Chapter 26
CHAPTER
TWENTY-SIX
EMERSON
“It wasn’t me! I swear!”
My breathing became ragged, and stars appeared in my vision. Hands clamped on my face, and Colter’s comforting ocean scent took over.
“Breathe, sweetheart. We’ll figure this out. It’s why we wanted you to come here, so we could find out who’s behind this. Neither of us believe you did this. Okay?”
Breathing in and out, my heart slowed, and I felt calmer.
They believed me.
Nodding, I sagged into his arms. The weight of everything felt too much. Would I ever not feel this weighed down?
“Let’s go inside,” Cody said, taking my keys and locking the car.
They led me upstairs, my mind a complete mess of thoughts and emotions. How did everything keep getting so screwed up? I finally stood up to my bully, and she got hit by a car, and I looked guilty!
“That’s why Holden hates me,” I whispered.
Colter blew out a breath. “He doesn’t hate you, Mer. He’s just struggling right now. He’s the most loyal and protective person I know, and he feels like he let you and Hope down, so he’s closing himself off.”
I shook my head. He did hate me. It didn’t matter why. He’d broken my heart—just another scar the Adler siblings had given me.
“We should get some sleep and rally in the morning with fresh eyes,” Cody said. “Just text me when you’re up,” he said, moving to the door with his phone out. He’d have to Uber back to campus, and it was late. I opened my mouth to stop him, but thankfully, Colter spoke up, beating me.
“Stay, Rivers. You can take the couch or Holden’s room.”
“Holden’s?” I gasped.
Colter cringed. “Well, it was meant to be his, until your parents told you all to stay home.”
Another layer of guilt swarmed me. Rose might have been able to get me into Hayward, but there was a limit. My tuition took the budget for Holden and Hope to live off campus. Cringing, I nodded. “Right.”
“Thanks, Donovan. I’ll take the couch so Peanut can have a bed.”
I looked at the couch. It was only a loveseat. I glanced back at Cody. The dude was over six feet tall. There was no way he could sleep on the couch.
“Don’t be silly. I’m not sure even your legs would fit on that.”
He chuckled, his cheeks pink. “You sure?” he glanced between Colter and me.
“I’ll be fine. I already slept several hours after Cryfest.”
Cody walked forward and wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tight. “I’m so proud of you for speaking your truth, Peanut. I’m not going anywhere.”
Somehow, he’d known exactly what I needed to hear. He kissed my cheek, grabbed his bag, and headed to the door Colter pointed out, leaving us standing in the small living room.
I finally looked around the space, cataloging every little piece of information I could gather. “You sure you’ll be okay?” Colter asked once the bedroom door shut.
“Yeah.”
“Okay. I’m just in there if you need me.” I nodded, a thoughtful look on his face before he stepped closer. “Can I kiss you? I know you said earlier?—”
I pulled him to me, stopping his sentence. I’d said we were done, but I hadn’t meant it. I’d let fear of rejection talk for me. Seeing how much Colter cared and worried about me told me I’d been right about him.
His lips pressed tenderly into mine, the kiss soft and sweet. After a few beats, I opened my mouth and ran my tongue along the seam of his lips. It was the opening he needed, and his arms wrapped around me, pulling me flush to him. Running my hands through his hair, I surrendered to his kiss.
I’d always enjoyed kissing, but no one had ever kissed me like this. Colter was a combination of sweet and spicy. I never knew which version of him I’d get, and it kept me on my toes.
Deepening the kiss, I moaned as his tongue swept into my mouth and took control. We couldn’t seem to get enough of each other, and our hands roamed over one another. The need to touch and feel him was strong, and I slipped my hands beneath his shirt. Colter moaned into my mouth at my touch, his pelvis rocking forward and hitting my center.
“Fuck, Mer. You taste so good,” he cooed, peppering kisses down my neck. Pushing him to the couch, I crawled into his lap and straddled him. I forgot about Cody in the other room and all the other shit currently occurring in my life. I just focused on Colter and how he made me feel.
Cherished. Wanted. Enough .
Sliding my hands up his chest, I pushed his shirt over his head. This time, I dropped kisses to his chest, marking every inch of skin I could touch with my lips. “You’re so beautiful,” I whispered, sucking his nipple into my mouth.
“Ah! So good, Mer.”
His hands cupped my ass, and he rocked me forward and squeezed before traveling up, and lifted my shirt over my head to drop to the floor. I drew back and looked at him, watching him take me in. I had on a lace bralette, my nipples peeking out of the holes.
