Chapter 26
Jackson
Arazor-sharp knife sliced away at my heart, hacking away until the organ was nothing but fragile ribbons, unable to ever function again.
Part of my brain refused to listen as Kiera’s story unfolded, shutting down to prevent irreparable damage.
Another part couldn’t switch off, sucked into the morbid tale.
Like a fatal car crash that you couldn’t look away from, even though you knew the scene would haunt you every time you closed your eyes.
There wasn’t a single part of me that doubted her.
Maybe it was gut instinct. Maybe it was the resignation in her tone as she finally purged herself of the secret she’d kept for ten years.
Maybe it was the way she stared vacantly at nothing as if she’d been pulled back to the very moment my father pinned her down.
Maybe it was the rip in her top that indicated he had tried to attack her again.
My father.
A rapist.
The man I looked up to and aspired to be like.
A dirty fucking rapist.
“Say something.” Long after silence had descended, the soft tones of a delicate voice reached me through the thick black cloud hovering over me, casting me in endless darkness.
‘I need a minute,’ I replied. Although I wasn’t sure the words actually left my mouth, they were lodged somewhere inside, among the hurt, the pain, the fury.
The betrayal.
Not Kiera’s betrayal, though.
My father’s.
She reached out and laid her hand on top of mine. “Jackson, please.”
The black cloud lifted in an instant, the open-plan space of my family cottage coming back into focus as a million happy memories rushed back in.
The Christmas when my mom, dad, and me were snowed in, and we spent hours building a snowman family in the huge back yard, followed by endless board games as the fire crackled. The summer holidays where dad and I would paddleboard in the nearby lake.
In recent years, he and I would sit up well into the hours of the early morning, sipping whiskey and discussing the future of Legion.
Every memory now tainted.
I couldn’t breathe. The room was shrinking around me, stealing all my air and making my lungs constrict. I leaped from the couch, knocking Kiera’s hand from where it rested on mine as I bolted to the front door and yanked it open, throwing myself out into the cool night air.
Bile churned in my stomach, my eyes burning with tears desperate to fall and release the agony coursing through me. I stumbled down the stairs, running over to the wooden carport my dad and I had spent time building together when I was seventeen.
Weeks after he raped Kiera.
I almost made it to the carport before my body lurched. Hunching over, I expelled the contents of my stomach, narrowly avoiding puking on my sneakers, my tears falling free and blurring my vision.
When there was nothing else to bring up, I straightened, making out the carport through water-filled eyes.
Like what had happened indoors, a flash of memories whizzed through my mind.
My dad clapping me on the shoulder as we stared at the land where the carport would be, telling me he was excited for us to get started on building it together.
The conversation he tried to pull from me as we dug holes for the base, telling me he was concerned as to why I’d been withdrawn for the last few weeks. I didn’t tell him I was fighting an internal battle to find the fucker who had knocked Kiera up and murder the cunt.
If only I knew then that I was staring at the man who not only got her pregnant but also stole her innocence.
Before I knew it, my foot slammed against the side of the carport as I kicked it with every ounce of strength I had. The pain in my foot traveling up my leg barely registered as I kicked it again, and again, and again, until the wood cracked. And still I kept on kicking.
With a final kick, the wood splintered apart.
Just like my heart.
With my chest heaving from the sudden exertion, I stared at the damage I’d caused, wishing I had a fucking hammer so I could knock the whole thing down. An anguished sob echoed into the air, and it took several seconds to realize it had come from me.
I didn’t know how long I stood there, staring at the carport with a constant stream of tears sliding down my face and sorrow burrowing deep into my heart. In a way, it felt like I was grieving, like I’d just learned that someone I loved with my entire being had died.
But in a way, I was grieving. Grieving for Kiera and the life she never got to have. Grieving for the future we both lost.
Grieving for the man I thought I knew.
My jaw clenched as I pictured his face, smiling at me and telling me he was the proudest man alive for having me as a son. Telling me how he couldn’t wait for the day I made him a proud grandpa.
Bile crept up my throat again.
He had another child.
