19 Sam
A flash of light pierced my eyelids and with it, the static tingle of electricity danced in the air. Seconds later, an earth-shattering bang shook the bed beneath me and suddenly I wasn’t laying down. I was hanging on for dear life as the freighter rocked to the side. Tremors threw me off balance as people around me screamed and clutched to whatever they could. Crates of combustible syfer crystals and bodies were thrown about in the quake. I could see people falling to the floor. I could see blood. I could see fire.
The freighter was being attacked and outside there was nothing but space. A body in space would freeze. Get crushed. Die in seconds.
Reality gripped me by the throat and squeezed, making it hard to breathe. Someone was shouting orders, but they were muffled behind explosions and bursting pipes. Innifer was there. My best friend and I were going to die on a big ship in the middle of a great big vacuum. Our names would be forgotten. Our lives would be meaningless. I was going to die without doing a single important thing and no one would even know it because I was nothing. No one. Because I was unimportant.
“Sam!” someone shouted.
It was a deep voice. A man’s voice.
It was Saleuk.
“Sam, it’s just thunder. Sam, look at me.”
I was huddled in a corner of the freighter watching people die around me when Saleuk came from the smoke and chaos, his big body blocking my view of the destruction around me. He cupped my cheeks in his hands and knelt, his eyes wide with alarm.
“It’s the storm. You’re ok,” he kept saying over and over.
The storm? I barely remembered it had been raining. I didn’t even remember falling asleep. I blinked rapidly, trying to recall where I was, and finally noticed a dark room around me speckled with bioluminescence. I was on the cold floor against a wall and Saleuk was crouched in front of me, coaxing me back to reality. I could hear the downpour outside and through the mirrored wall, I could see the light show as the lightning strobed outside.
We were still on that moon. It was storming outside.
I took a deep breath, trying to quell the dizziness I was feeling, and refocused my eyes on Saleuk. He looked so worried and suddenly I felt bad about that.
“It’s thunder,” he said, his voice growing calmer as I relaxed. “It was a loud one, but it’s just the storm. I swear.”
“Right,” I said, clearing my throat and trying to appear as if I was alright. But the adrenaline from that day was still racing through my veins. I was fully awake and shaking. “I’m ok. I’m ok, now.”
Saleuk shook his head and moved his hands to my arms, standing and pulling me up with him. I stumbled on trembling legs and leaned against the wall.
“I believe you’ll be ok,” he said. “But you’re not right now.”
“I’m sorry,” I broke. “That hasn’t happened in so long. I—”
“You’re under stress being trapped here. I’m surprised something didn’t trigger you sooner.”
“I thought something exploded.”
“The storm has picked up. The thunder woke me up, too.”
“Was it loud or did I imagine that?”
“It was pretty loud,” he chuckled. “It nearly stopped my hearts.”
“That would have been a shame.”
He walked me back to the bed and sat me down, stroking his hand back through my hair.
I loved when people played with my hair. It was euphoric and I almost sighed with pleasure before he sat down beside me.
“That felt good,” I admitted.
“What did? This?” he combed his fingers through my hair again and dragged them slowly down my neck before repeating.
I nodded, closing my eyes and slumping so my head was against his shoulder. He kept going, gently massaging my scalp for a bit before twirling strands of my hair around his fingers. Gradually, my elevated heart rate slowed and I was able to settle.
“I really am sorry,” I muttered.
“Why? Because you got startled awake by the storm?” he scoffed.
“Because you’re babysitting me again and I know you hate that.”
He shrugged my head off his shoulder and gently gripped my chin, turning my face up to look at him.
“Taking care of you was never a problem.” He swiped his thumb lightly across my lips and lifted a brow. “The snarky things that came out of this mouth were.”
I should have been offended, but the way he touched my mouth made it hard to even hear what he was saying.
“You were the snarky one,” I shot back.
“No one’s ever called me snarky before.”
“I doubt that.”
He chuckled again and I realized I could listen to that sound forever.
“You should sleep.”
“I can’t.”
“Well, then just lay down.”
