Chapter 25 Benjamin
Benjamin
I’ve established I’m not the risk-taking type of man.
I choose safety and security every time.
It’s served me well in life, so far. I understand how being inclined that way leads to a more solitary life.
Quiet and boring, as Penny would say, but I’ve always been okay with that.
I still am, as a matter of fact. Books and microwave meals might sound pathetic, but as the adage goes: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
There are things I could do a little differently, like upgrade my apartment and wardrobe.
I’m starting to see the appeal of different fabrics now.
So, there is room for growth, but the fundamental things that make me, me, haven’t changed, and won’t in the future.
To risk something is to expose yourself.
It makes you vulnerable, and it comes down to the fact that nothing and no one has ever made me want to change the way I operate.
No one has made me want to expose myself like that… until Cielo.
Now, I’m not saying I’m suddenly going to become a different person.
That’s nuts. I’m too anxious and set in my ways for that.
But I will dive out of my comfort zone with him—for him, if he wants the same thing.
I’ll do it for the time being, anyway. Maybe it helps knowing there is a time limit on my foray into the unknown that makes the decision easier.
It could have been the extensive talk I had in my room with Kevin and Penny that finally won me over to the dark side.
Maybe it’s simply that Cielo means more to me than playing it safe, which is crazy considering how we got here.
Everything has moved at the speed of light, but I’m not worried, which in itself should probably worry me.
I’ve learned so much about myself in such a small amount of time. Lorenzo, filling in some missing history, began it all. Our conversation became fraught a few times, but he never backed down. He told me all about my mother, my grandparents on both sides, and my other extended family.
I didn’t need it to fill a void or anything.
I’ve never felt like I was missing something.
It did open me up to a new side of myself, though, one I never thought to question or explore: the person I could have been given different circumstances.
It explained parts of my character that lay hidden, or at least dormant, more often than not, and the fiery side that only pops up now and then.
My normal, shy demeanour always wins out until I’ve had my fill and explode.
That side is my mother, apparently. Facial quirks and mannerisms, I inherited from Lorenzo.
I put aside the fact he is a mobster and concentrated on him as a man—a man who loved me and let me go.
It’s the only way I could see myself comfortably getting to know him.
He understood when I explained it to him.
It raised the question of how our relationship would grow once I left.
We agreed that it had a chance if he were to visit me as Lorenzo Fusaro, dad-wannabe, rather than Don Fusaro, head of a mafia family.
I don’t really know how that will work, but it gave both of us hope we could build something.
As I’ve always done, I consulted my mums afterwards and, of course, they gave me their full support.
Penny and Kevin then whisked me away before our meet-up time.
Both were too excited to delve into a night of gossip and friendship.
Penny plied us with ice cream. We shared one bottle of wine.
I listened with utter devotion to Kevin as he told us all about how he and Brian had slept together.
Apparently, all the shy looks and lingering touches became too much and they had a passion-filled night of carefully orchestrated sex.
Kevin’s arm is on the mend, but still not ready for acrobatic debauchery. He blushed through the entire story.
Penny asked if they’d talked about starting anything serious, but Kevin shook his head. He’s so like me. I knew his head would win over his libido. Then all eyes turned to me and I told them about my night with Cielo. They listened and poked fun every time I wandered off into a delicious memory.
Penny asked the same question: Were we planning on starting something more serious? She got the same answer Kevin gave. And that’s when she offered her opinion. For once, it wasn’t about forgetting my worries and getting plastered. She advised seizing the day and enjoying the moment.
My usual rebuff didn’t manifest as I sat there listening to her.
I wanted more time with Cielo. It wasn’t the safest option, not for my heart anyway, but I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t at least try.
So that’s how I found myself at his door, entering his room, and stripping off, praying he wouldn’t send me away.
Our bodies came together effortlessly, and I knew as he collapsed onto me, I’d made the right choice. I wanted the unsafe and unsecure just for a little while. And I didn’t want to thrash our complicated relationship to death until I changed my mind.
Cielo’s willingness to give us that set a fire between us and we delved in for more hours of sex that left us sated and wrung out.
It differed from last night. There were so many unspoken words we could only communicate through touch, that every brush of a fingertip, or ghost of a breath on each other’s skin, became something more.
Something deeper…something that could only exist in that moment.
“Are you still awake?” he asks me in a thick voice. It’s partly from the workout his voice box has just gone through and the pull of sleep.
“Yeah, I’m still awake. Just enjoying the moon.”
He shifts beside me, so I turn to look at him.
The glint of metal on his bedside table catches my eye.
It’s his gun. The one that put a bullet in Kevin.
I can’t help the slight hitch in my breath as I look at it.
Cielo feels the change in me and turns to look where my eyes are focused.
He curses in Italian and extracts himself from me, taking the gun.
There are several mechanical clicks and then he’s back, his eyes searching my face.
I’m sure he’s expecting me to rant and rave, or even leave, but I don’t.
