Chapter 18
Chapter
Eighteen
NIKOLAI
I can see the hope on Ava’s face. She wants her mother to be alive, but she also hopes I’m not lying to her.
But I have been lying to her.
When I got the call from Dimitri that he had Ava, my heart had stopped. I knew I couldn’t lose her, and I was willing to lay my life down for her back in the club.
Because of that, I can’t keep this from her. She deserves the full truth even if that means she’ll leave me.
“Is my mom alive?” Ava asks again.
I look her right in the eye. “Yes.”
She sucks in a quick breath and backs away from me. It’s that tiny, small step that says everything. Already, it’s created a cavern between us. “She’s alive? Really?”
“Yes.”
“How?”
“I’m not sure. I don’t know where she’s been this whole time. But I found her over a week ago.”
“Wait. You’ve known for a while, and you didn’t tell me.”
“Yes.”
“Nikolai, why?”
“Because I knew that the minute you found out your mom was alive, you’d want to live with her again. I knew you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore. It’s pathetic. I know it is.”
“You kept this from me,” she whispers. A slow horror starts to form in her eyes, and it breaks my fucking heart. This is it—the moment she sees me for the true monster I am.
“I did.”
She gasps and turns away from me, her shoulders shaking. “You didn’t want me to leave you by not telling me about my mom.” After a long moment, she faces me again. “But the thing is, Nikolai, if you’d just told me when you found out she was alive, I would’ve been grateful. I’d have stayed with you because I’ve fallen in …” She trails off.
My heart constricts at her words. There’s no way she could mean them. No one has ever loved me.
“But the irony is,” she continues, “that by lying to me, you’ve made it a self-fulfilling prophecy. I can’t stay with you because of that reason. I’m going to return to my mom because I at least know she’s the one person on this entire planet I can trust completely.”
I nod and don’t put up a fight. The old me would have. The old me would have thrown Ava into a locked room and never let her out.
But I can’t do that to her. Because I love her.
I have to let her go.
“Do you really mean that?” I ask. “If I’d just told you about your mom right away, you would have wanted to stay with me?”
“Yes.” She doesn’t say more, and she doesn’t need to. “Where is she?”
I let out a long sigh. “I’ll take you to her.”
“No. I want to go by myself. Just tell me where she is.”
“She’s in the city. I’ll give you the address.”
“Good.” Tears form in her eyes and spill down her cheeks. The sight of them breaks my pathetic heart even more. “Goodbye, Nik.”
I did this to myself. Because I couldn’t trust that Ava could love me for me. She’s right. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
After I give her the address, she walks away, and I don’t do anything to keep her from leaving.
AVA
The apartment building’s front entrance is covered in trash. That’s to be expected in New York, but to know that my mom is living somewhere like this breaks my heart.
Our apartment back in New Haven was small, but it was cute. It was a home.
This place just feels devoid of life.
I walk up to the second floor where her apartment is. When I find the number—6A—I knock.
There’s still a part of me that doesn’t believe any of this is real.
Then the door opens, and there she is.
My mom.
She gasps at the sight of me. “Ava?”
“Mom?”
We’re in each other’s arms within seconds, clinging to each other and sobbing. We stay like this for a long time.
Being back in my mom’s arms feels like breathing. I’m finally home again. I have the one person in this entire world who I know I can trust and depend on. I thought I was starting to find that with Nikolai, but he lied to me. He kept my own mother from me.
Sure, he wasn’t hiding her away, but he didn’t tell me he knew she was alive just so he could make sure I didn’t leave him. I don’t know how I thought I was falling in love with him. I must have gotten mixed up in everything.
“Baby?” Mom says, pulling back and cupping my face. It reminds me of how Nik would hold my face, and I hate that I even have that memory. “You’re really here?”
“I’m here. You’re alive.”
“I am.”
“Tell me everything.”
She lets me into her tiny studio apartment. It’s not homey like our place back in New Haven. This place has no personality. It barely has any furniture except for a couch pushed up against a wall.
“You’ve been living here?” I ask.
“I have. I couldn’t afford much else, especially with all my new medical debt.”
“Tell me, Mom.” We sit down on the couch together, our hands clasped. I’m not ready to let her go yet. Touching her lets me know she really is here. That she really is alive.
“Your father shot me.”
“I know. I saw.”
“And I saw him drag you out of the apartment. I tried calling out for you, but no sound came out. I think I was in too much pain or too much shock or both. I have no idea. I just knew he was going to hurt you. I knew I was losing you forever.”
“You have me now.”
