Chapter 3
Chapter Three
Gavin
T he day feels colder than it should. I stand outside of my Maserati in my suit, tugging at the collar like it might loosen the knot in my throat.
I could just leave. No one would notice, most likely. No one but Jayla has even seen me yet. Other than Alicia, she’s probably the only one who cares.
I can call Mike tomorrow to go over the will.
“I see the way you look at her,” Dad said as we stood outside at a Fourth of July party our family was hosting.
“The way I look at who?” I asked dismissively, but knowing damn well he caught me watching Lena laugh at something her best friend, Tatum, had said.
Her entire face lit up when she laughed.
“Lena Marshall.” He sighed. “I always knew you two had a special connection, but you sat back and waited for her to come to you, just like you always do. Heaven forbid you take action on something. Your brother got to her first, so she’s off-limits to you now.”
“Lena and Aaron broke up. And I don’t know what you’re talking about, Pops.” I chuckled. “I’m dating Cindy. You know that.”
“Do you take me for a fool?”
I didn’t answer because I knew regardless of what came out of my mouth, he would have a negative reaction to it.
“You’re too selfish for that girl. She’s keeping your brother out of trouble, so you need to stay away from her. Don’t be getting any ideas. I won’t have you…”
Ah yes, my brother, the wild child who knew he was untouchable because our father was the town sheriff. For a man who was always on my ass about everything, he should send some of that energy to his youngest child.
“I ain’t got no ideas about her, Pops. I don’t even live around here.”
“You know that she’s going to school by you. You best steer clear of her, do you hear me? I won’t have you and your brother at odds with each other over a girl.”
“We’re at odds over everything else.” I chuckled.
“You’ll never amount to anything if you don’t change that attitude. I won’t have you dragging her or anyone else down with you.”
“Uncle G,” Jayla interrupts my thoughts as she greets me with a hug.
“Shouldn’t you be in there with your mom?”
“Aunt Tatum is with her. You needed me.”
How did she know?
That empathy, the second sense, is definitely from my mom or Lena because it’s not something she got from my brother.
I inhale slowly, hoping that the intake of breath will clear out the waves of nausea happening in my stomach.
Why did I think I needed to do this?
No one expected me to show up. I should have let them all be right.
I don’t move from the spot where I’m standing. I reach back and grip the door handle of my car. I’m not a man who gets nervous or who even feels fear, but right now, a dozen different emotions course through me, and I don’t know what any of them are.
None of them have anything to do with the fact that I’m burying my father today.
I can’t stand the thought of having to look Lena in the eye and see all of her anger and hatred reflecting back at me.
Jayla takes my elbow and walks beside me, her hand resting on my arm as we make our way toward the church where the funeral will be held.At the main entrance, a crowd of townspeople have already gathered. Familiar faces greet us with solemn nods and murmured condolences, but I keep my eyes straight ahead, not yet ready to face all the questions hanging in the air.
The scent of lilies hits me before I even reach the door, the same damn flowers from my mom’s funeral. That thought sends a jolt of discomfort through me, but I force it down.
Focus. I need to keep it together.
I take in a breath, hold it, and then release it. I feel numb. I guess I always thought that Dad and I would make up someday, that he’d reach out and apologize to me, but he never did.
“ Stay away from Lena Marshall ,” Dad had said on repeat. “ I won’t let you ruin that girl’s life with your bullshit. ”
I never quite understood what my bullshit was, other than I made it very clear that farm life and the sheriff’s department weren’t where my future was headed. To my dad, that was like a giant middle finger.
As Jayla and I reach the entrance, the smell of vanilla and lavender envelops me. My stomach clenches, and my breath catches.
Her scent is exactly the same. How is that possible?
The memory of Lena wearing nothing but my old football jersey as she straddled me, her head thrown back as she laughed at something I said, hits me hard.
I can’t focus on anything except my own heartbeat thudding in my ears. Someone smacks into me, physically slams into my back, and the moment our bodies touch, it’s like the air around us shifts. Electricity whips through me, and her familiar smell of vanilla and lavender consumes me. I step back, muttering an apology, trying not to look up, but I can’t help myself. I know who I ran into. When my eyes meet hers, the words die on my lips.
Lena Marshall.
It’s been eighteen years, yet she looks the same despite her sad eyes. Her dark curls frame her face, but that gorgeous smile no longer meets her bright blue eyes.
She’s even more beautiful than she was back then.
At one time, I had memorized her face. It haunted my dreams more than I’ll ever admit. Her blue eyes, sharp as ever, bore into mine with surprise before they narrow in anger.
