Chapter 16
JAYDEN
This is surreal.
Across the table, Momma’s smile is sunshine steady.
Her affection for Finley is palpable in the way she keeps reaching for her hand; her gaze keeps circling back to Eli.
I know she’s concerned about the three of us like I am certain she’s on to us.
We’re not just friends, and hiding it feels like trying to pocket a comet.
I can’t stop touching Finley—leaning close, resting my arm along the back of her chair so my fingers brush Eli somehow, too. I want Momma and Dad to know that Finley and Eli are mine.
“How are you boys feeling about tomorrow’s game?” Dad asks, sliding his dessert plate toward me so I can poach the scoop of strawberry gelato off his wild-berry tiramisu.
“Try this,” I tell Finley, offering a spoonful while Eli answers Dad, “It’s going to be a challenge, for sure. The Fury are on top form. Their turnaround stats are crazy good and—”
“You’re back. Florida’s turnaround might be great, but we see them, we’ve studied all their plays…” Eli gives me a buttoned smile over Finley’s head. “What? I’m not blowing smoke up your ass, Sweetheart.”
His cheeks flash bright red at my endearment. Even if it slipped out, I don’t care—and neither Momma nor Dad flinches.
A breath I didn’t know I’d been holding hisses out as I feed Finley another spoonful of gelato. She’s glowing—hair half-up in a messy knot, soft tendrils framing those doll-like features, no makeup. Her beauty is all organic, an inner light that brightens with every smile.
“And you feel ready to be back?” Momma asks Eli.
“So freaking ready,” he says with a confident grin, leaning into my touch when my fingertips drift across his shoulder blade to palm his nape.
“I can’t wait to finally see him play,” Finley coos, squeezing my thigh while she presses a lingering kiss to Eli’s jaw.
“Until the anxiety and nerves take over and you’re praying not to pass out,” Momma chuckles, reaching across to clasp my hand.
“From all the crazy screaming you do,” I shoot back, amused.
“Sue me. I’m a hockey momma.” She gives me a mock glare and laces our fingers.
Dad smiles at her. “It’s what they do.”
I excuse myself and head to the cash desk to pay before I have to wrestle Momma for the bill. I’m almost there when familiar arms wrap my middle.
“Where are you going, Peanut?” Momma asks when I glance back.
“Bathroom,” I lie, dragging my eyes away.
“Oh, you’re going the wrong way,” she says with a knowing chuckle, threading her arm through mine and falling into step. “The bathroom is back there.”
“Momma,” I try for stern, “go back to the table.”
“Nah-ah, I said this would be my treat to cheer you up.” She pauses in a quiet corner and looks me dead in the eyes. “Although it seems to me that Finley and Elijah have that covered.”
A grin I can’t stop slices across my face. “Are you okay with it?”
“I will always be more than okay with anything and anyone that makes you smile like this. Besides, I saw it at Thanksgiving… The three of you constantly gravitate to each other. Where Eli goes, Finley follows, and where Finley goes, you follow, and he follows you.” A wistful sigh brings her closer.
“Do you think I’m crazy, Momma?”
She shakes her head, holds my chin. “I think you are loved the way you deserve to be; in abundance. I’ve never seen someone watch two people the way Eli watches you and Finley. He hangs on your every word. His breaths linger on your every move. That’s special, Sweetie.”
“Please don’t cry,” I say, pulling her into a hug.
“Only if you let me pay for dinner.” She plants a hard, lingering kiss on my cheek. “You’re the most precious.”
“Nope, not happening… and anyway, you say that to all three of us.”
“Because all three of my children are precious.” She links our arms and we meander back now that I’ve been rumbled. “How about we split the bill? Go fifty–fifty?”
“No, Momma, you came all this way to hug me; the least I can do is buy you dinner.” I side-eye her; she’s wearing that soft expression that squeezes my chest until secrets beg to spill.
If it were anyone else’s secret, I’d blab every word, clawing at my throat. Even though Eli said I could talk to her about what happened to him, it doesn’t feel right to put it into the world when he’s not ready. It’s his story, his life. Not mine to share—not even with Momma.
Short of the table, she turns serious. Her light hazel eyes fix mine with that all-seeing hold. “Whatever is troubling you, I’ll be here when you’re ready to talk about it.”