“And I’m so grateful for that,” she says as tears stream down her eyes. “I never thought I’d see you again. What happened? What did he do to you?”
“I’ll tell you everything, but I need to know how you survived. I thought you were dead. This whole time I thought you were dead.”
She nods, wiping at her face. “I felt dead. But I knew I had to keep fighting for you. I couldn’t give up. So, I managed to call 9-1-1. They got to me in time and brought me to the hospital. The doctor told me I was lucky to be alive. Most people would have died from a gunshot wound to the stomach. But I told him I was fighting for my daughter.” She squeezes my hand. “I will always fight for you.”
I rest my head on her shoulder. The familiar crook of her neck is so comforting, I almost begin to cry all over again. “So, you’ve been in the hospital this whole time?”
She shifts around on the couch and the energy in the room changes. “Well, no. After a week, they let me go. I returned to the apartment, but you weren’t there. I knew you wouldn’t be there.”
I lift my head to look at her face. Even now, it’s filled with worry and sorrow. “What happened next?”
“I had no idea where to look for you. I didn’t even know if you were alive or dead, but I had to believe you were alive. I felt like I would know in my gut if you were dead. A mother’s intuition. So, I went to Yale. I asked around. No one had seen you in the past week. I knew something bad had happened. There was no way you would miss school.”
She inhales and exhales slowly. When I give her hand a squeeze, she gives me a grateful smile. “So, I kept looking. I knew your father had taken you, so he was the next logical place to look. I went to his apartment and found him there.”
“So, he knew this entire time.” I scoff. “Of course, he knew you were alive. He just didn’t care to tell me. He only told me you were alive when it served his purpose.”
“Honey, tell me what happened to you. Please. I’m dying to know. I need to know.”
I know I can’t hold it back any longer. Just like I’m desperate for answers, I know she is as well. “Father took me to this horrible place. It was a human trafficking auction where men could bid on me. So they could buy me.”
She gasps, her eyes growing wide with horror. “Honey.”
“I’m ok, Mom. Before you even ask, I am ok. That’s one thing you need to know. My heart was put through the ringer, but no one ever hurt my body. Ok?”
She nods, but I can tell she doesn’t quite believe me. Honestly, I wouldn’t fully believe me either. If my mom was telling me this story, I’d assume she was lying to protect me from the truth.
“A man bought me. A man my father sold me to to pay off his debts. Five million dollars, Mom. That’s how much I’m worth, apparently.”
“Honey,” she sobs, dropping her head. I pull her into me, rocking us back and forth. She used to do this to me when I was a child and needed comforting. It’s only fitting I return the favor.
“I was brought to this Gothic mansion in the city. I was introduced to the man who bought me. Nikolai Petrov. He forced me to marry him,”
She gasps and sits up straight. “What?”
I hold my hand out to her. My ring looks dull in the bad lighting. “I’m married, Mom.”
“Oh my god.”
“Nikolai has a code at least. He never physically hurt me. He never touched me without my consent. I’ve been with him this entire time. I honestly thought I was falling in love with him,” I admit. It feels shameful now. I was a fool. Naive.
“How could you fall in love with the man who bought you?”
“He was all I had. Father had betrayed me to the core by selling me. Nikolai, at least, was honest about his intentions. He wanted me so he took me. But I’ve seen different sides of him over these past couple of months. I’ve seen him broken. I’ve seen him hurt. I’ve seen him try to be a better man. It’s complicated, I know. And I know you don’t understand because you weren’t there, but it’s what I went through. It’s how I felt.” I draw in a deep inhale. This next part will hurt to speak, but I have to say it.
“He told me you were alive,” I say. “Just tonight. He didn’t tell me you were alive the moment he found out. He’s known for at least a week. I knew right then it was foolish I ever had feelings for him. But right before that, Mom, he laid down his life to save me.”
“I don’t understand.”
“He’s the Bratva, Mom. He’s part of the mob.”
She doesn’t look as surprised as I thought she’d be. “The mob?”
“Yes. Another man, another Bratva man, had taken me, and Nikolai was going to let himself be killed so I would be ok. I knew at that moment I loved him, but then … then he told me about you, and he betrayed me just like Father did. I came here as soon as I had your address.”
“He just let you go?”
“Yes.”
“Honey, a man like that doesn’t sound like someone who would just let you go. Not when he …” She gulps. “Not when he bought you.”
“But he did.” I think back to my conversation with Nik. How hurt he looked. How … scared . He didn’t want to lose me. I understand that. But he still lied to me about my mother. After he knew how important it was for me to find her.
I think he let me go because he felt guilty.
