Peace
Creed
“I wouldn’t do that if I didn’t care, Morgan.”
I had to come to terms with a few things, maybe even find peace with my reality and face it head on. First of all, I had to admit I was wrong. I was wrong about Morgan Rossi. She wasn’t a younger version of my mother. She wasn’t the product of Hollywood. I had been wrong before, though it wasn’t a common thing, but I was definitely wrong in the way I treated her when we met. I was also wrong when I abandoned my father and didn’t bring him into my decision to enlist instead of attending college. I was also wrong when I thought women would only hang on to their children if they were already where they wanted to be in life. Morgan was willing to rearrange her entire life to raise a child that wasn’t even her own biological family. The second thing I had to accept was that I wasn’t bulletproof. I grew up thinking I had to be as tough as nails. Then as an adult I thought no other human being could ever tear down the walls my mother helped build. Addie managed to chip away at that wall the first time I ever met her, then Morgan crashed through it like a tank. The third thing I had to find peace with was the fact that my future didn’t look the same as it did a few months prior. I made contracts with women to protect my future. To not let them have any control over me. I found peace years ago with the fact that I could easily fall into some kind of trap some referred to as love. That was why I kept women at a distance.
I always thought love at first sight was the stupidest fucking shit I ever heard. Then I met Addie Doyle, and I was a goner. The way she hung on to me for dear life did something to me. I loved everything about that little girl. The way she pushed her little glasses up the bridge of her nose and the way she spoke with that tiny speech issue just to name a few. That little girl may have had a rough past, but she was lucky to be loved by Morgan.
I wouldn’t even know where to start as far as Morgan. She was not what anyone would ever expect. I liked her as just the girl from Indiana. The real Morgan Rossi. The intense attraction I felt toward her was harder and harder to deny by the day. I fucking hated leaving, and I sure as hell wasn’t letting things slide as far as the Rejects. All of that would end before I left. I desperately needed her to agree to stay. Not just because I was leaving, but for selfish reasons as well. I wanted Morgan to be mine, and that something I still needed to make peace with. For the first time since I was a kid, I wanted to be serious with someone. There would be no contracts or guarantees which did scare me, but I knew I had to try. I might have been an asshole because of the walls I had around me, but I wasn’t a total prick. I wasn’t going to make a move while she was vulnerable. Grief is powerful, and I didn’t want to take advantage of it, but my time was limited.
There was something else I had to come to terms with if I were to try and have Morgan as mine, if she would have had me. I had to accept that men all around the world wanted a slice of that sweet girl. That her body was exposed and exploited, and I wouldn’t be one of the only men to appreciate those bare breasts. Men would always look at her, mentally fuck her, and make comments. Just the thought of anyone disrespecting her made me heated with anger.
I had been trying to find a way to keep her in my home for days. Morgan wasn’t the kind of woman that should ever live to serve a man, and that had been what she was doing. She cooked, cleaned, and designed her days around my schedule and that had to stop. She needed something of her own. Of course she had Addie, and things would change, but I didn’t want her to feel like she owed me anything, because she didn’t owe me a damn thing. I hoped my offer was something she would consider.
“If we stayed, where would we live when you return?” She asked.
I hadn’t thought about that one beyond her being with me. That wouldn’t be a condition of staying in the community. I guess I presumed she would live with me and didn’t think beyond that. “I’d like you to stay here. This place sits empty more than not since I work so many hours. Especially while I’m gone. There’s no reason to just let it sit here unoccupied for an undetermined amount of time.”
“I cant stay here forever. Addie and I would need a place of our own eventually.” She took a sip of her wine, and I lost track of my thoughts as I watched those lips. She lowered the glass then swallowed which made me internally groan. Those damn lips, fuck they’re inviting. Her eyes met mine and I knew she wanted an answer.
“Yeah, I get that and maybe let the time I’m gone help you make that decision. We can make plans for you when I return.” If I return. A man only gets so many chances when he keeps returning to the most violent places on earth. Dammit, those eyes too. I was lost in them again and couldn’t keep a straight thought.
“Do I have time to think about it? I have to think about Addie and what’s best for her. Should we stay somewhere that’s temporary or make her adjust again so soon?” She asked.
Who said it had to be temporary?
“Addie may start feeling like this is her home, I get that, but that’s what she needs right now. The last thing she needs is to be bombarded by the paparazzi and your fans. She needs to get back into something that feels normal for her, like playing at a playground with other children, go swimming, helping you do normal things like grocery shop, etc. The paparazzi is all over Clarity and Cold Springs waiting to get a glimpse of you and Addie. Creed’s Lake is the only place she will be able to do those things. Temporary or not, it’s what she needs right now. You can’t offer any of those things to her if you get a place of your own. By the time I return things may have calmed down and you can make those decisions. If you feel like you need a place of your own we can discuss a few of the open lots available for family housing.”
