Chapter 24 Jessiah #2
I snapped my mouth shut, but what I wanted to say, though I knew it would make me irrecoverably idiotic if I did, was, Not since you shut me out. Not since you decided you were no longer the fun, kind Rummy. Not since you shut yourself off with no warning, no explanation.
Tears welled in her eyes, but she sniffed them back.
I took a step toward her, and to my surprise, she didn’t retreat.
“You’d never look at me the same if you knew the truth. None of you would.”
“You don’t know that,” I said. “All we want is to be there for you. Huntyr, Wolf, me. That’s all we’ve ever wanted.”
A tear trailed down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away with the back of her hand.
“You all have gifts of magic, not curses. You heal people. You help others. You… Hells, I don’t even know half the shit students learn in Moira.
” She cleared her throat and tried to compose herself.
“But I know that this darkness inside me isn’t a gift.
What did the healer at the inn call it? A disease? ”
Anger bubbled in my gut. “She had no clue what she was talking about.” And I would hunt her down and kill her for calling Rummy’s magic a disease.
“It doesn’t matter. Cornelius knows what I wield, and he says he can help me.”
My heart stumbled. Cornelius knew?
I didn’t consider myself to be a jealous man. But this?
Yeah. Cornelius had to go.
It took effort, but I maintained a neutral expression. “And what else did Cornelius say about it?”
Shrugging, she smiled, but it was not a smile of joy or happiness. No, it was cracked, full of pain, flickering in agony. “He understands me.” She lowered her head a fraction. “He knows what it’s like. He’s the first person I’ve ever met who has wanted me for my gift.”
“That’s not fair.” My chest constricted sharply. “Nobody else knows you even have this gift. How can we want you for it when you’ve never shared with us that it even exists? How did he know, anyway?” I moved in so we were toe to toe, so she had to look up at me. “Are you two just that close now?”
Her eyes sharpened. “I didn’t have to tell him. He could sense it inside me the moment he saw me. He said he’s been waiting for someone like me for a long, long time.”
The still wind of the caves picked up again, a soft breeze swirling around us.
This wasn’t right. Nothing coming out of her mouth was right.
“You don’t actually believe that, do you?” The words were more condescending than I meant for them to be, but this female was too smart to fall for tricks like that.
She tilted her head and looked at me like I was the daft one here. “Of course I believe it.”
I scoffed. “Come on, Rummy. You’re not that dense. Sure, he’s charming, but I thought you were only pretending to be affected by his endless flirting.”
She stepped back, and I swore the walls around her mind rose higher, brick by brick, step by step. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Jessiah. Cornelius has been dealing with gifted fae for a lot longer than we have.”
Rage filled me, making my blood run hot. “You’d believe anything he tells you, wouldn’t you? Even after what you saw him do? He’s evil, Rummy.”
“Obviously he’s evil! But he’s still the only person I’ve met with magic like mine. He called it chaos. If his magic makes him evil, what does that make me?”
“Don’t. You’re nothing like him.”
“Aren’t I, though?”
I ran my hands through my hair and paced back and forth, trying to calm myself down. Was she really defending him? After everything, she was choosing to trust him? Why the hells did she even agree to leave with us, anyway, if he understood her so well.
“Why are you behaving this way?” she asked, chin lifted in defiance. “I’m trying to open up to you, and you’re getting pissed about Cornelius.”
I spun to face her. “Of course I’m pissed about Cornelius! You trust him over me! You trust him over Xavier! Over your own friends!”
A sardonic laugh escaped her. “Friends. Is that what we are now?”
The breeze of the caves grew stronger. Louder. A piece of her hair whipped across her face.
“I don’t know,” I said, taking a step back. “I’m starting to think I don’t know anything about you at all.”
Hells. She’d opened up to me a fraction. It was true. Yet this urge to remain on the offensive, always one step ahead, one step above, was as strong as ever.
I still couldn’t let my guard down again. Not around her. I wouldn’t survive that again.
Even as she looked at me like that. Though her expression was full of anger and frustration, her eyes were practically pleading with me, begging me to listen.
The Rummy I knew would have stormed off by now. Would have cursed me out and left me in these caves to deal with my own bullshit.
This was different, like she really wanted me to hear what she was saying.
“I’m sorry,” I breathed out. “I don’t mean to insult you. I just don’t trust him.”
“I don’t trust him either, but you have to look at this from my perspective.
I’ve been hiding my power for decades, afraid I’ll lose control.
What happened with my mother?” Her body deflated.
“That was the most terrifying moment of my life. I never want to feel that fear—that power—again. Not without knowing I can control it. Cornelius is horrible. What he’s doing to his citizens has to stop.
But that doesn’t change the truth that he actually has a magic similar to mine. ”
Heat fueled my limbs. Jealousy and anger and a myriad of other fiery emotions. “I can help you.”
She tossed her hands up and spun around, her back to me. “Oh, please, Jessiah!”
“I can!” I marched over to her and tugged her back before she could leave. “I can help you, Rummy. Not him. Trust me. Trust us.”
A silent beat passed. The sound of my own heart beating flooded my ears, drowned my senses. Let me in. Let me help you.
The storm raging behind her eyes only grew. “You turned your back on me a long time ago.”
The knife in my chest twisted.
“Just like you turned your back on me.”
The tears she’d been fighting finally escaped, streaming down her face.
Though the anger in her expression and posture helped camouflage her sadness.
“You don’t know what it’s been like for me.
I’ve had to live with all you perfect people and your perfect gifts, knowing all the while that I’m cursed. ”
I tightened my hold on her arm. “Don’t say that. You’re not cursed. There’s nothing wrong with you or your gift.”
“Really?” she almost shrieked. “Weren’t you the one who said I was a waste of space whose only talent is getting trashed and spreading my legs for the first man I can find?”
“I’m a fucking idiot for saying those things. I was hurt, so I lashed out. Please.” Heat prickled behind my eyes, hotter than the warmth that flooded my face.
Her features softened for a split second. For a split fucking second, I thought maybe she would let me in. She would open up.
“Maybe I like Cornelius so much because he doesn’t look at me like I’m broken,” she said, crushing my hopes completely. “He doesn’t look at me like I need to be fixed. He’s willing to accept everything I am when nobody else will have me.”
“I’ll have you. I’ll have you, Rummy.”
As if I’d been overtaken by a wicked curse or freaky cave spirits, I moved my hands to her face, lifted her chin, and kissed her.