“Thank you, Momma.” I kiss her mousy-brown hair.
“But, JJ…” She squares up, chin tipped, lips pursed. “Promise me you’re okay.”
I won’t lie to her. “I’m trying to be.”
“Trying is half the work.” She smiles, laying her palm over my heart like she can heal it through bone. “You’re a whole-hog man. I know that if you’re trying, it’s only a short time before you make it happen.”
I nod and look to the table, instantly finding Eli. He’s laughing softly with Dad and Finley, almost too animated for him. Our server hands him the check wallet with a beaming smile. He’s paying. Stubborn bastard knew I’d try to sneak it.
“Would you look at that?” Momma chuckles, hugging my arm as she swoons with approval. “Your beau paid for dinner. How thoughtful…”
“My beau? God, when did you develop the southern charm?”
“When in Rome…”
“Miami is not the Deep South, and you’ve known Eli long enough not to make this weird.”
Fuck me. She’s soaring high on the romance as she tells me, “I know Sylkes the hockey player, your partner on the ice, and Eli, your best friend. That man, the one who stole your heart, I’m getting to know.”
“He’s the same person.”
Eli is still the man who stole my breath on day one. It didn’t take much to fall in love, and every day I tumble deeper into this soul-consuming obsession.
“He’s a beautiful man and Finley’s a stunning woman, but any momma would want to make sure they know how lucky they are to have their son’s affection.” There’s no room for argument in her tone, and honestly, I don’t want to.
Every worthwhile lesson I have, I learned from her: be proud of who I am, even if the world looks down on me; love is unconditional and, messy or not, magnificent; above all, fight with everything I’ve got for everything I want.
Now, more than ever, the fight she instilled in me is what will keep me going. And what will keep Eli, Finley, and me together.
***
Momma and Dad Uber back to the hotel after dinner. Although she’s been in remission for almost a year, sometimes she still tires easily, and after a last-minute four-and-a-half-hour flight, she was ready to call it a day.
Meanwhile, Eli wanted to walk, and I’m not ready to go back to our suite. His suite? Their suite? Our suite?
I don’t know.
The only certainty I have right now is that I’m nervous about what’s going to happen later when we’re all in the same room. I don’t want it to be awkward, but I have this apprehension in my stomach that tells me that’s exactly how it’s going to be.
My body is already hyper-aware of our closeness as we walk down the promenade.
Every time Eli’s arm brushes mine, I can’t compute how to put one foot in front of the other without tripping over myself.
My hand buzzes, itching to hold his. But I can’t be the one to make the move; it has to be him.
And let’s be honest, us holding hands isn’t exactly carrying on as normal.
“You’re far too quiet,” Eli says, leaning in as Finley insists on a selfie with the sunset behind us. “What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing really… I guess I’m just enjoying this.” Shrugging, I watch Finley snap shots of the view. One of these days I’ll teach her how to use my DSLR. She’d love it.
“JJ, I can hear your brain whirring, and normally I can’t shut you up. So…” Worry etches his brows.
His fingertips graze mine, and I swear I forget my name for a second. I forget everything and chase his touch. Eli doesn’t pull away when I curl my fingers around his; he doesn’t even scan the crowd. He just knots our fingers and gives a reassuring squeeze I didn’t know I needed.
I keep waiting for him to let go. He doesn’t. The longer he stays tethered to me, the more the anxiety roiling inside me eases.
“I don’t like it when you’re quiet.” His eyes soften, and his smile goes all wonky. “I love the sound of your voice.”
“Next time you ask me if I have verbal diarrhea, I’ll remind you of that.” His laugh vibrates my shoulder, and if we weren’t in public, I’d kiss him… steal all his air just to own that sound. “Also, you are not allowed to sneakily pay for dinner anymore.”
“Is that why you’re quiet? You’re mad at me for getting the check?
” His face tightens, panic sparking as he clutches my hand like he’s bracing for me to run.
“I didn’t want you to argue with your momma about it.
You’ve told me so many times that the only downer of the night was fighting your parents for the check, so I got it. ”
Now I really do go quiet. Every part of me forgets its job while I stare at him, totally awestruck.
Every time I’ve mentioned the check gate, it’s been a passing whine. It blows my mind that he remembers.