I nodded and crawled onto the bed beside him, resting my head on his shoulder. We were both lying on our backs and staring up at the ceiling as glowing specks and faint flashes of light from outside danced across the stone.
“I’ve never been incredibly outdoorsy,” I confessed. “But honestly, this place hasn’t bothered me as much as I thought it would. With the exception of that clap of thunder, obviously.”
“Nah, this is nothing. In the military, we’re required to spend an extended period in a hostile environment to polish our survival skills.”
“Alone?”
“Yes. Being alone is something we all have to learn.”
“I don’t think I could do that. Not alone. If you weren’t here, I’d have broken by now.”
“You’d be surprised what you’re capable of when you only have yourself to rely on. And I absolutely believe you’d survive.”
“Well, I appreciate your faith in me.”
“I’m not playing with you. You found your way here for shelter. You dragged my ass here. We survived because of you.”
“That was all luck. And if you hadn’t killed that big creature, I’d have died long before I could haul you here.”
“It was determination and resilience, Sam. Not luck. And I swear to the stars, if you keep talking down to yourself, I’m going to have to be more creative in showing you how much you’re capable of.”
I was too scattered to argue. And I had to admit that I didn’t want to. I liked hearing someone praise me for once. I loved the way he talked about me like I meant something. And deep down, I did know that we’d have probably died in the woods if I didn’t find the will to drag him down the river to the compound. I had to be proud of that.
Before I could say anything else, I felt Saleuk’s fingers in my hair again, and instantly, my muscles relaxed against him. I took a deep breath and let the gentle strokes of his fingers on my scalp lull me closer to sleep.
“I never minded taking care of you, Sam,” was the last thing I heard him whisper.
The next day passed without much excitement. I subtly found ways to avoid Saleuk while I contended with the embarrassment of having a panic attack because of thunder. I found myself staring up at the mountains as soon as the storm clouds cleared enough for me to see past the clearing. It was so quiet on that moon. So peaceful. I would have liked some simple luxuries like a change of clothes, a hairbrush, and some toiletries, but all that aside, it was like some twisted tropical vacation… without the hot tubs and bars.
Saleuk spent most of the day toying with his instruments so I took to the lakeside nearby to hunt for new specimens and things I could study while I still had time. After everything, I was at least going to leave that moon with the experience I wanted. Maybe more than I wanted, but I was trying to look on the bright side.
On the lake’s bank, I found plenty of little plants in all kinds of shapes and photographed each one with the remaining battery life on my data pad. While I was doing that, my wrist cuff kept a very detailed record of the terrain so I didn’t have to worry about getting lost. It was kind of freeing and for a few hours, I was so content I forgot I was stranded.
While I was snapping an artistic angle of a little tree with tiny yellow berries on it, I saw something moving amongst the blackish leaves. I stopped breathing, backing away a step in case I was about to encounter some kind of poisonous critter, but instead, I saw thin, blue fur creeping along a narrow branch. It was no bigger than my head with a long, thick tail that coiled around the branch as it moved. An oversized head with giant, round eyes twitched from one side to the other as it climbed with little hands toward a ripe cluster of berries.
When its head snapped toward me, huge ears turned like little antennae, showing off thin glowing veins.
It was adorable. It was like a little nocturnal monkey and the stupid little girl in me wanted to try and touch it.
“You’re not going to sprout spikes and jump on my face, are you?” I muttered.
The monkey sat down with the cluster of berries and started to eat, careless of my presence. So, with the last of my pad’s battery, I took a photo of the little critter as a reminder that not everything on that moon wanted to eat me.
When I headed back to the compound, it was late and the light was starting to wane. I found Saleuk leaning in the doorway, arms crossed like he’d been waiting a while for me to return. I smiled brightly at him and trotted up with my data pad.
“Look,” I said, hoping I had enough battery to at least show him the photo. I tapped the screen and brought up the picture of the little blue monkey. “It was by the lake eating those little yellow things.”
“Bree’bee,” he said. “They make good pets because they’re too trusting. That’s a big one.”
“Big? But it’s so small and cute.”
“They are.”
“I’m just glad it didn’t have a stinger or something. God, this place is actually so interesting without the running and screaming.”
