18. Eli
18
ELI
S omeone from the team drove me back to the dorms after Haley left.
I couldn’t remember what was said or who approached me after I rejoined the dance.
It all passed in a blur.
At the dorms, I lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling, literally shocked at how everything had fallen apart. Everything that mattered in my life was ruined.
“Preston said I failed the dare.” I said it dully, unable to show emotion as I dropped behind a shell of who I was.
“Because you didn’t have sex with her at the dance?” Finn asked.
He hadn’t left. He didn’t exit the room at all, not once, despite how late it was. He sat there, patient and waiting for me to speak or move or snap out of this shock.
“Yeah.” I blew out a deep breath. “He was waiting off to the side. He heard me telling her that I’d wait for her.”
I closed my eyes tightly at the memory of her gazing up at me with so much trust when I said that.
“Drake was there to video it too.”
“Sick motherfuckers,” Finn growled.
“He’ll be telling his parents about that car any second now,” I said, monotone and detached. I couldn’t jar out of this oppressive dread.
“What’s the next step, then?” he asked, always ready to be pragmatic.
I sat up, rubbing my face with both of my hands. “Fuck if I know. It’ll all fall apart. Everything that matters…” I sighed and shook my head before facing him. “Everything that matters to me is ruined. If I have to drop out because Mr. West has my scholarship revoked, I won’t graduate. If I have to pay back my scholarship, I have no clue where I’ll live or how I’ll afford it.”
He nodded, patiently hearing me out.
“I was counting on my degree to get me a good job. And now I won’t have it either.”
“ If he tells his dad.”
I scowled. “He has no reason not to now.”
“You know, I kind of wondered if he was messing with you all along, getting you to do this dare without the intention of sticking with his end of the deal.”
Sad, but true, I had to agree. The thought crossed my mind a few times as well.
“And Haley…” I swallowed hard, hating the memory of her wounded expression, all that hurt and anger that I’d caused.
“She mattered too?”
I nodded. “I was ready to make it look like we’d done it in that room and then leave. I want her, man. I want her so fucking bad, but I couldn’t push her. I didn’t want to hurt her any more than I already have.”
“Maybe after you give her a little space and a chance to cool down from all of this, you can tell her that and she might listen.”
“That’s all I can do.” If I approached her too soon, she was more likely to shut me out again.
So, for the rest of the weekend, I followed Finn’s advice. I waited with bated breath for a call from Preston. A post from him online. Any contact from the school. Like Finn said, it was the weekend, and I’d likely hear something official on Monday morning. He was probably right.
In the meantime, though, I put all my energy and effort into looking prematurely for jobs in case I was screwed and had to start paying the scholarship money back as soon as possible. I looked at sports therapy places that might hire without a degree, and there weren’t any around here. Then I looked at various payment plans that I could try to have financing through for the major debt.
Late Sunday afternoon, I asked Finn to drive me to Haley’s house. I couldn’t wait any longer. Giving her a little space and a chance to recoup from the shock of how Friday night had ended was wise. But it had to be long enough. If she wanted more space, then she’d say so. If she wasn’t ready to face me again, then, again, I’d take her cue on that.
But I had to try to make things right with her. I had to show her how sorry I was.
Finn waited on the driveway while I knocked on her door. The minivan wasn’t here, and I wondered if anyone was even home. Then I recalled that Cindy had a little getaway this weekend, and I bet that meant Haley was inside but not answering the door.
I knocked one more time, my heart cracking into a few more pieces as I considered the possibility that I’d fucked up too badly this time to have another chance. Another second chance.
At last, she opened the door. With a deep sigh, she stared at me blankly.
“I’m sorry.”
It was the one message I had to make her believe.
“I apologize, Haley, and I wish I could take it back.”
She smirked, looking to the side. “You can’t.”
“I know I can’t take it back. But that doesn’t change how sorry I am that this is how it happened.”
She didn’t face me for a long moment, but I tried to let my hopes get a little higher when she didn’t slam the door in my face.
“I wanted to give you some time and space before apologizing and explaining?—”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “Who says I’m in the mood to listen to you explain a single thing?”
“Then you tell me. What do you want me to do?” I shoved my hands in my pockets so I wouldn’t reach out for her.
Another long pause followed as she stared at me. It was impossible to avoid feeling like she was looking into my soul.
With another heavy sigh, she stepped back and let me in.
“Thanks,” I said, entering. Finn would leave now, and if she ended up kicking me out in another minute, then I’d be walking.
“I’m sorry that I took that dare.”
She crossed her arms and stood near the fireplace that wasn’t lit. “Sorry that you took it or sorry that I found out the way I did?”
“I wanted to tell you, by the way. Before that night. I wanted to just tell you all of it and take my chances that you wouldn’t hate me.”
She shifted her arms so she’d hug herself instead. “Why didn’t you?”
“Because I didn’t want to fuck it up and lose you.”
She raised her brows as if to suggest I had.
“I’m sorry I took that dare. I’m sorry you found out the way you did. And I’m sorry I didn’t just come clean about it earlier.”
She licked her lips, lowering her gaze. “What was it for? Was it worth it?”
I shook my head, stepping toward her but backing up just as quickly. I had to go by her cues, not how badly I wanted to hold her—for my comfort and hers.
“No. It wasn’t.” I drew a deep breath and started from the beginning. I reminded her of how I’d gotten into college at all, with that scholarship, that Mr. West was the chair of the committee that granted it. Then I explained what happened at that party, about the car, Drake hitting the gear shifter, and Preston wanting to manipulate the situation. I laid out the terms of the dare. I pointed out how I’d tried to befriend her.
