22 Saleuk
Being back on Sylos was a relief. Sam and I made our way eagerly from the landing zone to the medical facility with Ilisa close behind us. It was only on the trip over from Phesah that Sam started to complain about her right leg, telling me it had hit the cliff face with a good amount of force when she fell.
Seeing her fall had ripped me open and the entire time I thought she’d gone down into the ravine, I thought I might want to jump in after her to save myself from the pain and shame of losing her. Of not being able to protect her. It was only by chance that she grabbed a root sturdy enough to support her long enough for me to get to her.
That kind of feeling couldn’t be just because of a surge. That was something else. Something beyond biology.
I should have known the mountain would be unstable. I should have held her hand the whole way. Something.
“Are you ok?” Sam asked, a slight limp in her step.
I smiled at her and bent to lift her into my arms. She let out a soft squeak of surprise as I carried her into the med building.
“Where are the interns?” she asked.
“Returned to the Nexus,” Ilisa said. “Michael Hemburg has been banned by the council to ever step foot on Phesah or Sylos. Or any other valerian-owned planet, for that matter.”
“Was it that easy?”
Ilisa shook her head. “No. The council was very close to dismissing the whole thing until one of the interns figured out how to access the feed from his OxyMask. He’d tried to tamper with it, which only strengthened the case against him.”
Sam’s smile had a hint of darkness behind it and I didn’t blame her. I would have done far worse to the lead researcher if I had the chance. And now, with the bond we shared, I considered hunting him down before his return to Earth only to solidify my claim on Sam by maiming him.
Claim? My brain was acting like she was mine. Like we were a pair. But we hadn’t had that conversation as seriously as we should have.
“In here,” Ilisa said, escorting me into a small private room with a metal table and a few simple medical instruments.
I set Sam down on the table and stepped back to let Ilisa examine her, crossing my arms sternly as I watched. To my relief, Sam didn’t seem too worried about her injury and when Ilisa got an internal scan, things looked alright save for some bone bruising and swelling in her calf muscles.
“So?” Ilisa asked in Takesh as she pulled up Sam’s pant leg to look at the purple flesh forming there. “What happened on Phesah?”
“We got attacked by a kilor,” I sighed. “And then we found ourselves at the ruins of the—”
“No,” Ilisa cut me off, taking a deep breath. “I mean between you two.” Gently, she set Sam’s leg down and walked to a small compartment in the wall containing cryo patches. “I smell the two of you on each other.”
Ilisa returned to Sam, shifting to a language she could understand. “This is cold,” she said, gently pressing the patch over the swelling bruises. “It will help with the pain and swelling.”
“Thank you,” Sam said.
Ilisa turned back to me, the kindness in her face turning stern.
“What?” I said, returning to Takesh so Sam could not understand.
It felt shameful for me to have a private conversation in front of her that was about her, but I didn’t yet know what Ilisa would think of the situation or what she would say.
Ilisa remained silent for a moment until her eyes went to my chest. She was no fool. A valerian with a working paetal sounded different. Smelled different.
She knew.
Her lips parted subtly with quiet surprise before she reached out to press her hand flat to my chest. Her violet eyes twinkled with astonishment and joy when she felt the two hearts beating in tandem.
“You have surged,” she said breathily. Then her smile dropped again and she tossed Sam a quick glance. “And a human triggered it?”
I nodded and Ilisa stepped away, pulling her gray medical jacket down to straighten any wrinkles.
“It seems humans are good at awakening that part of our males,” she said, a hint of bitterness in her tone.
“Ilisa—”
“You should surrender yourself and her to study.”
“I thought Vahko and Innifer had already submitted enough—”
“They are off-world. And having new subjects would aid our scientists’ efforts greatly.”
“I don’t want to submit Sam to any studies right now. She’s been through a lot.”
“We’ve all been through a lot,” she spoke through a clenched jaw.
Ilisa had never been particularly loud in her thoughts regarding the Thinning or humans, but the way she spoke when she knew I’d surged displayed her passion. She was frustrated, like all of our people. I couldn’t imagine how it looked through her hopeful eyes.
“Ilisa,” I said softly. “I care about her.”
