Chapter 17
CHAPTER
SEVENTEEN
COLTER
The sensation of acid filling my bones washed over me, and I steadied myself against the wall. Fisting my hands at my side, I physically restrained myself from hauling Mer back in here. I needed her to talk to me.
I’d tried to catch her after practice, but had been waylaid by Hope, so took the opportunity to ask her about the video from this morning, but she’d denied knowing anything about it. I didn’t believe her. Hope had a tell, and her left eye had twitched numerous times while she spoke. Suss.
In addition, I’d exchanged texts with a few girls this past weekend after the Wolfette tryout, and I’d garnered there was history with Hope and Mer; though no one had known what it entailed.
All sources led back to Hope, and I wanted to know why.
My mission had disintegrated the second I heard the asinine comments my teammates were making at her expense. I’d been close to committing murder, my future be damned, until I heard Holden setting them straight. However, the relief was quickly erased when Cody wrapped his arm around her and she hadn’t pushed him away .
Possession rose with each step she took away from me, and that alone was unnerving. In all the times I’d fallen in love at first sight, had I ever responded in such a way? Had taking the time to actually get to know her made the difference? Or was there just something fundamentally different about Mer?
The most confusing part was the blatant ignoring. What had happened? She’d left my texts on read all weekend, but I’d chalked it up to my neediness. But this morning, she’d pushed me away, hadn’t looked at me after practice, and now walked away without talking to me. What had I missed? Was I already screwing this up?
You do fuck everything up.
Heavy with self-doubt and thoughts I’d rather ignore, I gave up my vigil at the door and joined Holden. His posture was rigid, and the scowl he wore around everyone but me was firmly in place. I had a hunch my earlier intuition was correct—Mer was his new step-sister.
And the plot thickens.
Running my fingers through my hair, I exhaled as exhaustion hit me. I no longer had any desire to remain in this place. Holden’s gaze stayed locked out the window, his eyes distant and his jaw locked tight. Something was definitely eating at him.
“You good?” I asked.
Holden flinched, then blinked a few times, almost like he had to clear a fog. The song changed, and he relaxed even more.
Clearing his throat, he met my eyes. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
“Bullshit.”
This time, Holden narrowed his eyes and lifted an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”
It was comical he thought he could intimidate me. “Let’s get our food to go. This conversation needs to happen in private. ”
I didn’t wait for his response and headed to the counter to amend our order. The cashier boxed everything up and handed it over in two bags. I handed Holden his, and we walked out in silence. I climbed into his truck, neither of us speaking during the five-minute drive to the apartment—the one we were meant to share. I didn’t know what to do if Holden didn’t figure something out. Everything I made went toward my living expenses and school. There was nothing extra.
I had a football scholarship, but it only covered tuition. Work study covered books and the meal plan, leaving a little left over for gas. Without my job, I couldn’t afford anything else without taking out student loans. But it wasn’t enough to cover housing for a year on my own.
My parents could help, but I refused to take anything from them. They were horrible, and the minute I could separate myself from them, I had. I knew Holden wasn’t rich like most of Hayward, but he’d said his mom had gotten approval to use his housing stipend for the off-campus apartments. So, for the plan to fall through, it felt suspicious.
Holden said he’d figure something out, but I wasn’t sure what he could do outside of getting a job. Considering it would take away from his ‘football-only’ motto, I didn’t see that happening. It was a clusterfuck, and I wasn’t sure how to solve it.
Holden parked, and he grabbed the bags of food while I grabbed my bookbag and football gear. Despite not talking, we moved in sync and anticipated one another’s steps. It was what made us work on the field.
Unlocking the door, I pushed it open and turned on the lights. He sat the food on the coffee table and I grabbed water from the fridge and joined him on the secondhand couch we’d gotten. We opened our food, the silence growing, and I debated waiting him out or pressing him. Burrito held to my mouth, Holden made the decision for me .
“I can’t believe you’re pussy-whipped by her .”
Okay, so Holden had chosen violence today. Didn’t think I’d ever punch my best friend, but here we were.
Lowering my burrito, this time I was the one narrowing my eyes at my best friend.
“It’s only because you’re my best friend I’m not punching you right now. I don’t know what your beef with Mer is, but you won’t disrespect her. You’re better than that, Hol.”
Holden gritted his teeth, but I caught the slightest shift of remorse in his eyes. I took a bite, needing to eat before I really bit his head off. Swallowing, I wiped my mouth and took a swig of water.
“Now, are we going to talk about what is really going on, or are you going to keep your head buried?”
Holden glared, his jaw ticking as he continued to grind his molars. I chuckled, and he flared his nostrils. If I were any other person, I’d be scared shitless. Good thing I wasn’t just anyone. I picked my burrito back up and took another bite, savoring the spicy meat and sauce, and made an over-the-top moan.
“I can wait all day.”
Holden’s stare intensified, but he eventually picked up his burrito and ate. With each bite, his shoulders relaxed and his anger dissipated as he satisfied his appetite. When all the food was demolished, I wiped my mouth and tossed the napkin into the bag. Turning on the couch, I rested one leg on the cushion and waited for him to fold.