“I’m sorry. I meant to put it away earlier.” His voice wavers.
What can I say? I know things like that are a part of his daily life.
I don’t want to judge him. And I won’t. But our glorious and unfettered time together is ruined.
Maybe it’s more like it brings us back to reality.
The gun is a stark reminder of why a few nights of sex are all we can have.
No matter how much Cielo wants to set the family on a different path, mobsters will always surround the Fusaro family.
How could they ever truly separate themselves from a life they’ve spent so long building?
“Did you need that for your meeting?” I ask. I knew he had business away from the villa, but I didn’t ask for specifics.
“Only as a precaution.”
He’s unsettled, and a little panicked, so I coax him back into my arms. “No problems?”
“No.”
We fall silent. I focus on the steady exhale of our breaths. I hate the fact he went somewhere today that could have put him in danger, and I hate the fact that carrying a gun is so natural for him.
“Do you have to go out again tomorrow?”
“No. The seasonal workers are arriving early in the morning. We only have a few days before the harvest begins.”
“You sound excited.” And I’m happy to move on. Hating that uglier part of his life won’t change anything. I’d rather claim ignorance and pretend it doesn’t exist.
He rubs his face against my chest and tickles his fingertips across my belly. It brings a smile to my face.
“It’s my favourite time of the year. Everyone comes together. It’s back-breaking, but so gratifying. On the night of the first harvest day, we have a big meal with last year’s wine and Mamma Picollo’s food.”
“Sounds fun. I can’t wait to join in…if I’m allowed.” It occurs to me the vines are outside my designated safety zone.
“You can stay with me. I’d like to teach you how to pick the grapes if you’d like?”
I scoot down the bed and roll to my side. We’re nose-to-nose, and I can’t help but place a kiss on the tip. “I would really like that! Can Kevin and Penny help?”
“Of course. Kevin might be better taking an observational role though. His shoulder needs more rest.”
I laugh. “He’ll love it. Bossing Penny around will make him so happy.”
“You are a strange trio of friends.” He grins. “She’s so different to you and Kevin.”
“She is, but it works. Sometimes you need a bit of something different to balance you out. Know what I mean?”
He pecks my lips. “I know exactly what you mean.”
“Plus, she’s super loyal and protective. Penny saved me from many a wedgie at school. I don’t know why she decided she wanted to be my friend. It’s not like we had anything in common back then either. Penny was the sports nut, and I was the mousey book nerd with two mums.”
“I bet you were the cutest book nerd at the school.” He chuckles.
“Well, obviously,” I reply with confidence. “Anyway, she stood up for me and that was that. She does the same for Kevin.”
“Maybe I was a bit rash to shout at her then,” he murmurs into another slow kiss. Gosh, I could live on them.
“No, you weren’t. She needed to hear it, and I think she’d probably thank you if she weren’t so petrified.”
He sighs. “I don’t want her to be petrified of me. She’s your friend.”
“Then feel free to talk to her. Kevin, too.”
“Kevin’s a different matter,” he says, his eyes cast downward.
“You apologised, and he’s moved on. Plus, he’s smushing bits with Brian, so his focus is definitely not on you!”
His eyes grow wide. “He’s fucking Brian?”
“Well, one time at least. Not sure if it will happen again.”
Cielo grins wolfishly. “Criminal Casanova at its finest.”
I roll my eyes and bite his lip. “Nonsense. Brian’s hot. That’s all there is to it.”
“You think Brian’s hot?”
Oh, the indignation I’ve noticed anyone apart from him is delicious.
“Yes, have you seen him? I mean, he’s got an ass you could bounce a penny off.”
“I’ve got an ass you could do that with, too!”
Keeping a straight face right now is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. “Sure, but Brian has such blue eyes.”
“I’ve got a deep blue eye and an emerald one! Next?”
“His chest—”
“No way. My body is amazing. I know you like it,” he huffs, and that’s it. I crack, cackling into the silence.
“Oh my God, you are ridiculous!”
He furrows his eyebrows and pouts his lips. “I’m not ridiculous,” he grumbles.
The cuteness is too much, so I gather his face in my palms and lay the deepest kiss I can on him. It quickly turns hotter than the sun, and I find myself parched for his body.
Cielo must feel the same because no sooner have I thought about it, he’s flipping me on my back. He gives me a wink and manoeuvres himself so I’m looking at his already hard cock. He straddles me so his back is against the headboard. I’m thrilled this is the first time I will experience 69ing.
My legs spasm as he dives in, sucking at me as if my excitement were an oasis in the desert.
Not wanting to fumble my first attempt at the new position, I concentrate on holding back my rapidly approaching orgasm to lay some long, hard strokes against him.
He bucks forward and moans, spurring me on.
It’s suddenly become a competition to see who can make the other come first.
Cielo loses. I perform tongue artistry I didn’t know I could, and he shatters. Liquid pours down my throat. The feel of it ignites my own climax and I scream into him.
Totally worth the risk.