We stand there for a moment, neither of us moving. I have so much I want to say to her, but none of the words will form. My stomach is in knots.
Right now, sorry doesn’t seem like enough.
The tension crackles between us like static, a weight pressing on my chest. I glance at Jayla, who has stepped aside, her eyes flickering between her mom and me, clearly sensing something is wrong. The whole town is watching, of course.
Hicks Creek doesn’t miss a thing.
“Mom, Uncle G made it,” Jayla says excitedly. “I didn’t want him to walk in alone.”
“I see that, baby,” she replies. She looks at me quickly, barely acknowledging me before looking away again. “Gavin.”
She straightens, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear as if the touch would wipe away whatever that moment was.
“Lena,” I manage, nodding. “I…uh, sorry about that.”
“Don’t worry about it. I wasn’t watching where I was going.”
“Were you hiding from Hank?” Jayla giggles.
“How did you know?” Lena rolls her eyes as she smiles back at her daughter.
There it is. There is that gorgeous smile of hers .
I watch her carefully, taking in every inch of her. I want to commit this new version to my memory.
She has this confident, carefree way about her as she looks adoringly at Jayla.
“He told me to start referring to him as stepdad,” Jayla says as she cuts through my thoughts. “Man, he pops up out of nowhere sometimes.”
She groans as the two of them laugh.
“Hank?” I ask, cocking an eyebrow at Jayla.
“He’s a mess. You’ll see. He has a huge crush on Mom and is so blatant and thirsty about it,” Jayla explains. “You’ll see if you stick around after…everything.”
Lena’s eyes dart behind me briefly before returning to my face, but not long enough for anyone else to notice. I can see she’s gripping the program in her hand so tightly that it’s practically rolled into a ball. She’s nervous and doesn’t want me to see any emotion. It’s the only time she won’t look me in the eye. She looks past me, her gaze fixed somewhere over my shoulder.
“I didn’t expect you to come.”
Ouch. I see you, Lena.
“I’m here to say goodbye to my father. I wouldn’t miss that.”
Her eyes flicker with something I can’t quite name before her expression hardens. She lets out a dry chuckle, shaking her head before she rolls her eyes.
“ Right .” Her eyes flit to Jayla, and I can tell by the subtle movement that she’s holding back a lot of emotion so her daughter doesn’t see it. She pins me with a steely glare, but just briefly. “He’d rather have seen you in person. Glad you could fit it into your busy schedule. Well, it’s nice to see you back.”
Her eyes lock with mine again. I don’t know what to say, so I just nod. Jayla tugs on my arm, but I can’t move, can’t break away from Lena’s gaze. It isn’t full of the warmth it used to have when we were younger or even the admiration she had when we were in a relationship. No, this is something else entirely. A mixture of old wounds and unsaid words held back by the thin veneer of politeness for the sake of everyone else watching.
I almost shiver at how icy she’s being.
Damn, I’ve never seen her act this coldly toward someone. I never thought I’d be on the receiving end.
“You look good, Lena,” I say, almost as an afterthought.
What am I even doing?
She blinks, her lips pressing into a thin line. “We’re not doing that.”
“Lena!” Mrs. Emerson calls her name, and Lena quickly scurries off.
I’m not sure if that went better or worse than I expected.
The second she’s gone, it feels a little easier to breathe.
Damn, I didn’t expect her dismissiveness to hurt this badly.
“Mom is quite popular. Most eligible bachelorette.” Jayla laughs. “It’s like they can’t stand to see an independent woman happy alone. They think she should have moved on from Dad already.”
“Hicks Creek is good about that,” I mutter. “They love to tell people how to live their lives.”
“The town isn’t all bad, Uncle G,” she replies softly as she leads me inside.
“You’re right. You’re here, and that makes it great.”
My breath catches in my throat when we walk into the funeral home. There’s no casket for viewing, just a giant photo of my dad in his Hicks Creek sheriff’s uniform.
I didn’t realize they cremated him. I don’t even get to see him one last time.
I’m not sure how I feel about that.
The service is a blur. I go through the motions, shaking hands, receiving hugs, and offering faint smiles to people I barely recognize anymore. Jayla stays close, but the more familiar faces I see, the more out of place I feel. This town, this place, it isn’t mine anymore. It hasn’t been for a long time.
“Your dad was one of the best people there ever was,” Mrs. Emerson says in a choked voice. “He always was there for anyone and everyone anytime they needed him. It's a shame we lost Aaron, too; both were such good servants to our town. They did Hicks Creek proud. Both were such good dads…”
Clearly, she didn’t know my dad the way she thought she did, but that’s usually how it goes, right?
