Epilogue
“I hate what they did to her. I’ll never forgive them. I joined for her, to make her proud of me.” – Decoded message from ILF undercover operative Nightingale to ILF handler Hiro Tanaka
Amira
I sip from my canteen, the taste of vomit still fresh in my mouth.
Corpus Christi is in southern Texas. That’s a long way from Carson City. But still, my heart races as we draw closer to the red dot on the sub’s screen that represents our destination.
“Are you okay?” Briar asks, her brow furrowed with worry.
I nod and plaster on a smile. “I’m good.”
I tried to meditate my way out of the anxious state I’ve been in for the entire ten-hour trip, but a few minutes ago, I threw up. It settled my stomach a little, but did nothing for my nerves.
It’ll either be fine, or it’ll be catastrophic. There’s not really an in-between.
Evander is staring into space across from me. When he was recovering back on the island, I wanted to ask him what they did to him in that dungeon.
Not that it’s any of my business. And of course, I didn’t ask. But secretly, I want to know. Did they start slow? Was it like it used to look in movies, where fingernails get removed one at a time? Did he ever break?
I could have stayed on the island. In fact, I came close. But Briar is like the sister I always wanted and never had. I would have regretted not going back to the mainland with her.
Getting to Mae won’t be easy. And getting her out of a commander’s heavily guarded home will be even harder.
Briar and I both have the X tattoos on our hands, marking us as women who used birth control. We’ll stand out anywhere we go on the mainland, and we’re automatically considered the enemy to anyone loyal to New America.
Not only that, Briar is ... well, Briar. Lochlan Murphy’s people will recognize her, and when they do, she’ll be in grave danger. She can stay hidden if I’m there to take her place in a rescue mission that requires someone going into the house.
I wipe sweat from my temple, hot despite the sub’s cool temperature. This is so much harder than I thought it would be.
My memories of Donovan are distant sometimes and painfully potent other times. I can go weeks hardly thinking of him, and then a word or a smell that reminds me of him will knock the wind out of me.
The ebb and flow of grief is something I’ve learned to live with. I got to have a great love, and not everyone does. Romantic love is in my past, but love takes many forms.
I love Briar. She’s the best friend I’ve ever had. Caring for people again has been a double-edged sword for me. I love Nova and Ellison, too, and saying goodbye to them gutted me.
Niran was a friend I cared for a lot, even though he drove me crazy. I don’t know if it was love, but he was important to me. His betrayal of Marcus hurt because it felt like a betrayal of all of us.
Marcus and I aren’t close, but I trust him and I know he’s got my back. He and Briar are my only people now, and I plan to keep it that way. I’ll be the third wheel—it doesn’t bother me.
“Ascending,” Gussie’s automated voice announces.
My stomach rolls. I never thought this day would come. We were supposed to be on Blue Arrow Island forever. Well, a shortened forever, given that it’s a death trap.
But now here I am, almost back on the US mainland. I refuse to say the words “New America”. This regime won’t stand forever, and I hope when it’s overthrown, someone will put the country back together like it was.
Okay, not exactly like it was. A democracy, though. That would be a great start.
“You don’t look so great,” Olin says. “You need the trash can?”
I shake my head, refusing to throw up again.
It’s Corpus Christi. Marcus said this is ILF territory. I’ll be safe here, at least until we go on our rescue mission for Mae.
I swallow against the bile rising in my throat. I’m stronger than I was before. I won’t give in to my fear.
“Ascending,” Gussie says again.
“Everyone be cool when we dock,” Marcus says. “No weapons. No guns or knives visible, and nothing on you. We’re coming to their turf. They’ll want to search us and question us. Cooperate and tell the truth on everything.”
It’s hard, allowing myself to be in such a vulnerable position. But Marcus is right—we have to.
I know how to handle questioning. I’ve done it before. I’ve told the story so many times, I almost believe it myself.
The truth is buried deep inside me, hidden in a dark place no one will ever see. Not even Briar, and I trust her with my life. She’d look at me differently if she knew.
The island was the best of two terrible options for her. It was either death or exile. For me, though, it was different.
I got sent to Blue Arrow Island on purpose.