“You’re the beautiful one, Mer. God, these tits.” He reached up and flicked my nipples.
“Can’t we both be beautiful?” I rasped. Colter laughed, and I dropped my head backward. Colter took advantage and sucked my tit into his mouth. He moved the bralette up, and I lifted my head to watch his eyes rake over my exposed flesh. I vaguely remembered the marks Holden had left earlier, and I stiffened. Crap on a cracker. We hadn’t talked about anything.
“Fuck, these are hot,” he said, surprising me.
“You like seeing his marks?”
“Is it weird?” he asked, glancing up. I caught the hesitancy and worry in his gaze. I smoothed the line between his brows and he relaxed.
“No. I just expected you to be more, I dunno, mad.”
“If it were anyone but Holden, I would be jealous as hell, Merbear.”
“Oh.” I swallowed, squirming on his lap. “Do you, uh, like him?”
Colter’s brow furrowed. “What?”
“You know. Do you want to be with him?”
He barked out a laugh. “No. It’s not like that.” He blew out a breath and met my eyes. “I have a few kinks, Mer. I’ve never shared them with anyone before, but I’d like to with you. But if you’re not into them, it’s fine. I would never pressure you.”
My heart beat faster in anticipation. I wasn’t scared, but excited. I liked being someone he could be himself with. “Okay. What are they?”
“I really like to watch. So imagining him leaving these on you gets me off.” He trailed his thumb over a mark, and true to his word, his eyes dilated a little more. “But I also like to show off.”
“Show off? I don’t understand.”
“It comes out in different ways. Leaving marks for others to see and imagining them knowing you’re mine, that’s…” He groaned and lifted his hips, his erection digging into me. “Fuck, it gets me hard to claim you.”
“Mmm,” I moaned, rocking on him. “What else?”
“Do you know how bad I wanted to take you against the door at Pawsitive Haven? The thrill of getting caught, combined with anyone hearing how good I make you feel, well, it had me coming in my pants after you left.”
“Really?” My eyes widened, and I gasped at the thought. That was hot.
He nodded, his eyes searching mine. When I didn’t show any disgust, he continued. “After finding that couple in the library, all I can think about is taking you up against the stacks.”
I pressed my nails into his shoulders. Oh, yeah. I was into that. “Tell me more,” I gasped, rocking on him.
“Sharing you with Holden is a big turn-on. We work so well together, so bringing a woman to pleasure is instinctual. I can turn my brain off while he gives commands and just obey. It’s a trust thing.” He shrugged. “I’ve never had anyone take care of me, and even though we don’t want each other that way, taking that part of our friendship into the bedroom makes everything tenfold.” His brow furrowed, thoughts racing across his eyes. “Maybe that’s why I can’t ever seem to be all-in in a relationship. The vulnerability is scary, but I already have it with him, so it makes it easier. Plus, I get to watch you being taken care of, increasing my own, and then give you more. You are the most beautiful and amazing woman; it’s no wonder we both fell for you.”
Doubt warred with the sweet words and lustful things he’d said. I swallowed. “What if he’s out? Does that change things?” Was I enough on my own?
“It’s not an all-or-nothing thing for me. I think the three of us could be great together, and each find a place to love and belong. But I don’t need him to fall in love with you, Mer.” He paused. “Holden has his demons; he just needs to work through them. He’ll get there.”
“I’m not sure we can come back from this.”
“Can I ask a favor?” I nodded. “Don’t give up on him yet. Give him a chance to surprise you.” I opened my mouth to protest, but he stopped me and placed his finger on my lips. “I’m not excusing whatever he said. I’m just saying he’s hurting and confused. You’re the wrecking ball he never saw coming, plowing through his carefully laid plans. But he needs you, Mer. Just like I think you need him.”
“You really believe in him.”
“He’s my best friend, and I want the best for him, even if he’s too stubborn to see it.”
“And you’re sure you don’t love him?” I joked.
“I love Holden; I’m just not in love with him. There’s a difference.”
I sighed. Colter had given me a lot to think about. “Fine. I won’t write him out yet, but he has to show me he’s serious and repair the things he’s broken. I won’t let him crush my heart a third time.”
Colter leaned forward and kissed me softly. After a few seconds, he pulled away and wrapped his arms around me, resting his head on my shoulder. “I should let you get some rest. ”
I wasn’t sure if he was stopping for himself or me, but I let him lift me off his lap. While I changed into pajamas, he grabbed me a pillow and blanket.
