Chapter 19
Chapter
Nineteen
NIKOLAI
T he minute Ava walked out of my life, I knew I would be a fucking mess for the rest of my life.
She didn’t even want me to take her to her mother, for which I didn’t blame her. I wouldn’t trust me either. I lied. I betrayed her. I’m just as bad as her father.
When I returned home without Ava, Edmund asked me where she was.
“She’s gone back to her mother,” I snarled. “Now, don’t ask me any more questions.”
Edmund is good at his job, so he backed down. Mrs. Brown was standing in the hall, a question in her eyes, but she also knew not to ask.
Claude didn’t even notice there was a problem. He was too busy cooking.
I sat down for dinner, but when Claude served me a steak, I knew I couldn’t eat it. So, I pushed it away.
“You’re just as bad as your wife,” Claude muttered.
“And you won’t have a job if you keep making those comments.”
Claude was smart enough to stay quiet after that.
I prepared myself for a life without Ava. For a life without the woman I love.
But I didn’t have to wait long for her to return.
Later that night, she was back, but it wasn’t for me. It was for my protection to save her against Anton.
Fucking Anton. I thought I’d killed him, but I never checked. I think a part of me hoped he’d survived. We were best friends at one point. It’s not easy to kill a friend.
But now, here we are, stuck in my basement, with the door blown in. And there’s Anton, stepping inside with a wicked grin on his lips. He did always delight in people’s misery.
Ava is under me. “Are you all right?” I ask, pushing her hair out of her face.
“I’m fine.” She gasps. “Mom!” She turns to her mother and relaxes when she sees Camille is fine. I wonder if Ava will ever care about me that way. I doubt it. I’ve lost her trust, and there’s no going back.
Easing off Ava, I stand up. The bomb exploded the door and part of the wall, but the rest of the basement still stands. I paid good money for this thing to make sure it could withstand a lot.
Edmund, Claude, and Mrs. Brown all sit up, looking dazed.
Anton doesn’t have anyone else with him. He was always cocky like that. Honestly, I used to be that way, too. Charging in by myself because I believed I was unkillable.
But the more I’ve fallen in love with Ava, the more human I realize I’ve become.
“Good to see you again, Nik,” Anton says, his voice causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up. No one’s voice could do that to me except Anton’s. He’s the reason I have my scar. He’s the reason I don’t let anyone in.
He scares me.
And that’s my greatest shame.
“You wanted to see me,” I reply. “So, talk.”
“Oh, you thought I wanted to talk?”
“Why else show up at my door? If you’d really wanted me dead, you could’ve found countless other ways to get at me.”
“You’re a hard man to track. You bought a new home since we worked together. I didn’t know where you lived.”
“But you know the businesses I own. You could have found me at any of them. Why show up now? Why after all this time?”
Anton throws a dismissive glance at the other people in the room. But then his gaze settles on Ava, and it sets my teeth on edge. “This is the illustrious wife, I take it.”
“Don’t look at her,” I growl.
Ava takes a step forward. “I am.”
I shoot her a look, silently asking her what she’s doing, but she only keeps her eyes on Anton.
“I like your mother,” Anton says. “We’ve shared some good talks.”
“If you hurt her …” Ava warns.
“Oh, I didn’t. She was too pretty for me to want to hurt.”
Camille tenses. “You’re not going to get my daughter. I told you that.”
“I don’t need your daughter. I was just hoping she’d lead me to Nik.” He sets his eyes back onto me. “And she did just that. Played her part beautifully.”
“You must have been waiting for a while,” I say. “How did you know Ava would go back to her mom?”
“I didn’t. I was just hoping. But you know I’ve always been good at playing the long game, Nik. So, I waited and waited. And then everything worked out in my favor.”
“Why not just take me yourself?” Ava asks. “Why my mom?”
“Because I’m not here to make Nik angry,” Anton explains. “If I’d taken you, he would have killed me on the spot. Nik is right. I do want to talk.”
I lift my gun. “So, then, talk.”
“No need for such theatrics,” Anton growls, lifting his own gun from his waistband. “We can talk like civilized people.”
“You just blew up my basement.”
“That’s because I knew you wouldn’t talk to me unless I came in with a bang. That’s how it always goes with us, isn’t it?”
I blow out a breath. “So, then, fucking talk.”
“I’ve missed you, Nik. I’ve missed working together.”
“So, that’s it? You want to reunite after all this time? After what you’ve done to me?”
“I made you into who you are.”
“You broke me!” I shout.
Anton shrugs. “If you want to call it that. I just needed to get your attention again.”
“How did you know who I was?” Camille asks.
“Mom,” Ava says gently but Camille brushes her off.
“How did you know?” she repeats.
Anton looks at her for a long moment and then smiles. “Hi, Camille.”
“Just tell me.”
