24. Margot
TWENTY-FOUR
Margot
I texted Caleb.
What’s going on?
Where are you?
Minutes passed and then another hour.
What have you heard about the storm?
I left a voicemail next.
“Okay, I’m not trying to be anxious, except we both know I am anxious, but can you call me, please? Let me know you’re okay.”
H e’d been gone for hours. The project manager had been right. The guys were able to finish, and the boat slips were safe. The pier had been restored. I didn’t have to worry about anyone falling through a rotten board on movie night.
They had also been generous and left huge sheets of plywood for me to cover the cottage windows. One of the guys assured me Caleb would know what to do with it.
I turned on the weather and watched and listened while the meteorologist explained the possible paths the hurricane could take. In New York, I
worried about heat waves in the summer and blizzards in the winter. The hurricane seemed like all the worst elements of both put together. I needed to make a list of supplies, but I would wait for Caleb to tell me what the report was from the meeting. I trusted the Coast Guard would have the most accurate information.
I grinned when I heard his truck outside. Finally, he was back. I had been more worried than I wanted to admit. It was going to take a while for the events of the fishing boat attack to fade. I would never forget how I felt when he was missing. I walked out to meet him.
“How big is the storm?” I asked, standing just inside the doorway of the porch. “It’s bad, isn’t it? That’s why you were gone so long?”
His jaw was clenched. His eyes dark, stormy.
“What’s wrong? What happened?” I opened the door to let him in. He didn’t have to say anything for me to know it was not good news. Whatever it was, it was consuming him. Eating him from the inside out. It was all over his face. Wrenching his posture. Every muscle was tense. Anger rolled off him.
“I’m leaving.” His voice was flat.
The words left his lips, but I stared at them anyway. They didn’t make sense. It didn’t sound like he had spoken them. It didn’t sound anything like Caleb.
“What do you mean leaving?” I searched his eyes, but there was nothing but storm clouds there, too.
He couldn’t look at me. He turned his head. His eyes darted out to the water. To the horizon. The empty pier. Anywhere, but in my direction.
I grabbed the front of his uniform. “Caleb, look at me. Tell me what’s going on? Why would you say you’re leaving? Storm prep? What is it?” Why did I have to work so hard to pull this out of him?
“I have orders to go to Virginia,” he stated.
I gasped. “What? What do you mean? You mean for the hurricane, right?” It was the only thing that made sense.
“No, permanent change of station orders.”
“Permanent?” I shrieked. “Orders. No. No. You said you were here and stationed here. You can’t leave. You told me that was impossible. You are a legacy Coast Guardsman. That’s what you said.”
I felt the floor fall out beneath me. I thought I was going to be sick. My breathing became rapid. I clung to him. My nails dug harder into his solid arms.
Caleb held me against him before my knees buckled.
He took a giant breath. “My commanding officer found out about the money.” His voice was low. There was no emotion. “Guthrie didn’t have a choice once he had record of me taking what is now being considered a bribe. Instead of dishonorably discharging me he gave me another choice. Because of my recent hero status in saving Gabe and my family name, he decided a transfer was a fair alternative.”
“Alternative to what?” I craned my neck to see him. “This is a punishment.”
“The alternative to being decommissioned and kicked out of the Coast Guard for the rest of my life.”
I felt my throat become tighter. “No. You didn’t do anything wrong. They can’t do that. Carrie is the one who broke the law.”
“That’s not true. I took the money, and I couldn’t lie when Guthrie asked. I admitted it. I told him all of it. The check. How I returned that. But then she showed up with the cash, and I wanted you to have it.”
“Can you appeal? What can we do?” I was desperate. I would do anything to make this stop. To keep him here. “We can hire someone. Someone to fight this.”
“No. There’s nothing to do. It’s not a civilian matter. It doesn’t work like that. I go where the orders say I go.”