“Sweet dreams, Merbear.”
“Night, Col.”
His door closed softly, and I lay quietly, only my thoughts to keep me company. There were so many things to consider.
Had I been wrong to publish my paper?
No. I didn’t believe so. Those were my words and experiences, and Holden couldn’t police it when he thought it was okay to share it.
Was I responsible for what happened to Hope?
Maybe partially. I knew releasing it during the game would give me the shock value I wanted. She’d be with her friends, and I wanted her status to suffer. But I wasn’t the one driving the car, nor had I lied about anything I’d written. Hope needed to be held accountable for her actions, and that was on her.
I knew people would blame me for keeping quiet for so long, but my experience wasn’t theirs. Unless you were the one dealing with the abuse, you didn’t get to have an opinion on whether or not I’d handled it right.
Bullying shouldn’t have been allowed. Full stop.
In my opinion, the teachers and administration who ignored it were just as liable as Hope.
Did Hope deserve to be hit by a car?
This was where I struggled. For years, I’d felt ashamed of who I was. She’d made my life a living hell. Nothing ever felt safe, and that took a toll on a person. Feeling like I didn’t matter made me wish I’d been the one to die instead of my mom. Those were heavy and dark thoughts, and if I didn’t have dance or a dad who loved me, I probably wouldn’t be here. Not everyone was as lucky as me.
Cyber bullying didn’t stop at home, and without an outlet to channel myself… It was a statistic I didn’t like to th ink about. Too many young lives taken far before their time.
If I was honest with myself, I felt vindicated that she’d been hurt. Finally! Karma had caught up to her.
But once that burned away, there was a sick feeling in my gut.
I hated Hope, but I didn’t want to lower myself to hurt others. It was why, despite my list, I couldn’t use people to take her down or bully her like she’d done me. I’d never want anyone to feel that shame or self-loathing.
Perhaps that made me weak, but I couldn’t cross that line. I wanted justice, not revenge. It wasn’t about fighting back, but fighting forward. Something I hadn’t understood the difference between until recently.
Which brought me to the last question running around in my head… Could I forgive Holden?
I’d like to say no, that he’d hurt me one too many times.
But… he was Holden.
I had strong feelings for him, ones I wished I could ignore. I half expected the red-flag police to buzz into the room and cite me. I didn’t excuse his behavior, and he needed to earn my forgiveness before I let my heart thaw toward him again.
But it could.
The image of Holden, Colter, and me was too tempting to ignore. I wanted that.
I wanted them.
Tossing in my sleep, I rolled over and faced the front, but it didn’t help. Sighing, I let out a breath. Despite going through all the looming questions, another dozen popped up in their place. It didn’t help that my body felt tight from the arousal Colter had stirred and didn’t have a place to go. It lingered beneath my skin, and every move reminded me how unsatisfied I felt. My nipples chafed against my shirt, and I shifted my legs, but I couldn’t get enough friction.
Flipping the pillow, I moved lower on the couch. It did not help. In fact, it made the feeling worse. Blowing out a raspberry, I flopped my arms down on the couch. There was only one sure way for me to go to sleep.
Biting my lip, I sat up and placed my feet on the floor. I waited and listened, but I couldn’t hear anything from either room. Standing before I talked myself out of it, I tiptoed to Colter’s.
Quietly, I tested the doorknob and was relieved when it opened. Stepping into his room, I let my eyes adjust to the unfamiliar room before I moved. Taking one more deep breath, I lifted my shirt over my head and shimmied off my panties, dropping them both to the ground.
Colter’s back was to me, with the covers at his waist, gifting me a beautiful view of his strong back muscles. Carefully, I lifted the covers and climbed in behind him. When my skin touched his, he stirred and tilted his head back to peer at me.
“Mer? Is everything okay?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know.”
He rolled over, and his arms went around my body. His eyes widened when he felt me. “You’re naked.”
Giggling, I nodded. “Is that okay?”
He swallowed, and his Adam’s apple bobbed. “Yes. Totally cool with that.”
Leaning forward, I kissed him. The lust we’d stirred earlier roared back to life at the touch. Colter’s hands picked up where he left off on the coach, wandering over my skin and caressing me.
“Fuck. I love touching your body. It’s so luscious and perfect. I could get off just staring at you.”
“Tell me more,” I whispered, moving my hands over him. I traveled down to his waist and teased the waistband of his boxers. He moaned and kissed my neck. I pushed my hand lower and cupped him around the base. He was thick and hard, warm to my touch .