Holden could hold a grudge, and his stubbornness was next level. Most people ran away at his intense glare, but we didn’t work that way. Early on in our friendship, I learned that he’d always push, expecting people to leave, and I always stayed, hoping to prove I was worthy—our messed up childhoods at their finest.
“I met her before camp,” he grumbled, the words forced and clipped. I lifted a brow in surprise and encouraged him to continue. Holden sighed, turned on the couch to mirror my position, and leaned his elbow on the cushion to prop his head up. “I saw her dancing and couldn’t take my eyes off her.”
“ That I can believe. I snuck into the Wolfette tryout on Friday and watched her. I’m still pissed they didn’t select her. She outdanced every girl there.”
“But…” Holden’s brow furrowed in confusion, probably wondering why she’d be at practice.
“She’s the alternate, so she’ll be Wolfie during games.”
“Christ.” Holden tugged his hair in the front before brushing it off his forehead. Expelling a breath, he met my eyes, and all the hostility was gone. “We hooked up, and… I’ve never felt that connected with a girl before. Everything about her was perfect. It was hands down the best sex of my life.”
I expected that to piss me off, but it didn’t. If the twitching in my shorts said anything, I was okay with this development.
“Then your mom married her dad?” I asked, figuring that was his holdup.
“Yes, but…” Holden let out another deep breath and unclenched his fists. “Hope told me Emerson’s the one who bullied her throughout high school. I guess they met at that dance studio Hope went to. Emerson would make fun of Hope for being poor and post things about her online. I wasn’t there, but I remember how much Hope struggled in high school.”
I frowned. “That doesn’t sound like Mer.”
“Yeah, well, she’s a great fucking actress.” Holden’s jaw retightened, so I held up my hand in protest.
“That hasn’t been my experience. I hate to say it, but you might be operating on only half the information.”
“You just want to fuck her. ”
“Fuck off, Hol. I’m about done with your bullshit. You’re so screwed up over her that you’re not thinking straight.”
Holden’s body tensed, and he squeezed his eyes closed. I could practically see him counting in his head as he calmed himself. After about a minute, he dropped his head and rubbed his temple.
“You’re right. I’m sorry, man. She’s got me so twisted up. I don’t know what I’m feeling or thinking half the time.”
I let the silence hang for a second before I asked my next question. “Did you see the video?”
His head snapped up, and his eyes sharpened. Holden could pretend he didn’t care, but it was written all over his face. He liked her. Perhaps a lot more than he even realized.
“What video?”
Pulling out my phone, I loaded the video I had saved. My heart picked up speed at the images, and I ground my molars practically into dust at the anger I had for whoever shot this.
“What the hell!” he shouted, tugging the phone out of my hand to rewatch. Emerson’s half-naked body was on display, like she’d been caught mid-change with only her shorts and bra on. Her hair was different, and she looked younger, so I’d guess it was from a few years ago. She was in a locker room, and several girls crowded around her as she cowered, covering herself. They poked and prodded at her body, pushing her arms down and holding her still as they used a marker to write slurs and circle areas of her body. No other faces were shown; the camera angle stayed solely on Emerson.
She’d kept her head down for most of it, tears streaming down her face as they harassed her. In the last shot, her head snapped up, like someone off camera had called her name. It was the emotion in her eyes that gutted me. They were filled with fear and self-hatred. It wasn’t the girl I’d met, the one full of life and sparkle .
Holden stared down at the phone, his face slack, and emotions swirling in his eyes.
“This morning, she ran into me, literally. Tears streamed down her face to the point she couldn’t see. I tried to get her to tell me what was happening, but she refused. Rivers came out a few minutes later with her stuff and told me about the video. It had been sent out to the entire student body.”
Holden dropped my phone and reached for his, presumably to search through his emails. I had a sinking suspicion he wouldn’t find one. The more information I gleaned, the clearer the picture became.
“It’s not here.”
I nodded, having expected that.
“What do you know?” he barked.
“Once I open this jar, you won’t be able to close it. You sure?”
Holden’s jaw ticked, his blue eyes blazing, but he nodded.
“I watched the video. It infuriated me, and I shouted at Emerson. I wasn’t mad at her, but about the video. But it came out sounding like she was the problem.” I sighed, regretting my temper. “I messed up, but by the time I realized, she left. Cody held me back so I couldn’t follow her.”
“Fucking Rivers. He better watch himself.”
I smirked at his display of jealousy. You’re only kidding yourself, Hol . “I’d messaged a couple girls over the weekend.” Holden smirked, and I rolled my eyes. Yeah, yeah, playboy Colter. “I wanted to find out why Mer hadn’t made the cut,” I paused, taking in a deep breath. “Every girl I asked said the same thing.”
Holden clenched his fists, working his jaw as he rolled that information around. “What aren’t you saying, Colt?”
“I don’t think it’s a coincidence you didn’t receive the email, or that she was kept off the dance team. The same person is behind both.”
“You can’t be serious,” he scoffed .
“I know you love your sister, but you can’t be that blind to her actions.”
