Chapter 32
Jessiah
Isnapped out of the memory—her memory—and stumbled backward. Rummy did the same. Both of us were clearly analyzing what had just happened.
But it was clear to me. We completed the bond. And I saw the covert memory like it was my own.
“That was why…” I sucked in a breath as the realization slapped me in the face. All this time, I thought Rummy truly despised me. I thought she realized how truly worthless I really was and decided not to waste her time.
That day, everything changed for us.
There was no warning. No conversation.
One day, we were closer than I’d ever been to anyone.
The next day, she wouldn’t even meet my eye.
I found the courage to look at her and saw horror staining her features.
“I tried to hide it from you.” Her voice sounded defeated. Fruitless. “I tried to hide it from everyone.”
“You pushed me away because you were afraid of your power?”
“I could have killed you, Jessiah.” Her hand covered her agape mouth as if she was realizing this terror for the first time.
“How could I live with myself if I hurt you? I killed my own mother. I know what it’s like to be a monster.
I wasn’t going to let myself kill you, too, just because I was too selfish to stay away. ”
Hells.
There were no words.
Rummy never hated me at all. At least, not at first.
“It’s not your fault, Rum.”
Tears welled in her eyes. Her legs shook. I stepped forward and steadied her with both hands before I could stop myself.
“It’s not your fault,” I repeated.
She shook her head as if she didn’t want to accept what I was saying.
“It’s not your fault,” I said again.
A sob cracked through her. She collapsed against my chest, but I caught her and held her tight. I would never let go again. Not now.
“It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.”
I said the words over and over again, even as she cried. Even as she fought me. She might not believe me now, but I would keep saying the words.
Until they drowned out the dark whisper in her mind.
Until they were the only thing she could hear over the sound of her own crying.
Until—if the goddess was on my side—she actually started to believe them one day.
After finding the strength to walk again, I guided Rummy through the dark night and back to my room in the heart of Scarlata.
“I can’t believe I’ve never seen where you live.” The way she studied every detail of the modest apartment set my nerves on fire.
“There’s not much to it. I left most of my belongings in The Golden City when I left. Most of it made me remember things I’d much rather forget.”
“You’ve lived an entire life I know nothing about.” She trailed her finger across the wooden bed frame. “How did you manage it?”
I shrugged. “Manage what?”
“Living under your father’s rule in The Golden City. Being scrutinized every damn day. Surely there were times when you wanted to blow up and take everyone with you, weren’t there? Especially because of what they were doing to your brother.”
My throat closed up. She had no idea how true those words were.
I had done my best not to think of this place for years. I’d shut down memories of my life here. I much preferred focusing on the life I was leading now, the one full of freedom and choices and friends.
Living here, where my evil father corrupted everything and everyone? Being forced into submission, unable to do anything but watch as he destroyed lives?
I didn’t realize how truly terrible it was until I got out of it. Until I witnessed the way Huntyr and Wolf lived, saw how they stood up for what was right.
And then I met Rummy, and damn it all, she was a fucking spitfire, full of freedom and spirit and chaos, and I’d never wanted anything in my life more than her.
She inspired me to break free, she inspired me to forget about all the shit, all the torture, all the manipulation. She inspired me to be me.
And now she was standing here with me, close enough to touch, her blonde hair cascading down her back.
“What?” she asked. “You’re staring at me with a weird look in your eye.”
“Living here was… My life was dark then.” I stepped farther into the small room. “But it was all I knew. I didn’t know it then, but all I was doing was surviving. What my father said, went. I didn’t question his orders the way Wolf did, and I’ll regret that until the day I die.”
She looked up at me, her lips tugged down. “It’s not your fault, Jessiah. You trusted your father. Any of us would do the same.”
I shook my head, pain lancing my chest. “He hurt so many people. He corrupted this entire damn city, he spent years controlling and abusing everyone he encountered, all for more power. He didn’t care about me. He didn’t care about Wolf.”
Rummy pressed a hand to my chest. “I’m sure deep down, somewhere in that twisted, fucked-up heart of his, he cared.”
She said the words like she meant them, and maybe she did, but nothing could convince me to believe them. A man like my father would never truly be capable of caring about anyone but himself.
