Chapter 9
Chapter nine
Noah
Once we were all loaded up, I settled into the passenger seat and exhaled. I knew the SUV was armored and was safe, but I wasn’t thrilled about being back out on the road.
“You didn’t have to do that,” I said, once we’d pulled down the drive.
He kept his eyes on the road. “Do what?”
“Drive me yourself. They could’ve taken me. You could’ve stayed. Finished your vacation.”
“I know.”
I watched his profile. He didn’t offer more than that, and after a second, I pushed a little further. “Why didn’t you?”
He was quiet long enough that I thought he might not answer. Then he said, “Because you slept.”
I turned to look at him. “What?”
“At the cabin. With me there, you slept.” He glanced over briefly before his eyes went back to the road. “I wasn’t handing that off to someone else.”
I turned back to the windshield. I pressed my lips together and nodded once, and I didn’t trust myself to say anything else for a while. But something quiet and solid settled in my chest and stayed there for the rest of the drive.
When I’d left the Three Bears Tactical building six months ago, I thought that putting distance between myself and what happened would help me figure out who I was on the other side of it.
It had helped, mostly. But arriving this time felt different. I could actually look at it now. The building was huge, and yet, it fit in its place downtown like that was where it belonged.
When the elevator doors opened on the ninth floor, Julius was already there.
“There he is.” He came straight to me, both hands reaching out to take mine. He looked me over from top to bottom and smiled. “You look significantly better than the last time you were here.”
“I feel significantly better,” I said. “Mostly.”
“Mostly is a start,” he said, like that settled it entirely. He released my hands and looped his arm through mine. “Come on. Mika and I have been setting up your apartment all afternoon, and we’re very proud of ourselves.”
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“We absolutely did,” Mika said, appearing from the hallway with a covered dish in both hands. He smiled at me. And not with a simple smile, but something more. The kind that made me feel like I belonged. “You’re in nine-seventeen again. We thought it might help to have somewhere familiar.”
My throat tightened. “That was really thoughtful. Thank you.”
Mika waved it off.
Julius pushed open the door to the apartment, and I glanced over my shoulder to make sure Jackson was still with me before stepping inside.
The same leather couch, the kitchenette, the view north over the old part of the city.
But there were small things that hadn’t been there before.
A plant on the windowsill. A crocheted throw, folded over the arm of the couch.
A candle on the counter, unlit but present.
Little deliberate things that said someone had thought about it.
“We didn’t know exactly what you’d need,” Julius said from the doorway, “so we thought about what we would want. If anything’s off, we can fix it.”
“Nothing’s off,” I said. “It’s perfect.”
He nodded like it was no big deal, but I could see he was pleased. His gaze moved past me to where Jackson had set my bag down by the bedroom door. Something quickly passed across his face, but he moved on without comment, and for Julius, that restraint was a minor act of heroism.
“There’s a lasagna on the counter. I figured you hadn’t had a chance to eat much today. If I’m wrong and you did, just slide it in the fridge for tomorrow,” Mika said.
“We didn’t dare stop, which means I haven’t eaten yet, so thank you,” I said.
Jackson placed his hand on my back and looked down at me. “I need to go up and talk with Wolfe for a little bit. I’m sure you three have plenty to get caught up on.”
He wasn’t wrong; we did have plenty to talk about, but I didn’t want him to leave. I understood he had to, though, so I just nodded and turned to Mika and Julius. “Do you two want to eat some lasagna?”
He was almost to the door before I called out to him. “Jackson, will you be back?”
“If you want me to come back, I will.”
I gave him a nod, and he smiled at me before walking out the door.
Mika and Julius had both already eaten, but Mika practically shoved me into a chair and put a plate of lasagna in front of me. “Eat it. We can talk after.”
I did as he said. When I finished, I turned to him. “I don’t know if I was just super hungry or what, but that might be one of the best lasagnas I have ever eaten.”
“It’s the adrenaline. It either makes you hungry or horny… or both.” Julius raised one eyebrow in question.
“You want to know about Jackson,” I said.
“Unless you’d rather tell us all about the horrible week you’ve had,” he replied.
I didn’t even have to give it any thought. “God no. Not tonight, anyway.”
“Well, we’ll be here whenever you’re ready to talk about it.” Mika reached over and patted my leg.
“Buuut,” Julius said. “If we aren’t going to talk about that…”
“I didn’t even know his first name was Jackson until you said it. How wild is that?” Mika said.