A stretch of silence spread between us. She glanced slowly between Sam and me, considering things. Sam had started watching us, likely after she heard familiar names, but I knew she didn’t understand the words.
“So it was not just a surge, then,” Ilisa sighed.
“No.”
“Have you told her?”
“I haven’t.”
“Then what will you do?”
“I will allow tests to be done on me and I will ask Sam if she will allow the same. Beyond that, it must be her choice how to go forward.”
“She does not feel the same about you?”
“I don’t know.”
Ilisa nodded, taking a deep breath before she headed toward the door. Before disappearing, she turned to face me once more.
“If she doesn’t understand the gravity of her situation, then make her understand the gravity of yours. There are women at the Temple of Silica who would be overjoyed to know you can breed. They long to conceive.”
“You follow that religious propaganda, Ilisa. I do not. The women at Silica can try to conceive anytime they want through the same means other women do. In a lab.”
“The true children are born through a union. Not because lab techs implanted the combined DNA of a man and woman.”
“To you, perhaps. To me, it is all the same.”
She yielded, but she was not happy about it. I could feel her frustration as she marched out of the room, leaving me alone with Sam. Turning to her, I saw a look of concern in the way her brows were drawn close in the middle. She was gently massaging her leg, watching the door where Ilisa had disappeared.
“What was that about?” she asked. “Sounded serious.”
“It was nothing.”
“Well, I heard my name, so I’m going to call you on your bluff.”
I smiled and stepped closer to her, bracing my fists on the table on either side of her legs.
“You know very well that it is rare for a valerian to surge. To become fertile.”
“Yeah?”
“And I’ve surged with a human. It is a good thing. But because you are you, it’s a complicated thing.”
“How so?”
“Because with so few women able to conceive and so few men able to breed, when we surge, everyone wants to study us. It happened to Vahko and as soon as I tell the council, it will happen to me. And to you.”
“They’ll want to study me?”
“If you’ll let them. But it’s not your duty. If you—”
“Sure. I mean, if it will help. Unless you’re talking dissection and 24/7 surveillance or some weird Russian bunker shit.”
I drew back my head in shock. “No… Sam…”
“I’m kidding. So, what? Some blood samples? A little observation? If that’s all we’re talking, I’m willing.”
While I was overjoyed to know she wanted to help, it was the other part of the situation that I feared she wouldn’t like.
“What?”
“It’s just… my people’s expectations about me are a little different.”
“How?”
“Since I am most likely fertile because of the surge, I’ll be expected to… donate more than blood samples.”
“Oh,” she nodded slowly. “Right. For testing, or…”
“For whatever they decide to do with it.”
She stared at me for a moment, but I knew my Sam wasn’t dense. She was smart and she was processing things.
“So, you’d be a sperm donor,” she said. It wasn’t a question.
“If sperm donor means what I think it means, yes. But if they do use me for any such thing, it would be anonymous. Breeding has become a science project. Relationships are not forged between two people like they used to be. It depends only on fertility and the chances of conception and even then, pregnancies are carefully monitored. Sometimes it’s dangerous to…”
I trailed off, watching Sam’s face soak in everything I was telling her. When I mentioned pregnancy, both of us paused. Realization trickled through me like a thin poison.
“So, what you were trying to say in the cave,” Sam started, her voice small and withered. “I mean, there’s a real possibility that…”
She couldn’t say it.
“Innifer mentioned that many women from Earth do not have the ability to conceive.”
“Yes, they encourage women to get sterilized, but I never did. You’re my first, remember? I thought I’d be having virtual sex for the rest of my life.” Pushing me away, she hopped down from the table and winced when her weight hit her injured leg. “How likely do you think it is that I got pregnant?”
“I don’t know, Sam,” I said, regretting my foolishness.
I knew how risky pregnancy was for even valerians in my people’s current state. There was no telling what it would be like for Sam if it was even possible that I could impregnate her.
“Why didn’t you think of getting pregnant, Sam?” she began, talking to herself as she paced the room. “Oh, of course. Because you never thought you’d be having real sex.”
“Sam.”
She turned swiftly in my direction. “Saleuk, what are the odds? I mean, you’ve essentially been shooting blanks until you surged, right? Maybe it takes time for you to shoot… not blanks.”
