18. Chapter 18
Chapter eighteen
Jordie
W hen we get back to campus, I take Ray’s hand and follow him back to his dorm room. I can’t fix whatever unspoken worry is bothering him, but I can take his mind off his mood.
“How was it?” I ask him, wanting a verbal reassurance that he liked my family as much as they liked him.
“Great. Your siblings are a hoot.” Ray smiles at me. “It kind of made me homesick for my big brothers seeing you three together.”
“Yeah? I got that impression. What do you miss the most?”
“I don’t even know. It’s weird going from being the baby and always being surrounded by built-in-buddies to just, alone? I mean, it’s been better now that I’ve been meeting people and have friends to do stuff with. Seeing you with your siblings just reminded me of how much I’ve been missing home, I guess. And maybe what it could be like if I’d had the courage to tell them who I am sooner.”
“You can still tell them now. It’s never too late.”
“Yeah. I want to. Soon. I miss all the noise and chaos and always knowing they have my back.”
“Yeah?”
He shrugs. “Yeah. I’ve missed them more than I thought I would. Distract me?” Ray crowds into my personal space, leaving little doubt as to how he wants me to accomplish that.
“Hm, however could I possibly take your mind off it?” I tease, pressing in close and kissing his cheek.
Ray’s lips curve into a grin, and he grinds his packer into my groin. He turns to catch my mouth in a quick kiss. “It’s a mystery.” He drops one hand to my ass and grinds us together more insistently, moaning against my lips.
I kiss him deeper, gazing into his gorgeous blue eyes and losing myself in him. He usually tangles his fingers in my hair about now, and I shiver in anticipation of the sharp prickling tug of that, except it doesn’t happen. Instead, Ray gently disentangles from me, holding up his little tupperware of leftovers from Mom with a rueful grin. “Let me just put this away.”
“Oh, yeah. Do that.” I step back and try to collect myself, adjusting my shirt and primping with my hair.
I wore a blouse and the soft material of my bra is irritating against the newly tender breasts budding from the estrogen. I haven’t really noticed much growth there yet, but my nipples are more sensitive when Ray plays with them while we make out lately. At first, it was too much, but now it feels good when he takes me in his mouth while he’s grinding his erection against my thigh. And I’ve read that the soreness could be a sign things might develop more soon, so I’m hopeful it’s a good sign of amazing things to come.
Ray turns and opens his mini fridge to shove the food containers inside. I admire the delectable curve of his ass as he bends to balance the leftovers near the back. My libido has taken a hit from the E, but I can still appreciate how sexy he looks. My dick doesn’t immediately plump up, but it’s not uninterested either.
I lick my lips as Ray turns, nudging the fridge shut with his foot and strips off his shirt and pants. He plays with the hem of his binder before sliding that off too. He’s getting more comfortable putting on and removing the constricting garment. I try not to stare at his chest, but I appreciate his trust in baring it to me.
“Um, still off limits, but I’ve had it on all day and it’s chafing,” he explains apologetically as he rubs at his chest to ease the ache.
I can empathize with the soreness. That sparks a wave of euphoria in my heart, my pulse racing in an exaltation I can’t put into words. I want to kiss him. I want Ray to grab handfuls of my boobs and motorboat them. Let me savor his stubble scraping over the smooth skin of my chest. I want him to sink into me and fuck me until I’m screaming his name. Or maybe not screaming, since the dorm walls are thin, but definitely coming with him inside me.
“That’s fine. Same, kind of.” We exchange knowing smiles. “Want to take off my bra for me?”
I bat my lashes at him and pat his mattress in invitation. Ray grins, losing any lingering self-consciousness to stalk closer and straddle my lap. Our lips meet in a needy clash of tongues. He slides his hands up my blouse to work the clasp. It shouldn’t surprise me he has the thing unfastened in seconds. He arches a questioning brow at me as he lifts my shirt to expose my chest, silently asking permission to strip me.
I nod and he tosses my shirt and bra alike into a pile with his discarded binder. The man knows his way around a bra. He’s learning his way over every inch of my body. Finding all the spots that make my knees weak and my clit throb for release. He angles one tender nipple toward his lips and kisses it, thumbing over the wet nub as he suckles gently on the other one. Ray coaxes and teases me until both nipples stand erect from my chest. He fondles me gently as he kisses my collarbones, then up my neck to just behind my ears. Want pools low in my belly, welling up like water behind a dam.
