23 Sam
I hated doctors, alien or not. I was left with a stranger while Saleuk was taken to get his own work done and that made me nervous. It reminded me of the time I spent in the medical facility because of my allergic reaction to the devil flower. I had some reservations about being on Sylos considering my last visit was hell, but since we’d gotten off the ship, I felt alright.
Maybe their settlement had replaced their filtration systems. Maybe my extreme reaction the last time built up a tolerance. Whatever the explanation, I wasn’t stupid enough to think I still couldn’t have some kind of reaction if I stayed there long enough.
The female doctor with me didn’t speak much and when she did, it was a word or two in English with a heavy accent. I had a feeling she didn’t like the idea of me being there. I couldn’t imagine what people would think when they realized another valerian had surged with a human. If I wasn’t human myself, I could see how the whole situation looked. I was a creature from a different world taking one of their few fertile men and we didn’t even truly know if we could reproduce.
Reproduce…
I hadn’t thought about kids. Especially kids with a man who wasn’t human. It was never in my plans and even considering that kind of life with Saleuk made my palms sweat. We hadn’t even said the big “L” word. We hadn’t discussed a future or even the prospect of one in detail.
After taking a few blood samples and some painless scans of my entire body, I was checked for additional injuries and then sent along with another female valerian who knew even less of my language than the doctor. She seemed young. Her body was slender in the same ways a preteen girl would be slender like she hadn’t grown into her feet and hands yet. But she was kind enough as she brought me into a glass elevator and handed me a pile of what I suspected was a change of clothing.
The elevator didn’t just move vertically. It was on a track that followed a diagonal path, which turned and brought us to an overpass enclosed in windows that gave a good view of the outside. We stepped off into the overpass and I followed the girl through the passage, staring out into the vast landscape of Sylos. It seemed so familiar and yet so foreign. I was able to truly soak it in and it was lovely with tall mountain peaks in the distance and bodies of water that looked purple under the twilight hues of the planet’s dwarf star. There was a large portion of controlled plant life—trees in concentric rows and fields of crops—all contained in fence lines or glass domes.
I’d missed so much of it before. Seeing it with clear eyes, I was enamored by its strange beauty. I knew that there was only a small portion of the planet that was comfortable to live in and that was the fraction of it that wasn’t in direct light or direct darkness. Solar winds made the twilight areas a comfortable temperature while the night side was cold and the day side was too dry. So Sikai, the settlement, was one of the few cities inhabited by the valerians on the whole planet.
It was so different from Earth. Which brought my mind back to the idea of being with Saleuk. Forever…
It made me long to see more of his world when I thought of making a life with him, but what I was seeing in my head was more of a dream. In reality, there was a lot of danger. A lot of differences we’d have to contend with.
How the hell did Innifer cope?
I wanted to see her and ask her all kinds of questions, but who the hell knew where she and Vahko even were?
Since I couldn’t see Innifer, I wanted to see Saleuk. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I’d never had such a crush on someone. It was all-consuming and debilitating and uplifting all at once.
When the view of the outside disappeared and we entered a hall with no windows, I saw doors lining the passage like some kind of apartment building. On the doors were symbols, which I assumed meant something to a valerian, but to me, they looked like scribbles. I recognized the building. It was the same one Innifer and I were housed in the last time I was there.
The girl led me about ten doors down and placed her hand on a door scanner. It brought up a small screen on which she punched in a few of those strange symbols. Then she motioned for me to place my hand on the scanner after hers. When I did, a blue light skimmed my palm and I heard a lock on the door click. With a muffled hiss, the door slid open to reveal a small room with a bed covered in white sheets, a shower unit, and a silver oval table. The entire back wall was a giant mirror like the ones on Phesah and I imagined it had its uses, but for the time being, it just made the room seem larger.
After sleeping on hard surfaces covered in sweat and dirt for the past few days, I was overjoyed to see a mattress with real pillows. I was even more happy to see a shower unit.
“You know how to use?” the girl said, gesturing toward the shower pod.
I nodded, remembering my previous stay on Sylos. I knew that the shower controls were in the walls, hidden under a thin surface of synthetic glass that became transparent with touch activation. I also knew the water was cleansing so I didn’t need soap. I was beyond excited to get to it and set my clothes down on the bed, ready to undress as soon as the girl left.
