Chapter Five
Vida
T oday has been a lot, so when Mom sent us out to get some groceries earlier, Isabella and I jumped into the car so fast. Isabella had even somehow convinced me to stop by the mall so she could get some lingerie, and even forced me to get some too. Getting to be out with my sister, chatting and laughing a bit, made the whole thing worth it.
“There could be a pool there, and I’m sure you’ll make some friends,” Isabella continues, trying to assure me that the bathing suits she made me get won’t be a total waste.
“I’m not planning on making friends, Izzy, I have you,” I tell her as I wait for a car to pass so I can turn.
“I still wouldn’t want to see you in your pajamas when we go swimming,” she laughs, trying her best to make me see the bright side in all of this.
“Mom’s going all out for this dinner, isn’t she?” I ask, catching sight of all of the bags in the backseat through the rearview mirror.
“It is Mom we’re talking about, she always goes all out,” Isabella laughs.
Just as I’m about to say something, the sudden swerve of a car in front of us scares me. My heart is racing as a black van comes to a stop, blocking our way. Men in black suits hop out of it as I slam on the brakes to avoid hitting them, their faces twisted in cruel grins.
With shaking hands I quickly lock the doors and put the windows up. The car is the only place in this situation that feels safe, so trapping us in it is our best option, and one that I really hope works!
Isabella screams as they begin to pound on the car, their fists battering the metal like a death knell. Guilt and fear wash over me as it hits me that these are Donato’s men, and I hate that Isabella is having to witness this too.
“Donato is coming for you, princess,” one of the men taunts, his voice dripping with malice.
The men cackle, their laughter echoing through the car. With how hard they’re banging the windows, the two of us hold onto one another and fear for our lives. Seeing Isabella’s tears, I can’t help but be angry, angry at myself for putting everyone at risk of getting hurt by men like these.
“How long will you hide, princess? How long can Luca protect you?” the other man laughs, almost mocking me.
“Donato sends his love and a reminder of what you’ll be when he sets his eyes on you,” the first man says, holding up a dead rat. His smile is cruel as he places it on the hood of the car with its beady rat eyes staring at us and paralyzing us with fear.
Time seems to stretch as the men continue to taunt us, their laughter and threats searing into my mind like a branding iron.
“See you next time,” he says before turning and walking towards their car, leaving us shaken and distraught.
As soon as they’re gone, I burst into tears. My body is shaking, but not in fear. I hate myself for all of this. It is my fault so I deserved this as my punishment, but Isabella doesn’t.
“Vida, let’s go,” Isabella whispers, her voice shaky. “I can drive, Vee. Let me take the wheel.”
The image of the dead rat and the men’s cruel faces flashes through my mind as I stare straight ahead. I won’t let this happen to Isabella again. I won’t let anyone harm the people I love.
“I can drive,” I tell her, swiping the tears from my cheeks and starting the car.
I will do anything to protect my family and Adam’s. Time to get ready to meet my future husband.
The day goes by quicker than I’d expected. It’s a few hours before the Ballera family will arrive and all I can think about is the life I have waiting for me. Mom on the other hand has gone all out, arranging the living room and dining room to be perfect, and cooking up a storm. Luca has been the one helping Mom since Dad is so busy pacing and checking out the front window every few seconds. Being a cop and hosting the most wanted family seems to be stressing him out. Moving this back home, since Luca’s house was too small to accommodate everyone, just seemed to add to it. He isn’t just concerned about our safety anymore, he’s concerned about people he works with finding out.
“It feels good to be home,” Isabella says as she helps me with my hair.
She’s been doing everything she can to try to cheer me up, but nothing seems to be working. Yes, I am doing this to keep everyone safe, but I still need time to mourn the loss of Adam, the life we were going to have together, and the loss of my freedom. It is all so much, especially after what happened on our way home from the mall, and I can tell it is only making Isabella and Lisa worry more. They are being extra attentive and working around me like busy bees to try to cheer me up.
“Yeah, it feels good,” I reply, snapping out of my thoughts.
Isabella takes a deep breath and stares at me through the mirror. “Vee, I’m worried about you.”
“Why? What did I do?” I ask, returning her gaze.
“You haven’t said anything since those men attacked us. Why didn’t you tell Dad or Luca? And the nightmares? You’ve been so distant, so lost in your head, it’s like I can’t reach you anymore.”
