Chapter 9
Elara
I rushed through the palace hallways, trying to put as much distance between me and the study as possible. Rhen gave one look in my direction and read enough from my expression to follow a safe distance behind, along with Anesta.
He said no.
How could he say no?
I couldn’t decide if I was furious with him or myself or perhaps downright embarrassed at the feeling of rejection coursing through me. I had come all this way to make a complete and utter fool of myself and at the hands of the king of Norrandale, no less.
Cai had said no.
Or at least, he hadn’t said yes.
Most of my time on our journey here had been spent practising what to say leading up to the proposal. I was so focused on how to go about it that I hadn’t prepared myself properly for what to do if he didn’t say yes. Of course I knew it was always a possibility. But this was Cai. I knew him. Or at least, I thought I did.
A proper queen would see all of this as a challenge instead of defeat. But I knew, in the back of my mind, that I was no proper queen. I was just a masked bandit with a title. Perhaps I would always be a masked bandit, playing pretend with her crown.
I hadn’t told Cai what Lance had said regarding the marriage agreement.
Whether Cai liked it or not, he was technically engaged to me according to a paper that he’d willingly signed. I hadn’t even considered bringing the documentation with me because part of me believed I truly would have no need for it. And if I did, waving it in Cai’s face to pressure him to marry me would make me no better than my brother. Was it so terrible that I didn’t want to force Cai into this alliance? I’d never expected us to be lovers for the rest of our lives, but having the past we did, I thought us, at the very least, capable of doing this as friends. There were worse fates, after all.
Most of all, I hated myself for the fact that I had genuinely hoped he would say yes.
* * *
“I cannot believe that man.”
Anesta remained quiet as she took the pins out of my hair. After my failed proposal in the study, I spent the remainder of the afternoon hiding in the guest chambers. I didn’t have it in me to face anyone else. Poor Anesta had no choice but to listen to my venting.
“He was the one who told me to wait for him, to give him a chance. And now he wants me to believe he doesn’t care for me whatsoever? That he’s just numbed himself to all emotion regarding my existence?”
“He really said he wouldn’t marry you?” Anesta said, with disbelief.
“Not exactly,” I huffed. “He said he needed to think about it. That he would have to discuss it with his council. Does the king have no power in this damn kingdom to marry whomever he wants? This would make him the king of Everness.” I was agitated. Because it was easier to be furious than to be sad or allow any other negative and self-deprecating emotion to slip through the cracks. I didn’t want to consider Cai’s reasoning either. How much of it was political and how much was personal?
“I suppose that’s kind of a polite way of saying he doesn’t want to marry you,” Anesta took out another pin.
“Anesta!” I groaned. “You’re supposed to be making me feel better, not worse.”
“I’m sorry.” She began brushing out my hair. “You’re right. The man doesn’t deserve you. You can do so much better, Your Majesty.” Her tone wasn’t entirely sincere, but she was trying her best to cheer me up.
“I don’t know about that. There aren’t exactly many eligible kings running around.”
“What about King Aries?” she asked, while combing the locks of my dark hair.
“King Aries?” I really did have to start paying better attention when Rhen discussed politics with me.
“Yes, the king of Argon.”
Memories of his name and the kingdom being mentioned resurfaced. “Oh, right.”
I crossed my arms. “I don’t know anything about him. He’d be a complete stranger. And even though there is technically peace between Argon and Norrandale, I heard the war was pretty devastating. Something about going to a kingdom that’s as good as Norrandale’s enemy feels wrong.”
“What are you going to do then, Your Majesty?”
“I don’t know.” I had my elbows perched atop the dressing table and hid my head in my hands. “This feels so humiliating.”
“Don’t think of it as humiliation.” Anesta tried to sound optimistic.
“Then what should I think of it as?” I peered through my fingers and met her gaze in the mirror.
She pursed her lips for a moment. “Think of it as an opportunity.”
“An opportunity?”
“Yes,” she said. “So that the two of you will have the time to get to know each other better. He said you could stay here as a guest, didn’t he?” She finished my hair and put the brush down.
“Somehow my world seemed a lot easier when I knew a whole lot less,” I muttered to myself, standing up. I paced across the room before falling back onto the bed, my feet dangling off the edge. “We need a proper plan. I am not going to beg Cai.”