I watched her politely go to a small faucet in the wall and fill a frosted glass pitcher with clean water. She set it on the table and then inclined her head.
“Will bring food,” she said, tapping her fingers to her lips.
I nodded and gave her a thankful smile as she headed for the door and allowed me some privacy.
Immediately, I began to strip out of my clothes. They were damp in some places with remnants of Phesah but crusty in others where sweat had dried into salty patches. I wrinkled my nose, but still folded it all neatly onto a chair before I headed to the shower.
Swiping my hand across the wall, I saw a control panel light up beneath the white surface. Water began streaming from the ceiling like rain. I slowly slid my hand across the dial until the water warmed and steam started to fill the pod. My entire body sighed with relief. The heat massaged my sore muscles and eased my aching joints. Beneath me, a slightly brown stream of water began to wash down into the side drains. It felt like shedding an old skin. I scrubbed my body with my hands and then moved on to my hair, washing every piece of dirt and every twig out of my locks until I felt like myself again.
I didn’t want to leave the shower, but the idea of not being wet or damp was as appealing as being clean. When I stepped out, I wrapped myself in a large, soft towel that was folded onto a glass rack and made my way to the bed where the clean clothes were folded against the pillow. As I passed the mirrored wall, I curiously brushed my hand against the surface. A moving image faded into view of a vast, watery landscape. It looked like swamps, but with colors so vivid, it rivaled art. The trees were a gorgeous aqua color and the water was clear and glistening under a sun that shed a rich, orange light.
I had no idea what the landscape was or where it was, but it was like a dream. I stepped back to stare at it, wondering if it was real or some kind of artificial image, and then swiped my hand over the wall again. The image faded to a dark, starry night with purple hues on a mountainous horizon.
Realizing I could easily get sidetracked, I turned the screen off and continued to my clothing. Bending, I picked up a folded dress by the shoulders and held it up, letting the silky fabric extend into a floor-length dress the color of dusted roses.
Valerians didn’t have anything very elaborate in terms of fashion. They were simple, comfortable, and practical. At least on Sylos, they were. I imagined different cultures had different fashions, but I hadn’t seen them yet.
As I slid the dress over my head, the feeling of the cool fabric on my bare skin nearly put me to sleep. Long sleeves covered my arms and flared slightly at the wrists. The neckline was high, but the back of the dress plunged to the middle of my back.
On Earth, it would have been a formal gown. On Sylos, it was a casual dress. Perhaps even a nightgown. I wasn’t sure what it was. All I knew was that it wasn’t my crusty tank top and muddy jumpsuit.
Realizing my thirst, I walked to the pitcher and began to drink from the lip, not bothering to use a glass. I gulped down a third of it before I took a breath and set it aside. My stomach felt fuller than it had in days. I looked down at it, smoothing the fabric over my midsection, when I imagined it full and round.
Pregnancy was such a big focus for the valerians. It was strange considering how opposed to it most humans were. I’d always been told the physical act of sex was dirty. Immoral. Having children was almost shameful. Knowing that Saleuk and his people thought about it every day—hoped for it—made a lump form in my throat. I couldn’t imagine fearing the extinction of your own people.
There was a small part of me that enjoyed the idea of having children. It was something my younger self wanted until my older self realized I couldn’t even take care of myself let alone a baby. And I would have been judged so harshly as I had judged others for having children in an economy that could barely support its adults. If I had a child, I would love it like no parent ever loved me. There was a twisted sense of redemption in the idea of nurturing a child and I couldn’t think of a single person that I would even consider reproducing with except Saleuk.
I could see myself with him. I could see myself accepting him into all the different parts of me. Children were important to valerians and he was important to me.
“What the fuck are you thinking, Sam?” I muttered to myself.
I brushed my hand over my stomach again, going over all the scenarios in my head. Pregnancy. Childbirth. A bond with a man I was growing great affection for.
More than affection. Affection was easy. What I was feeling for Saleuk was hard. Scary.
I started to pace, raking my fingers through my wet hair as I went over all of the possible futures I had with or without him. When I saw myself without him, I wanted to cry. When I saw myself with him, I was so overwhelmed with emotion, I couldn’t even breathe.
“If you find out you’re pregnant in a few days,” I muttered to myself. “What would you do?”