“I know.” Julius nodded. “I’ve never heard anyone call him anything but Crowe. So tell us all about it, Noah. What’s the thing with you and Jackson? I mean, come on, the way he looked at you before he left”—he fanned himself— “talk about heat.”
“If we’re going to talk about this, I think we need wine,” Mika announced. “Luckily, I put a bottle in the fridge for just such a time as this.”
A few minutes later, we were all sitting in the living room sipping our wine.
“So, Julius, how are things at the salon?” I asked.
“Oh no, we’re not doing that. You’re going to tell us what’s up between you and that hunky man, so spill it.”
I exhaled. “I don’t know what it is.” I turned the wine glass slowly between my palms. “He kissed me.” I paused. “That’s it. We got interrupted by those men.”
Julius gasped. “No way. Talk about rude timing.”
That was one of the things I liked best about Julius. He always knew how to make me laugh. “Right! They could’ve waited until we were done to try to kidnap me again.”
“It was the least they could’ve done.”
I took in a deep breath. “Seriously, though, I just don’t know if it’s real or if it’s… I don’t know, the situation, I guess.”
“I can understand that,” Julius said.
Mika nodded. “Me, too. I’m not saying the situation didn’t matter. Of course it does, but the way he was looking at you a few minutes ago.” He shook his head slightly. “That’s not the situation, Noah. That’s him.”
I used to be so optimistic, but not so much nowadays.
Instead, I wanted to argue that it couldn’t be that easy, because now there was a cautious part of me that had learned to be skeptical of good things.
And even though I’d spent six months rebuilding myself, I wasn’t sure I could trust my own judgment anymore.
“It was just a kiss,” I said, even though it hadn’t felt like just a kiss at all; it had felt like the beginning of something.
“I don’t want to read too much into it. I don’t want to make something in my head out of whatever this is only to find out I was wrong.
I already feel foolish enough about the whole kidnapping thing. ”
Julius pointed his finger at me. “Okay, you just stop that right there. It was not your fault you got kidnapped. I was there, remember, I saw you, and those assholes drugged you.”
“I know, but I still feel stupid. I drove two hours to meet up with some guy on a hookup app… and I came alone. I never do that. I let myself get fooled because it was Daddy Night, and that was when he wanted to meet. Like that was supposed to somehow make him safe.” I rolled my eyes.
“Well, he should’ve been.” Julius huffed.
“Can I say something?” Mika asked.
“Please.”
He set his wine down. “The Daddies here at Three Bears, they’re not casual people.” He wore a small smile like he knew something special the rest of us didn’t. “But when something matters to them? When someone matters?” He shook his head. “They don’t do halfway. It’s genuinely not in them.”
Julius scoffed. “That’s an understatement. Not that I’m complaining. I love being the sole focus of Harlan’s attention. It’s intense.”
“That sounds terrifying,” I said.
“A little bit,” Mika agreed, with the serene cheerfulness of a man who’d been terrified and come out the other side. “But in the very best way.”
“And Jackson is one of these Daddies?” I asked cautiously.
“He’s never said, but then again, we’ve never seen him with anyone.” Mika looked to Julius to confirm, and he just shrugged.
I looked down at the almost empty glass in my hands and said the thing I’d been circling since we got in the SUV to come to Vesper.
“He said he drove me back because I felt safe with him. Because when he was there, I slept.” I paused. “He said he wasn’t going to hand that off to someone else.”
We all just sat there with that for a minute.
“Yeah,” Julius said finally. Quiet, and entirely unlike him, and that was exactly why it landed. “That sounds right.”
I looked out the window and thought about Jackson in bed with me this morning. The way he was so careful with me, but not in a way that made me feel damaged. You should probably move if you don’t want me to kiss you.
I shrugged. “I don’t know what it is.”
“You don’t have to call it anything yet,” Julius said. “You just got here.”
“Give it some air,” Mika said. “Let it be what it is before you decide what its name is.”
“Okay,” I said. “I guess I’ll just see where it goes.”
A few minutes later, the door opened, and Jackson walked in. Julius and Mika both hopped up off the couch and took their glasses to the kitchen. Julius walked over to me and wrapped me in a hug. Then he whispered, “See what I mean, just look at the way he looks at you. You go get him, tiger.”
I cracked up because, seriously, tiger?
Julius planted a big kiss on my cheek and said, “We’ll see you tomorrow.”
Then they were gone, and it was just me and Jackson.