14. Eli
14
ELI
“ I thought that after I made that dumb fuck apologize to Haley, she’d be a little sweeter on me.”
Finn raised his brows at me, a week after that incident. “She didn’t say thanks at all?”
We lounged in our dorm room, done with classes. I tossed a ball up and down as I lay back on my bed, needing a little peace and quiet before I’d head to the library and meet her there.
“No. She said two wrongs don’t make a right.”
He chuckled. “Technically, they probably don’t.”
“Oh, shut up. Whose side are you on?”
He sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of his bed to face me. “Yours.” His sigh lacked enthusiasm. “Which is why it worries me that you’re going to be fucked.”
I cringed, not wanting to admit or accept defeat.
“You have less than a week before that dance, man.”
“Five days,” I grumbled.
“And she’s not…? She’s not warming up to you at all?”
“If anything, she seems more guarded than before. She was still bristly. While she isn’t rejecting me when I try to be a friend, she doesn't seem to take the hint that I want more.”
“Do you?” he asked carefully.
I sat up and furrowed my brow. “What? No. I mean she’s not taking the hint that I’m acting like I want more. For the dare.”
“Oh. Of course.” His skeptical expression suggested he didn’t think that.
“What are you getting at?”
He pushed his glasses back up his nose. “Nothing, really. It just seems like you’re… Never mind.”
“Like I’m what?”
“Like you’re really invested in this with her.”
I huffed a bitter laugh, tossing the ball and catching it again. “Yeah, I’m really invested in her. If I don’t pull off this stupid-ass dare, Preston’s going to tell his dad the truth about that car and I’ll be fucked. I’ll have to pay all of the scholarship money back and probably not graduate.”
“No. I meant invested in her . Not the dare.”
I frowned, feeling put on the spot. “That’s the same thing. The dare is to get her to the dance and fuck her.” I winced immediately.
“That.” He pointed at me. “That’s what I’m getting at. You seem like you actually care about her, man.”
That was nonsense. “You’re being ridiculous.”
“Am I?” he asked as I stood.
“Yeah. I’m not…” I sighed, hating how this felt like a lie. “All right. I do care. I care about her to the extent that I’ll make that fucker apologize and pay for her glasses.”
“But?” he guessed.
“But nothing. That’s it. Haley and I grew up together, then I spent a while distancing myself from her, and now, she’s the means to an end. I only need to do this to appease Preston and stay out of trouble so I can graduate.”
“The means to an end.”
“Yeah.” I left with that final note, hating how cruel that sounded.
The more time I spent in her company, the clearer I could see I’d been missing out all these years. Trying to be a dick and bully her hadn’t gotten me far. Maybe I’d secured some adoration for being the popular jock, which was only possible when I didn’t associate with someone like her. But in the end, now that we were nearing the end of our time in college and I’d leave here to be someone other than the popular jock who only managed average grades?
It seemed like such a damn waste.
If I could be honest with myself, Haley was so much more than a means to an end. She saw me . She saw the real me beneath the cool-guy act that no longer mattered around her.
Finn was right.
I did care about her.
So when I entered the library and sought her out down an aisle between bookcases, I wondered how much longer I could try to dupe myself that I didn’t.
With her hair down, she peered at a book on a lower shelf. All those thick, long locks of wavy brown cascaded like a curtain, blocking her face from my view.
Only when I stepped up close did she flinch and stand, almost startled to see me there even though I told her I’d come.
“Oh. Hey.”
“Hi,” I replied, fighting a groan at the fact that she’d taken off her hoodie already.
Haley wasn’t a girly girl. It was almost as if she went out of her way not to look sexy. No makeup. No sense of fashion. Always in baggy jeans and sweatshirts, she consistently hid herself from the world.
Seeing how her breasts stretched the fabric of her tank top, I hated that she’d ever thought she needed to make herself smaller and less noticeable. The girl was fine .
“I’m surprised you’re here,” she commented with enough snark not to sound like a bitch but more teasing.
“I told you I planned to come here and research.” I sighed, leaning my shoulder against the bookcase. “Not that you invited me along.”
“No,” she replied, not looking at me but at the books. “I did not.”