“But I didn’t count on how much I would care about you. How much you would matter to me. I won’t apologize for wanting you, Haley. I never will. And I want you to know that I truly care. And I do respect you. That’s why I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I couldn’t manipulate you into having sex with me at that stupid fucking dance. I wanted it to be special. I wanted to make sure you thought I was worthy of being your first.”
I’d been talking for so long that I paced. All the while, she watched me and listened, not butting in.
Now that I was finished and she knew it all, I waited, tense and at her mercy, for a reaction.
“Let me get this straight.” She lowered her arms and drummed her fingers against her thighs. “Preston was blackmailing you with your scholarship and chances to graduate—literally your whole future—and all you had to do was sleep with me at that dance?”
I furrowed my brow. “That’s not all . Don’t make it sound like it was some little?—”
She approached me slowly, holding her hand up. “You had to choose between your future and me.”
I opened and closed my mouth, stumped that she’d summarize it so bluntly. “No. Yes? I mean, no. The way I saw it, I did finish the dare. I’d just take you into that room long enough for him to assume we’d done it. I had no clue he’d be there to watch—or video—it.”
She stood within my reach, just a foot between us. “And you still would choose to not have sex with me, then—at the cost of your scholarship and graduation?”
I frowned and nodded. “Yeah. You were there. I didn’t make a move when we were in that room. I hoped he would never know. And you would never know. And…” I shook my head. “Which is wrong. I should have told you from the beginning.”
“But still.” She exhaled a long breath. “You chose me.”
I reached out for her hand but dropped it. “I am still choosing you.”
She jerked her face up and pierced me with a hard look. “I’m still mad.”
“I counted on that.”
“I’m still hurt that you’d do this.”
“I counted on that too.”
She licked her lips. “And I still hate you.”
“Also expected.”
She inched toward me again, as if she couldn’t physically bear the distance. “But?—”
“Oh, thank fuck.” I hauled her to me and kissed her hard. Pouring all my desperation and heartache into this intimate touch, I stole her breath and swallowed down the moans she gave me as soon as we collided.
As she looped her arms around my neck, reaching up so she could part her lips and kiss me back just as greedily, I dipped her back and scooped her up into my arms.
Holding her tight, I kissed her like there was no tomorrow. Like only this moment mattered.
She broke away, breathing frantically. “You didn’t even know what I was going to say.”
“Doesn’t matter. You said but , and whatever would follow would be how you also don’t hate me and still want me.”
“ Need you,” she corrected, wiggling for me to put her down.
I did, kissing her and not letting her go out of my reach. While she stood, she yanked at the hem of my hoodie and forced my shirts up. I pulled back, tugging my sweatshirt and shirt off. Kissing her again and growling at the taste of her sweetness, I worked on ripping her clothes off as fast as she fumbled with mine.
In the clumsy dance of stripping, we ended up in her room, and this time, when I lowered her to the bed, she didn’t wait for guidance. She gripped my dick and stroked it as she widened her legs.
“Haley, wait.”
She shook her head. “You said you would wait for me.”
“And I will.”
“No. No more waiting. Now, Eli. I want you right now.”
“Are you sure you?—”
She pulled my head down for a drugging kiss, and I did exactly what I told myself I should do. I followed her lead. I paid attention to her cues. In everything she did and showed me, she wanted to lose her virginity now .
Too impatient for much foreplay, she hooked her legs around my waist and arched up toward me, seeking out my dick. Each time she ground against me, dragging my erection along her soaked pussy, I growled into her mouth and kissed her soundly.
“Eli, please,” she begged.
I smoothed her hair back from her face, still worried whether she really wanted it like this. “We can slow down?—”
“No. I want you now. I need it. Please.”
“Do you have a condom?”
“I’m on the pill.” She frowned at me, pleading. “Please, Eli. I want you to be my first and I don’t want to wait.”
“Okay, but we don’t have to rush.”
She shook her head. “We don’t have to, but I want to. I want it hard and fast. Next time, we can take it slow. I can’t stand just waiting and wondering and wishing?—”
I kissed her, lining up my dick to her wet entrance. “I hear you. I got you.”
“Fuck me, Eli. Fuck me hard and fast so I know it’s you. That this is us.”
Goddamn, she made it impossible to slow down. Gritting my teeth, I slammed into her, going as slowly as I could so I wouldn’t hurt her. I watched her face as I filled her to the hilt. From desperation, to shock, to pain, then desperation again, she gazed up at me and didn’t hide for one second.
Then, locking my gaze on hers, I pulled back out and treasured the exquisite glove of her hot, slick pussy walls sucking me in again.
Over and over, I thrust into her, harder and faster depending on how much she seemed to crave the brutality. It was her first time. I wanted it to be slow and lazy, sensual and soft.
As she neared her orgasm, taunting me dangerously close to shooting my cum into her too early, I realized that she didn’t want those things. She’d told me. Hard and fast.
And I gave it to her. I rammed into her, marking her as mine. Staking a claim to be her first, I kissed her as she cried into my mouth as she hit her release. She clenched me, squeezing my dick so tightly that I didn’t last a second longer. Grunting at the force of my orgasm as it cut through me and lit my nerves, I flooded her with my cum and held her as she quivered and trembled, still moaning and mewling those sexy sounds I would never tire of.
I’d taken her virginity.
But on my terms. On hers.
As a man falling head over heels for the one perfect woman meant for him, I slumped next to her and hugged her close, knowing what we had actually done just now was making love.