Chapter 8
Cai
One of the last times I’d seen Lara, we were both covered in blood and dirt, exhausted from fighting in a rebel uprising.
And then she’d told me to leave.
Now she stood in front of me, no longer looking like the wild girl who used to climb trees. She looked like a woman who’d lived at court all her life. In the months since we had last seen each other, her appearance had changed. The darkness under her eyes was gone, the colour having returned to her cheeks. She looked stronger. Healthier. It was good to see her face again.
“Lara” was the only word that managed to come out of my mouth.
She gave a small curtsy. “Hello, Cai.”
Her voice was soft and elegant, and, in a moment, she felt like a stranger.
“How are you?” I cleared my throat, attempting to be polite instead of carrying a shocked expression.
“I am very well, thank you.” She folded her hands in front of her skirt, gazing at me through long lashes.
At first, I’d frozen when Jack told me she was here. Not just in Norrandale but in the palace. My mind raced with questions. What was she doing here? Did she see Lady Meredette leave? Did it matter? Would the court be knee-deep in gossip tomorrow about my two female visitors in one afternoon?
I’d followed Jack to the throne room, wondering what Elara thought of Norrandale. She’d never left Everness, but she’d talked about coming to Norrandale before the rebellion happened. As I’d approached the door, I could already smell the sweet scent of her, and my heart raced at the memories it elicited. I could picture her hair, her neck, her mouth, her eyes.
“I apologise for my sudden visit. I would much appreciate if we could discuss a rather important matter.”
I watched the courtiers in the room as they pretended not to be staring and listening to our conversation.
“Of course.” I cleared my throat again. “Would you join me in the study?”
She turned to my mother, who’d been standing next to her. “It was lovely to meet you.”
“You as well, dear.”
Elara gave her a smile. She followed me through the doors of the throne room, the chatter of the courtiers quiet, allowing our steps to echo across the floor.
“It’s good to see you again, Jack.” Elara greeted him with a warm smile.
“You as well, Your Majesty.”
I led her to the nearest study and opened the door, only to find Thatcher calmly reading near one of the windows. He smiled upon seeing me and put down the book.
“Ah, I was looking for you. I was wondering how your—”
He trailed off as Elara walked in behind me and I watched his expression turn curious.
“Thatcher, I would like you to meet Elara, the Queen of Everness.” I gestured to her, and Thatcher quickly got out of his seat and gave a deep bow.
“Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Your Majesty.”
“Lara, I suppose you remember me telling you about my oldest friend, Lord Thatcher?”
“I’ve heard a lot about you.” She gave him a weary smile.
“All bad, I hope.” He gave her a cheeky wink, at which she seemed surprised, and I remembered Elara didn’t have the pleasure of knowing Thatch’s boyishly charming character.
“To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit, Your Majesty?”
Something I would very much like to know, too.
Elara looked in Thatcher’s direction and then back at me. “May we speak?” And then she added, “Privately?”
I opened my mouth to ask Thatcher politely for some privacy, but he was already halfway to the door.
“If you’ll excuse me, Your Majesties, I’d best be on my way. I need to go and find my sister.” Doubtful, but I appreciated his effort.
“Give my regards to Gwen,” I tried to joke, if only to stop the astounding beating of my heart. Elara was here.
Why was she here, and why did she carry such a worried look on her face?
The doors closed behind Thatcher, leaving the two of us alone in the study, with our guards waiting outside. We’d been alone so many times before. But this was different. Our last encounter wasn’t how I’d wanted to leave things between us, and I was sure both of us could sense the clear tension.
“Shall I call for some refreshments?”
Elara shook her head, taking a seat on one of the settees. “No, thank you.”
I sat on a chair opposite her, putting some distance between us.
“I’m sorry about your father,” she said, folding her hands in her lap. I’d never seen her act this proper, not even when she was pretending to be Eloisa. “You must miss him very much.”
“Some mornings I wake up and it takes me a moment to realise he’s not there, that I am now king.”
“Your mother seems well.” They had appeared to be in a discussion when I entered the throne room. I wondered what they had been talking about.
