t advocate that a couple stay together and make themselves and their kids miserable just to have two parents.”
“Cowboy, I agree and would like to have a family one day with someone, but it’s not always possible. If I don’t, then I still want kids. But that’s not what we’re here to talk about. I agreed to let you tell me why you acted the way you did in Vegas. We need to stick to that.”
I knew he wasn’t happy with changing the subject, but I needed this over with. It was hard to be near him. My invasive thoughts of him haunted me day and night. The sooner I got him away from me and never saw him again, the sooner I could forget.
“Fine, we’ll come back to this another time.
I wanted to tell you I’m sorry for how I acted in Vegas and for what I said to you.
I had no right to do that. I let myself jump to conclusions.
All I saw was a gorgeous woman in Raff’s space, and I assumed you had to be with him.
When you said you were covering for him, I couldn’t fathom Raff allowing someone to do that.
He’s so protective of his professional reputation.
The only reason I thought he would was if you’d somehow clouded his mind with sex.
Then I saw you talking to so many other men at the rodeo after that first meeting. ”
When he paused for air, I jumped in. “You had no right to judge me. And the reason you did was clear. You’re used to buckle bunnies.
And I’ve heard about the kind of women who come to party with bikers.
It’s all about sex and seeing how many you can have and add to your count.
Well, I’m not one of those. I don’t fuck a guy just because he’s hot or offers me dinner.
” My anger was mounting. I needed him gone.
“I know, I know. I was wrong. I was going to talk to you and see how our second meeting went, but I walked in on you with War. I heard what he said about sleeping with you. I didn’t like it.”
“Did you tell Raff what happened and what you thought of me?” I asked.
“I did. He was the one who fully opened my eyes to how unfair I had been to you. I was struggling to forget you. Nothing I did helped. I’ve been trying to figure out how to explain and apologize to you.
What bothered me the most? The thought that you and War were together.
That he was your boyfriend. I wanted to punch him in the face.
Raff explained that you’re best friends and there is nothing sexual between you and War. Thank God,” he said gruffly.
The more he said, the more upset I got. Tears wanted to break free. The last thing I would do is cry in front of Cowboy. Despite what he was doing, the harsh truth was that, yes, he had been jealous and wanted me, but it was as a passing thing. He hadn’t once said he was interested in more.
Maybe the reason was that he honestly didn’t believe I wasn’t like those women, no matter what Raff said.
I would do anything to make sure he never knew how badly I desired him.
The way he refused to leave my head, it was more than for a fuck or two.
At his comment about War, I saw a glimmer of hope.
That was it! The way I’d get rid of Cowboy and save my battered pride.
“Hold it right there. Raff said that War and I are just friends?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I hate to break it to you, but Raff is wrong. I guess I can cut him some slack. I haven’t told him about War and me. In a way, I have you to thank for our change in status.” I smiled.
“What the fuck do you mean?” he asked. Cowboy leaned forward like he was trying to get closer to me, but the table was in his way.
“After meeting you, War and I got to talking, and we finally confessed our feelings for each other. It’s true that we’ve been friends forever, and it was platonic.
But after those days and nights in Vegas, we admitted there was something different between us.
So while your attempt at an apology is sweet, I don’t understand why you’re bothering.
You and I aren’t friends. There’s no reason to be around each other.
Sometimes, people meet and don’t like each other.
Don’t let the fact that my parents hit it off with your club bother you.
I won’t be coming to your clubhouse on New Year’s Eve or afterward.
You won’t be forced to be polite or pretend you like me. ”
His response wasn’t what I expected. Cowboy came exploding out of his chair, tipping it backward onto the porch. His face was flushed as he roared.
“You’re fucking with War!? I made you two confess your feelings?”
I nodded. The lump in my throat made it impossible for me to say anything.
Suddenly, he was around the table and crouched next to my chair. He snared my hands and gripped them in his. His eyes were bright.
“Tell me it’s just sex. If it’s only that, then I can accept that. You tell him that it’s over. Then I want you to give me a chance. I know you feel it, too, Saranya. There’s this pull and unrelenting draw between us. I know when a woman is sexually drawn to me. It’s enough. We can make this work.”
The frantic tone in his voice made me waver.
For a moment, I imagined he meant he wanted us to be together and grow into something more.
But I dismissed that nonsense. I refused to lie to myself, no matter how much it hurt to admit the truth, or to let go of someone I knew in my gut could’ve been so special to me. Maybe even a forever special.
Needing to get away from him before I cracked, I shoved my chair back, coming to my feet. I jerked my hands free of his, then stepped back. Cowboy’s mouth was open, but nothing was coming out.
“You need to go. Don’t ever come near me again.
I want nothing to do with you.” Not waiting for him to say more, I ran for the back door and into the house.
I shut and locked it before he moved. I went into my bedroom, where I could hide as he pounded on the door.
Cowboy swung from pleading with me to open up and talk to him to ordering me to do it.
I fell onto the bed, buried my face in a pillow, and sobbed.
I didn’t know how long he kept it up until I heard his motorcycle come to life and roar off.
When it did, the tears came harder. Why did it feel like my heart had been ripped out?
We were strangers. There was no bond between us.
It was all in my head. However, no matter how much I told myself that or tried to figure out what had possessed me to say those things, his face wouldn’t stop haunting me.