A man who only wanted power would stop at nothing. Even if it meant destroying his own children to get there.
The Golden City had once been a place of refuge. Of hope. Of magic.
But while my father ruled, he’d turned that gold to ash. He’d harmed everything he touched.
I swore to myself the day I left that I would never become the man he was.
And if that meant protecting Pericius from a man like Cornelius, I would do everything in my power to stop him.
“I never want to be that person again,” I said, head lowered, focus fixed on where she was still touching me. “I could never allow evil to spread because I’m too afraid to do something about it myself. But I also won’t risk you. I can’t do it.”
“Hey,” she whispered, taking a single step back.
“When I look at you, I do not see a man who sits idly by. Do you know what I see?” She moved her hand to my cheek, forcing me to look at her.
“I see the most stubborn man I’ve ever met.
I see a warrior who is so fucking good that he’s the envy of the entire army.
How honorable. I mean, goddess above, Jessiah, you just might be the best man in all of Scarlata.
And I’m not just saying that because we have this freaky bond connecting us now, okay? I really believe it.”
This forced a smile from me, breaking some of the tension that had flooded my chest. I knew I could be stubborn, but to be good?
How could one truly know they were good?
How could a person know whether they really were above living life with a corrupt heart and dishonorable intentions?
“I know you,” Rummy said, reading my mind. “You might fear becoming the man your father once was, but that’s impossible, because you are too damn good.”
I wanted to believe her, but they were just words. Anyone would say those things. Damn, even Wolf had spewed that nonsense to me more than once.
But how could she really know? How could she look at me and tell me I was better than him? How could Wolf? Neither of them knew what my soul looked like. They didn’t know what lived inside me.
But it was hard to deny that Rummy looked at me like she saw. Like she wanted to see, anyway. Like she would appreciate every single part of me, the good and the bad parts.
And that’s what I thought of her, wasn’t it?
She feared that I would think of her differently if I’d known the truth about her death magic, but she was so damn wrong. I wanted her to show me the darkest parts of her.
And I wanted to love them all the same.
She brought her other hand to my face, too, her touch soft, and stepped closer until her body was flush against mine.
“I want to be a better man,” I said, searching her face. “For you.”
Her eyes glistened. “There is no better man for me, Jessiah. I’m already so deeply unworthy of a man like you.”
Words failed me. There was nothing I could say to show her how incredibly untrue that statement was, so instead of trying to explain, I kissed her.
And kissed her.
And kissed her.
This time was different. We were alone. We were home.
And we were no longer holding back. We were no longer pretending to be anyone but ourselves.
I had wanted this from the moment I first laid eyes on her.
Maybe she was just a fae from Midgrave, but she was my entire world.
The truth was that for years now, I had bickered with her, fought with her, argued over the stupidest things, all because I knew there would never be another woman for me.
Rummy had stolen my entire heart. Invaded my soul.
Watching her drown herself in her own misery hurt more than any pain I’d ever endured. Now, I could no longer sit on the sidelines and let it happen. I meant what I’d said to her back in those Whispering Caves.
I’ll have you.
I was willing to accept every damn part of her—the darkness, the fear, the shame.
She was perfect to me. She just had no fucking clue what I saw in her.
Eagerly, she kissed me back, melting under my touch as I ran my hands up her slim back.
I peeled her jacket off, desperate to get closer to her, and she did the same to me. Before I knew it, we were tearing our clothes off, layer by layer, the gentle kiss now something much hungrier.
Much needier.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked between kisses.
She pulled back an inch, chest heaving, and smiled. Damn it all, that smile was perfect. I would never get tired of seeing it.
“I’ve been sure about this for years, Jes. I just couldn’t bear the thought of hurting you. Pushing you away was the only way I could keep you safe from me. Trust me, every single day was torture for me.”
My need for her overwhelmed me as I claimed her mouth in a chaotic storm of teeth, tongues, and unsaid words. I cuffed her neck and pulled her bottom lip into my mouth, sucking gently.
Her responding moan made my knees weak.