“She has mostly recovered from her illness, but I think my father’s death is taking its own toll.” Most of the time, I believed my mother pretended to be doing better than she actually was.
“It’s going to take time.” Elara offered me a sympathetic smile. I appreciated her condolences, but I doubted she’d come all this way to enquire about my mother’s health.
“You’ve travelled very far.” It was the only thing I could think to say without directly asking her what she was doing in Norrandale, which I feared might come across as a little rude. Did this have something to do with the attempt on her life? Was she in some kind of trouble?
“I haven’t heard from you in a while.” There was a hint of resentment in her tone.
“I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me,” I replied honestly. I’d hated walking out of that palace without a proper goodbye. I didn’t want to leave her to face the unknown obstacles of the new Everness. But she had been so adamant in telling me to leave. I felt I had to respect her wishes.
“I understand you had your mother’s illness and then your father’s death, but I didn’t expect this complete silence from you,” Elara admitted, a trace of hurt in her expression.
“Well, I hardly thought it appropriate, all things considered.” She was the one who’d ended it, and nothing had prevented her from writing to me either.
“All things considered?” she frowned. “What is that supposed to mean? Because I’m queen?”
“Of course not,” I retorted. “Because you’re engaged. I think that more than enough reason to believe that you didn’t want to hear from me unless it regarded a political matter.”
“Engaged?” she cried out. “Engaged to whom?”
“I don’t know. Some Evernean lord.” Based on her expression, I was beginning to feel rather ridiculous. Had it truly just been a rumour, then?
“With all due respect, I think I would know if I was about to walk down the aisle with someone. I’m not sure where you came upon this news, but I can assure you that I am certainly not engaged.”
I didn’t know why a sense of relief flooded my chest at her words. I didn’t want it to.
“All this time, I thought it was because of my family or my title,” she said, more to herself than to me. Her eyes turned to the floor, and her hands unclenched in her lap.
“I should have told you the truth.”
“I shouldn’t have told you to leave like that.” She pressed her lips together. With her stubbornness, it must have taken a lot for her to admit she was wrong. My body was screaming at me to be closer to her. But things were different between us now. She had me longing for things I couldn’t have. She always did.
“You didn’t have to come all the way to Norrandale just to tell me that.” It wasn’t my best attempt at a joke, but I needed something to lighten the mood between us.
“That’s not exactly why I came.” She sighed and the worry in her face returned.
I finally decided to be brave and moved so that I was sitting next to her on the settee.
“Why are you here, Lara?” I asked more gently, tempted to reach for her hand, but I held back out of fear of making her uncomfortable. She turned to look at me.
“Things in Everness have become dire.”
I frowned. They were hardly in good shape before.
“If I’m being honest, I fear a civil war. The people have had a difficult time adjusting and I am surrounded by enemies. As queens usually are.”
I noticed a faint, small scar on her arm, and I realised it must have been from the attack. She was almost killed in her own palace.
No longer able to stop myself, I reached my fingertips towards the line on her upper arm. I half expected her to flinch. Instead, she froze at the touch of my fingers on her soft skin.
“Is this from—?”
“Yes,” she answered quickly and swallowed hard. I dropped my hand, fearing the intimacy of the moment.
“I suppose...” She hesitated. With her hands clasped, she took a deep breath, and I saw the determination grow in her. “I suppose I’ve come to ask you to reinstate the alliance between our two kingdoms.”
“I beg your pardon?” I blurted out too quickly, not sure if I understood her correctly. “I mean—” I cleared my throat. “Sorry, what did you say?” My thumping heart wouldn’t return to normal. In her eyes, dark shadows appeared. Her face grew serious.
Elara sucked her teeth in disapproval at my making her spell it out. “I have come to ask for your hand.”
“In marriage?” I let out a partial sound of disbelief.
“Well, yes.” She looked at me as though I were an idiot. “What else could I mean?”
“Your solution to a civil war is marrying the king of an enemy kingdom?” I was in too much disbelief to consider my words before they left my mouth.