I watched as she took another sip of her wine then she set it down and looked at me. “If I’m going to consider this, I have one request.”
“What’s that?” I was dying to reach over and touch her.
“I want my own account. That means I’ll pay rent, buy our food, and pay for things the same as everyone else.”
“Morgan, I don’t even feel your presence financially. If anything, that’s more of a pain in the ass for accounting than just letting me pay for it.” I paused when I saw disappointment on her face. “Fine, you’ll have your own account and neither of you will need those lanyards anymore. I’ll arrange for you to meet with accounting and security before I leave.” I felt like she was taking some of my control away. Not control as in dictating her life, but my ability to take care of her. I wouldn’t be able to protect her personally once I was gone, so I could have at least have been able to provide for them. I wasn’t used to women that didn’t want something from me. I always provided for the women in my life, but suddenly I had one that wanted to take care of herself.
“What’s wrong?” She tilted her head as she studied me.
I shrugged. “I guess I’m not used to this kind of thing. Growing up it was just me and dad. My mom only stayed for the short time she was in my life for money. The same for any other woman that ever came close to me.” I finally gave up and reached over to slide a piece of her hair through my fingers. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
“Is this the other thing you said I needed to know when we were driving today?” She asked.
I gave her a slow nod. “Like I said, I don’t have many good experiences with women. You know about my mom, but you don’t know about Addison Shaw.”
She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly like she was preparing herself. “I know Addison well.”
“I know you do, but you should know I once dated her while I was in high school. It wasn’t all that serious, but she did hurt me because she used me to get to Jonathan. I’m sure she was disappointed to learn that I never even met the man. I wasn’t heartbroken over the girl, just…I don’t know…she broke my trust.”
Her eyes grew and she took a sharp breath. “Oh my God, you’re him?”
Confusion hit me. “I’m him?”
“Addison isn’t all that bad. Well, maybe she is that bad, but I rarely put my guard down with people in the industry. She is a diva for sure, but I met a lot worse. We got along okay, but we weren’t best friends or anything. One night when we were shooting in Australia we had a few drinks. She told me about this guy in high school that she really liked, but she had a boyfriend in New York. She didn’t know how to break up with the guy in New York, and strung him along. The guy she really liked was well connected, and she always felt bad when he learned the truth about everything her parents did by trying to get close with his father and she thought the boy could help her future career as an actress. Anyway, to make a long story short, she’s never wanted a relationship with anyone since. We were drinking that night and talking about meaningless hookups. I told her I never had one and she said she never wanted to be responsible for someone else’s feelings. That is why she had meaningless hookups and wasn’t looking for anything serious. I told her I wanted a life like my parents have together and she warned me about trusting another human with my heart. That was one of the very few times I ever let any of them in too close.”
I was surprised to hear that Addison talked about me. “I wasn’t ever a hookup for her. Honestly, I never even slept with the girl. It was just another experience that taught me not to let a woman in close.”
She blushed and hesitated but finally asked. “So, you’re all about meaningless hookups?”
I shook my head. “No, actually…well maybe the meaningless part, but not so much the hookups. I will admit to some with a few of the girls at the clubhouse, but mainly I prefer to take my time with women. Sex gets better with time. If you learn what each other enjoy most it can be out of this world. Problem was, they all reminded me of mom and Addison. It seems like they all wanted what I could offer outside of the bedroom.” It was uncomfortable talking to Morgan about sex. Very uncomfortable but I wanted her to learn about my past from me and not someone else.
“Money, connections, and attention?” She asked.
“Money for sure, sometimes connections but it goes beyond all that too. When I was serving state side, I tried to hide my wealth. If the other servicemen learned about it…well let’s just say I would have had to work twice as hard and may never have gotten into Delta Force. I did a pretty good job of it too. By the time I was discharged I was living in a crappy little place in an old apartment building with Axton, drove an older bike, and didn’t spend much money. I’d meet women and the other guys faced the same shit as me. We called them barracks bunnies. They all wanted something, even though nobody had all that much money. Some wanted protection, marriage for the military benefits, food, and sometimes it was just attention, and they liked drama. A guy would ship out and learn his girl was fucking a fellow soldier. Honestly, Stephanie Zoey, and Bolton are the only women I’ve had even as friends. I’ve not met many examples of good women until I met them. Then I met you and I want to spend time with you. Umm…” I was so nervous. I never knew this woman existed and she was right in front of me. She scared me but I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t try something. I knew with Morgan she had to like me as the man I was, without all the money and things I could offer. I ran my hand down my face and realized once again my beard was gone. “I’ve met someone I believe could like me for just me.”