But that doesn’t matter because I’m never going to see him again. I have my mom. I’m back at school. My father is dead, so he can’t hurt me. I can restart my life here with her.
“I want to know what happened next with you,” I say. “You know where I’ve been, but where have you been?”
“As I said, I went to see your father. I confronted him and asked him where you were, and he told me he didn’t know.”
“Lies. He did know.”
She sighs. “I see that now. But I didn’t have any other leads. You were just gone. So, I went to the police and told them everything. I filed a missing person’s report, but nothing came of it. They told me that at your age you probably ran away. I don’t think they tried to look very hard.”
“Mom, I’m so sorry. If I’d known you were alive, I would’ve scoured the entire city to find you.”
“It’s not your fault.” She pats my hand and pulls away from me slightly. It’s a shift that surprises me. “You were taken. I honestly thought you were dead. I kept trying to ask questions, but no one was giving me answers. And then …” She averts her eyes.
“Mom, what?”
“Then a man arrived at this apartment. I found it on the cheap, which for New York, was astounding. A man showed up and told me he could help me find you. That you were alive.”
“Who was this man?” I ask slowly. The way she’s not looking at me tells me something is seriously wrong.
“I’d never seen him before in my entire life. I was so desperate for help to find you that I followed him. And that’s when he … he took me.”
My heart skips a beat. “Took you?”
“Kidnapped me. He forced me to his home. He held me captive.”
“Why?”
“Because he believed I would have answers because I’m your mom.”
I shake my head. “I don’t understand.”
“He told me you had a husband, which I obviously didn’t believe. Now, I see it was all true. Everything he told me, I didn’t believe. When I was of no use to him, he let me go. I thought for sure he would kill me.”
“What did this man want?”
“He wanted to know if you meant a lot to your husband. He wanted to know because … honey, I think he wanted to hurt you. To hurt your husband.”
My skin turns to ice and everything inside of me freezes. “Who was this man? What was his name?”
“He didn’t tell me for the longest time, and then … right before he left, he told me to tell you that … Anton was coming back for your husband. None of it made sense. It still doesn’t.”
Anton? Where does that name sound familiar?
And then it hits me.
Anton was the name of the man who scarred Nikolai. His previous second in command who’d betrayed him.
I stand up. “Mom, we need to get out of this apartment right this second.”
“What? Why?”
“Because I know who you’re talking about. I’ve never met him, but I know he hates my husband and that my husband hates him. He wasn’t lying when he said he would want to use me against my husband. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that these Bratva men don’t care who they hurt to get what they want. And I think this Anton wants to hurt Nikolai again. And I think he’ll try and use me to do it.” I gasp. “I need to warn Nikolai.”
“Wait, honey.” She grabs my arm. “You want to go back to the man who bought you?”
“I’m not sure what I want. What I do know is that I want you to be safe. Anton let you go for a reason. He must’ve known somehow I would come see you. Nikolai isn’t here to protect me, which means I’m in danger, which means you’re in danger. We need to get back to Nikolai’s house right now.”
“I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to go to the man who forced you into a marriage.”
“I know, Mom. But I’m scared. It’s safer to be with Nikolai right now. We have to leave. Please just trust me.”
She hesitates then nods. “I trust you more than anyone.”
We run out of the apartment and get into her car. I’m so grateful she even has a car to begin with. When we first left New York and moved to New Haven, we both had to learn how to drive since we’d never needed to do so in New York.
I tell her how to get to Nikolai’s house. “I know this doesn’t make sense. I never even questioned Nikolai if Anton was dead or not. He never told me. But I do know he’s not a good man. He betrayed Nikolai. I don’t know what a man like him would do. I need to warn Nik.”
“But why warn him? Why do you care?”
“Because a part of me still cares for him.” The moment the words are out of me, I know how true they are. “I don’t want to see him get hurt. And I don’t want to see you get hurt. And frankly, I don’t want to get hurt. Nikolai will protect us.” I know that in my gut.
When we reach his house, I run out of the car while Mom hesitates. “Come on,” I tell her. Finally, she follows me to the door.
Edmund answers after I knock frantically. “Ava? You’re back?”
“Yes.” I walk past him into the house. Mom gazes around with awe and distrust on her face. “I need to talk to Nikolai.”
As if right on cue, Nikolai enters the foyer. “Ava?”
“I know. I’m back.”
“But why?”
“Anton is coming for you.”
All the color drains from his face. “How do you know this? I left him for dead.”
“Apparently, he’s not. He kidnapped my mom.” I motion at her. “He asked her questions about me, about you. I think he wants to use me against you. I figured …” Now, it’s my turn to hesitate. “I figured coming to you would keep me safe.”
