Chapter 36
FINLEY
The cabin is silent. The lights are all off when we walk through the front door. There’s nothing but the warm flicker from the family-room fireplace and the soft crackle of fresh logs.
I breathe in the smoky pine-tinged air. Instantly, the weight I’ve been hauling loosens and finally rolls off my shoulders when I follow Kailey into the family room and find JJ and Eli sprawled by the fire.
Eli’s scrolling movie options on the big screen while JJ is making popcorn on the open fire.
It’s so domestic that it’s cute.
Butterflies flutter up into my chest when Eli leans close and presses a kiss to JJ’s bare shoulder. I’ve only been away from them for a handful of hours, but I missed them so much that the ache of not being with them still echoes in my chest.
Eli gives him a playful bite, and when he turns to look at him, JJ’s stare finds me. His half-bitten chuckle morphs into an all-out grin that turns me to goo on the spot.
God, I needed this.
“You came home early,” he says, shaking the popper with one hand while the other flattens to Eli’s chest, balancing himself as he swivels on his butt to face me and Kailey.
“Figured being the good sister that I am, I’d return your lost puppy to you,” Kailey croons, waving at Eli as he looks over his shoulder. “And now I’m going to make ramen, and slurp it to my heart’s contentment in bed with Tangled.”
Kailey disappears with a quick goodnight, leaving me in the middle of the room under Eli’s laser-focused stare. Christina’s words echo as I go to him. Kneeling between his thighs, I fold my arms around his shoulders, sandwiching Jayden’s hand between our chests.
“I love you.” I press a kiss to his cheek.
When I start to pull away, his hands grip my waist. “You’re not going anywhere,” he says, tugging me fully into his chest.
His palms roam down my sides to my thighs. With a firm grip, he lifts me to straddle him. My whole body hums as he combs my frizzy hair back, gathering it at my nape.
“I love you, too, Angel,” he murmurs, covering my face in soft kisses.
“We’re gonna be okay, Eli.”
“I know, Fin.” His hands frame my face while JJ’s deft fingers work through my tangled hair, braiding it down my back. He slips a hair tie from Eli’s wrist to secure it, then deposits a tender kiss on the top of my head.
“Are you hungry?” he asks, kissing my shoulder. “Want me to make you some ramen, too?”
“Meh, popcorn and cuddles are perfect,” I tell him.
I’m not parting from either of them again tonight. I don’t care what we do, so long as I’m glued to them, I’ll be happy, and my universe will be perfect.
***
“Don’t let go!” My yelp pierces through the thick turn-up of my beanie while I grip Eli’s hands for dear life.
Jayden is somewhere behind me, still trying to convince Kailey to brave the packed rink in the middle of the Christmas market.
Elvis’ Santa Claus Is Back In Town blares around us, reminding me of the first time Eli and I danced together in the shed behind his father’s church. The first time we touched each other like man and woman.
It’s been so long since I’ve skated that, even with Eli’s help, I’m slipping and sliding everywhere. Having a real Bambi moment.
Maybe this is why JJ picked the movie last night while we cuddled by the fire. Preparation for the embarrassment of being out-skated by toddlers whizzing around like they were born with blades on their feet.
“Relax, Fin,” Eli hums, his voice a warm lull against the winter air. “I’ve never let you go before. I’m not doing it now.”
He’s quiet this morning. When his eyes aren’t on JJ, they’re on me. And every shift from him to me, from me to him, the intensity of it deepens.
Something happened between them. I sense it in their lingering glances and stolen touches. There’s this warm glow in my chest that makes me certain they did more than cuddle and kiss.
Every time I catch JJ watching Eli, he’s wearing the biggest grin. I know that feeling of overwhelming fullness that comes from physical intimacy.
I’m happy for them. And, so damn curious that my mind is conjuring up endless images of them together. Mouths claiming, hands exploring, bodies seeking…
“Hey, earth-to-Finley…” Eli dips his face into mine. “You okay? You’re a little flushed.”
“Umm… Yeah. Yeah, I’m… I’m…” His eyes narrow on mine, hands squeeze my waist; between his touch and my thoughts, I’m burning. “So, you and Jayden…?”
Eli freezes.
I can’t tell if he’s stunned at my brazenness or too abashed to tell me what happened between him and JJ last night. Either way, my curiosity is avalanching to a relentless need to know every in and out and moment in between.
Clutching his biceps, I pull myself flush to him. His arms cross at the small of my back, bowing me deeper into him.
“I can’t stop imagining it,” I whisper, voice dipping. “You and JJ. Together.”
A shiver runs through me at his throaty groan.
Yeah, it happened.
“Was it amazing?” I rise onto my toe picks so our faces are level.
My hands slide to his shoulders and cross behind his neck.
Eli nods, cheeks flushed as I feel.
“What was it like? How did it feel?” My pulse hammers the questions out. “I need to know. Please, Eli.”
He swallows, arms cinching around me. “It was incredible. Jayden felt incredible. He tasted…just like heaven. Everything about it was crazy good, and—”
My mouth crashes into his. Every word off his tongue winds my insides tight. My core is clenching with desire. So hot… so wet…
“Oh, Lord,” I breathe against him, scraping my teeth over his slick lip.
His tight jeans do nothing to conceal the hardening bulge behind them when I grind into him. I can feel the heat of it through my wool leggings. “Eli, that’s… Oh, my God…”
“You like it.” His statement is a breathless groan.
“I love it. It makes me happy and it—” I swallow the spit pooling in my mouth. “—it excites me… turns me on…”
“Jesus, Fin, you’re making me so damn hard right now. Talking about how JJ felt while you’re rubbing all over me… You’re killing me.” He grips my ass and spins me on the toe picks, a slow, dizzying turn.
“Will you let me watch sometime?” My voice shakes with a mix of arousal and trepidation as his fingers claw deeper into my flesh.
“You don’t have to ask.” Dark, glittering eyes lock on mine. “You’re a part of us.”
Oh, shoot.
I melt at his remark, punctuated by his half-bitten smile.
“Come on now, sweet girl, hold my wrists, bend your knees, and let me take you around the ice at least once before it melts beneath us.” His raspy laugh hits me everywhere—chest, stomach, between my legs, all the places with a pulse.
For so long, I’ve been set on finding the boy I fell in love with, that it didn’t occur to me that he’s not what I need anymore. I’ve outgrown him the way Eli has grown into this gorgeous, stoic man who can make the world stop turning with a crooked smile and a raspy laugh.
A man with so much love to give, despite everything he’s survived. All the spiritual manipulation, the beatings, the cutting, the purging…
He has endured and bloomed. Like a plum blossom, his pain has become an endless love, budding bigger and brighter by the day.
I get to be a part of it. Of him. Of Jayden. I get to love them and be loved by them. More than that, I get to watch them love each other. To be a part of them loving each other. I get to breathe their air, steep in their need, and bathe in their affections.
For all the purpose I’ve searched for, I am certain that they are it.
The rest is semantics.