Chapter 16
A few kids eye me curiously as I pace outside the washroom, no doubt wondering why the hell a guy who’s wearing sunglasses indoors looks like he’s a second away from busting in the door instead of walking in.
I’ve lost control of the calm demeanour I came here with.
Each time I reach up to scratch my neck, I know I look antsy, drawing suspicious glances.
I can’t help it. Not when I know Aubrey’s hiding away, clearly upset.
My gut pangs, and I glare at the door, debating for the fifteenth time whether it’s worth it to barge in.
That’s the last thing she wants.
Frowning, I scrape my brain for any hint as to what I’ve done wrong here.
Everything seemed to be going fine on this date, but then I looked behind me and checked for her the same way I had been for the last hour, only to realize she wasn’t there.
Panic shot through me like lightning before I wiggled my fingers out of Callie’s and slipped through the crowd back the way we came.
It could come off as extreme protectiveness, but it’s not that. Not completely. Aubrey isn’t the type of woman who shows her emotions freely, so when I called and I heard the crack in her voice that she was trying to hide? Yeah, there wasn’t a chance I was going to overlook that.
So, here I am, prowling the hallway in front of the women’s washroom while people pass me and gawk like they don’t know whether to call security or come over to ask if I’m okay.
The watch on my wrist feels heavier than normal when I glance at the face, noting the time. It’s only been ten minutes, but that’s still too long. Until I see her face to face and can figure out what’s wrong, I won’t be able to relax.
I tap my foot on the ground as another two minutes pass. “Screw it.”
Without giving myself a second to talk myself out of this, I reach for the door and give the handle a push at the same time someone pulls it from the other side. I lean back out of the way when the woman jolts forward, eyes widening. Bright, red-rimmed blue eyes, to be exact.
“What are you doing?” Aubrey rambles, stomping out of the bathroom.
We both stumble away from the door and into one of the many shadows in the hallway. Without my pacing, nobody gives us a second look as they pass. My relief is short-lived when I stare back into her heavy, sad gaze, feeling the way my heart immediately gives a sharp twist.
I reach for her without a second thought and pull her into my arms. She goes still, tensing for a beat before relaxing and bringing her hands to rest cautiously at my low back, like she isn’t sure if she should reciprocate or not.
Her hair tickles my jaw as I press it to her head and inhale, calming my frantic pulse.
She presses her face into my shoulder and keeps the thoughts running rampant in her mind to herself.
I want to hear every single one of them.
I’m one hitched breath away from demanding she tells me what I want to hear, but I hold her for a second longer instead, hoping like hell I’m able to make her feel better.
The air is chilled when she pulls back. I frown at the sudden emptiness it sweeps in with it.
“You’re a mother hen, Finn,” she says flippantly, fidgeting with her hair.
“So be it. That doesn’t make me any less worried.”
“I’m pretty sure it’s written in a dating handbook that you’re not supposed to ditch a girl in order to go linger outside of a washroom for your best friend.”
I shake that off, my frown deepening. “Did something happen? Is Lydia okay?”
“Nothing happened. Work’s fine. I just wasn’t feeling well and needed a minute.”
“You’re lying to me.”
Her features tighten, and I watch as she closes off her gaze, lining it with the armour she doesn’t go anywhere without. “Let it go. You have a date to finish, and I haven’t learned anything yet.”
“The date is over. We’re leaving.”
She gawks at me like I’ve just grown a second head. “No, it isn’t. We’re here for a reason.”
“And that reason’s not important to me right now.”
“Finn.”
I shake my head. “Callie’s already gone.”
“What? Jesus, Finn! I wasn’t dying in there. You didn’t need to do that.”
She turns from me and starts toward the main hall, her sneakers squeaking with every step she takes. Swallowing my frustration, I snag her wrist and give her a soft tug. When her head whips back and those simmering eyes settle on me, I almost grin.
“Let me take you somewhere, Bree. Don’t run.”
Her mouth opens and closes three times before words finally escape. “Where?”
“You’re kidding.”
I wink at her. “There are two things I don’t kid about. The first is obviously you, and the second is baseball.”
“We haven’t been here in a long time.”
“I know. It’s the same, though. I make sure they keep it taken care of,” I admit, slowly looking away from her and to the abandoned baseball diamond I’ve taken us to.
It’s where I first learned how to play and taught Aubrey years later. I reach into my trunk and grab my bat. When I extend it to her, she takes it with a confident hand. I tuck my spare glove under my arm and toss the ball in the air before facing her.
“We’ll hit a few balls while you tell me what’s wrong.”
She scowls, tapping the tip of the bat to the dirt. “I already told you—”
“The truth, Bree. I don’t want the watered-down version that you think I’ll settle for. You should know me better than that by now.”
Glancing away, she stares at the field. I do the same, ignoring the silence and taking in the view of the place where I first fell in love with baseball.
