Chapter 31
Rummy
Istaggered backward as the bond snapped into place. Jessiah’s pure essence rushed through my veins. More power than I even thought was possible fueled me until my heartbeat was the only thing I could hear.
Jessiah still held on to me, and even though I squeezed my eyes shut against the outside world, I could sense his presence.
I could sense everything about him, actually.
Jessiah’s magic was unlike anything I could have imagined.
He did not need to draw upon his blood or the earth for his powers, but instead, every single ounce of him was touched by this gift.
Angelic power. The strongest gift in the world.
And now it was mine.
“Are you okay?” Jessiah asked.
I felt something else then, too. Something that made my knees wobble. made my stomach flip.
Jessiah. His words twisted and caressed my bones, fully part of me now. Part mine.
“I’m—” The words escaped me before I could finish a thought. A fire ignited in my chest, one of foreign desire. I clawed at my shirt until my nails dug into my skin.“What is this? What am I feeling?”
“Take a deep breath,” he ordered with a calm voice. “It doesn’t help either of us if you panic.”
Was that his way of telling me to calm down? Because if I wasn’t on the verge of fainting and vomiting all at once, I might’ve slapped him for that.
Instead, I focused on my breathing. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
With my breath, the nerves settled. But even as Jessiah took a step closer to me, I could feel it. I could anticipate it, like I was the one making those movements.
A laugh bubbled in my chest and came spilling out before I could stop it.
Jessiah froze in his tracks. “What’s happening right now? Are you okay?”
I laughed and laughed, my body fully surrendered to the absolute insanity that this bond was. Jessiah was so much stronger than I had ever imagined. He’d been hiding this all along, whether it was intention or not, and now?
Now I could feel it all. Every ounce of power. Every thought.
Every bit of hatred and longing and desire.
Or was that mine?
The line between Jessiah and me blurred roughly, threatening to disappear forever.
I took another breath and calmed my laughter. Yeah, I probably was losing my mind. But after what I’d been through, I thought that was acceptable.
Jessiah pulled away and paced the room around us, running his fingers through his tousled hair. “Your magic,” he started. “I can feel it now, I can feel the—”
Before he could finish the sentence, I threw up any walls I had remaining, envisioning a force field between us that blocked Jessiah from every part of me.
And he flinched—physically flinched. Then he spun to face me with wide eyes.
“What are you doing?” he asked. “Stop that.”
“I don’t want you to feel my magic,” I said. “Don’t pry, okay?”
“That isn’t how this works. You agreed to the bond, this is part of it. You can’t force me out, it’ll take up too much of your energy.”
“That doesn’t mean I can’t keep some things to myself.
Just drop it. The bond is complete, right?
That’s all we needed to accomplish here.
” I needed to get the fuck away from him right now.
Get the fuck away, or he would know too much.
Like exactly what happened two years ago when everything changed between us.
Like exactly why I tried so hard to keep my distance from him, even when every part of my soul wanted to get closer.
Even the thoughts felt unsafe. Exposed. Too loud.
Jessiah raised an eyebrow and dropped his gaze to scan my entire body before meeting my eye with a hesitant stare.
My mind spun.
And before I could shove it back into that locked box, the memory I tried so hard to bury finally surfaced.
Jessiah’s wings flared out on either side of his sculpted shoulders. The sun set in the distance behind him, casting a shadow over where I stood. Still, I had to squint and crane my neck upward to see his face.
His smile told me everything I needed to know.
“See?” he said. “My wingspan is so much bigger than Wolf’s! You see it, right?”
He spun in a full circle and my stomach twisted.
“It’s cute that you think that.” I forced myself not to gawk. “Wolf has the largest wings in Scarlata. No question.”
His wings fell back behind his shoulder blades as he gasped. He took two massive steps toward me, closed the distance between us, and wrapped an arm around my waist. Before I could resist, he hauled me off my feet and over his shoulder.
I fell into a fit of laughter as I half-heartedly attempted to squirm from his grasp. “Jessiah!” I squealed. “Put me down!”
“Not until you take it back!” His fingers dug into my sides as he tickled me. I laughed and laughed, which had been a foreign sound for so long. Around him, though, it was rare not to be laughing. Smiling. Teasing.
Jessiah made me feel. Slowly, day by day, he was breaking through that thick sheet of ice that guarded my heart.
And I was letting him.
My chest welled with emotion as he continued to spin me around. I kicked my feet in the air, but his pure angelic strength controlled me easily.
Another flood of warmth cascaded through my body. Was this love? Was this the emotion I’d given up on? Was this what I tried so hard to convince myself wasn’t real?
A tingling sensation took over my senses.
Within a second, everything changed.
The warmth I felt turned to an abhorrent fire. My heart chilled. Adrenaline pulsed through my veins, accompanied by something dark.
Something sinister.
Something I’d only felt one other time—the time I’d killed my own mother.
“Wait!” I screamed. The playful laughter was long gone. Jessiah must have sensed this. He stopped immediately. “Put me down, right now!”
He did as he was told, then searched my face as if looking for an explanation.
But how could I give him one? Nobody knew this dark force that lived within me. I took a few calming breaths and backed away. Swallow it down, I told myself. Swallow that feeling. Lock up that vile power.
Nobody else would get hurt because of me. Especially not someone I loved.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Get away from me.”
His brows drew together. “Rummy, I—”
“I said get away!”
“Help me understand. What’s going on?”
My heart cracked wide open in my chest. For the final time, I let myself feel something. I’d been pretending. I’d been acting like I was normal. Like I was loveable.
But I wasn’t.
I was cursed.
And anyone who loved me would end up hurt. Just like my mother.
“Nothing is going on.” I sharpened my words until they stung. “Just stay away from me, okay? Whatever this is, is over. Let’s stop being ridiculous. Nothing’s ever going to happen between you and me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t act dumb,” I spat. “I know you like me, but forget it. In what world would someone like me end up with someone like you?”
When I saw the look on his face, my heart shattered completely.
“From now on, leave me alone. We’re better off without each other."
From that day onward, I would not smile at him from across the courtyard. I would not laugh with him as the sun set in the distance. I would not splash him with warm water from the nearby river, and I sure as hells wouldn’t share an ale with him as we danced under the full moon.
Loving him meant hurting him.
The power in my body had finally simmered.
No emotion. No love. That’s how I would keep him safe.
Even if he hated me for it.