“I’m glad you’re getting time to explore it a little.”
“Me, too.”
I didn’t say it, but I wanted to mention that I was glad Saleuk was there with me. Without him, I’d have been in a panic, unable to take in the sights or calm down enough to study a single thing.
“Come,” he said. “You should eat something before we rest for the night.”
I nodded just as my data pad died and walked inside to find food already prepared for us. There were some potatoes and kalaha and both our canteens were full and sitting on the table. And later, I would finally devour a protein bar for a little extra taste.
Things weren’t so bad on Phesah.
Another night passed and I slept so wonderfully I wondered how I would ever return to sleeping without Saleuk next to me. Only, that morning I woke with a hot sweat on my skin and an insistent throbbing between my legs. It made me wonder what I’d been dreaming because my desire to see Saleuk was overwhelming as soon as I opened my eyes. I wondered how I’d go back to being without him.
Maybe you don’t have to.
Fantastical thoughts of staying with Saleuk crossed my mind. Then that evil logic spoke up and I remembered he was a soldier. He was always in space. Always flying and he was surely in high demand. My inability to fly through the stars without getting sick or simply losing my mind in the past told me I wasn’t a good fit for him. I was someone who needed constant care if our time together proved anything. I was fragile in all the ways he was strong.
When I woke up and Saleuk wasn’t next to me, I started wondering about my future. Was it with him or without him? Which one did I truly want? Then I started regretting asking him about the surge. If I’d just bottled it up and stayed silent, we could have both pretended not to know and then we could go on our way once we were finally rescued. That would have been ideal.
But what did I think was ideal after everything?
I was so confused…
When I heard Saleuk’s voice coming from downstairs, I sat up with a rush of heat and longing. How could a man do that to me with such ease? It was unnerving. I tried to dismiss it as I straightened my hair and headed down to see what was going on. I found him pacing slowly around the lobby with his comms device, speaking into it using his beautiful valerian language.
He was so alien. So perfectly and beautifully alien and yet handsome and familiar. I felt like I was melting to the floor right there at the ramp’s railing as I watched him move. Then there was a faint beeping noise and Saleuk lowered the com-link with a hiss.
“What happened?” I asked.
He looked up, the irritation on his face waning once he set eyes on me.
“I got it working long enough to tell them where we are. Seems the mess with your researcher friend is causing a stir. Otherwise, they would have returned sooner for us. But the tracker is active so they’ll be able to follow it straight to us as soon as someone can get off-world.”
I nodded slowly, relieved to know we hadn’t been forgotten, but admittedly disappointed to know that meant we had less time to sort out the whole surge ordeal. After a whole Phesian day had passed with barely any conversation, I was growing restless.
I decided there wasn’t going to be a chance if I waited so I spit it out.
“So, this thing between us,” I started. “The surge thing. Explain it to me. See, this doesn’t happen with humans.”
He grinned faintly at that. “Yes, it does. Otherwise, how do you breed? A surge is simply an exaggerated attraction. A very tangible, strong physical reaction. It can be one-sided, but many times it is not.”
“So, like humans, you can feel this attraction with others? As long as both hearts are functioning, I mean.”
He hesitated a beat. “Yes.”
“So, you can find anyone then. Now that you’re fully functional.”
“Functional?” he snorted with amusement. “My own people explain it coldly enough. I don’t need you talking about it like it’s simple science. It’s not.”
“Isn’t it, though? We’re attracted to each other, but it’s not binding, right?”
“Unless you want it to be,” he narrowed his eyes. “We’re monogamous if that’s what you’re wondering about.”
“How can you be monogamous when you have a breeding problem? Shouldn’t you be spreading your…” I waved my hand toward his crotch tentatively, “seed as far as possible?”
That earned me a full-on guffaw. He threw his head back, his laughter echoing through the whole building.
“My seed? If you’re trying to demean our relationship, please, by all means, keep using words like our lab techs do.”
“Our relationship? What is our relationship exactly?”
“That’s something we decide together.” He started to slowly make his way toward me. “You were very sweet and understanding before. Why are you on edge now?”