“Your brother? Dad? Uncle? Doesn’t this legacy thing have some pull? That’s what everyone keeps saying. Use it. We can figure this out. Let’s go inside and we’ll brainstorm and make a list and think of who we can call.” I was trying to come up with any and all possible options. “Your dad will know what to do. Let’s call him.” I pictured Adam swooping in with his calm presence and a dad joke or two to make this all go away.
He shook his head. “I can’t stay. I have to go back to the barracks and pack.” He held me at arm’s length, testing whether I was steady enough to stand on my own.
“No. We need to fight this. There’s no packing.” I shook my head. I wasn’t going to accept it, and I wouldn’t let him accept it either.
“There is nothing anyone can do. I have to pack. I have to stop by my parents’ house. I have more things to grab there.”
“Pack? It sounds like you’re talking about going soon. When are you leaving? When did he say you have to go?” I still didn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth. My stomach heaved and rolled even more. I felt perspiration in my palms and break through across my forehead.
“In the morning. I’m on the 6 am ferry to make it out before the hurricane hits. He wants me in Virginia by lunchtime tomorrow to get ahead of the storm. They’re expecting me.”
I gripped the sides of his arms. I wasn’t going to let him go. “No. You can’t leave. They can’t do this. I’ll go talk to him. I’ll tell your boss about Carrie. About Dean. It’s not that black and white. It’s way more complicated. I met Guthrie. Maybe he would listen to me. I’ll explain all of it. We can give the money back. I’ll sell the drink machine.” I started to cry. “No. You can’t leave.”
He held me close while the heavy tears soaked his shirt. “Shh. We’ll figure it out. It’s going to be okay. Somehow.”
I wrapped my arms around his back. “Don’t go. Please.”
He lifted my chin. It was the first time he let me look in his eyes. The pain I saw gutted me.
“I’ll figure out how to come back. I will.”
The tears ran down my cheeks. “This can’t be happening.” It was like lightning had split us open.
He kissed the top of my head. “I’ll try to come back before I leave, but I have a lot to do before the ferry. And my mom isn’t taking the news very well. My dad says I might need to spend some time there tonight.”
“Oh God.” I knew it was going to hurt her and his dad. They loved having him here. They loved that he stayed on the island and made a life here.
His eyes closed. “Let me go and take care of this. I’ll call you. I’ll come back to you.”
I couldn’t let him go. My fingers refused to unfurl. I had him tightly in my hands. My body wouldn’t move. It wouldn’t respond to his commands. Finally, he wrangled free. He kept putting space between us, backing up, and I kept inching toward him.
“I’ll come with you,” I pleaded. “I’ll help you pack, and I’ll go see your parents.” I choked on a sob.
He shook his head. “It’s too much. And you’ll slow me down. I’ve got to get this done or I’m going to lose my job. My entire career. I have no choice but to be on that 6 am ferry.”
“Come back tonight?” I needed more time. I needed him. It couldn’t be over like this. We needed time together to hold each other. To talk. To plan. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I never wanted to say goodbye. I refused to accept this was our life right now.
“If I can.” He held the side of my face. “I’ll try.”
“Then I’ll go to Virginia,” I sputtered. “We’ll make a road trip out of it.”
He shook his head. “Too many reasons for you to stay here. The first is the hurricane. The second is all the work you’ve put in the marina. And the third—they won’t let you on base there, baby. We’re not married.”
It was like a rushing waterfall of bad news.
When he turned to go, I felt my entire body pulse with pain. It was unbearable, unstoppable pain.
“Be good while I’m gone.” He winked.
“Caleb!” I screamed.
I called his name again, but he climbed in his truck. I had to move when he put it in reverse.
“Don’t go like this! I want to come with you!” I cried.
I ran after him when he drove down the drive and out of sight. I dropped to my knees in the middle of the wooded part of the road. The rocks scraped and cut my knees. I didn’t care. I didn’t feel the cuts or scrapes. All I felt was my heart shattering. I folded in half, sobbing, screaming, beating the dirt and gravel with my fists. What if he didn’t come back? What if this was the end?
I was alone again.