2. Xed
Chapter two
S weat coats every inch of my body, chafing my arms beneath my shirt sleeves. The soft turf slaps under my feet as I push forward. Three other runners pant beside me, each gripping a baton, ready to pass it on. I love running, but I fucking hate track meets. Competing in any form? Hard pass. But it’s required, so here I am.
When I finally pass off my baton, my legs nearly give out. My heart pounds so hard I can feel it in my toes. From the stands, obnoxious voices call my name, and I heave a sigh when I spot Matty with Taylor and Christian, holding up a massive cardboard sign: Why are you running? Who’s chasing you?
Every. Damn. Meet. A new sign, no matter how many times I tell them to stop.
Wiping sweat from my forehead, I tell Coach I’m leaving before making my way toward my dumbass friends. Matty is in his football practice gear, just as sweaty as I am.
“How the hell are you wearing long sleeves right now, homie?” Christian shakes his head, his long brown hair falling over his shoulders. “I’m already dying in this heat, and I wasn’t even the one running. ”
Matty and I exchange a look before I shrug. “Hardly having any hair helps. You’ve got a whole horse mane going on.”
“Don’t be jealous of my luscious locks.”
Taylor snickers, yanking his best friend into a headlock. “Careful. You might wake up bald one day. Don’t sleep with your eyes closed.”
“How the fuck else am I supposed to sleep?”
“You’re not. That’s the point.”
“Why didn’t you just say don’t go to sleep , then? What’s wrong with you, tonto ?”
As they bicker, Matty steps up to slap me on the shoulder. “You did good out there, man.” He accidentally puts too much force into it, damn near knocking me over, and his strong hands grip my waist. “Shit, sorry.”
Poor guy doesn’t know his own strength.
My hands automatically wrap around his thick biceps—just like when we hold each other at night—and he flashes me a crooked grin before stepping back quickly.
Right . Because we’re in public.
At night, alone in his room, we can be who we want to be. But in the cold light of day, two guys cuddling is just…wrong. Especially in this small Utah town. Total bullshit.
“So, I heard the big scholarship race is tomorrow at the Motorsports park,” Matty says, wiggling his brows at Taylor and Christian. “You two going?”
“Of course we are,” Christian snickers, making kissy noises. “Tay’s little boyfriend is gonna be there.”
Taylor shoves his best friend hard. “Shut the fuck up. I’m not gay. Huckslee’s an asshole, and I hate him. ”
I scoff as we all head out of the field toward the locker room. “Is that why you’re obsessed with him?”
Matty lets out a chuckle. “Plus, his mom married Huck’s dad, remember?”
“Goddammit, Matthew,” Taylor groans, pulling off his shirt. “Why did you have to remind me? I was having a good day.”
Technically, he shouldn’t even be on campus since he dropped out last month, but none of us are going to say anything about it.
Once we reach our lockers, I grab my clean clothes, waiting until I’m safely inside a shower stall before peeling off my sweat-soaked shirt. Ignoring the small round scars on both arms, I scrub my body quickly, careful not to get my pink Mohawk wet.
As soon as I’m clean, I throw on a T-shirt and some jeans, topping it off with my leather jacket, before stepping out to grab my boots. As I round the corner toward the lockers again, I freeze.
Matty stands near one of the benches, towel slung low on his hips as he scrolls through his phone.
It’s not like I’ve never seen him shirtless because I have—plenty of times.
But lately, things have started to feel…different. My gaze drags down his bare torso, taking in the layers of muscle, taught pink nipples, a line of hair trailing from his belly button to the towel, where it disappears lower...
I snap my eyes back to his face, finding those baby blues aimed at me, and I swallow hard.
“You, uh...lost your clothes.”
What the fuck? What am I even saying?
He tilts his head, throwing me a goofy smile. “Was I supposed to shower with them on? ”
“Don’t tell me you do it naked?” There’s a catch in my voice, so I clear my throat, attempting to mask the fact that I was practically eye fucking my best friend. And praying he didn’t notice.
Matty snorts, grinning as he turns to his locker. I quickly look away when he drops the towel, catching a glimpse of his tight, round ass.
“Wanna grab some food later and watch Game of Thrones? “ I ask, and I’m so attuned to his movements that I feel him shake his head.
“Nah, I’ve got a date with Val tonight. You?”
Ugh . Fucking Valerie.
Instead of answering, I spin around, no longer caring if he’s clothed. “You’re back together? Seriously?”
Luckily, he’s covered and throws me a pleading look over his shoulder as he applies deodorant. “Don’t start. It’s not serious. We’re just hanging out.”
“That’s what you said the last time,” I growl irritably, “and then she cut the breaks on your car. If Taylor hadn’t noticed something was up, you could have died, Matty.”
“She was going through some shit then, she didn’t mean it.”