Mrs. Emerson is pulled away, and Mack Marley from the feed store takes her place.
“Man, oh man,” Mack says, clacking me on the back. “It’s so good to see you, Gavin. I heard you’re doing real well for yourself. Your dad used to tell all of us how you were a big shot on Wall Street. Real proud of you, he was.”
I force a smile, knowing that it’s a load of bullshit. My father was never proud of me. It wasn’t in his blood to be proud of someone who didn’t choose the family business as their lifestyle.
“Gavin,” a gruff voice says.
I turn to see Aaron’s best friend, Michael.I always felt bad for him. My brother was a jerk to him ninety percent of the time, but Aaron was always a faithful friend.
“Hey, Mikey, long time no see. How have you been?”
He was always like a little brother to me. We used to get along pretty well. I’d get on to Aaron all the time for how he shit on him, though. So I’m surprised when Mike’s face darkens at my words before he nods curtly.
“I texted and called a few times. Your dad had specific wishes in his will that we’ll need to go over.”
“Of course, I need to get back to the city first thing in the morning since there’s no cell or internet service in this place. You can call my assistant, and she’ll schedule a meeting.”
“You’re kidding, right?” He chuckles harshly. “So what? You just popped in to make sure the body was cold, look like you gave a shit, and then take off again? You’re going to leave this all on Lena to take care of again ?”
“He’s not leaving Lena to take care of anything.” Alicia sighs in irritation as she walks up behind us. “He’s not the enemy you all make him out to be.”
“A meeting can be done over the phone, Mikey,” I say jokingly, thinking it’ll ease the tension.
“That’s not the point.”
We used to get along so well when we were younger. Why is he being such a jerk?
“Maybe if y’all were nicer, he’d stick around longer,” Alicia says rudely.
“Hey, Uncle Mike,” Jayla interjects happily as she walks over and gives him a quick hug. “Thanks for all you did.”
“Henry was like a dad to me,” he answers, his eyes flitting to me accusingly.
I fight the urge to roll my eyes.
Seems like I’m still the scapegoat after all these years.
It does hurt to think that Mike was more of a son to my dad than I have been over the past eighteen years.
“It’s great that Uncle G is here, right? He’s going to stay at Gramps’s house for the week and…”
“Good, I’m glad. I hope he does. I’ll see you at my office at ten tomorrow morning, Gav. That’s the only time Lena could make it.”
He walks off before I can reply.I turn right back to my niece.
“I can’t stay for a week, Jay.”
“You haven’t been home in almost twenty years, Uncle G. You can’t stick around and hang out with me for a bit? I have a really big basketball game coming up. It would be great if you came to watch.”
Man, she’s good.
My heart squeezes as she gives me a sad look. I inhale slowly, mentally checking off what work I can do here in Hicks Creek to buy me more time before I return to my home in the city. Which isn’t a lot.
I sigh before I nod. “I’ll see what I can do.”
She grins widely before she scurries off. I turn back around to Mack.
“I hope you mean that,” Alicia whispers.
“I have a job, Alicia. This place is set in the Dark Ages. I won’t be here long.”
“Then you should have told her that. Just because your dad wasn’t updated doesn’t mean it can’t be done,” she snaps before she scurries away.
“How’s the feed store?” I ask Mack.
“Same old, same old. Not much changes around here.”
I feel a tap on my shoulder.I turn around and lock eyes with Lena. My stomach flips.
She’s standing there in that little black dress, looking as composed as ever, but she has a fire behind her eyes. I swallow hard. My breath catches as she quickly grabs my wrist, her fingers digging into my skin just enough to get my attention.
Dang it, the physical touch causes electricity to rip through me.
“Excuse us,” she says to Mack, who chuckles knowingly before walking away.
She tugs me toward the side of the church, away from the crowd. I follow without protest, too stunned by the suddenness of it all to do anything else.
When we’re outside, standing near the side entrance where no one can see us, she lets go of my wrist and crosses her arms, staring at me with that same intensity from earlier.
“What are you doing here, Gavin?” she asks.
“It’s my father’s funeral,” I say.
“You haven’t spoken to him in eighteen years,” she shoots back. “You abandoned everyone. You didn’t even show up when Aaron died. And now, what ? You think you can just waltz back into town and play the dutiful son?”
Mike said something similar. What’s up with that?
Irritation fills me as I clench my jaw, feeling my pulse quicken. “I had my reasons for leaving, Lena. Life got complicated.”
He told me to stay away from you, and I… It doesn’t matter. I can’t tell her that truth. She’s not ready for it.
