Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Claire
I didn’t want to go into Lorne but my fridge was pretty much empty, and it was preferable to having strangers come to my house with a delivery.
I can’t bear to speak to anyone at the moment.
Two days have passed since the call from Bryce.
Yelling at him didn’t make me feel any better; if anything I feel as though, somehow, I’ve made a huge mistake.
I just want to close my gates and stay in my house forever, living with my memories of everyone I’ve lost, like some sort of ghost in a Victorian tale.
It’s completely ridiculous, of course. I refuse to disappear into my sorrow.
I just need a couple of weeks to sort my head out, then I can get back to my life again.
A little bit older, a little bit wiser. I’m going to take this as a learning experience, to not give my heart so easily again.
Which is what I tell myself as I drive the winding road into Lorne, blinking back tears.
The town is getting busier now, people starting their Christmas holidays early. Schools break up next week and the place will be overrun then. I’m lucky to get a parking spot on the main street today; I’ll have no chance next week.
I’m glad I’m not at work. I don’t know if I can face going back in a couple of weeks, but I hate the thought of letting Anna down. Another thing to feel shitty about. I grab my groceries as quickly as I can and head back to my car.
I put the bags in the back, then realise I forgot to get milk. Shit. Now I have to go back.
I huff out a sigh, locking my car and heading down the street again. I pass the café where Kylie works, keeping my head down, hoping she won’t notice me.
No such luck.
“Claire! Claire, wait up!”
I slow to a stop. I can’t escape this, I guess.
Even though I don’t want anything to do with Bryce.
Thank god I’m off work, otherwise I’d be trying to rip his poster off the wall.
I sigh, turning around. I wonder what excuses she’s going to try and give me, not that it’s any of her business how Bryce treated me, though a very small part of me still clings to hope.
Kylie jogs up to me. She’s still wearing her apron from the café, tied over a long brown dress, her sun-streaked hair tied up in a messy bun.
“What the fuck is your problem?”
Woah. This is not what I was expecting. I would be angry, but I can’t feel much at the moment.
“What do you mean, what’s my problem?” A little flame of anger licks through me, despite how numb I am. “I don’t have a problem.”
“Oh, you don’t.” Kylie folds her arms, looking me up and down. “So you just turned your back on Bryce and blocked him for no reason, then?”
“What? He ditched me! Got what he wanted and then buggered off.” A small hook of pain sinks in my chest.
Kylie’s head goes back slightly, her brows drawing together. “Ditched you? Didn’t he tell you he was going to Melbourne?”
“Yes. He promised he’d come back. But he didn’t and I couldn’t get hold of him.
” My breath starts to hitch in my chest. “And then I saw this.” I open my phone and bring up Bryce’s socials.
He hasn’t posted anything since the picture of the girl.
Seeing the thumbnail images of us together, laughing under the cardboard wave at Torquay, kissing on my balcony, feels like a punch in the chest. I show Kylie my phone.
“He posted it around the time he was supposed to be showing up here to be with me. So what the hell am I supposed to think?”
Kylie looks at me as though I’ve grown an extra head. “This photo? This is why you blocked him?”
“Yes!” It comes out like a yell, tears burning the back of my eyes. “I should have known he’d be like that, on to the next girl as soon as he got what he wanted from me. He’d literally just had a fucking threesome the first time I met him!”
“Claire.” Kylie’s voice is quiet, now, and slightly less angry-sounding. “Did Bryce ever tell you anything about his family?”
I shake my head. “Not really. He said he grew up in Melbourne. I guess that’s where he met her.”
Kylie huffs out a laugh. “Yeah, he did meet her there … when she was born.”
Horror starts to bloom in me, cold and heavy. “What?”
“That’s his sister. And the reason he went to Melbourne, and probably didn’t want to say anything about it to you before he left, is that she’s a junkie.
She went to rehab and got clean, but he was worried she was using again.
That’s why he was back there, why he had to go to Melbourne: he nearly fucking lost her!
She OD’d again, and he’s been trying to hold everything together for his mum.
He tried to message you, but it didn’t go through. And now you’ve blocked him.”
Shame joins my horror. I feel sick. “I didn’t let him explain,” I whisper. “Oh god. I just thought, I just…” I can’t look at Kylie. “It was… When we… It was my first time. And I thought he wasn’t interested anymore once we did it.”
“Claire.” Kylie’s hand comes to my arm, a gentle touch. “I get it, okay? I’ve known Bryce a long time and I know what he’s like. I know he has a reputation, some of it deserved. But I also know he’s kind and sensitive, and has almost the biggest heart of anyone I’ve met.”
“Oh god.” I sink down into a crouch, my face in my hands.
I can’t stand up anymore. “I just thought…” I drop my hands, gazing up at Kylie.
She has her hands on her hips, but she looks more sympathetic than pissed, now.
“I let someone in before, and he hurt me. Badly. I didn’t want it to happen again. ”
“Babe, come on.” She holds out her hand and I take it. She pulls me to my feet and I stagger. “You’re white as a sheet,” she goes on. “Come and have a coffee. On the house.”
“I like him so much.” I clutch at her arm. My throat feels like it’s closing. How could I have done that to him? “He was so good to me, all the time.”