I’d be terrified.
And I’d be… elated.
Terrelated.
I thought about the family I never had and the shreds of the one I should have had but lost. I thought about how often I lost hope of ever finding one or ever making one. There was hope with Saleuk. At least, I thought there was.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was reading things the wrong way.
I needed to find him. I wasn’t sure if he was still at the medical building or if he had official business to take care of, but I would ask around if I had to. It had been roughly six hours since we’d come back and I was only going to get restless without him.
Barefoot, I headed to the door and slapped my hand to the control panel. The door slid open and standing in front of me like I’d manifested him into existence was Saleuk.
“Saleuk,” I breathed.
“Sam.”
He paused, putting his hands behind his back in some kind of formal stance. Looking at his clothing, I noticed he was in another uniform, but rather than his skin-tight suit with the blue veins, he was wearing some kind of natural fiber two-piece that was well tailored to his slender, athletic figure. It didn’t make him any less handsome.
“My test results came back,” he said.
“Already?”
He nodded. “Fertility regeneration is moving slowly. Only 6% of my seed appears to be viable, but it’s progressing.”
“Sooo, the chances of us…” I stopped, waving my hand between us. “I mean, the odds that you got me pregnant are slim, right?”
“Yes.”
We just stood there looking at each other for another moment, but with each passing second, the sight of him—the smell of him—was driving me crazy. He stoked a strange fire inside me that only he could control.
“I should let you rest. It’s been a long few days for both of us.” He said, inclining his head in a fashion that was far too formal for my liking. Then he turned gracefully on his heels and started to walk away.
“Saleuk,” I spoke up.
He looked back as if he was hoping I’d say something.
“If you’re still shooting blanks, for the most part, then we…” I trailed off.
He pivoted slowly back toward me and took a slow step, waiting. Heat coursed through my blood and sunk to the apex of my thighs, making my breath quiver.
“We what?” he said, cocking his head.
I cleared my throat, feeling nervous all of a sudden. My heart was racing and everything in me was screaming for him to touch me, but my tongue had suddenly turned to stone.
“Sam,” he whispered, taking another step. “I won’t—I can’t—touch you like that again unless you truly want this. On Phesah, it was foolish. There are risks. You should have known them all before I even considered…”
He was at war with himself and it made me second guess myself. Maybe he didn’t want to be with me. Or, maybe he did and didn’t want to risk my safety. Either way, I just wanted him to tell me.
“I know the risks,” I said, aware that I didn’t exactly know every detail in full. “And I could have said something. You gave me the chance to. It’s not all on you. I wanted it.”
“Did you?”
I scoffed. “I think me climbing on you and begging for it was a clear indicator.”
His brows bobbed and he stepped closer.
“Well, now that our heads are clear, we might need to put our desires in check.”
“Why? Is there someone else you want to save them for?” I said, not meaning for it to sound so bitter.
Shock flashed across Saleuk’s face. I didn’t mean to go on the offensive, but I was growing irritated at how much I wanted him and he wasn’t doing anything about it.
He took another step, cocking his head. “Tell me you want it.”
There was not a single thought in my head that protested. I took a deep breath and I closed the small gap between us, leaping into his arms and throwing my legs around him. Our mouths crashed together in a burning kiss and instantly I was content. Elated. Saleuk’s arms surrounded me as he walked into my room. One hand reached out and slapped the control lock, closing the door behind him. I rocked against him, feeling his cock grow instantly hard between us.
“Every ounce of self-control is shattered with you,” he groaned, making his way to the bed.
“I don’t want you to control yourself.”
“Yes, you do. Losing yourself to this passion could have consequences.”
“You said only six percent of—”
“Six percent isn’t zero, Sam.”
He laid me down on the soft bed, his lips tracing my jaw and then the side of my neck. My whole body was so deliciously aware of him. I felt like I was already edging toward a release when he palmed my breast.
“If you’re going to fuck me and talk about what a bad idea it is, then what’s the point?”
Saleuk moved further down my body, reaching down to grip the hem of my dress and drag the light fabric up my leg. I felt the cool air on my wet center and shuddered.
“I’m not going to fuck you.” He raised his hooded eyes toward me and smirked, watching me as he lifted my skirts over my stomach and kissed my hip. “But I am going to make you scream.”