32. Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Two
Blaire
T he first thing I register is incessant beeping noises.
The second is how heavy my eyes are.
The third is pain. Everywhere.
I work hard to open my eyes, but they feel glued shut. A dim, blurry light is all I see as I move my head to the side and groan.
“Baby? Thank god. It’s Dallas, baby girl. I’m right here.”
His warm hand touches my cheek gently as the tears slip free of my eyes. There’s shuffling around the room, but my eyes are still only partially open. They feel so heavy. My entire body aches and I’m so tired.
“She just woke up. She hasn’t spoken yet.” Dallas is talking to someone, but I don’t register the other voice. The large, warm hand encompassing mine feels so good, so comforting. I try to open my eyes further, blinking a few times while I adjust to the light.
“Hi, Blaire. I’m Doctor West. You’re in the hospital. You were in a car accident. Are you in any pain?”
Car accident. I remember the white car, the noise of my tires skidding across the pavement, the crushing of metal as my car flipped. The tears flow freely now and I try to blink through them, my eyelids heavy.
“Ye-yes,” my voice croaks out, followed by a cough. My throat feels like I swallowed crushed glass.
“Can she have water?”
“Of course. Here’s the button for her pain meds. She can press it whenever she needs, we want her to be comfortable.”
Dallas rubs his hand over my forehead gently and holds a straw to my mouth. I eagerly drink from it, the cold fluid coating my sore throat like a soothing balm.
“Am I okay?”
“You are. We have some things to discuss, but I’d like for you to get some rest,” the doctor tells me, and I feel the ominous weight press down on me. I don’t like the unknown, I need to know what’s wrong now.
“No, thank you. I’d like to know now, please.”
The doctor looks from me to Dallas before speaking, “I think it would be best if we spoke privately.”
Dallas tenses next to me and a low growl works its way up his throat.
“It’s okay, Dallas. Just give us a moment, please?”
He releases a deep breath but stands and kisses my forehead before looking at me, nose to nose.
“I love you. I should have told you sooner. I love you so much, princess, and there is nothing, nothing , that will change that. You aren’t alone anymore; we’ll get through anything. I’m so sorry.”
His words coat me in everything I’ve ever wanted.
Love.
Support.
Safety.
Comfort.
He swipes the tears from my cheeks before kissing me one last time and retreating out of the room.
“He seems like a good man. He hasn’t left your side.”
“How long have I been here?”
“Three days. You came off the ventilator yesterday but we’ve kept you heavily sedated so you could heal. You suffered severe damage to your abdomen from your seatbelt. This can happen sometimes in major accidents. We took you into emergency surgery where you received a laparotomy. While rare, you had internal bleeding that was caused by a vessel injury to your uterus. The trauma was quite extensive.”
“Okay . . .”
“You received a blood transfusion, but we couldn’t fix the lacerations and had to perform a subtotal hysterectomy. Luckily, your colon, liver, and kidneys were spared. Your cervix, ovaries, and both fallopian tubes were left as they were all healthy. But your uterus was surgically removed. You understand what this means?”
I blink back the tears fogging my vision and choke out my next words.
“That I’ll never be able to carry children.”
“That’s correct. I’m so sorry. We have therapists on call that are available to come speak with you when you’re ready.”
“No. Thank you. That won’t be necessary. I have a therapist I’ll reach out to.”
She goes through the list of my lesser injuries, pats my hand sympathetically, and stands to leave. “You’ll be in the hospital for at least a few more days, but your partner is welcome to stay as long as you’re comfortable.”
I don’t bother correcting her. I don’t know what Dallas is to me. And like I needed any more pain, the memory of our last talk with each other hits me like a ton of bricks.
The file on his computer. My background. The photos. Every detail of my childhood wrapped up in a little folder for him to view.
I close my eyes and let myself drift off to a place that isn’t here. For once, I’ll take the chance of my nightmares haunting me rather than be awake any longer in this unfair world.
“Recovery is going to be six to eight weeks. Bed rest for the first two. Do you have anyone at home who can help you?” the nurse asks.
“No. I live alone.”
“You’re not going home to your apartment. You’re coming home with me,” Dallas interjects.
“No, Dallas, no. I’m not.”
“I’ll give you some time to figure things out and come back to go over discharge in the morning,” the doctor says before leaving me alone with Dallas and his mom.
“Dallas, can you give me a minute alone with Blaire?” Dallas’ mom says. He opens his mouth to talk but she holds up her hand, stopping him. “I’m asking you out of politeness, but as your mother, it’s not up for discussion.”
Dallas stares-off with his mom before he leans to kiss my forehead. I turn away, but he kisses my head anyway before walking out of the room and closing the door behind him.
Dallas’ mom sits at the foot of my bed and thinks for a moment. I sit silently, unsure what to say or where to go from here, bracing myself for a discussion as to how I’m freezing out her son and hurting him.
“My son can be an idiot sometimes. All four of them actually. When they love, they can’t see the bigger picture, only doing everything they can in the moment. I’m not making an excuse for anything he has done; I don’t have any details. But I do know that he loves you.”
Not at all what I was expecting, I meet her eyes.
“It’s really much more complicated than that. I don’t know how to forgive him for what he’s done.”
“That’s up to you two to figure out. It doesn’t change the position you’re in now. That, I do have some of the details on. The hospital called Sawyer, because they didn’t have anyone else to call. We all know you are here alone. Dallas wouldn’t give us much more information than that. So this is what we’re going to do. Regardless of your relationship with my son, I want you to know that you’re not alone. We have loved getting to know you and you have all of us to lean on. So, when you’re discharged in the morning, you’ll be coming home with me.”
My mouth falls open as tears spring to my eyes, a hard knot in my throat, clogged with emotion. I go to speak but she stops me.
“You heard the doctor. Two weeks of bed rest and a six-to-eight-week recovery total. You need help and I want to help you. We have the space, and I have the time. You aren’t alone, sweetie.”
I break down, the tears and sobs uncontrollable. All I’ve ever wanted is to no longer be alone. I’ve had to claw my way through surviving this world by myself and to have such a beautifully selfless woman want to take me in to care for me is incomprehensible. Dallas and his siblings hit the jackpot with their parents.
“Thank you,” I choke out between sobs, “I’ve never had that before.”
“I know, sweetie. But now you don’t ever have to go without it again.”
She squeezes my hand and grabs the tissue box off the end table, handing one to me and taking one for herself.
“Look at us, a couple of blubbering messes. Get some rest. It was a long day for you. I’ll get everything sorted and we’ll make you comfortable.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Hayes.”
“Amy.”
I nod and smile at her. Night after night when I was a child, I would lay in bed and wish for a mom who wanted me and cared for me. Dallas’ mom encompasses everything I had wished for. With half of my heart firmly gripping onto the feeling of a mother’s love, the other half is shielded by heavy guard, unwilling to let them down out of pure fear and a history of nothing but disappointment. But it’s so hard not to grasp onto her like a lifeline.