“Because you want to get a head start on the project before everyone else?”
She smiled, shooting me a sarcastic look. “As if you are here to research or study.”
I shoved my hands in my pockets. “I could be.”
“Sure. With what, though? You didn’t bring anything.”
“I don’t need anything.”
She laughed once. “Not even to take notes or… Never mind.”
“I can get general ideas,” I said.
“Then help yourself.” She gestured for me to go past her down this aisle where the sociology texts were.
I intend to. I wanted to help myself to her . Having Haley to myself, in this private seclusion between the bookcases, felt like an opportunity I’d regret passing up on.
“Haley?”
She glanced at me, frowning. “What?”
“Why are you so pissed at me?”
“Huh?” She scowled and looked away. “I’m not pissed.” Then she made the mistake of walking further down the aisle.
Oh, I loved a game of chase. “Ever since I had that idiot apologize to you for breaking your glasses?—”
“That’s not it.”
I advanced after her, despite knowing it would be so much better to take things slow with her. My body reacted to the rush of adrenaline. I was keyed up and ready to hunt her down. “Ah. So there is a reason you’ve been trying to keep your distance from me the last few days.”
“No.” She retreated a couple more feet, no longer able to pretend that she was looking for a book. “I’m not…” She growled. “Don’t play games with me.”
“No games,” I lied. Taking a dare to get her to that dance and fuck her was noting but a horrible game. Looking into her green eyes right now, though, I was honestly committed to having her.
Just for myself.
“If you thought punching that guy and getting him to apologize was some grand gesture that would make me swoon and fall at your feet, then that proves this little friendship act you’re doing with me is just for show.”
“I’m not putting on an act. Not with you.”
For every step she took away from me, I took one toward her.
And that was the truth. I wasn’t acting. This wasn’t forced. I did care.
I wanted her.
Not because of a dare, but because it was her.
“Then what the hell are you doing? What do you want from me?”
“That’s a dangerous question to ask me right now.”
She rolled her eyes. “You don’t scare me. What are you after? Why are you pretending to suddenly be my friend?”
“I’m not pretending.” I stepped toward her quicker than she could retreat. In response, she flattened her back to the frame of a bookcase, and I closed in on her. Setting one hand above her head and holding on to her waist with my free hand, I caged her in.
“You are. Because if you actually wanted to be on friendly terms with me, you’d apologize too.”
“I’ll tell you anything you want to hear, Haley.”
She shoved at me, scowling. “I’m serious. You act like an ass, bullying me for years, and now you think I’ll just forget about it? I’m not that gullible.”
“I never said you were gullible.”
“You just said you’d tell me anything I wanted to hear!”
“As in I’ll?—”
“Lie to my face just so you can mess with me even more.”
I gritted my teeth, stepping close until we were flush. She sucked in a breath, sandwiched between my chest and the frame of the bookcase. “I’m not messing with you.”
“You are!” She shoved at me, and I gripped her hand. “That’s what you do. You only want?—”
I thrust her hand up and dipped my head until my mouth was a breath away. “I want you .”
She furrowed her brow, still doubting me. As she looked at me, searching for an answer on my face, she shook her head slightly. “I won’t forgive you for bullying me. No matter how much…” She licked her lips, taunting me with that plump, pink flesh, wet and begging for me to taste. “I won’t forgive you for being a bully, no matter how much you’re trying to dupe me into thinking you’re nice again.”
“Fine,” I growled. “Hold a grudge. I don’t care.” Pressing against her, I relished how she breathed faster, turned on and fraught with this tension snapping between us. “I still want you.”
“I’m not going to fall for this act.” She narrowed her eyes, stubborn with so much fire, I couldn’t resist her.
“It’s not an act.”
“I don’t believe?—”
I silenced her with a kiss. Lunging forward and sealing my mouth against hers, I stole her breath and kissed her like I’d been fantasizing about. Like I’d fucking dreamed about. It wasn’t a lie. I wanted this girl so damn badly.
She froze for a second, maybe too stunned to respond. But as her fingers curled toward mine as I held her hand above her head and pushed my hips toward hers to grind her against the bookcase, she moved those sassy lips along mine in a clumsy brush.