“The first day you ran into me, I jacked off in the library bathroom after you left. Then, again that night and next morning.”
Hearing how much he desired me heated my insides. “More.”
Colter rolled over and pulled me on top of him. I gripped him in my hand harder, stroking what I could at this angle. Our lips met in a frenzied kiss, and I lost track of all thoughts. Sitting back, I watched him as he roved his eyes over me. Colter’s body was coiled tight and ready. Tracing my fingers over his abs, I dipped them under the waistband of his boxers and wrenched them under his balls. His cock bobbed, his length heavy and hard. Licking my lips, I couldn’t break my stare with his cock.
Colter had a piercing.
“Wow.”
“You can touch it. It feels good.”
“Really? Don’t stop talking, though. I like hearing your thoughts.”
He smirked, and I wrapped my hand around his length. “Does my sweet girl like to get a little dirty?”
“Yes.” I rocked on him, placing him between my folds, and coated him in my cum.
“Goddamn, Mer. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so sexy before.” I whimpered as his thumb brushed over my nipple and the other gripped my hip to help rock me. “I didn’t expect this tonight. You coming in here is blowing my mind. You do that a lot, Mer. I love each little thing I learn about you more. You’re intoxicating.”
Colter’s words were a mix of sweet and sexy, just like the man himself. I liked that most people didn’t know this version of him—the real one. Rolling my thumb over the piercing, I watched his eyes at the contact. Imagining it inside me was almost as orgasmic as feeling it.
“There are so many places I want to bring you to pleasure. I think about it so much I’m surprised I’ve gotten anything done.”
“And with Holden?” I asked, despite my fear.
“Oh yeah. Him fucking you while I watch, then getting my turn when you’re so wrung out that you don’t think there’s any way you could come again, but then you do. That’s… fuck, that’s sexy.” He moaned, biting his lip, and thrusted up. “Or us sharing you between us. One of us in this juicy ass, the other in your pussy, and we bring you to oblivion together.”
“Holy cow.” Colter’s hands ghosted over my body, barely touching me, but I was so turned on. “I need you, Col. Do you have a condom?”
“You sure?” He licked his lips.
I nodded. “Yes. Make me feel good, Col.”
He surged up, kissing me and laying me on the bed. He reached over and grabbed a condom, sheathing himself. Picking up my thighs, he lifted me into his arms, bringing our chests together. I clung to him around his neck.
“Eek!”
Colter chuckled, but didn’t stop clutching me to him. Damn, he was strong, holding me like this.
Staying on his knees, he held my eyes as he lowered me slowly onto his cock. At the first press of him, I groaned. I tried to push down faster, but he stopped me and controlled the speed. Slower than I wanted, he fully lowered me onto his straining cock. The piercing rubbed against my walls with each inch I sank, sending shivers through me.
“Huhuhdad,” I moaned, the word coming out as a mash.
Colter grinned, momentarily blinding me with his beauty. How was this man real?
Cupping his face in my hands, I kissed him as he lifted me up and then slammed me down, harder this time. The kiss didn’t last long as my need to moan overtook me. His pace picked up, and I marveled at his ability to lift me up and down over and over. Everything felt incredible, and the earlier tension eased. My body tingled, and I held onto his shoulders tighter as the orgasm built in me.
“Yes, yes, Col. Right there, fuck that feels amazing.”
“I knew you’d be heaven, Mer. But you’re more. You’re nirvana.” My throat clogged at his words, and I knew I was almost there. “Soon, Holden and I will fuck you so good; you won’t be able to walk without remembering what it felt like to be full of our cocks.”
Holy dirty talk batman. Stick a fork in me because I was done.
“Ah! Colter!” My orgasm slammed into me, and I felt like my body lit on fire. Heat pooled everywhere, touching every centimeter of me, and sent me careening over the cliff.
Colter fell forward, my back hitting the bed, and his thrusts slowed as he came. We stared, panting together, with so much emotion it was a wonder I didn’t break into more tears.
“That was better than my imagination.”
Smiling, I ran my fingers through his hair. “Happy to exceed expectations.”
Colter and I laughed, lying together and enjoying the comfort between us. It felt like a different year from the game until this moment.
Eventually, he climbed off the bed, disposed of the condom, and I used the bathroom. I stood in his doorway, debating whether he wanted me to return to the couch or not.
“Hope you like cuddling,” he said, smiling and lifting the blanket.
“Love it.” Smiling, I climbed in and fell asleep on his chest. Finally, all my thoughts were quiet.