“I have threats all around me. My people are trying to blackmail me, my servants are trying to kill me, and I need someone powerful at my side if I am to protect my reign. I don’t exactly see eligible kings lining up, so unless you know of someone else?”
“Good grief, Elara, you certainly know how to make a proposal.” I sat back, considering her words. “Please marry me because there simply isn’t anyone else?”
She seemed taken aback. “I didn’t mean it like that, and you know it. You should understand making political decisions regardless of your emotions better than anyone.”
“Then what did you mean it like?”
“You were going to marry Eloisa anyway. How is this any different?”
Because she’s not you.
“It’s different because the political situation in Everness has changed. I would need to discuss this with my council before any serious decisions are made,” I explained. “I understand your predicament, but things are complicated.” My father had just died, and I had Argonian spies in the palace prison. The timing could not be worse.
“So that’s it? Nice to see you after months of silence but please leave until further notice?”
“That’s not what I said,” I stated, realising I might be coming across as a bit harsh.
“Then what would you have me do?” she exclaimed. “Who else am I supposed to go to? Do you honestly expect me to simply disregard everything that happened between us in Everness?”
I’d told her to give me a chance until the rebellion was over. I’d told her to escape to Norrandale and that I would find her and then... then what? I didn’t think about the future. Living in the woods at Fairfrith felt like another world most days. It was easy to set aside my duty and the harsh reality of our circumstances. And now...
“But you’re not here because of what happened between us in Everness.” She wasn’t here to make some declaration of love, to say that she’d missed me or wanted to be with me. She was here because she needed the strength of my new title.
“I came to you because I thought I could trust you.” She was begging.
“You can trust me.”
“Can I?” It was a punch in the gut. I clenched my jaw.
“I suggest you stay here as a guest for the time being and we can discuss the matter.” This was after all, the usual procedure for these kinds of matters.
“Very well.” Elara stood up and brushed invisible flecks of dust from the skirts of her dress. “I’ll leave you to your duties, then.”
“Elara, wait.” I stood up as well. This was clearly not the way either of us had hoped this conversation would go.
“Cai,” she said, like she was drawing a line under the conversation, before she walked out the door.
* * *
“I’m such an arse.” I sat with my hands in my hair.
“That could have gone better,” Thatcher responded, after I’d told him about what happened. “Although when I said she would come crawling back once you started courting other women, I did not imagine she would show up the same day.” He smiled at his joke.
“I wasn’t prepared to see her in the first place, much less for her to ask to marry me.” I was still in a state of shock over what had just happened. Had Elara really just showed up here and proposed? And had I really just said no?
“You said you’d discuss it with your council.” Thatcher tried to reassure me.
I continued to stare holes into the carpet of the study.
“I couldn’t have just said yes, could I? I mean, this would make me king of Everness and unite the kingdoms in a whole new way. It would have a massive impact on Everness and Norrandale. A new agreement would have to be drawn up. This is a serious matter.”
“Of course it is,” Thatcher agreed. “It’s not a simple yes or no. Elara will see that.”
“I don’t want her to hate me.”
“She doesn’t hate you.” He smiled. “You can stop moping like a lovesick puppy.”
“I am not a lovesick puppy,” I mumbled.
“Forgive me, what kind of lovesick animal would you prefer to be?” If one of the books had been any closer, I would have thrown it at him.
“I am curious, though.” Thatcher relaxed back into his chair and tilted his head. “Politics aside, if you weren’t the king of Norrandale and she wasn’t the queen of Everness, what would your answer have been?”
“What do you mean?”
“If you were just a farmer and she was just a peasant girl? Would you have said yes?”
“If that were the case, I probably would have asked her to marry me, not the other way around,” I blurted without thinking.
“That’s evading the question,” Thatcher pressed.
“I used to know a girl in Everness. She was wild and fearless.” I sighed. “She called me out and pressed my buttons. There was a fire inside of her and I used to believe I could marry a girl like that.”
“And now?”
I turned to look at the door she’d walked through. “Now, I’m not so sure that she’s that girl anymore.”