Holden abruptly stood and started to pace the length of the living room, running his hands through his hair as he thought. “I must’ve come upon her after she left you. I…” He shook his head, tugging at his strands. “She was beating a bouquet of roses against her car. Red petals were everywhere. It was wild. It was like she was in a different place.” He looked up, his face distraught. “I pulled her away, and she kept fighting me, shouting to let her go. If I’d been anyone else, I probably would’ve been arrested. I noticed she’d cut up her arms and hands, so I took her to the bathroom to clean it up.”
I’d noticed similar cuts on his arms and wondered where they’d come from.
“What happened then?” I prompted.
He gave a wry chuckle. “I pissed her off, and she stormed away. I followed her, watched her grab her things, and then return to campus. I… I don’t know why, but I picked up the mess.”
Oh, my sweet summer child. I’d have to tiptoe around this delicately.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
Holden stopped pacing, his hands on his hips, and stared. His jaw ticked, and I watched as he ran through plays in his head. With a sigh, he pulled out a wrinkled card and handed it to me. I glanced at the message, frowning at what it said.
It’s so hard not to spoil you. Enjoy your first day and my little gift.
I can’t wait to be reunited with you, Princess.
“I don’t get it.” Holden threw his hands up and dropped back onto the couch with a sigh .
“Right? At first, I thought she was playing me and had a boyfriend this whole time. But it didn’t make sense. Why destroy them if she wanted to see this person? Outwardly, she’d been angry, but, fuck, in her eyes, she was scared. And she’d kept saying… she.” He braced his elbows on his knees and hung his head between his legs, running his hands through his hair. His breathing was labored, his muscles tight. I felt for my friend, but this was something he had to acknowledge for himself.
Holden was loyal to a fault, and he’d already been struggling with his attraction to Mer with the whole step-sibling situation. Hope’s lies had compounded the complicated mess of emotions.
“I know it’s hard to hear, but I don’t think Mer was the bully.”
“Why would Hope lie to me?” He looked up, his eyes glassy.
I shrugged. I had no idea. “That’s something you’ll have to ask her.”
He scoffed. “Hell, no. I need evidence before I confront my sister. I’m not going to call her a liar unless I have something.”
“It’s gonna blow up in your face.” He scowled, so I let it go. There were other things to discuss. “We both like the same girl.”
“Past. I liked her. Not anymore.”
“Again, I call bullshit.”
“Why do you care? It’s not like it matters.”
“You know why.” I lifted my brow, and he fell back onto the couch, throwing his arms over his head.
Holden’s restlessness correlated with his emotions. Tonight was the most I’d ever seen him move during a ten-minute conversation since I’d met him. “You honestly think that can work?” he asked, lifting his elbow and staring at me from beneath it .
I shrugged, settling back against the cushion. “You’re the only one I’d be willing to try something like this with. I don’t plan to stop pursuing her. She might be mad at me, but she won’t be able to ignore me forever.”
“Why her?”
“So many things.” I smiled. “We’ve been talking for almost a month, and I’ve gotten to really know her. I’m not letting my romantic heart run away this time.”
“You sure about that?” he teased.
I pushed his shoulder, and we laughed, the last of the tension draining away. “I’m the first to admit my history isn’t stellar, but I’m working on it. I want things to be different with Mer. I’m being my true self, and not the type of boyfriend I assume she wants.” It was a hard truth to admit about yourself when you realized your need to be wanted made you change your personality depending on who you were with.
“I’m happy for you then, Colt. I’m sorry I haven’t been the most supportive.”
“I forgive you. Does that mean you’re on board?”
Holden’s smile dropped, and he turned away from me. “It’s not in the cards for me. There’s too much between us.”
I still didn’t buy it, but there was only so much I could challenge him to face in one night. Leaning back, I grinned. “Suit yourself. I’ll have the ‘best pussy’ you ever had all to myself.”
“Fucker.” He punched my arm, but smiled.
I picked up the controller and threw it in his lap. “Enough deep shit for now. Let’s fight it out.”
Holden sat up and I turned on the game system. We spent the next hour fighting each other and relieving the stress between us. Holden hugged me when he left, promising to figure out if Hope was behind it.
Lying in bed hours later, I grabbed my phone and sent Mer a new text. I didn’t expect her to respond, but I’d keep sending them, regardless.
Colter: A lot of shit happened today, and I feel like I only know half of it.
Colter: I’m sorry it seemed like I was mad at you. I wasn’t.
Colter: I hate that you’re dealing with this. But you don’t have to be alone.
Colter: I’m here, Merbear. I’ll always be here.
Colter: My magic 8-ball app told me I’d have better luck tomorrow, so good night.
Colter: P.S. You looked gorgeous today. Yes, even with your tears, you were still the most beautiful girl I saw all day.
I set my alarm and climbed under my covers, glad I’d gotten Holden to admit his attraction and confront the lies he used to keep himself away. I didn’t know how, but I’d find a way to bring us all together.
But first, I’d show Mer how obsessed I’d become with her. Because Cody had been right about one thing: she was my girl.