19. Haley
19
HALEY
I woke up in Eli’s arms but didn’t open my eyes. From the angle of the sunlight streaming in through my bedroom window, I knew it was much later than it should’ve been.
Monday mornings were supposed to be early ones, starting with sociology class. I’d told Aunt Cindy I would walk to campus since she had the minivan, but that would’ve meant leaving much, much earlier than now.
“I don’t want to ever get up,” Eli murmured into my ear, sluggish and sleepy.
I smiled, nestling against him, and sighed. He sounded gruffer and sexier with this morning voice, but I was too sore to try to encourage him again.
I gave him my virginity last night, and it was as perfect as I ever could’ve dreamed it to be. He’d blown my mind with how good it felt for him to fill me like that. He’d done it just like I wanted him to, hard and rough.
It didn’t surprise me that I’d get off on a little bit of pain. Having some kind of kink had to be normal, but pain was what it took to jar me into the present. It kept me out of my head, not hidden behind a shell, and I savored the rush of endorphins that followed the pain.
Pain and pleasure.
He’d granted me both.
Last night, he mixed them together in such an intoxicating blend that I feared I’d never be sated for long.
“How late is it?” I asked him, opening my eyes and rolling over to face him instead of spooning him.
“I don’t care,” he replied cockily, smiling and staring into my eyes.
“We’re missing class.”
“Yeah.” He secured his arms around me more. With a gentle kiss on my brow, he reminded me that while he could be hard and rough when I needed him to be, he was also so damn sweet.
I’d been convinced that I’d never willingly speak to him again after learning he’d pursued me only for a dare. But when he explained that he’d chosen me over securing his future, that was all I needed to hear. That was commitment. That was… love?
After a deeper exhale, he leaned over me and partly smushed me deeper into the bed. Pairing his stretch with a long kiss, he had me giggling and smiling all over again.
He grabbed his phone off my nightstand, though, and lay on his back to check it. I snuggled in against his side. Under his guidance, I rested my head on his shoulder and watched as he looked at the time and scrolled through notifications.
And I cringed. Multiple missed calls showed from his parents, all of them unanswered and unnoticed because he’d put it on silent last night. We spent the whole evening and night kissing, making love, and just talking as we caught our breath and snuggled.
The sight of his parents trying to get ahold of him was the sharpest shift back to reality that I didn’t want.
He didn’t hide the screen from me, letting me skim through it all as he scrolled through the messages.
“Was it worth it?” I asked him.
“Was what worth it?”
I pointed at his mom’s messages demanding to know where he was.
“She tracks my phone,” he reminded me. Over the night, we talked and talked, and he shared a little more about how strict and expectant his parents were. I couldn’t believe that his mom tracked him constantly. That kind of hovering was an insult, but I understood why Eli was more or less trapped with that phone. He couldn’t buy his own without a job, and he couldn’t have a job during college because he had to focus on his studies.
“See?” He scrolled to another text.
Mom: I just checked on the student portal. It shows in the gradebook that you were marked absent from both of your classes this morning.
Mom: I demand an answer, Eli. Right now. Why are you such a slacker and not in class?
I frowned. “You haven’t missed sociology once this semester. Until today.”
He chuckled lightly. “Keeping tabs on me too?”
“Only because I couldn’t not notice you.”
“And admire me from afar?” he teased before kissing me.
“Reluctantly,” I admitted, just as playfully. I really did have a crush on him all those years since we were friends as kids. But it was only when I saw him hurt at the library that I allowed myself to embrace that attraction. “You’re not a slacker, Eli.”
He nodded. “I know.”
“You go at your own pace. That’s all.”
“And it never helped that I wasn’t allowed to be tested for dyslexia. Or know how to cope with that.” He rubbed my arm as he set his phone down and relaxed with me. “They always used that as a reason for why they hawked on me about grades. Because they thought I was just all brawn and no brain.”
“That’s not true,” I protested.
“I hope not. But they didn’t want to even consider that I could have an obstacle from being on the same grade scale as everyone else.”
“What will happen now, with your skipping class?”
“I don’t know. They’ll be more pissed that I’m here and not even on campus.”
“They came here yesterday.”
He stiffened, furrowing his brow as he watched me. “What?”
I nodded. “They came to warn me away from you. That they don’t approve of my being with you. And since I wasn’t with you, I told them to leave. They had no grounds to talk to me like that.”
But now they will. I was lying naked in my bed with their son.
“I know I’m forbidden. I’m the black sheep in Marsten. I’m not good enough, but?—”
He kissed me quiet, and like every time he put his lips on me, I drowned under the desire to reply in kind.
“Don’t talk like that. Good enough?” He huffed once. “I’m not good enough for you after the bullshit I’ve pulled.”
I was too scared to be any more vulnerable than I already was. If we wanted to argue about who was good enough for the other, it would push me closer to admitting my feelings for him. After the roller coaster of ups and downs from that dance and learning about his dare, I knew that I was falling too far and too deep for him.
“I regret that I’ve wasted so much time bullying you and keeping you away.” He rolled so he lay over me, blanketing me with his body heat. His weight secured me, and I never wanted to lose this sensation, this complete, whole feeling of belonging under him and with him, like nothing could penetrate this bubble of peace and affection we’d dared to find.
“Why did you?” I stroked my hand over his jaw since I already knew he liked it so much. “Why did you go from being my childhood friend to being Mr. Popular, too cool and prone to bullying?”
“Because I wanted love. I wanted to get someone’s approval.” He leaned into my touch, seeking the comfort. “When I realized my parents would never love me, when I understood I would never be good enough for them, I wanted to find it somewhere else.”
“So you became the center of attention.”
He nodded.
“And to be so well-liked and popular, you had to cast me aside since I was the butt of all jokes.”
He nodded again, frowning.
“If only we could have understood each other back then like we do now,” I said softly.
I would have loved him. I would have given him the affection he’d been missing from the people who should’ve cared about him the most.
“I’ll never stop being sorry,” he said. “But for the rest of the time that I can, I intend to show you how much you matter.” He sealed it with a kiss. “How much I want you.” Another kiss. “How much I want to hold you tight and never let go.” One last kiss, a longer and deeper one that led to making love again.