“Besides, it was nice,” he adds with a tentative smile, glancing at Finley still taking photos.
“You always take care of me, even today… on the jet. You made sure I was okay the whole time. I wanted to do something for you, and I guess I like taking care of the people I care about.” His gaze dances between us.
“You know, the people I love. You and Fin.”
Fuck. Me. I’ll never get used to him saying he loves me. Not even when I’ve hoped and wished for it like he is my religion and his love is God.
“Can you try playing fair right now? How am I supposed to even pretend to be mad at you when you say things like that?”
“So you weren’t mad at me?” Hope warms his voice. “That’s not why you’re being quiet?”
“No, Sweetheart,” I say, wrapping my arm around his shoulders as we watch Finley kick off her sandals. I breathe deep, steadier. “I was thinking about what tonight is going to be like, and I’m nervous about it.”
“Me, too, JJ,” he exhales. “I don’t want to be weird and awkward, but I’ve never actually shared a bed with anyone before.”
I search his face. “Not even Fin?”
“No.” He studies his shoes, twisting his fingers. “Sometimes, I have nightmares and, when they’re bad, I sleepwalk.”
It takes everything not to let the angry flames roar. I reroute. “Did you ask me to stay in your room so you wouldn’t be alone with Finley? In case you do have a nightmare? When was the last time you had one?”
“Easy with all the questions all at once,” he chuffs, staring down toward the beach steps where Finley is sitting with her feet buried in sand.
Pride warms his face. “Honestly, I didn’t think about the nightmares or the sleepwalking until we were leaving the restaurant, and I sort of started freaking out.
I don’t want you and her to think I’m crazy. ”
“You’re not crazy, Eli. When was the last time it happened?”
“Umm… before the migraine.” He flicks up an apologetic look, like it’s his fault. “It got really bad, and I couldn’t sleep. When I did, I’d have nightmares, and I’d wake up out of bed.”
“Is that what triggered the migraine?” I’m just connecting dots.
“Maybe… partly...” He sighs. “The meds have helped with both. I don’t think I’ve had a single dream since I started taking them.”
“Do you want me to wake you up if you have a nightmare?”
He nods, tilting to meet my eyes. “I’ve started weaning off the meds that help me sleep, and… I’m scared…”
“Of what?”
“The nightmares, the sleepwalking… that I’ll hurt Fin…”
“No, you would never—”
“Fuck, JJ, I don’t know what I do during those episodes.” I coil my arm tighter around him to ground the tremor in his voice. “One second, I fall asleep, the next, the nightmare starts, and all I know is that I wake up out of bed, covered in sweat… breathless. It’s why I gave Fin her own room… I…”
“You slept with her fine in the bath, and you sleep perfectly fine next to her on the couch. Like you said, you haven’t had a single dream since you started the pills.” He heaves a heavy breath, pleading at me like I’ve got the answers.
“If I hurt Finley… I would never forgive myself.”
“I won’t let anything happen to our girl, Eli—or you. I promise, okay? When we get back to the room, we’ll figure it all out.”
“I’m sorry I’m so… messed up. I’m trying everything I can to fix myself.” Sadness drags at his eyes, tugs his mouth down.
“You’re not broken,” I tell him, meaning it, because despite everything, he’s perfect to me.
“What happened to not blowing smoke up my ass?” he chuffs, a tense laugh trailing off as Finley leans back on the steps and crooks a finger for us to join her.
Eli’s at her side before I can answer. He takes her sandals, tucks one into each back pocket, then helps her up.
“Do you want to go for that walk we talked about earlier?” Big eyes flick from him to the water. Eli cradles her face in his hands. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”
I wish he could see the man I see right now. There’s nothing about him that isn’t beautiful—flaws, scars, monumental strength—and the killer, the thing that gets me deepest, is his love. I never wanted for love until I met him; the only love missing was his.
Now, I have Eli and Finley, and I don’t know how there’s so much room in my chest. As I fall into step on the sand, her arm loops my waist, his hand on her shoulder brushes my forearm, and I want more, and more, and more—as if I’m not already bursting.
It hits me then: no matter how much I have of them, I’ll always want more. There will never be too much or enough. When it comes to them, I am greedy and gluttonous.
When it comes to them, there are no limits. There is no end in sight. Our love is an endless horizon.