“Complicated? That’s what you’re going with?”
“Dad and I didn’t get along. I had a life outside of this town, responsibilities—”
“You think I don’t know that?” Her voice rises slightly. “You think I don’t get what it’s like to have a life outside of Hicks Creek? But you didn’t just leave, Gavin. You cut us all off.”
My chest tightens with guilt. “I didn’t …”
She laughs, but there is no humor in it. “Didn’t mean to? Do you even hear yourself? You didn’t mean to disappear? To act like your family didn’t matter anymore? Henry needed you when Aaron died. Jayla…”
I take a step closer to her, lowering my voice. “I had my reasons. I couldn’t stay here, Lena. Not after everything.”
“After everything? What are you even talking about? Your brother died, and your niece called and texted you so many times, begging you to come see her. Your dad did the same thing. All he wanted was to make amends before it was too late. And you ignored them all.”
But you never called me. That’s the one thought that keeps sticking out. Had she called and asked me to come home, I would have.
“You think I don’t live with that every day? But I had my own demons to fight. I couldn’t—”
“That’s not what anyone asked you to do. We just wanted you to be here.”
We?
I don’t know what to say. The guilt I had buried for years bubbles to the surface, threatening to drown me. Lena stands there, staring at me, waiting for something—an explanation, an apology, or maybe both.
“I thought staying away was the best thing I could do.”
She shakes her head, her curls bouncing with the movement. “You always did think hiding or staying away was the answer, didn’t you? You were wrong.”
I don’t know what else to say. I turn to leave, not really in the mood to hear her reiterate my past transgressions when they’re already on a loop in my head.
“I didn’t want to do this today. Not here, not now. But seeing you again… it just brought everything back,” she says before I can move.
“I didn’t come here to make things harder for you.”
“Then why did you come?” she asks, her voice barely a whisper now. “Because it sure as hell wasn’t for your dad.”
“I don’t know,” I finally admit. “I guess I thought I owed it to him to at least show up.”
“You can’t just show up and expect things to be okay. You can’t swoop in here and take things from Jayla, either. Not after everything. You think the people in this town don’t know how you talk about them, about your own family. How you abandoned us when we needed you the most. You think that Jayla doesn’t know how much you hate Hicks Creek and your dad? She thinks you hate her…”
I suck in a breath, surprised by that revelation.
I could never hate Jayla. She can’t really think that, can she?
“I know I can’t fix it, but I’m going to try.”
“Showing up is a good start, but it’s not where it ends, Gav,” she says softly.
I know that, but I don’t know if I have the energy to do more than that.
“I understand.”
She looks at me for a long moment, and I see the pain she’s been carrying, the same pain I’ve been running from. It’s written all over her face—in the way her shoulders sag and the way her voice has lost its edge.
“I wish you hadn’t—” she says.
“Oh hey Lena, I’ve been looking for you.” A wiry man comes up behind us.
His eyes dart between Lena and me quickly.
“Not now, Hank,” she hisses.
She stops abruptly and groans before she turns and walks away, leaving me alone with my guilt. The man follows her like a dog. I swallow hard, fighting the urge to chase her.
Seeing her here today only reminds me that I never stopped loving her. I only told her that we couldn’t be seen together in Hicks Creek because I didn’t want to face the wrath of my father.
She showed her true colors when she ran right back into my brother’s waiting arms, though.
Just like my ex-wife, Sarah—neither of them has a loyal bone in their body.
I still love Lena and probably always will, but I can’t be with someone like her, and she’s made it perfectly clear that she doesn’t want me either.
I can’t do this. I need to leave and get back to the city. That’s where I belong.
I’ll call Jayla in the morning and send her tickets to come visit me. We’ll watch a Knicks game together or something. That’ll make up for it, right?
Instead of going back into the funeral home, I make a beeline for my car. The weight of the funeral, hearing everyone spout lies about how great my father was, of seeing Lena again, of everything, feels like too much to handle.
I tug at my tie, suddenly feeling like I’m being strangled and suffocated. I loosen it and the top few buttons of my shirt quickly, but it doesn’t give me any relief. I can’t face this church, the place where my father pretended to be a good man, and they all believed him. I can’t face this town and the shit memories any longer. The lies and the truth are fighting against each other, and they’re quickly taking me down with them.
As I pull away from the church, I don’t look back. I can’t.
Not yet.
Because I know that Lena is standing there, staring at me with tears in her eyes, silently pleading for me not to run away again. And if she’s not, Jayla is.
I’m not strong enough to handle seeing that.