His eyes turn soft. “Of course, I’ll keep you safe. You know I will.”
The doorbell rings.
The sound is ominous and sends a shiver right through my body.
“Edmund, don’t answer that door,” Nikolai says. He takes a gun out of his back pocket—making my mom gasp—and slowly approaches the door. Mom and I hug each other. He looks through the peephole and curses, stepping back.
“I know you’re in there,” a man says on the other side.
“Anton,” Nikolai growls. “How did he find me? I do a damn good job of keeping my address hidden.”
It hits me like a ton of bricks. “He kidnapped my mom. He must’ve been watching her. When I came back here with her, he must’ve followed. He must’ve known I’d come back here.”
Nikolai looks at me steadily. “It’s not your fault.”
“I didn’t even know he was a threat. You didn’t tell me much about him.”
“Well, he is a threat. I left for him dead, but I obviously didn’t finish the fucking job. We need to hide. In my basement.” He motions for all of us, including Edmund, to follow. “I’m going to get Mrs. Brown and Claude.”
“Wait,” I say, grabbing his arm. “Don’t leave me.” I hate how pathetic I sound, but I know as I stare into the eyes of Nikolai that I’m safe.
“I’ll be right back. Just go into the basement.”
“Honey, come on,” Mom says, taking my hand and tugging me away. I follow.
The basement is made of cement, and its coldness seeps into my skin. Edmund, Mom, and I stand close together.
Footsteps sound on the stairs.
Claude and Mrs. Brown come running down. I’m so relieved that they’re all right. Nikolai soon follows, shutting the door behind him and locking it.
“Is Anton this dangerous?” I ask.
“Anton is wild. He won’t hesitate to come in here and explode everything. This basement is the safest place in the entire mansion. It can withstand a lot.” He clears his throat. “Ava, can I speak to you alone?”
I have to pry my mom’s fingers off me to get her to let me go. She gives me a scared look, and I try to give her a reassuring smile.
I follow Nikolai to a private corner of the basement. “Yes?”
“You came back.”
“Well, I had to warn you about Anton.”
“Still. You came back.”
His words send a tingle over my body. It would be so easy to step into his arms and let him keep me safe.
But none of that changes the fact that he lied.
“Once this is over,” I say, “I’m going back with my mom.”
His open expression instantly shuts down. “Right.”
“It’s the only thing that makes sense. My mom and I need each other right now. Neither of us even knew the other one was alive until today. Maybe it was selfish of me to ask you to protect me. I knew coming here you would keep me safe.”
“It’s not selfish. You did the right thing by coming back. Anton is dangerous, and he’s here right now.”
“But I led him right to you.”
“No. He would’ve taken you eventually and forced you to take him to me. I know Anton’s torture methods. He wouldn’t have spared you. You did the right thing. Trust me. I could never think of you as selfish.”
His words are so kind, and that’s what makes them hurt even more.
“Once I deal with Anton,” he says, “I won’t stop you from leaving. I understand. I know I fucked up when I didn’t tell you about your mom. Trust me, Ava. I know I messed up.”
Before I can respond, a loud bang comes from upstairs.
“He’s made it inside,” Nikolai growls. “Everyone, get behind me.”
We all shuffle toward the back of the basement as Nikolai angles his body toward the door, his gun drawn.
“Maybe we could call for help,” I suggest. “Dimitri or Maxim.”
“Good idea. But Anton is in here now. They won’t make it in time.”
It doesn’t take Anton long to find the basement door. “I know you’re in there. I know how you work, Nik. In your previous house, you also had a reinforced basement.”
“So, you know what that means,” he calls out. “You’re not getting in here, Anton.”
The chuckle that comes from the other side of the door sends shivers down my spine. My mom wraps her arms around me.
“That’s him,” she whispers. “The man who held me captive for weeks.”
I don’t have anything to say that will help her, so I just wrap my arms around her as well.
“I’m getting in there, Nik,” Anton warns. “And then I’m going to finish what I started. I’m going to cut you from head to toe. It’ll be a scar that won’t heal this time.”
Nikolai looks rattled. It’s the only time I’ve ever seen him look genuinely scared. I wish I could help him, but there isn’t anything I can do.
“Talk all you want,” Nik says, composing himself. “But you’re not getting in here.”
“I’d think again.” Anton goes quiet. There’s a sound of shuffling and other minor things I can’t make out.
And then I hear a beeping.
“Shit,” Nik breathes out. “It’s a bomb. Everybody, get down!” He throws himself on top of me as the door explodes.