“Want to fuck you,” Ray murmurs into my ear, hands cupping my chest to continue massaging the nascent buds of my breasts. His thumbs keep circling the sensitive nipples, keeping them hard—twin peaks. I shudder at the raw passion in his voice.
“Mhm. Want to take you so bad, Ray. Wish I could let you fuck my wet pussy. Make you come inside me.”
“Damn, yes.” Ray trails his fingers over my belly and into my pants and rubs at my clit. He pays extra attention to the slick tip, like it really is a natal clit and he knows just how to make it feel good.
He circles the tip with firm pressure as he grips my jaw with the other hand, claiming my mouth in a demanding kiss. His tongue delving into me in an assertive claiming, just how I want him to handle me when I finally get him inside me. I could weep from the desire coursing through me. It’s strangely different from what I’m used to, more of a diffuse warmth.
Instead of an arousal that just focuses on my cock and getting it inside him, my whole body sensitized to his every touch. Ray kisses down my throat, grinding against me. I lift to meet his thrusts, my pants getting in the way and chafing against both of us. Condom. I should probably… hmm, that might not work so well when I’m still semi-soft despite how turned on I am.
If my clit was an accurate representation of how much I want Ray right now, it would be stiff enough to hammer nails. This new response to arousal might take getting used to. Ray doesn’t seem to mind though, riding me with lusty grunts of pleasure. If anything, he’s as into me as ever.
“Damn, you’re dripping for me, baby,” he teases, dragging a thumb through the moisture at the tip of my clit. “Ta chatte est mouillée et prête à être baisée.”
I rock along to his rhythm, enjoying his neediness. The soft press of his chest against mine when he wraps me in his arms and tumbles me down onto the bed is bliss. Ray kisses me breathless as we dry hump like there’s no tomorrow.
“Gonna get off humping me?” I tease when I feel him tensing over me like he’s about to come. After a month of making out with him, I’m getting used to his tells. Enough to spot them and I’m not ready for this to be over.
“Hn?” Ray gives me a dazed look, his hips stilling. “Want to be inside you, but I don’t want to stop long enough to strap up.” He circles his hips again, and I moan as my clit rubs into his click.
His new harness and strap-on dick arrived earlier in the week, but we haven’t had a chance to take them for a test ride yet. Tonight’s not looking like the night either. I don’t want to wait for him to figure out the harness when we’re both horny as hell and he’s already feeling off kilter over missing his family.
“Me neither.” I bite my lip, groaning as I lift my hips to rub against him. “Remember that thing I mentioned? Where you fuck your fingers into me?”
“Muffing?” Ray asks, already shifting enough to work a hand between us and into my panties to play idly with my sac. “You want me to push inside you? Here?” He circles his finger in the general vicinity. I let my eyes flutter shut as I reach down to guide him, already anticipating the illicit thrill of such a powerfully transgressive act. I know from experience that it’s an erotically pleasant physical sensation, but I also love the mental stimulation of being penetrated in a way that feels feminine to me.
“Yeah. Like this.” I massage my balls out of the way, years of tucking while I’m wearing skirts making the motion familiar. I guide Ray’s fingers to the twin openings on either side of my dick. Gently, I swirl the tip of his finger around the opening, gathering enough loose skin from my sac to push inside of my body. It reminds me of parting pussy lips to fuck into a cunt. “You just push the skin in, ah.” I gasp and bite my lip as he eases inside of me, the dual penetration making my nerves sing. “Mm. Yeah, like that. Gently.”
Ray works his way in deeper, penetrating me on both sides. Fucking me open and making me feel euphoric as he stakes his claim.
“You like this, babe?” he asks, delving in deeper on either side. Fingering just below my clit, like I really have a front hole for him to fuck.
“Want you inside my pussy,” I agree.
“Yeah? You want me to fuck this tight little pussy, Jords?” He pants, thrusting a little more confidently as he asks the question, knowing the answer. “How much can you take?”
