Saranya Chapter 8
Tonight was New Year’s Eve. I was sitting at home alone, feeling depressed and lonely.
The same way I’d felt since I lied to Cowboy and he stormed off.
Eventually, I’d gotten myself together, and when I did, I called my best friend.
I bawled and blubbered, but somehow he understood what I was saying. War was stunned to say the least.
After we had hashed it out for hours, War shocked me when he told me I should see Cowboy and explain that I had lied and address the undeniable, insane feelings Cowboy had stirred up in me.
I refused because I was ashamed and afraid.
The truth was, nothing Cowboy told me indicated he was after anything more than sex.
If I couldn’t have more than that from him, then I’d settle for nothing.
With War in Texas, Raff in Arizona, and my parents at the Horsemen’s clubhouse, I was left alone to mourn and bring in the New Year by myself.
I lied to my parents when they asked me earlier today if I was coming with them.
I’d hedged with them until today by saying yes, I would, if work allowed.
When Mom called earlier this afternoon to check, I fibbed and said I was two hours away on a case, and I had three more that couldn’t wait.
Dad offered to help with them, but I insisted they go and enjoy themselves. Reluctantly, they had agreed.
It was dark, and I was curled up on the couch, staring at the faux flames in my fireplace, drinking. I splurged and got not only my usual cranberry mix and vodka, but also champagne. Weren’t you supposed to ring in the New Year by toasting and drinking champagne? All the movies showed it that way.
I wasn’t a big drinker. Due to my smaller size, I felt the effects of the alcohol after only a few drinks in a short timeframe.
I typically avoided that stage, but tonight, I was praying for it.
Maybe I’d be able to sleep without dreaming of Cowboy.
Sure, I’d pay for it tomorrow, but I’d worry about it then.
Pouring myself another vodka and cranberry, I flopped back on the couch and turned on the television because the silence was deafening.
I flipped through the channels three times, yet nothing caught my attention.
Stopping on a channel that was playing an action movie, I left it there. At least it made noise.
My cell phone rang, causing me to startle and almost spill my drink. Picking it up, I saw War’s name on the screen. My thumb missed the answer button the first time I tried to hit it. I did it on the second try.
“Hello,” I greeted him.
“Sari, is that you?” he asked.
“Of course it’s me. Who else would it be?”
“Christ, you sound terrible. Are you alright? Where are you?”
“I’m fine. Must be the connection. I’m at home. Where are you? Out celebrating the end of the year?” I tried to make my voice sound light and happy.
“I had dinner with some friends and a couple of drinks, then I told them I needed to come home and call you.”
“War, why did you do that? You should’ve stayed out and had fun. You could’ve called me tomorrow.”
“Why are you sitting home alone? By the sounds of it, you’re drunk.”
“I’m not drunk, just feeling spacey. And I’m here because I want to be.”
“Where are your dad and mom? Did they go to the Horsemen’s party?”
“They did.”
“And why didn’t you?” he asked.
“War, you know why. I can’t form ties to that club. You know that. And before you say I should talk to Cowboy, nothing has changed. In all that talk, he never once said he wants more than to fuck me a few times. I’m worth more than that.”
“You are worth more, but I’m not sure that’s what he meant.”
“Well, I am. Tell me who you had dinner with. Did you eat something delicious?”
Thankfully, War allowed me to divert him. We chatted for half an hour before I told him I was tired and wanted to go to bed.
“Go get some sleep. And remember, no matter what, you always have me, and I love you, Sari.”
“And you always have me, and I love you back, War. Good night. Talk in a few days.”
“Talk in a few. Happy New Year.”
“Happy New Year.” Those were my last words before we both disconnected.
I didn’t go to bed for another hour. When I did, I was stumbling drunk. My head was floating. Yes, maybe I’d sleep.