“I’m not on edge.” I did my best to wash the tension from my tone just to prove to myself I wasn’t lying and took a deep breath. “I’m not on edge. I just have questions.”
“So, ask your questions.”
“I can’t ask the next question,” I said, closing my eyes in frustration. Every time he spoke it sent a jolt of awareness south. It was infuriating. I didn’t feel in control of my body.
“Ask, Sam.”
“When does it stop?” I blurted out. “When do I stop wanting you? Is this normal?” I tugged on the material of my shirt to fan my skin with a soft breeze, but it barely helped. “Because I’ve never felt like this. I just… ugh, I need something.”
He stood there dumbfounded for a good few seconds before he simply smirked, flashing one of his fangs like a charming, lavender demon.
“I’m right here, Sam. Plenty willing to ease your needs.”
I thought about it. Images flashed before me of his naked body on top of mine. Our sweat-slickened skin grinding together. I could hear my moans of ecstasy and his strong breaths burning my neck as he kissed me.
But those were fantasies. Reality would be much different and I knew it.
“I have to do some of my logs if we’re leaving soon,” I said quickly. “I want as much data as I can get.”
Turning, I headed back up to the rooms to retrieve my datapad, hoping that Saleuk hadn’t noticed it was already dead. I hated leaving him like that. I confused myself with my words so I couldn’t imagine what it all sounded like to him. But I was flustered. Confused. Completely out of my element.
I drained myself going through plants and theories in my head. It was something to sink my mind into just to keep it off Saleuk and keeping it off Saleuk was so difficult that by the time night fell again, I was dead tired and ready to just sleep and be rid of it all for a few hours.
I’d changed into my makeshift dress made of thin cloth, which had proven much more comfortable than my tight leggings were in the humidity.
When I heard Saleuk’s footsteps outside my door, I looked up and saw him sliding his shirt off to get ready for rest. We hadn’t really crossed each other’s paths the entire day again and it was getting to me. I wanted some kind of closure when it came to the surge. Anything. He looked in on me expectantly and a wordless understanding spread between us.
I didn’t want to sleep alone, even if things with Saleuk were a big puzzle.
“Tomorrow, we hike up to a flat on the mountain. It’s where they’ll be able to retrieve us the easiest. The woods are too thick here for a proper landing.”
“How far?”
“I’d say a few miles if I calculated correctly. I’ll give you the coordinates tomorrow so you can put it into your navigator cuff.”
“Ok. So, we should get some sleep.”
He nodded. And then he waited. Finally, I got up, knowing I would eventually wander to his room at some point anyways, urges be damned. Saleuk stretched out on the bed with a groan, laying like he always did with one hand behind his head and one on his bare stomach. In the fading light, I could still see every inch of his masculine form and swallowed hard before moving toward the bed and lying down beside him.
“Rest well, al’fira,” he whispered. “Tomorrow, we will be leaving this place. You’ll need your energy.”
“It’s good we’re leaving, right?”
“Of course. They’ll want to send you back to Earth. No more spaceships or alien creatures.” I heard him huff like he was about to laugh.
“Yeah. No more spaceships,” I said flatly, staring up at the ceiling and the oddly beautiful webbing of roots and vines.
“Sleep, Sam.”
Despite there being no mattress and no AC, I was more comfortable than ever. Night after night, I slept well because I had someone beside me.
I’d never had that. Every morning, I woke rested and unafraid because I knew Saleuk was there. Every sign was there. The idea of him made my worries fade away. The thought of being on Earth again got less and less appealing the more I filled my thoughts with him.
I was ruined and it happened so fast, I couldn’t even process it.
I was curled on my side with Saleuk’s big body pressed up against my back, my head on his bicep. The tempo of his hearts on my shoulders was like the softest massage just pulling me deeper and deeper into a weightless slumber.
But deep inside my body, there was yearning and restlessness. It had been there for days, but with Saleuk curled around me, that want—that need—was spreading like a brush fire. My pulse started to race as soon as I woke up. Saleuk was still asleep behind me, his breath slow and steady.
Swallowing, I pressed my hips back into his groin. He wasn’t hard like before, but his size was no question. How did women do it? How did Innifer do it with Vahko? My pulse thrummed just thinking about it. Sex outside a simulation seemed so intimidating and yet it was what my body craved.