A child he’d denied knowledge of.
An innocent child who deserved better than having a fucking rapist for a father.
A child who was my…sister.
Fuck.
I squeezed my eyes closed as the realization sank in that Billie was my sister.
This was all too much. I couldn’t think straight, not with Kiera’s broken voice ringing in my ears as she regaled how my father had pinned her down.
Not with his face swimming behind my eyes.
Not with the knowledge of learning I had a sister who was a product of rape.
I needed to run. I needed to beat someone until they didn’t have air in their lungs.
I needed to do something with the restless energy vibrating under my skin.
I spun, only to instantly freeze at finding Kiera sitting on the steps, her arms wrapped around herself and her head resting against the wooden banister.
My shoulders slumped at seeing the tear tracks marring her face and heartache shining in her eyes. Guilt stabbed me in my already shredded heart. For ten years, I hated her. Blamed her for causing me pain, when she was living in a world of her own agony.
The memories of the moment I tracked her down to the motel room the same day her father kicked her out of her house reared to life.
I’d said such harsh words and called her cruel names, not giving her an opportunity to tell me.
The same vile names I called her recently, believing she was nothing but a liar and a cheater, when really, she was a victim of something heinous.
Shame plowed into me like a sledgehammer, taking my breath away. Fuck. I’d put her through so much in the recent weeks, thinking I was getting my revenge, when all I was doing was hurting her over and over.
I was no better than my father.
Wiping the back of my arm over my eyes to clear the tears, I walked to where she sat, her eyes on me the entire time. There was so much I wanted to say to her, but words refused to surface. Sorry didn’t seem like it would be enough.
Nothing would.
I collapsed next to her, keeping a small gap between us, and making a silent vow that I would never touch her again.
Not without her permission. For what seemed like an eternity, the two of us stayed silent, the only sounds ringing out around us were the distant call of a nightbird and the clicking of the cicadas from nearby trees.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I eventually asked, my voice cracking as I broke the tension crackling between us.
Kiera sighed. “I couldn’t.”
“I would have believed you,” I whispered. Even back then, I would have believed her if she had told me. I would have looked after her and the baby.
“I know. But my dad,” she paused, taking a second to suck in a deep breath. “He said if I told anyone, he would kill my baby in front of me, and…and then he’d kill you.”
My head whipped to her, my brows furrowed. “What?”
She met my gaze, her unshed tears glistening under the lights reflecting from inside the cottage.
“I don’t think he knew we were in a relationship, but he knew how I felt about you.
He said if I told anyone, he’d kill you.
” A half-smile pulled at her lips, but there was no amusement to her tone.
“He framed it as getting his revenge on your dad. You know, your dad hurt me, so my dad would hurt you. But I believed him. I believed that if I told anyone, he would kill you.”
A second knife plunged into my heart. “You were protecting me?”
“I was protecting my unborn baby.” She paused, swallowing as she deliberated her words.
“And yes, I was protecting you. I loved you, Jackson, I would have done anything to protect you, too. I hated that I was hurting you, but knowing you hated me was easier than putting you through what you’re feeling now.
You hating me, but staying alive was easier than knowing I’d caused your death. ”
Christ. All this fucking time, she was protecting me from her father.
Protecting me from this unbearable pain filling every pore in my body.
My fists clenched. If only James had kept his father alive for a little longer, I could have had my pound of flesh from him.
After everything he put Kiera through, he deserved to suffer right until the last second.
As did my father.
And he would. He would regret ever laying a finger on Kiera by the time I was finished with him.
Silence descended once again as my mind swirled, struggling to process everything I’d learned in a short space of time. I had zero clue where we went from here. How did you go back to living your life when your whole world had been flipped upside down?
I didn’t know a tear had fallen until Kiera’s soft touch brushed against my cheek to wipe it away. Lowering my gaze to her, I found she had scooted closer, closing the gap.
“I don’t know how you can even look at me right now, let alone touch me,” I said, hating myself for what I’d put her through.
For what my dad had put her through.
“Because you’re not him, Jackson.”