“I’ll know everything when I get tested.”
It was hard to leave Sam in a room with another doctor while I left to get checked out. I was unharmed, but as Dr. Kel’ri escorted me to the second floor, I knew that Ilisa had already spread the word to at least a few of her colleagues about Sam and me. I sighed with realization as I entered a round, white room with nothing but a couple of metal observation beds and data screens.
“So, Ilisa told you,” I sighed.
Dr. Kel’ri was an older man. I’d dealt with him before in passing. He wasn’t talkative and he never gave his opinions. He did his work quickly and efficiently and then moved on to his next assignment.
“She told me you surged,” he said, gesturing for me to sit down on a round stool near a panel of controls and displays. “I didn’t ask with who and I don’t care. I’ve seen more change than you can imagine, boy. Eventually, it all becomes routine. Remove the top of your thermal layers.”
I circled the dial in the middle of my chest and let my upper suit recede into my harness. Barely looking at me, Dr. Kel’ri manifested a small vial from a compartment in the control panel and slid the top off of it. Underneath was a short needle.
Like I said, he wasn’t talkative. He jabbed the needle into the large vein on the inside of my elbow and extracted a good amount of blood before withdrawing it. Then he took another. And another. Then he took spit samples before taking more blood from the underside of my wrist where the main vein from my paetal was most prominent. He took three additional samples before handing me a shorter vial with a greater width. His eyes met mine and I took it. He didn’t have to tell me what that was for.
I retreated to a private stall in the back of a room, taking longer than I should have to gather a sample of my spend. Medical facilities were uncomfortable and I’d endured a hundred tests since the Thinning, but things were different now. I’d surged and it wasn’t in the presence of a valerian woman or a man. It was with Sam. My people said that a surge was not exclusive, but with her, it felt like it was. It felt like my heart started beating for her and only her and I couldn’t explain it. Perhaps it was because it had become such a rare thing. Maybe there was a psychological explanation since my people found it so hard to build connections, physical and emotional, after the war tore us apart, but I didn’t care.
When I emerged from the private stall sometime later with all the sample that I could conjure, I saw a woman standing beside Dr. Kel’ri, draped in fine, silver robes. Kaisiri. I supposed she would be the first to catch wind of the news.
Clearing my throat, I walked my sample over to Kel’ri and watched him place it in a silver receptacle before inclining his head and taking his leave.
I was a mess. I was still covered in the filth and sweat I’d accumulated from Phesah and according to Ilisa, that didn’t even cover up Sam’s scent. I fingered the dial on my harness, replacing my thermosuit in a desperate attempt to seem more collected and professional in front of the councilwoman.
“Saleuk Mena’tauv,” she addressed me. I bowed my head at her in respect before straightening my shoulders and standing at attention. “It’s been a while since you’ve stepped foot on Sylos.”
“I was assigned to the human research expedition.”
“Yes, I know. I helped approve that expedition. You can imagine how foolish I felt when they came here a day early without one of their members and the crew without their captain.”
“My crew was following my orders to get the humans off of Phesah. I felt it was best considering the actions of their lead researcher, Michael Hemburg.”
“Yes, Poru told me everything. It’s safe to say that this jeopardizes any future explorations of our territories by the humans.” She paused a moment, taking a deep breath and then wrinkling her nose as if she’d finally caught wind of my disheveled state. “Ilisa also told me what happened between you and the human, Samantha.”
I blinked at the mention of Sam, hesitating a beat to get my thoughts in order.
“Yes. I experienced a surge with the intern.”
“Please,” she said chidingly, clicking her tongue. “She’s not just an intern. There’s no need for you to tip toe, boy. You’re not speaking before the council, you’re speaking to me. Tell me what you’ve been experiencing. What are your thoughts?”
Kaisiri had never been personable on any level before. She’d always been formal and by the book. She’d always consoled her people in all matters. To have her in a room speaking privately to me about my relations with a human—Sam—confused my thoughts. I glanced at the closed door as if to solidify the fact that we were alone and then let out a deep breath that I’d been holding in my lungs.
“My thoughts are that I care about Sam,” I confessed. “Very much. I believe I had some level of affection for her when she was here last, but I never imagined that it could become anything else.”