I’ve been trying my best not to worry anyone. I’ve been trying to get through every day as quietly as I can. Our parents have been occupied with this marriage, but my sister would be the one to see right through me. In the process of trying not to worry anyone, I’ve done just that with her.
“I’m scared, Izzy,” I whisper, the truth rolling off my tongue. Izzy gives my shoulders a gentle squeeze, a sign of comfort and a sign that she is here listening to me. “Dad, Mom, and Luca are doing all they can to protect me, to protect us, that’s why I couldn’t tell them.”
“I know the nightmares are a phase. I know they’ll stop,” she says, even though she doesn’t seem to believe them herself.
“I don’t know what sort of life I’ll have, Izzy. I don’t know who I’m even getting married to. I’ve been too afraid to ask Luca for his name. I cannot love anyone who isn’t Adam, and I already feel like I’m betraying my future husband,” I mutter, tears now threatening to escape.
“I didn’t think a life outside Adam ever existed for me, but now I’m being thrusted into a life with a stranger and I’m so scared, Izzy,” I tell her, my voice cracking.
“Look at me,” Isabella says, turning my face in her direction.
“I forgive you for being strong in front of everyone else, but when it’s me, don’t you dare pretend. Don’t deny me the right to do something for you, even if it’s as little as holding your hand while you cry,” she pleads.
“Oh Izzy, I miss him so much,” I cry, letting the pool of tears pour down my cheeks.
“I know, Vee, I know,” she says, holding me tight while I cry.
I don’t know what it is that is making me cry so hard, but Isabella’s heartfelt words reach into the darkness and pull at my heart. I also miss Adam so much and admitting it out loud just makes me cry harder. He was the man I was ready to spend the rest of my life with, and he’s now gone. I cry for the future I’m walking into, a life I don’t see filled with love or happiness. With my sister holding me together, I cry for the life I once had and the one I was about to have, because after tonight, I don’t know if I’ll have the luxury to cry like this again.
“It’s Adam’s mom,” Isabella says after I’ve stopped crying, giving me my phone. She goes to let me go but I shake my head. Her embrace is the glue holding me together, and I want to hold onto this feeling for as long as I can. There’s this feeling in my gut that tells me I’m running out of time.
I whisper a quick ‘thank you’ before picking up the call and placing the phone to my ear.
“Vida darling, how are you?” Mrs. Brown asks.
“Hi Betty, I’m doing okay, thank you for asking,” I say with a small smile.
I’ve missed hearing her voice and seeing her. She was always so kind to me. But no matter how much I miss her, I just can’t bring myself to be in the same space for more than ten minutes with her. My guilt just makes me want to run far far away from her.
“I know you’re busy tonight, Lisa told me everything,” she says softly, making my heart drop into my belly.
I can’t help but hate myself a little more. I was supposed to be the one to tell her, not Lisa, but I couldn’t . . . I couldn’t bring myself to tell the mother of the man whose death I was responsible for that I was getting married, not even three months after he died. I don’t just feel extremely guilty, I feel like I’m betraying the same family that has loved me like a daughter.
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Brown, I didn’t know how . . .”
“It’s Betty, Vida. You call me Betty,” she corrects me, her voice a little more serious.
How can I? The more I think about it, the more I don’t feel like I have the right to anymore. I lost it the moment I stepped out of the car after Adam told me to stay. I lost it again when I put her family in danger after taking the stand. And even though I tried to call her Betty, I lost that right again the second I decided to marry another man without having the courtesy to tell her.
“I’m . . .” I pause, not knowing what to say.
“I wanted to come over, but I know you have a family thing going on, so I didn’t want to intrude,” she explains.
“You’re family, Mrs. Brown.” I whisper, my heart breaking as that fact wars in my head with the guilt that’s telling me I ruined that too.
“So are you to me, Vida. You are family and you will never be anything else. You didn’t have to marry my son to be a daughter in my eyes. You became one the moment you told me about the insect in my hair,” she laughs, remembering the first time we met. “Vida, I do not blame you, no one does. You do what you have to do, sweetie. I have lost one child, and I won’t lose another. You hear me?”
“Yes, Betty . . .” I whisper as another tear leaves me. “I hear you.”
“Good, bless you child.” And with that she hangs up and I fall back into my sister’s arms, letting the next flood of tears gush out of me.