“That’s the Bryce I know,” Kylie says. “Once he gives his heart, it’s forever. And I think he wanted to give it to you, Claire.”
“And I fucking stomped on it.” I start crying, unable to stop.
“You didn’t know.” Kylie puts her arm around me.
“That’s what happens, when you fall hard and fast. You’re so busy getting into each other you don’t have time to actually get to know each other.
I thought Matt was a drug dealer when we first met.
When I found out he was a builder, it was such a relief, because I knew I was in too deep already, that he was the one. ”
“Why on earth did you think he was a drug dealer?”
“He had all these little plastic baggies around the place. And seemed cashed up all the time. But the baggies were for all the little screws and nails and doodads he uses, and the cash was because he hates using bank machines.” She giggles.
I don’t laugh with her, only because I feel as though someone just dropped an anvil on me.
My heart breaks at the thought of Bryce going through everything with his family alone, thinking I’ve turned my back on him.
And I screamed at him, not giving him a chance to explain.
I need to call him, now. I pull my phone out of my bag and find his number.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
I ignore Kylie, pressing dial. I get a busy signal. I try again, but it’s the same thing.
Kylie pulls out her phone and calls Bryce’s number. It rings.
Another anvil drops from above. He’s blocked me. And with good reason.
Kylie knows it as well; I can see by her face. She offers me her still-ringing phone. I shake my head, blinded by tears.
“I-I can’t,” I say. “I just… Just look after him, okay?”
And I turn and walk away.
But later, sitting in my house alone, picking at a meal I can’t eat, I decide to give Kylie a call. I ring the coffee shop, because I don’t have her number. She answers the phone.
“Kylie, it’s Claire.”
There’s silence for a moment. “What can I do to help?”
I almost start crying again. “Can you call him? And tell him I’m sorry? Please? It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t want to come back to me. I just want him to know.”
Another pause. “What are you doing tonight?”
“I’m going to the Inlet. With a couple of friends.
” I finally confessed everything to Joss and Sal.
They were devastated for me. They’ve insisted I go to the pub with them, in an effort to cheer me up.
I’d rather stay home under a blanket. But life, I’ve learned, moves forward, whether you want it to or not.
I need to try, at least, to get over this.
“I’ll meet you there. And we can call him together.”
I start protesting, but she won’t take no for an answer. “Look. We’re doing this. Even if it’s just to say sorry, Claire. It should come from you, not me.”
She’s right. I don’t know if I can bear to hear Bryce’s voice again, but I need to do it.
“All right,” I say. “I’ll see you there.”
Bryce
I hate this stupid fucking party.
It’s a great party. Ocean’s Curl know how to put on a good spread.
They’ve taken over one of those fancy yacht club places on the bay, a gleaming space of white and glass, huge windows open to the water, expensive boats bobbing at their moorings.
The food is fantastic, drink is on tap, and there’s a shit-hot DJ spinning tunes.
The crowd is good too; a few surfers I know, as well as the OC crew, who are all pretty great.
But I hate it because people keep asking me where Claire is. And she isn’t here.
There’s a huge Christmas tree in one corner of the room, hung with gold and silver baubles. I hate that too, because it reminds me of when I first met her. I lean against the bar, a cold beer in my hand, as beautiful women come and go in front of me. I don’t want the beer, or the women.
I just want Claire.
She is under my skin still; a splinter of pain and yearning I cannot get rid of, no matter how I try. I take a sip of the beer, then put it on the bar. I should just get out of here.
“Having fun?” Jeff leans on the bar next to me. Light gleams from the gold ring on his wedding finger; his husband, Brad, is over at the buffet, filling a couple of plates.
“Yeah, it’s a good party,” I say, trying to muster some enthusiasm.
“Really? So why do you look like your gran just died? Sorry.” He puts his hands up as I glare at him. “Seriously, though. You’ve got a face like a wet Wednesday.”
I don’t say anything.
“You know,” Jeff says, sounding thoughtful, “when I met Brad, we almost didn’t hook up.”
“Is that right?”
“Yeah. I thought he was with someone else, and he thought I wasn’t interested. I blocked his number, twice. Until he tracked me down at a club one night and told me, to my face, how he was feeling.”
I glance at him. I know what he’s trying to do.
“Sometimes, you just need to talk to someone face to face. You need to go after what you want, otherwise you’ll never know what could have happened.”
It’s working, though. He’s right. All of this shit between me and Claire is due to us not communicating properly. And while old me might have just blown things off and moved on to the next girl, new me doesn’t want to do that. Not anymore. Not while the stakes are so high.
“Right then.” I push myself off the bar. “See you later.”
“Leaving so soon?” There’s a smile on Jeff’s face, though.
“Yes, you wily bastard. That’s what you want, isn’t it? For me to go after her?”
“It doesn’t matter what I want.”
“Even if it’s good for business?”
He claps me on the shoulder. “All that matters is whether it’s good for you. And you’re the only one who can answer that question. I’ll make your excuses to the Ocean’s Curl team.”
“Thanks, mate.” I pause, then pull him in for a hug. “For everything.”
I leave him leaning against the bar, looking slightly stunned, and I head out.
I’m going to Claire. I only hope she doesn’t turn me away.