21. Matty
Chapter twenty-one
S ometime in the night, Salem and Xed switched places. Even in sleep, our bodies pull toward each other like magnets, it seems, which is how I woke up pressed against the side of the Benz with Xed’s face buried in my chest.
His arm is lazily draped over my waist, his breath warm against my skin, brushing across my nipple in a way that has my pulse kicking up. My throat feels tight as I stare down at him, his features softened in sleep.
In all honesty, I don’t know what to do.
I’m hard . Why does he make me so fucking hard?
My body says one thing—stay perfectly still, let myself indulge in the feel of him for just a little longer. But my mind? My mind’s screaming at me to move. To pull away, to stop this before it goes too far, before I do something I can’t take back.
Tentatively, I trace my fingers up his spine, knowing full well I should keep my hands to myself, but it’s been so long, and he feels so damn good in my arms. Soft and pliant, especially in sleep. The gel in his mohawk has long since dried out, the dark strands falling over his brow, and I brush them away to study his face.
He’s always looked so calm when he sleeps. Peaceful. Just for a second, I can forget how much he hates me and pretend that everything is how it used to be—when it was just us and Hannah, when things felt right.
My arms tighten around him involuntarily as Salem’s words from yesterday echo in my head.
I can’t make you see what’s right in front of you. But you’re going to realize what an idiot you are really soon.
I already know I’m an idiot. And no offense, but her advice is the last thing I need right now, seeing as how she has her own shit with Logan to sort out.
I toss her an annoyed glance over Xed’s head, taking in the drool on her chin as she spoons him, her arm slung possessively over his waist.
They’ve grown quite close over the past year, apparently. I’m glad for it, honestly, I am, but there’s still that familiar pinch in my chest when I think about all the ways she’s gotten to be there for him when I haven’t. Protecting him was supposed to be my job.
Not hers.
But I screwed that up. Just like I screw everything else up.
Xed shifts in my arms, wriggling slightly, and I gasp when I feel his cock brush against mine. His very hard cock.
I should move away. Let him go, turn around, leave the damn car, and jump in the lake to cool down. It would be the smart thing to do, seeing as how I’m getting married tomorrow.
But he said he loves me. He’s in love with me.
That fact only has me pulling him closer, inhaling the scent of the gel in his hair as I roll my hips gently against his. A soft whimper leaves his lips, my nipple budding under the warmth of his breath, and I swallow a moan.
Fuck, this is wrong .
But he feels so fucking good, and I missed him so fucking bad.
Burying my face in his hair, I continue to grind on him almost reflexively, gritting my teeth to keep quiet. His breath catches, fingers tightening on my arms, and the fact that he’s awake right now but not pushing me away makes this so much worse.
Or so much better.
My mind can’t function; all thoughts focused on the way he moves with me, the both of us writhing together while Salem snores softly, unaware.
Wrong. All wrong, and that’s exactly why my orgasm creeps up so quickly. It’s been thirteen months since I’ve held him like this, felt his presence so close to mine. Such a long year spent getting friendly with my own right hand that I’m coming before I can stop myself.
Releasing a low moan, I tighten my hold on him as he tenses in my arms, and I know from the whine in the back of Xed’s throat that he’s coming, too. Following me over the edge just like he’s always done.
Hot cum floods my underwear, soaking my lower stomach as I continue to press myself against him, breathing heavily into his hair. He relaxes in my arms, burying his face in my chest, and for a moment, we hold each other tightly as we ride the waves of orgasmic bliss.
But, like always, it doesn’t take long before the guilt crashes into me like a bucket of ice.
Fuck, I’m getting married tomorrow. This was…I shouldn’t have done this. I could lose everything.
I did lose everything .
But I’ve still got Hannah. I’ll always have her, even if keeping her means losing this.
Losing him.
But I promised that I’d always put my daughter before anyone else—even myself.
So, with that thought in mind, I give my best friend one last squeeze. I press my lips to the shaved part of his scalp, savoring the way his hold on me tightens. One last cant of my hips, re-mapping every curve of his body to memory.
And then I let him go.