“More.” I demand. “Want your mouth on me while you open me up. Please?” I remember my manners at the last second.
Ray chuckles. “Grab the condoms and a vibe from that drawer?”
He gestures to the dresser in arm’s reach from my head and I arch off the bed to grab the supplies. And a tube of lube my fingers find next to the other stuff, just in case. I’ve played with myself this way enough to work up to three fingers on each side, so I’m confident I can take him.
Ray slips from the bed to kneel between my thighs and peels my leggings and the floral panties that match my bra down to my ankles. He shuffles to kneel on top of them, pinning me in place as he eases his fingers back into the inguinal canals like I showed him. My half-chubbed clit twitches at the sensation, making me self-conscious about it.
“Sorry, I’m really into this, just, uh, dick’s been reacting differently lately.” I wince at having to admit it out loud, even though I’m sure he’s noticed by now.
“It’s fine. We talked about HRT side effects. You have nothing to apologize for. You still want this?” He nudges his fingers inside of me and I bite back a moan.
“Oh, yeah. Still want you to suck me, if you don’t mind it staying soft? Still feels good.” I reach between my legs to stroke my clit and press my palm against where he’s inside me. He wiggles his fingers.
“Yeah. Just one problem; I’m not sure how the condom is going to work with that. Maybe we could skip it?” he offers. “All our blood tests from the clinic came back negative again, so it’s lower risk, right? We’ll still use barriers for butt stuff.”
I hesitate, but I trust him. I desperately want to believe that this isn’t some experiment for either of us. Ray insists that I’m not his gay sex starter pack. He won’t take me off like training wheels as soon as he doesn’t feel like he needs me anymore, or if a better offer comes along. I have to believe that. And even if I don’t trust my judgment about it after Nell, I trust how much my family liked him. How he made a genuine effort with them because he wants to have a future with me and he knows how important they are to me.
“Jordie?”
I meet his worried gaze. “Yeah, we can skip it for oral. I’m not having an outbreak or anything, but like you said, still better to use a dental dam for rimming. You’re sure?”
“I’m sure.” Ray smiles wickedly, then he mouths the head of my clit. He laps over the slit before slurping me between his lips and sucking me gently to the same rhythm he’s fucking his fingers into me. My boyfriend is fucking me like I have a pussy. The combination is intense, not just physically, but on an emotional level. There’s a vulnerability to sharing myself with him like this. No barriers, each of us trusting the other with our bodies in ways that have a deeper meaning than just getting off.
Ray sucks and fucks me until I’m almost incoherent with pleasure. Time loses all meaning. My world narrows to where he’s touching me. The diffuse pleasure spreads through me like the languid relaxation of a warm soak in the bath. Like he can infuse all of me with sweet sensation.
“Want to fuck you like this, with my click, can I?” Ray asks. I’m not at all sure that’s going to work, that his click can really penetrate me, but I love the idea of trying. Even if he just rubs against me, I’m more than happy to try it. I like the idea of it, having his cute little cock inside the nearest thing to a pussy I’m ever going to have short of surgeries I don’t want.
“Yeah. Do it.” I nod, arching toward him. And whining as his fingers slip free of my body.
“You sure? Don’t think a condom will work for mine either and, uh, I’m pretty wet.” He gestures vaguely at his crotch.
“Yeah. I’m sure. Want to feel how hot you are for me, sunshine. Come all over me. In me.”
His eyes burn with lust—or maybe something more that I’m not ready to put into words—as he scrambles to his feet. He yanks my ankles up to his shoulders and lines up our groins, teasing the engorged head of his cock against me. I reach for him, guiding the sensitive head to my opening, working two fingers in and spreading them so he can fuck between them. He doesn’t really have enough bottom growth to get inside me yet. It still feels wonderful, and he groans and thrusts against me, enjoying the sensation of fucking into me as much as I want to be fucked.
“Mm, good?” he asks.
“Yeah, here, I’ve got something to make it even better.” I slick the bullet vibe I grabbed from his drawer with lube and work it into the canal he was rutting against. Once it’s in place, I turn it on and hold it steady with one hand. I cup the back of his neck and pull him into a kiss. Having his lips on mine is well worth being bent in half to give him access to fuck me. Ray rocks his cock against the base of the vibe inside me and moans.