I rocked my hips back again in slow motion and heard Saleuk hum beside my ear. Immediately, I stopped.
“Mmm, if you keep doing that, I’ll need to take a moment to myself before morning,” he murmured.
I slowly turned my head so I could see his brilliant lavender skin in my peripheral.
“Why leave?”
His eyes fluttered open and he looked at me, contemplative.
What better place to be bold than on an alien moon with no one else around?
“You said you could sate my needs,” I said. “What about yours?”
“What about mine?”
“I want to hear you sate them.”
Another pause. Saleuk didn’t do anything without at least a little thought and it was reassuring. Then his hand slid down my waist, over the flare of my hip, and disappeared. I could hear the rustle of fabric as he exposed his cock and it sent my heart into a rapid frenzy. When the heat of his thickness touched my thigh, I gasped, letting my breath out on a shiver.
“Have you ever touched yourself?” he whispered, kissing behind my ear.
“Yes.”
“Then touch yourself.”
I slid my hand down slowly, parting the material of my shift until I felt the thin tuft of curls between my legs. I had touched myself before, but never with someone beside me. It was a level of intimacy that I didn’t even know existed. Sliding my fingers through my folds, I found pools of wet heat there and bit back a moan as I stroked it. I felt Saleuk moving behind me and could only imagine his fist sliding up and down his shaft. I couldn’t see him, but knowing and feeling what he was doing made my whole body start to hum with awareness.
“Stars above, what I would give to hear you come,” he rasped against my neck, the sound of his hand pumping his cock filling the room.
I circled my clit with my fingers and jolted at the sensitivity of it. But it wasn’t enough. I whimpered in protest to my own ministrations and then reached back, feeling for Saleuk. When I found him, I wrapped my fingers around his girth and he froze, a strained groan escaping his throat.
“Sam,” he said breathlessly.
He was huge. Thick. Long. I’d seen human dicks a million times and he felt nothing like what I knew. Fear settled inside me again, but that time it was met with excitement.
“I want you closer,” I whispered.
He pressed a kiss to my jaw and then nipped at the lobe of my ear before moving my hand aside and pushing forward. When I felt his cock slip between my thighs, I felt the slickness of my arousal again. He slid forward with ease and his whole body shuttered from it. Pulling back, I felt the length of his shaft brush between my folds and moaned.
Again and again, he thrust forward and back, pistoning his cock between my slick thighs. The friction was wonderful and yet not enough, but to hear his pleasured sounds was heaven. I replaced my fingers against my clit and stroked myself to the sounds of his pleasure. Over and over again he pressed forward, pinning my thighs tightly together with his own. Hot, heavy breathing flooded the silence of the room. I was nearly undone when his hand slid over my breast, pinching lightly at my hard nipple. I arched back, whimpering at the sensations. At our nearness. At the heat burning between us.
And then I felt Saleuk’s muscles go rigid. I felt his arms pull me tight against him and with one last thrust, he pulled back and hot spend shot against the back of my legs. A strained moan rolled through him and it was the most delightful sound in the world to me.
I stopped stroking myself, content to have been the thing to bring him release, but after a couple moments of silence, I felt him lift up on one elbow. He tugged lightly on my shoulder, rolling me over to look at him. I knew he could see me much better than I could see him in that low light, but I didn’t mind. Not seeing made it easier somehow.
“You deserve the same pleasure from me,” he said.
“It’s ok. I just wanted to feel you.”
He leaned over me, pressing a kiss to my lips. “And I want to feel you, al’fira. Spread your legs for me.”
“Saleuk, I—”
“Trust me. Please.”
Gently, he nudged my thighs apart, his mouth hovering so close to mine I could feel his every breath. Slowly, his fingers glided down between my wet folds and he moaned his approval.
“You are dripping.”
I wasn’t so na?ve to think that wasn’t a thing women did when they were turned on. I knew I was turned on. I was so turned on I could scream.
“I can’t take you,” I said with sheer disappointment.
“Not tonight, but I can still give you pleasure.”