Her eyes softened and she curled into me. I put my arm around her and kissed the top of her head as I took in her scent.
“I do like you for the man you are, Creed. You’re kind, and I meant that too. You truly care about people and you’re also protective.”
“You might not feel that way when you hear my confession.” I hated telling her that stupid shit.
“Why do I have a feeling it’s not that bad?” She asked.
Morgan was smart and very intuitive. She put the pieces together about me, she figured out who my mother was and didn’t say a word until the right time.
“My dad was destroyed when my mother left. He was weak and I never wanted that to happen to me.” I was trying to say it slowly and hoped she understood.
“Felicity said you have a girlfriend.” She said, probably knowing it wasn’t true. She had been with me in my home long enough to know it wasn’t true.
“I don’t have a girlfriend. I had someone in my life, but it was an arrangement that ended.”
She sat up and looked at me. “An arrangement?”
I nodded. “Her name is Dahlia, and she lives in Louisville. Before her it was Olivia, and before her it was a girl named Piper. I had an agreement with all of them, one at a time. As I said before, sex is better with time and that’s what I prefer. So, with Dahlia for example, we had a legal document that she was to see me and only me and I’d pay for her education and her living expenses. She wasn’t as young as it sounds. She was only a couple of years younger than you. She went back to school. Anyway, I guess I felt like it was best to give them what they wanted up front and not get too invested.”
She sat up and looked at me without saying a word then she looked amused before she laughed.
“What is so funny?” I couldn’t believe she was laughing.
She wiped a tear of laughter away. “You are…” She laughed again. “A sugar daddy?”
“Why is that so funny?” I was shocked she would laugh at what I was most ashamed to tell her.
“You’re a serial monogamous that felt that you had to compensate them to stay faithful? You looked so scared when you were trying to tell me.” She pointed at me as she laughed. “That’s a great idea. Maybe I should have considered being a sugar mama!” She was holding her side as she laughed.
“You think this is funny, Miss Rossi?”
She nodded as she laughed. “You should have seen your face!”
Okay, maybe she was a little crazy.
“Did you already know?” I was suspicious at that point, and she shook her head.
“No, but I get it and why would I care that you like clean sex?” She tried to calm her laugh.
“Its not far from being prostitution, Morgan.”
“Let me guess.” She again tried to calm her laugh. “They all signed non-disclosures?”
“That’s it!” I stood and she fought me as I picked her up.
“What are you doing?” She laughed.
“Teaching you a lesson not to laugh at me when I’m trying to be serious.” I carried her down toward the lake.
“You wasted so much money.” She kept laughing. “They probably would have done it for free.”
“I’ll give you something to laugh at, Miss Rossi.” She wasn’t fighting me anymore, just laughing.
“A contract girlfriend.” She was still laughing although we were getting closer to the lake. “Those girls must have thought they won the lottery. A hot guy wanted hot sex, and he paid all their bills. That’s hilarious.” She looked around and realized where I was taking her. “Wait, you’re not serious.” I made it to the end of the dock.
“Oh, I’m serious.”
“OH MY GOD!” She screamed when I threw her, and I laughed so damn hard when I saw her face. Once I heard the splash I emptied my pockets and took off my shoes.
“You’re so dead!” She yelled at me as soon as she came to the surface.
I dove in and heard her laugh just before I went under. It was dark and I couldn’t see much, but I found her and tugged on her leg just before I came up right in front of her.
“You’re lucky I didn’t have my phone!” She was treading water.
“You need to stop laughing at me. Dammit Morgan, I was scared to death to tell you how I was living my life.”
“Well, its pretty weird, I’ll say that much, but I get it. I’ve been lonely for a long time too. That’s because I didn’t easily trust the people that surrounded me.” She put her arms around me and kissed my cheek. “You had every reason to protect yourself.” She whispered in my ear then pulled her head back to look at me.
I rested my head against hers. “Now I want to protect you.” God it felt so good to have her in my arms.
“I like the guy that holds Addie and is so sweet with both of us.” She whispered as we both treaded water while wrapped up in each other’s arms. “I also like the guy genius that created an entire community just so he would never be alone.” My heart raced as my lips brushed against hers. “I just wish he would kiss me.” That was the moment I knew my life changed forever. The moment I pressed my lips against hers, and she took a sharp breath like she felt it too, I knew it. I knew I had something so precious I had to handle her with care. Then her lips spread and invited me in for a deeper kiss and I felt it. She was it for me, my end game, my future and she would make me into everything I ever wanted to be.