“Nikolai’s wedding was the talk throughout the city. It wasn’t hard to figure out who his new bride’s mother was. You made yourself known when you went to the police, looking for your daughter. I found you, asked you some questions, and you didn’t have the answers I was looking for. But that’s why I let you go. I’m not evil.”
“Yes, you are,” I growl.
Anton sighs. “That’s where we have a difference of opinion, Nik.”
“No. I have this fucking scar on my face because of you. I still have nightmares because of you. So, I’m going to kill you.”
Anton points his gun at Ava. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
Everyone in the room freezes. Except Anton. He just looks like he’s having a blast.
“Lower your gun, Nik,” Anton says. “Or I’ll shoot your wife in the fucking head.”
Ava gasps. I wish I could comfort her. She came to me to keep her safe, and now, she might end up dead because of me.
I’ve never deserved her, and this moment just proves it.
I lower my gun.
“Good,” Anton says. “But I think I want to have some fun anyway.” He spins to fully face Ava. I know he’s going to pull the trigger. I know he’s going to kill her just because he can.
Because that’s Anton. He’s an impossible man to control.
“No,” Claude shouts, surprising me. He pushes Ava out of the way, and she falls to the ground.
And then Anton’s gun goes off.
Claude jerks and grunts and stumbles back, clutching his stomach. His body slumps to the ground.
“Claude,” Mrs. Brown gasps, kneeling beside him.
I hurry to Ava’s side and help her up, but she’s only looking at Claude, who’s lying on the floor, blood seeping from the wound in his stomach. He’s still alive, but I’m not sure how much longer.
Ava rushes to Claude. “You saved me. Oh my god, Claude. We need to help him. Somebody help him!” She rips off a piece of her skirt and presses it to his wound, but that doesn’t help. Her hands are now covered in blood.
“Whoops,” Anton says.
“You fucking bastard,” I growl, raising my own gun. He points his right back at me.
“If you shoot me, I’ll shoot you, and then you’ll be dead, and I’ll kill everyone else in this room. So, what’s it going to be, Nik?”
“You can’t kill Ava. Promise me that, and I’ll lower my gun.”
He sighs dramatically and rolls his eyes. “Fine. I won’t kill her. Now, lower your gun and slide it over to me.”
“Don’t.” It’s Edmund. “Don’t do it, Nikolai.” It’s the first time I’ve ever heard him say my first name. “We’ll all die if you do.”
“You’ll all die if he doesn’t,” Anton snaps.
I glance at Ava, who’s trying to comfort Claude. His breathing is becoming ragged and slow, but he’s still alive. There’s still a chance for him.
But there’s no chance for me.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I never should’ve bought Ava from her father. I never should’ve forced her to marry me. I never should’ve brought her into this dark, dangerous world.
It’s because of me she’s sitting next to my chef, who just got shot by my old enemy. That’s the fucked-up world I live in.
I can’t let Anton win, but I also can’t lose Ava. I have to do right by her and my staff.
I set my gun down and slide it over to Anton.
“Great,” he says, picking it up. “Now, I just came here to talk with you, Nik. But you’ve proven yourself to be a bit more of a nuisance than I hoped for. So, I think I got what I needed from here.” He angles his gun at my leg and fires.
The pain explodes within my thigh, and I fall over.
“Nik!” Ava screams.
Anton throws his head back and laughs like he’s the fucking Joker. “Good luck, Nik. I think I’ll leave you alive. I want you to feel the pain of knowing I won again.” He heads to the door.
I can’t have that.
With a growl, I stand up on my good leg and barrel into him from behind. Together, we fall to the floor, grappling with each other.
I roll on top of Anton and begin to punch him again and again until his face is a bloody fucking pulp. The wound in my leg is making me woozy, but I don’t let it stop me.
“You never should’ve come back, Anton,” I growl. “You never should’ve come back.”
“You’re right. I shouldn’t have.”
And then another gunshot goes off.
And I feel the pain in my stomach.
I grunt and roll off Anton. He has his gun in his hand. The fucking bastard shot me. Twice.
“Nik,” Ava whispers running over to me.
Anton wobbles as he stands up, making his way to the door.
Camille runs over to my gun on the floor and tries shooting him, but Anton ducks out of the way and runs upstairs. “He can’t live. He’ll come back and try to hurt us again.”
“No,” I whisper. “He won’t. Anton loves his games. He won’t be back if he thinks he’s losing.”
“Just breathe,” Ava says, sitting beside me. “Just breathe. Mom, call for an ambulance.”
Camille hesitates.
“Mom!”
“I got it,” Mrs. Brown says, taking out her cell phone. She quietly calls for help.
“Hang in there, Nik,” Ava whispers, cupping my cheek, her hands bloody from Claude. “Hang in there. You can’t die. You just can’t.”
I smile up at her. “I love you, Ava. You need to know.”
“Nik,” she gasps.