“You survived in the wilds of Phesah’s great forests for days with her. Could that be influencing your feelings?”
“I do not believe so. What I felt when I thought she might be in danger was something indescribable. And that was before my physical reactions even began.”
Kaisiri raised her chin analytically and then slowly moved to a white, padded seat to sit. I sat on the stool across from her, aware of how casual our conversation felt. It was almost… friendly.
“And where does this put you?” she asked. “You are a soldier. A well-trained pilot. You’re an asset to your people. Do you see yourself settling down with a mate?”
“I don’t know.”
“And you’re aware of the health risks that come with pregnancy? In the latest reports from Vahko and Innifer, she is still not showing signs of fertility, so there’s no way of knowing how a valerian pregnancy would affect a human. Our fetuses develop rapidly. More rapidly than that of a human. The toll it would take on her physical health is—”
“I know,” I nodded solemnly. “And I’m a fool to have consummated our bond before considering these things.”
“Do not fret,” she eased. “Your paetal is beating again. But even with a healthy paetal, it does not mean every woman you touch will be impregnated.” She stopped for a moment, folding her long fingers together in her lap. “Have you considered your duties if Dr. Kel’ri finds you fit for breeding?”
“I have. And I’m more than willing to cooperate.”
“If?”
“If nothing. My duty is to my people over all else.”
She watched me for a long moment before nodding and straightening out the folds of her robes.
“If you care about Sam, that makes her your people, too,” she muttered.
I raised my head, caught off guard by the solemn drop in her tone.
“Councilwoman?”
Taking a deep breath, she leaned back in her seat, stripping herself of that straight, proper councilwoman posture I’d always known her to have.
“You do have a duty, Saleuk. That is true. It’s admirable that you want to help your people in that way, even when your affections are for Sam. But this is the second time that one of our people has surged in the presence of a human. Our people have been dealt a terrible blow by our enemies. To lose the ability to bear children is a daunting window into our future. But we all know that valerians and humans alike are descendants of Ak’suk’kaan. Perhaps this is the path we were meant to take. Perhaps it was not simply by chance that humans ventured into space when they did. When our people were losing hope.”
Taking another deep breath, she dropped her eyes to her hands and pressed her lips together into a soft frown.
“You are young. You slept through the worst of it, but the pain we endured when we realized what happened did not end the day the gek infected our people with that terrible virus. It lingered. And I lived through it. And my husband died attacking gek warships with a large sum of our remaining soldiers who were not put into stasis.”
“I did not know you were married.”
“Because we married after so many were put to sleep. Including you. We married out of love. Out of mutual pain and a need for support. We were not together to help our people or to advance science or to strengthen alliances. We were together because we needed each other.”
The pain radiating from Kaisiri was heavy, sucking the air right out of the room. Tangled bits of my mind latched on to the idea of losing Sam and how that would devastate me. I couldn’t imagine the agony Kaisiri contended with every day after she lost her other half.
“I’m very sorry, councilwoman,” I said.
“There’s no need to be sorry. I’m very old now. I have many jobs and many duties to busy my thoughts. To see Vahko and now you find a connection in someone, even if they are not valerian, is a bittersweet realization that we are moving into a new era. Evolving. So, you do have a duty to your people and I pray you don’t forget it. But I will not stand in your way if you desire to make what you have with Sam into something real.” She stood, slowly unfolding into her full, slender height. “But you must be certain. And even more than that, she must be certain.”
I stood and placed my hands neatly behind my back, inclining my head.
“Of course,” I said.
“This will all still need to be taken before the council. I will do my best to convince them that these pairings are a good thing for our people, but don’t expect everyone to be so accepting.”
“Ilisa has already expressed her malcontent.”
“Yes, well, she’s a bit too religious and pure-blooded for my taste.”
I chuckled. “She tried to get me to consider the Sisters of Silica.”
Kaisiri shook her head with dismissal and turned to leave the room. “Those women cannot bear children any easier than the rest of us. They’re just starved for attention.” She reached the door and turned to me. “Congratulations, Mena’tauv. Now, go clean yourself up. I can smell every plant and dirt patch you ever came in contact with on that moon.”