“Oh, that’s good.” He fucks me harder. Ray’s fingers work back inside of me on the other side and he thrusts into me with his whole body, fucking me in every sense. His tongue pushes into my mouth and tangles with mine as he makes love to me. This feels more intimate than anything else we’ve done. He’s inside me and I can feel the slick of his arousal dripping onto me with every thrust.
Ray moans and fucks me harder, rutting into me like I’m the best thing he’s ever felt. The vibe unleashes the pooled up pleasure that’s been building since he crowded into my space to kiss me. I lean back. The effort of crunching up to meet his lips is too much when I’m teetering on the brink of an orgasm that feels so huge it might shake me apart.
“Ah, so close.”
“Do it, come, gorgeous,” Ray grunts, continuing to thrust into me, the vibe an unrelenting background buzz driving our shared pleasure to new heights. He adjusts his angle slightly and thrusts again.
“Oh, oooooh. Yes, Ray. More.” I throw my head back and let pleasure wash over me in waves.
“C’est si beau de te voir jouir pour moi,” Ray practically purrs, inches from my lips, as he caresses my cheek with the hand that isn’t buried inside me. He trails his fingers down my chest to squeeze my boob. He thrusts in deep, fucking me with more force. “Come with my cock in your sloppy wet pussy, Jordie. Ride me so good.”
I don’t even try to stop the way the orgasm rises through my whole body in a wave of heat. Every nerve suffused with a warm glow of pleasure. It’s a total body experience unlike anything I’ve felt before. Transcendent.
I moan his name over and over as he whimpers through his own orgasm, his thrusts stuttering into an erratic rhythm as he pulses against my opening. His release is a wet heat between our bodies. Fuck, is he squirting? That’s so damn hot. I lift to meet the last few rocks of his hips into me. I want this to last forever, to be connected to him for as long as possible.
Far too soon, he pulls away, and the vibe goes from a perfect buzzing pleasure, to ebbing, to too much. I reach between my legs to ease it out and turn it off, then collapse back onto his bed, boneless and thoroughly fucked out.
“Sleepy?” Ray asks, brushing sweat-lank curls from my face.
“Yeah. You fucked me to death,” I grin goofily up at him, throwing the literal translation of one of his idioms back at him.
He chuckles and reaches for the package of wet wipes we got to make cleaning up easier when it became clear that he’s messy when he comes. “Sorry, I made a mess all over you.”
“Mhm. Let you fuck me without a condom once and you jizz all over me.” I wink at him. “Good thing you can’t knock me up.”
“We can certainly keep trying, just to be sure. For science.” Ray winks, then he wipes me clean. He bites his lip. “And you weren’t inside me when you came and I’ve got the IUD in, so I’m probably alright on that front too, right?”
“Yeah.” I fumble for his hand to give him a reassuring squeeze. “But if it would make you feel better, we can grab some Plan B?”
Ray considers, then shakes his head. “Nah, it’s okay. I don’t think I’m at too much risk, but thanks for offering.”
“Of course.” I squirm at the cool wet touch interrupting my muzzy afterglow when he goes back to mopping up our mess.
“Hold still a second.” Ray swabs me clean, then leans over me and gives me a perfunctory peck on the lips. “That was hands down the hottest fuck of my life, you liked it?” he asks as he curls up beside me.
“Yeah, same. That was intense. Funny how much of a difference it makes when your partner really knows you, huh?” I tease.
Ray sighs. “Yeah, that too. You let me be all of me, and I enjoy getting to know all of you.”
“Doesn’t hurt that you’re a good lay, sunshine.” I turn onto my side so I can pull him into a gentle kiss, framing his face with both palms, enjoying the fact I get to touch him. I give him a silly leer. “And just think how much better we’ll get the more we practice.”
“Mhm.” Ray’s fingers tangle in my hair and we lay naked in his bed exchanging languid kisses for a long time after that. His body is starting to feel so familiar pressed against mine. I want to explore it through all the changes we’re both experiencing. And the scared part of me I’ve been holding back, guarding my heart, is starting to believe he wants the same. Not completely sold yet, but I can maybe see a future with him in it.