My eyes flutter closed, and everything goes black.
AVA
Watching Nik’s eyes close, all I can think is: I can’t lose him .
I may be mad at him for lying to me about my mom. I may slightly still hate him for taking away my agency. But I know I care for him.
And I can’t watch him die.
“Nik,” I whisper. “Wake up. Please.”
“An ambulance is on its way,” Mrs. Brown explains, lowering her phone. “How is he?”
“He’s dying!”
Mom places her hand on my shoulder. “Honey, give him some space.”
“Why does that matter? He’s unconscious.” I gently tap Nik’s face. “Wake up. Please, Nik. I …” I take in a deep inhale. “I love you.”
I know how true those words are.
I do love him, and I will always love him.
He doesn’t wake back up.
“Claude,” Edmund says, drawing my attention back to the chef who threw himself in front of a bullet for me. I hurry back to Claude’s side.
“How is he doing?” I ask.
“He’s …” Edmund checks Claude’s pulse. “He’s dead.”
“What?” I whisper. “No. No, no, no. We have to do chest compressions.” I gently shove Edmund out of the way and place my hands on Claude’s chest and start pressing up and down. “Come on. You can’t die.” I can’t have Claude’s death on my hands. The two of us had our problems, but at the end of the day, he saved me. I can’t carry that guilt. I just can’t.
“Come on, Claude,” Mrs. Brown whispers.
I keep doing chest compressions, but his heartbeat doesn’t restart. It’s Edmund who grabs my hands and pulls me away.
“He’s dead, Ava. I don’t think there’s anything we can do to bring him back.”
“But we have to try.”
“What about Nikolai? Is he alive?”
I rush back to Nikolai, my knees burning from sliding around on the concrete. I check Nik’s pulse. It’s there but faint. “He’s alive. Nik, keep fighting.” I turn back to Edmund. “But we have to keep trying with Claude. We have to keep trying for the paramedics.”
Edmund and Mrs. Brown share a look. “Dear, I think he’s gone,” Mrs. Brown says, starting to cry.
Mom puts her hand on my shoulder. “Honey?”
I stare at Claude’s dead body. “He saved me.”
“He did,” Mom agrees. “But right now, you can’t worry about that.”
“Then what am I supposed to worry about?”
“Yourself. Anton could come back. He could hurt us. We need to move.”
“No.” I rip myself away from her and throw my body over Nik’s. “I’m not leaving him. I’m not.”
“Honey—”
“NO! Mom, I love him. I know you don’t understand. I know you just want me to be safe, but I can’t leave him. I can’t.”
She starts to object but Mrs. Brown tugs on her arm, pulling her away. After a beat, Mom relents. The way she’s looking at me hurts. It’s a look that says she doesn’t even recognize me.
I have changed. It was always pointless to think I could return to my life before Nikolai. He’s cemented his way into my heart, and there’s no changing that.
“Paramedics!” someone calls from upstairs.
“Down here!” Edmund replies.
Two paramedics arrive and take in the scene. They immediately get both Nik and Claude onto strollers.
“We’ve got a pulse,” one of them says about Nik.
I sag against Mrs. Brown in relief.
As for Claude …
The paramedics give him medicine to get his heart working again, but it doesn’t help. They try chest compressions. They try shocking his heart back into rhythm. Nothing. He’s gone.
“Time of death,” one of them says. “10:05 p.m.”
The sob that escapes Mrs. Brown will stick with me for the rest of my life.
The hospital waiting room is bland and neutral. It’s designed not to cause more stress for people, but for me, it just reminds me of Nikolai’s cold, empty house and how he might never return to it.
I never said this to him, but sometimes, I dream of adding color to his house. Of making it warm. Of making his house into a home.
Now, I might never be able to tell him this.
“Honey, do you need anything?” Mom asks. She’s sandwiched between Mrs. Brown and Edmund. They’re worried for their boss just like I’m worried for my husband.
“Mom, I love you, but please stop asking me that.”
“Sorry.”
Mrs. Brown stands up and pulls me to the side. “Be kind to your mother. She just got you back.”
“I’m scared my husband might die, Mrs. Brown. My mom understands.” That’s the truth. If anyone understands my emotions, it’s my mother. I know she doesn’t fully get why I love Nikolai, but she understands that I do, and she understands why I’m scared.
After pacing around the hospital waiting room for another hour, I finally slump into a seat. Mom sits down beside me.
“I remember the last time I was in a hospital like this. It was the day you were born.”
“Are you trying to distract me?” I ask.
“Is it working?”
“Maybe.”
“Of course, I had to give birth on my own. Your father was getting drunk, placing bets on whether you’d be a girl or a boy.”
“You waited until the birth to find out?”
“No. I knew. But I didn’t tell your father we were having a girl. I knew he’d be disappointed. I was hoping if he just got the chance to see you, he’d love you. I guess I was asking for too much.”