I spend far too much money each year keeping this diamond from getting bulldozed and filled with a condo or two because just the thought of not being able to come back here turns my stomach.
It’s peaceful. There are no cameras here or fans watching with their unreachable expectations.
This is where I go when I want to reconnect with the sport that made me who I am today, and I’ll do anything to keep it here, just like this.
There are no bleachers, and the dugout is so old I haven’t dared step foot into it since I was eighteen, taking my last look at the place before draft day.
I tighten my hold on the ball in my palm and glide a fingertip along the stitching before looking back at Aubrey.
Her eyes are already on me, her lips slightly tilted.
“Come on. I’ll go easy on you,” I murmur.
She exhales a heavy breath. “Your easy isn’t really easy.”
“That’s so nice of you to say.”
The rounded tip of her baseball bat comes up and taps my ass as I howl a laugh and give her a push forward.
She rolls her eyes, but I can see the ice inside of her melting inch by inch.
Once we’ve stepped through the opening in the fence and my foot touches the grass, I let my shoulders go loose.
There’s an instant change in energy here, and I revel in it, trying to bottle it up.
“You’re not allowed to make fun of me when I miss. It’s been at least a year since I’ve swung a bat,” Aubrey declares, already taking her place at home plate.
I step onto the very flat pitcher’s mound and run my foot over it, staring down at the marks I leave behind before glancing up again. My eyes bulge for half a second as I clear my throat, struggling to glance away from where she stands, undressing. Well, not completely.
The zip sweater she wore today is one of those yoga ones, with the thin, elastic material, and she’s taking it off.
I swallow, fighting a silent battle to keep my eyes from wandering across the bare shoulders that become exposed once she’s shrugged her arms out of the sweater.
The sun beats against the back of my neck, making it break out in a sweat as I drop my gaze an inch.
Her sports bra isn’t overly revealing. It’s thick, with a band that goes at least two inches below her chest, but that doesn’t matter.
Not right now. I freeze with my eyes on the cleavage that’s been revealed and the soft rise and fall of her chest as she takes steady, unbothered breaths.
My tongue sticks to the top of my mouth while she balls her sweater up and tosses it to the side, giving me an unrestricted view of her entire upper body.
It’s not the first time I’ve seen her like this. I’ve been around her in a bathing suit before, yet . . . this feels different. Intimate in a way going to the beach isn’t.
I force my stare up to the bright blue straps of her bra and the freckles that decorate the tanned skin beneath them. Jesus, they’re everywhere. Have I noticed that before, or is it something that’s only recently happened?
The swing of the wooden bat cuts through my focus. I blink, ignoring the sudden pulsing in my cheeks, and find her curious gaze waiting for me. The warm day must be getting to her, too, because she’s already pink.
“Each time you miss the ball, you have to tell me more about what happened today,” I tell her, ignoring the rasp in my voice.
“What makes you think anything happened?”
“Because I know you, Aubrey. I heard how upset you were on the phone, and I want to know why so that I can help.”
She lifts the bat, avoiding eye contact. “Fine.”
Her positioning would have Kellen intervening if he were here. Since he isn’t, I let it go. Instead, I focus on putting my glove on before giving the ball one final toss.
“Remember that you said you’d go easy on me, Finn,” she calls out, spreading her feet.
I smirk before throwing the first ball. It’s as easy as I’ve got in me, but she still misses, swinging just a second too late.
“Start talking, baby cakes.”
She lowers the bat and stares at where it presses into the red dirt.
There’s a heavy silence around her that I feel from the mound.
The immediate denial is right there on her face, but as every second passes, she holds it back.
It’s not until I’m ready to storm over to her and force her to speak that she does, her voice almost too low to hear.
“I didn’t think it was possible to feel like I’m not enough but too much at the same time.”
My skin pulls tight over my bones, my pulse slowing in my ears.
“I’ve spent so many years of my life around men who have done and acted in the worst ways, so now, when I look at the ones that I go out with, all I see is abandonment, infidelity, and betrayal.
It’s not that I want to see every situation with a half-empty glass.
I don’t have terrible childhood trauma to blame my personality on.
It’s simply natural. I’m not the easiest woman to be with, and I won’t make excuses for why that is, but I just . . .”
She cuts herself off, anger sparking as her knuckles turn white around the bat.
“I hoped that I’d be able to find someone who could handle it.
Handle me, with the bad attitude, the tendency to self-destruct, and the trouble with trusting included.
Today, I realized that if I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, it isn’t just my lack of dating patience that I have to change, but myself entirely.
I’m never going to find someone the way I am now. ”
I don’t know the exact moment I move.
But when she blinks to hide her tears, I’m already in front of her, my thumbs gliding over her pink cheeks and body shielding her from not only the sun but as much of the world as I possibly can.