“No, we do not beg, Your Majesty,” Anesta agreed.
“And I am not crawling back home empty-handed with my tail between my legs.”
“Of course not. You’re Queen of Everness and we do not accept defeat,” she encouraged, taking a seat next to me.
“We just need to make Cai aware that this is the best decision for him and his kingdom.” I looked up at the ceiling, momentarily biting the inside of my cheek. “Surely it cannot be that difficult.”
“Surely not, Your Majesty.”
There was a light knock on the door, and for a moment my heart leaped. It could be Cai, coming to apologise for the mistake he’d made. But even I knew I would not be so lucky.
“Come in.” The doors opened, and a smile quickly stretched across my face as I jumped up from the bed. “Cordelia!”
She let out a laugh and wrapped her arms around me. “I missed you so much!”
I pulled back to look at her. “I missed you too! You look so well.”
Her expression and sense of self were warmer and calmer than I had seen them before, and though I hated to admit it, I could see that living here had done much good for Cordelia.
“Oh, where are my manners?” She curtsied and dramatically said, “Queen Elara.”
I let out a chuckle. “Don’t tease.”
Anesta stepped forwards and I introduced them. “Cordelia, this is Anesta, my current lady-in-waiting. Anesta, this is Cordelia, my previous lady-in-waiting, I guess you could say.”
“I’ve heard so much about you,” Anesta told Cordelia.
“She’s a handful, isn’t she?” Cordelia gestured with her head to me and Anesta laughed. “I can’t believe you’re really here.” Cordelia looked back at me.
“Well, it’s not exactly under the best of circumstances.”
“What do you mean?”
“Things haven’t settled in Everness. There is a lot of opposition to my reign, and I need a strong alliance now more than ever.”
Her eyes widened.
“But, unfortunately, Cai isn’t exactly eager to unite the two kingdoms.”
“He hasn’t been the same since his father and the coronation. Jack worries about him a lot.”
“That doesn’t solve my problem, though.” I sighed.
Cordelia placed a hand on my arm. “I have full faith in you and that everything will work out as it should.”
I wished I could believe it too.
“Speaking of which, how are things with you and Jack?”
“Never better.” She swayed, with her hands behind her back. “I care for him very much and everything is so wonderful here, but I do miss my home some days, as can be expected.”
“Rhen and I miss you too.”
“I’m so glad he’s here with you. I feel better having him by your side.”
“He is very good at his duty,” I acknowledged. “But don’t tell him that or it might go to his head.”
She chuckled. “Now that my relationship with Jack is no longer secret, I’ll have to keep them away from each other before Rhen gets all brotherly.”
“You know, I would pay good money to see Rhen and Jack take each other on in the ring.”
“Tease all you want but I’m not nursing those two big babies if they decide to beat each other up.”
“Jack is a good guy, though. I’m sure everything will be well.”
We spent the remainder of the evening in each other’s company, catching up and telling stories about the time we had been apart. I was pleased at how easily Cordelia and Anesta seemed to get along, and for the first time in a long time, I wasn’t overcome with my own feelings of solitude.
Norrandale grew dark slowly, as if the night crept up on you. Though the darkness certainly didn’t bring silence. There was a liveliness in the air, something I’d never associated with the palace in Levernia. I could hear the hall bustling with courtiers long past the dinner hour. Cordelia said goodnight and Anesta made sure a servant lit the fire in my room, and that I was comfortable, before she left. The bed was large, with soft sheets, not unlike my own back home.
But once I’d blown out the candle next to my bed, and was left alone with my thoughts, my mind became plagued with worry. I thought about the Darwicks and how many of the council members they might have turned against me by now. I thought about Lance and hoped he managed to avoid causing too much trouble. I thought about Cai... even though I really didn’t want to.
It seemed the more I tried not to think about him, the more my mind created images of him. Memories resurfacing of our time spent in the Evernean Forest, of whispers in the dark, in my cabin and the time he treated the wound on my leg. Memories of his hands and the way he looked at me sometimes, like he was looking into my soul.
He’d said no.
And I wasn’t going to force Cai down the aisle. I had a little too much pride left in me yet. But with everything going on around us, something was bound to give.