He caressed my cheek with his nose before gliding soft kisses down my neck. But it didn’t distract me from the touch of his fingers against my sex. He explored me, prodding gently at my entrance just to tease my senses before his slick fingers circled my clit. I arched off the bed, sucking in a slow, sensual gasp. He continued to stroke me, finding every sensitive, throbbing nerve that existed there. Either he had a sixth sense about it or he knew my body better than I did. I had never touched myself with such precision and it was driving me wild. I began to squirm beneath him, chasing a release that dangled mere inches from my reach.
“Saleuk,” I gasped. “Oh, God.”
He hovered close to my lips again, feathering across my mouth as if to torture me. I was breathing hard, balancing on the edge of something wonderful and none of it felt like a simulation did. It was so real. It was dirty and perfect and made every nerve in my body curl up with delightful tension.
“Trust me, Sam,” he said so softly, that I could hardly hear him, but I nodded.
And when I did, I felt his finger circle my entrance again. I whimpered just as he slid it slowly inside of me. A quiet moan escaped my lips at the same time that Saleuk released a long sigh of pleasure.
“You are so soft. So warm.”
He pulled out, pressing against my clit with his thumb before he dipped his finger back in, pushing deep. When he pulled out, he paused to stroke me a few times, making me tremble under his expert touch.
“Relax for me,” he whispered, kissing me as he slid not one, but two fingers slowly into my sopping heat. I whimpered against his mouth at the slight stretch, but it felt so good at the same time. “Do you want me inside you?”
I nodded desperately as he pumped his fingers a couple of times, letting me adjust. This thumb continued to stroke my clit as he moved inside me. I felt my breath coming in heaves now and when he curled his fingers upward, I arched with a sudden wave of pleasure. Something in me sang with ecstasy as he continued to tease my nerves.
Again and again, he pumped his fingers into me, simultaneously stimulating my clit until he suddenly dropped his head and closed his mouth over my exposed breast. I cried out, unable to control myself, and it spurred him on. He pumped faster, humming against my skin. I was a mess, lost in the unfamiliar sensations.
“More,” I whimpered. “Saleuk, I need more.”
“Don’t tempt me unless you’re sure,” he said, an undertone of pain in his voice like he was desperately holding back.
“Please,” was all I could manage to say.
I felt him withdraw again and stilled when he pressed yet another finger to my entrance. I didn’t protest. My eyes opened to look up at the faint glow of his vividly colored irises and I knew he was asking wordlessly again if it was alright. I said nothing. I simply lifted my hips toward him and shamelessly pulled him in for a kiss. As his tongue slid into my mouth, so did his three fingers invade my tight channel. I gasped at the stretch, my back bowing off the bed. When he stopped, I reached down between us, feeling the girth of his fingers where he was buried only to his first knuckle.
“Deeper,” I breathed.
“You are so tight.”
I nodded. “But I want to feel you.”
I gently drove him further until he slid his fingers deep, stretching my tight walls around him. I moaned loudly, lifting my hips to meet him. When his thumb was back on my clit, I jolted at the sudden, explosive pleasure flooding my core. All I could think about was having his cock inside me, but I knew he was larger than three fingers.
It didn’t matter. I couldn’t get the idea out of my head.
As Saleuk pumped himself inside me, I felt a tightness forming in the base of my stomach and pressed my hands to his chest. Not to push him away but to have something to steady me. I felt like I was unraveling. He thrust faster, curling his fingers upward once more to hit a spot inside me so dizzyingly wonderful, I could hardly breathe. All the sensations combined started to blend together like a storm until I felt fissures start to form in my self-control.
“Oh, God,” I moaned.
Saleuk moved faster and more deliberately, forcing me over the edge. I shook beneath him, my thighs closing around his hand as a wave of euphoria crashed over me. He kept thrusting his fingers deep, torturing me through my orgasm until the last ripples of my pleasure started to trickle away and I was a puddle.
Simulators could never duplicate what had just happened. They couldn’t fake the wonderful ache. The pain. The sense of being close to someone. Saleuk had been inside me. He’d been to a place no other person had been. And it changed things.