From arguing one moment to kissing her the next, I’d stunned her. I’d stunned myself. The shock of finally acting on this and going for her was too thrilling to accept.
When I backed up, torturing myself with giving up this kiss, I stared into her eyes, so full of fire and desire.
And loathing.
“I hate you,” she whispered.
“Liar.” I grinned before I dipped in and kissed her again, harder this time, and she moaned with need.
This time, she pushed with enough force that I let her go. She scurried aside, blushing and not looking up at me, and that was when it hit me.
I gripped her wrist and pulled her back to the opposite side of the aisle until her back was against the frame again.
“Eli,” she warned.
I caged her in again, too determined to prove her wrong. She was pissed. But not at me. It seemed like she was mad at herself for wanting me at all. “You’ve never been kissed.”
It was obvious in her initial surprise. It was evident in her sloppy response.
The pink on her cheeks proved it too. “I don’t need you to point that out.” She glared at me. “I thought you said you were done bullying me and making fun of?—”
I silenced her with another kiss, holding her hips as I pushed her against the wall of books. “I’m not.” High on kissing her, on tasting the sweet, minty tang of her mouth, I dove in again and again, growling against her lips. “I’m not bullying you.”
“You’re…” She swallowed, gazing up at me with fear and trust, a complicated combination that showed how inexperienced she was but how desperate she felt to keep kissing me.
“I’m not making fun of you either.” I cupped her face, tilting it up for a better angle, and I crushed my lips over hers again.
“You’re…” She gasped when we broke for air again. “You’re…”
“I’m enjoying the fact that I’m your first.” Again, I brushed my mouth over hers. “Your first anything.”
She whimpered with need, trying to lower her head and escape my reach. “But I don’t forgive you.”
“You won’t forgive me for kissing you?” I whispered as I snaked my arm around her back. “I’m not sorry.”
I kissed her again and parted her lips. Arching up to push against me, she proved she wasn’t either. She couldn’t get enough, and I felt like a fucking god and a devil to be the one to show her how this worked. How lust could feel so good.
“You won’t forgive me for bullying you?” I asked as she clutched the front of my shirt like she was afraid she’d fall if she didn’t hold on. “I’m sorry, Haley.”
I devoured her, sucking on her tongue and relishing every bit of her sweet, addicting taste.
“You won’t forgive me for not realizing what we’ve been missing out on?” I gripped her ass, needing something to grab and ground myself on. I wanted to feel all of her and never let go. “Very sorry.”
All this time, she’d been here. She’d always been in the background. And I never once thought that she’d be the one girl who’d make me weak in the knees. The one woman who’d make me this desperate.
When she broke for air, panting as she stared at me, she shook her head. “I still hate you.”
“Damn,” I joked. “That’s a bummer.”
She proved that she couldn’t mean it when I closed my mouth over hers and she kissed back even harder. Revved by her eagerness, the stark desire she couldn’t hide, I nipped her lip before I broke the kiss.
A sweet gasp left her. She narrowed her eyes, almost as if she couldn’t imagine that I’d done that.
“You’re still an ass and?—”
I kissed her again, dueling with her tongue and nipping her again. Harder. She arched into me.
Fuck. She’s into this? She likes it hard? A little pain?
After I’d nip her lip again, I’d lick away the sting. And each time, she clung to me tighter. Keeping her arms around my neck, she didn’t flinch. She didn’t retreat. No matter how rough I was, bruising her lips until they were kiss-stung and swollen, she stayed trapped under this desire with me.
This was us , the reality of how perfectly we could mesh and meet in the middle, with a little hatred and a lot of pent-up heat.
“This isn’t an act,” I whispered against her lips, needing her to fully understand that.
Because deep down, I knew it was kind of true.
I’d only started to win her over because of that dare.
This need to claim her and push her was something else.
“This is…” She broke away, gasping and inhaling ragged breaths as she stared at me. In her eyes, wide open with shock and confusion, she regarded me with alarm.
Shaking her head, she slipped away and stumbled to retreat. “This…”
Whatever she planned to finish saying was a mystery. She turned and nearly ran down the aisle, leaving me standing there to catch my breath and wonder how much of a mistake it was to cave to my desire for her.