Impatient and eager for more, I picked her up and tossed her onto the bed. She squealed in surprise, which only excited me further.
“You don’t have to be afraid of your power anymore,” I mumbled against her lips. “Your soul is mine. You couldn’t possibly hurt me. Our bond won’t let you.”
Years. I had dreamt of this moment for years, even when I hated her. Even when I told myself she was awful for me. Even when I tried to pretend like I could possibly live my life without her.
I wouldn’t let another minute pass without her naked in my damn bed.
She wore nothing but a chest wrap and underwear, her tanned skin flushed and gorgeous, the pink tinge in her cheeks damn near addictive.
I wanted her. I wanted everything about her.
My room was tiny, a detail I’d hated when I lived here. Now? The lack of space only forced us closer. It only meant I could capture every tiny gasp that escaped her lips. Every subtle moan echoed off the metal walls.
So fucking perfect. So fucking mine.
I crawled onto the edge of the bed, between her ankles, and as I settled there, she pushed onto her elbows and waited, watching me.
The hunger in her eyes was as fierce as the hunger growing inside me.
I slid my hands up her legs, spreading them gently to make room for my body. “You have no idea how many times I’ve pictured this,” I said. “You have no idea how many times I’ve imagined you naked beneath me.”
She inhaled a sharp breath. “You’re teasing me.”
“Maybe. But you just might deserve it.”
She did deserve it. For all the times she left with other men. For all the times she shut me down, just to flirt with someone else.
It had ripped me to fucking shreds.
“You know,” she breathed, “I’ve spent years trying to forget about you. Trying to get you out of my mind.”
I froze, my hands inches from her black panties.
She arched slightly beneath my touch, but I stayed still, frozen, waiting for her to continue.
Brow arched, I squeezed her thighs. “And?”
“And I never could. It’s always been you, Jessiah. Even when I was acting like an idiot, even when I tried to drink you out of my mind, even when I told myself that any warm body in my bed would be as good as yours.” She swallowed, her eyes misting over. “It’s always been you.”
A primal need washed over me. I crawled up to meet her, forcing her thighs farther apart and slotting myself between them so I could place a kiss on her navel.
She shivered beneath me, and my chest swelled with pride.
“I’m going to make you forget about every single one of them,” I promised. “After tonight, it’s only ever going to be me.”
I was a jealous man, and I couldn’t hide it any longer. Pretending not to care about Rummy had taken far too much energy. I was done pretending. I was done restraining myself, holding myself back from this.
I slid my hands higher and tore her panties off her body.
Yeah. I was done being patient. Before the gasp had even left her mouth, I licked her perfect pussy, devouring her like I was a starved man.
Hells, I was a starved man. For her? I had been starving for years.
“Goddess above,” she breathed, her head dropping back, as I shoved her thighs farther apart.
I wanted every piece of her. Wanted her to know how badly I needed this.
I lapped at her, soaking up the wetness that had been waiting for me there. Fuck, she was so damn perfect.
How could she not see that? How could she not understand how irresistible she was to me?
Even as I buried my face in her pussy, I wanted more of her. I wanted every damn piece of her. So I worked my way up her body, licking her stomach, nipping at the scar on her torso, and undid the chest wrap.
As I worked, I glanced up to her face, and I found that she looked almost nervous.
I froze, both hands holding the fabric of her chest wrap. If she was uncomfortable with this in any way—
Before I could finish the thought, she batted me out of the way and unwrapped the last of the fabric and tossed it onto the floor.
Then the object of all my fucking dreams was completely naked beneath me.
“Rummy,” I said, hovering above her. “We’re bonded now. You can’t hurt me with your magic. I know that’s what you’re afraid of, but you don’t have to be worried about it anymore. I won’t let you lose control.”
She slid her hands beneath my shirt and yanked it over my head.
“I trust you,” she said, her voice shaking. “I’ve never trusted anyone the way I trust you. And that’s why this is so fucking scary.”
I traced a hand up her waist, eyes locked with hers.
Rummy was my everything.
She could trust me with her life. I would never betray her. Never hurt her.
“It’s scary because it’s real,” I said. “It’s the realest fucking thing I’ve ever known.”