“Valerie’s always going through some shit. She’s fucking toxic, dude.”
He drops his head, broad shoulders slumping, “Xed, please. I just...I need this, ok?”
“Need what?” My lips curl back as I glare at him. “To get laid? Is that all?”
“Who’s getting laid?” Christian appears around the corner, long hair damp as he tugs on a shirt. Anyone else would question why he’s showering when he doesn’t play any sports, but we all know he’s the oldest of five siblings, and their house only has one bathroom. He showers here regularly.
I fling a hand out toward my best friend. “Matt’s back with Val.”
His brows raise, tongue smacking disapprovingly. “You’re an idiot.”
“Come on, guys,” Matty whines with a red face. “She’s not that bad.”
Christian disagrees. “I’ve stuck my dick in a lot of crazy hermano , and even I wouldn’t touch that.”
They argue for a bit, Taylor joining in once he finishes his shower, and I shift uncomfortably on my feet, not having anything to add to the conversation because I’m the only one out of the group who hasn’t stuck his dick anywhere unless my fist counts.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy getting off because I do. Sometimes. But the thought of doing it with another person? Eh. Not interested.
Which is why I don’t understand what Matt could possibly see in someone as insane as Valerie. What’s so good about her, anyway? Her vagina? Big deal. They sell those online now for fifty bucks. It definitely can’t be her personality because she’d have to have one of those for him to like it.
So what is it? What’s so special about her?
What does she have that I don’t?
“I’m done talking about this,” Matty sighs, exasperated, before turning his attention to me. “Are we riding home together or not?”
“Not.” My jaw tightens as I tug on the sleeves of my jacket. “I’ve got some stuff I need to do at home.”
His eyes flash, tracking my movements while he stiffens, and we share a silent conversation.
Don’t do this .
We both know that I don’t have a choice.
“Alright,” he says slowly, dropping his blue-eyed gaze as he grabs his wallet and keys. “But I’ll see you later, right? When you’re done?”
So that you can cuddle me after you’ve been inside her.
“Yeah. Sure.”
Giving me one last glance, my best friend says his goodbyes before leaving the locker room, taking all the sunshine with him when he goes. I decline Taylor and Christian’s invite to smoke, knowing that going home smelling like weed would only make things worse. Not that I give a shit what my Aunt Pearl thinks. Not anymore.
Hopping into the Subaru that Matty’s sister sold me, I gun it out of the school parking lot, blasting “ fleabag ” by YUNGBLUD to keep my thoughts from spiraling toward Matty. It’s not long before I’m pulling up in front of the cottage-style house where I grew up; our town of Gville is small as shit.
Pulling into the driveway, I take a few moments to collect myself, knuckles white against the steering wheel, when I spot Pearl waiting in the front yard. Tending to her hydrangeas, like always.
She’s pruning them, whispering lovingly under her breath as she gives them more care than she ever showed me. When she spots me idling, her soft features harden as she wipes a bead of sweat from her brow.
As she grabs her bag from the porch and limps toward the car, I exhale slowly, scratching my arms and bracing myself when she opens the passenger door.
“You’re late,” she snaps, sliding into the seat, and I bite my cheek.
“I had a track meet today, I told you. ”
She grunts, pulling a perfume bottle out of her bag to spray at me. “ Tanga . Can’t even tell time.”
Ignoring the Filipino insult, I throw the car in reverse, backing out to head toward the dialysis clinic in Salt Lake City like we always do three times a week.
I hate this. Part of me wishes she would just die and leave me in peace.
It’s a forty-five minute drive on the highway, and she berates me the entire time, slapping my hand when I try to turn up the music.
“Alexander, slow down.”
“Ugly boy, ina mo.”
“Walang kuwenta.”
Same old fucking song and dance every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I keep my mouth shut. Bite my tongue at her words, even as I’m itching to pull the steering wheel, a pressure slowly rising inside me.
My lungs can’t seem to draw breath.
On and on it goes until we finally make it to our destination, where she leaves me in the car while she spends the next five hours getting her blood cleaned.
Reaching into the center console, I pull out a lighter and a pack of cigarettes before lighting one up, dreading the minutes ticking down until she’s finished.
I don’t even smoke. But I watch the ash fall onto my lap until that pressure inside me reaches its boiling point.
She always makes me like this. She always makes me do this.
Rolling up my sleeve, I take the end of the cigarette and press it into my wrist, only able to breathe when the skin begins to sizzle.
Just like that, the pressure dissipates, a headrush making me dizzy as I burn Aunt Pearl’s voice and Matty’s naked ass out of my head. Slumping against the seat, I close my eyes, euphoria sending me off into sleep.
For a blissful moment, my mind is empty. I can think clearly. All the bullshit fades away.
At least until she gets back in the car.