“You deserved so much more than him, Mom. You deserve the world.”
“So, do you. Which is why I don’t fully understand why you love this man, Ava. He bought you. He made a deal with your father for you. How can you—” She stops.
“Mom. I know it doesn’t make sense. But I’ve seen the good in Nik. He has it buried deep down, but he’s been bringing it out more and more.”
“What are you going to do if he survives?”
“You mean, am I going to stay with him?”
“Yes,” she answers honestly.
“I’m not sure. I just need to know he’ll survive before I decide. And then there’s the matter of Claude. We’ll need to have a funeral for him. And Anton is still out there. Who knows what he’ll do in the future? And?—”
“Honey.” She puts her hand on my arm. “Just worry about your husband right now.”
I give her a grateful nod and rest my head on her shoulder. “I’m so happy I have you back.”
“I’m so happy I have you back.”
We sit like that for the next few hours until the doctor who performed Nik’s surgery shows up. His name is Dr. Sanderson. He has a kind face and warm eyes and slightly messy brown hair. If this was any other situation, I’d feel safe with him, but right now, I’m terrified he’s going to tell me Nikolai is dead.
“He made it through surgery,” he says instead, making me slump against my mom.
“Thank god.”
“We got the bullet out of his leg and abdomen. He’ll have a long recovery ahead of him, but he’ll make it through. He’s strong.”
“Can I see him?” I ask.
“He’s resting, but you can go in.”
I hurry past the doctor and practically run to Nik’s hospital room. I stop in the doorway when I see him asleep in the bed. He looks so … small. For the first time since I’ve met him, he looks just like a man. Not a god. Not the Bratva. Just a man.
Somehow, it makes me love him more.
But my mom’s words keep filtering through my mind. Can I stay with him after he didn’t tell me my mom was alive? Can I ever truly trust him again?
Slowly, I approach his bed and take his hand. I remain like that for a long time until he stirs awake.
“Ava?” he asks in a groggy voice.
“Shh. Don’t speak. Just rest.”
Of course, Nikolai can’t listen. “You’re here.”
“Where did you think I’d be?”
“Gone by now. Done with me.”
“Oh, Nik. I’m not sure I’ll ever be done with you. You’re a hard man to say goodbye to. I didn’t last more than a day.”
“That’s because it was an”—he lets out a deep, tired sigh— “emergency.”
“True.”
He finally notices my hand on his and curls his fingers around mine. “Are you going to stay?”
“I’m not going to leave your bedside. Not until I know you’re ok.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
I can’t meet him in the eye as I answer. “I’m not sure, Nik. I don’t know if I can stay. I have my mom back. I want things to return to normal.”
When I finally work up the courage to look at him, I can see the disappointment in his gaze and … something else. Resignation. He knew this was coming.
“But I’ll stay for now,” I say.
I expect him to pull his hand away. It’s what the Nikolai I know would do.
But this Nikolai only holds my hand tighter.
Neither of us lets go.
Nikolai is discharged from the hospital after a week. During that time, I’ve been busy planning Claude’s funeral.
“You don’t have to do it all yourself,” Mrs. Brown said to me, but I told her I had to do it.
“I need to pay him back somehow, you know?”
Because of the funeral planning, I had to break my promise to Nik to stay by his bedside. He told me he understood, and I think a part of him was relieved I wasn’t staying by his bed twenty-four seven. He doesn’t want to seem weak in front of me.
He’s better. He has to walk with a cane for his leg, but he can move, and the doctors told him he’ll fully recover with physical therapy within just a few months.
I pick him up from the hospital the day he’s let go.
“You didn’t have to do this,” he says, easing into the car.
“I know. But I’m still your wife.”
“You feel obligated, huh?”
“Maybe a little.”
He smiles slightly, easing the tension between us.
I drive him back to the mansion.
“You’re not coming?” he asks after he gets out of the car.
“More funeral planning. Mom and I have lunch plans. But …”
“You don’t need to explain yourself, Ava. I understand. Trust me. I understand.” And then he limps into his house.
A flash of guilt hits me. But why am I the guilty one? Nikolai is the one who forced me into marriage. He’s the one who lied about my mom being alive. I have no reason to feel guilty.
But I know why I do.
It’s because I’m giving up on this marriage.
I begged for Nikolai to let me in, and now, I’m the one pushing him out.
I don’t follow him inside. I just drive away, knowing I need to figure out what I’m going to do with Nikolai. It’s not fair to keep him waiting and wondering.
My mom has been subtly pressuring me to stay with her full-time. It would be so easy to fall back into an old routine with her. I’d be happy. I know I’d be happy.
But would there be something missing in my life? Can I truly forget about Nik?
And do I even want to?
He has a claim on my heart, but he doesn’t even know I love him. That’s what makes me feel most guilty of all.