Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Noel
Audra sits alone at my kitchen table, staring out a window at the falling snow. I’m off today, other than watching film in my home office later, so I sit down next to her.
“What’s on your mind, Aud?”
There’s guilt on her face when she looks at me. “You don’t want to know.”
I pinch my brows together, forcing myself not to overreact. She shuts down when I do.
“You want me to take my dad hat off and put my friend one on?”
A smile tugs on her lips. “I don’t think you can do that.”
“Try me.” I pretend to take off a baseball cap and put another one on.
“Well...” She looks at the table. “Are you sure?”
“Completely sure.”
“I had phone sex with Kyle last night.”
I clench the hand at my side that she can’t see into a fist, then flex it straight. Why did I offer to listen as a friend?
“And how do you feel about that this morning?” I ask.
She’s an adult. I can’t lecture or punish her into doing what I think she should.
“Conflicted.” She puts her hands over her face. “And guilty about being conflicted.”
She was jealous of Talia’s relationship with Kyle. He’s a charismatic, good-looking guy. She wanted what her sister had so much that she stole it. And now it’s blown up on her. But she’s my daughter, and I know the only way she’s going to get through this is with support.
“Are you thinking of going back to him?”
She shakes her head. “Not really? But I miss him. He keeps telling me how sorry he is, and I want to believe him.”
I don’t like the direction of this conversation, but I don’t let it show. “You want to, but you don’t?”
She sighs softly, putting her elbows on the table. “I don’t think he premeditated it the first time. He didn’t wake up thinking he was going to get pissed off and push me so hard I ended up on the ground. But his temper ... I think if he did it once, he’ll do it again.”
Talia, Lucien, and I have been telling her that, and it seems like she gets it, which is a relief.
“People can love each other and still not be good together,” I say.
“I know. I’m okay. I’m not going back to him. I’m just pissed at myself for letting him think he’s wearing me down.”
“I’ve got a thing this evening, but I’m free until then. You want to go do something? Ax throwing? Christmas shopping?”
“Thanks, but I’m going shopping with Talia and her friend Jules.”
The sound of her name is like a knife to my gut. It’s been hell seeing Jules almost every day at work and pretending I’m fine. I miss her. It’s worst on road trips, when I know I could get to her room in a matter of minutes.
I miss her voice. Her soft, warm skin. Her hair brushing over my chest. Her laugh. I didn’t mean to fall so hard for her, but I can’t undo it. I know too much.
She’s strong, loyal, kind, and warm. Seeing the way she loves her sister and nephews hit me like a sledgehammer. At twenty-nine years old, Jules is more emotionally mature and grounded than many people twice her age.
People who have never met her adore her, and I know why. She’s beautiful and effervescent. The men who comment on her team videos need to be punched in the dick at least a hundred times, but I know why they do it.
That’s the only time I get to see her smile now—on her videos. I’ve been jerking off to her videos about leggings and eyeliner because it’s all I’ve got.
“Need some money?” I ask Audra.
“No, I’m good. Thanks for the talk, Dad.”
“Anytime. Want me to make you some breakfast?”
“We have an early lunch reservation.”
“Okay. Have fun. I’m having dinner with Hudson tonight, but I won’t be late.”
She heads upstairs and I start a pot of coffee, trying not to think about the breakfast I had with Jules, Blair, and Blair’s boys.
A big reason I didn’t want to go public about my relationship with Jules is that she might want kids. I already have four kids by two different women, and they’re almost all grown. I don’t want to start all over again at my age.
At least I thought I didn’t. But I also thought I never wanted to give a woman any emotional hold over me again, and now I’m fucking wrecked over one.
I love being a dad. But how would my kids feel about me having more kids? Could I be enough for that many people?
There are so many questions I can’t answer clearly. Jules deserves a man who will make her his whole world, and I already have four kids. But would another man care for her the way I do?
I pick up my mug of coffee and head for my office, eager to focus on something else.
Hudson McClain is a self-made billionaire. He could have the finest steakhouse built inside his home if he wanted to, but his favorite restaurant is a family-owned Italian place that’s been in business for more than fifty years.
“No!” Rosina, one of the owners, slaps the hand of the young server who just set a bowl of butter packets on the table. “Take it away.”
“It’s okay, Rosina,” Hudson says.
“We make fresh butter for you, Mr. McClain.”
“Hudson.”
He has his own table in the place. It’s a secluded one, a curtain available to close if he wants privacy. The walls in the nook that houses the table are covered with framed news articles about Hudson and the Crush.
Once Rosina is done fussing over giving him everything exactly the way he likes it, he flashes me a smile. “Who needs a wife? I’ve got a nonna taking care of me.”
He’s been divorced for years, and he seems genuinely happy single. He’s only forty-five and he likes being able to do what he wants whenever he wants to.
“So, how’s life?” I ask him, taking a sip of the red wine Rosina poured me.
“Can’t complain. Lost my ass in a real estate deal, then made it up in a good stock trade.”
“How much is your ass when you’re a billionaire?”
He shrugs. “Three million. Part of my ass, I suppose.”
Rosina brings us some freshly baked bread and two dishes with fresh, whipped butter, then closes the curtain as she leaves.
“How about you?” Hudson asks. “You were a dick when I saw you the other day, but that’s nothing new.”
He’s my boss, but also my friend. There’s no team owner I’d rather work for than him.
“You know how it goes.”
He sits back in his seat, gently swirling the wine in his glass. “I know there’s something on your mind, Noel. You don’t ask me to have dinner unless it’s something serious.”
I nod, deciding to just come out with it. “I’ve been seeing our social media coordinator.”
His brows fly up. “Jules?”
“Yeah.”
“How in the fuck did you pull that off?”
I narrow my eyes at him. “What, like I’m so bad?”
“No, you’re, you know ... but she’s ...”
“Anyway,” I say, aggravated. “We’d been seeing each other for around two months until a couple weeks ago.”
“Does Deb know?”
“No. I’d never tell Deb before you.”
“Does anyone know?”
I shake my head. “Not really.”
He grins. “Good for you, man. But what happened two weeks ago? Did you fuck it up?”
I glare at him. “We had a disagreement.”
“So why are you telling me?”
“I just wanted a friend’s perspective, I guess.”
He sets his wineglass down. “Give me all the info. What was the disagreement about?”
“She thinks I don’t want anyone to know about us because I’m embarrassed by her. By her age.”
Hudson shrugs. “Probably more embarrassed by your age, though, right? She’s young and vibrant and you’re—”
I cut him off, pinching the bridge of my nose. “No. The age difference is there; there’s nothing we can do about it. I guess I want to make sure she won’t get in trouble if people find out.”
“Little late for that, don’t you think?”
“You fuckin—”
“I’m kidding. No, she won’t get in trouble. From what Deb has told me, she’s a rock star at her job. Workplace relationships happen. As long as it’s not going to get us sued, I don’t have a problem with it.”
“She doesn’t report to me.”
“Right. Seems fine.” He’s buttering a piece of bread meticulously, making sure every bit of the surface gets covered in butter. “Does she make you happy?”
“That’s an understatement. I know I’d take a lot of shit if people found out I was with someone so young, but if it’s that or be without her, I’ll take the embarrassment.”
“Fuck anyone who has a problem with it.”
“Yeah, I agree—unless it’s my kids.”
He laughs. “Your kids who saw your wife cheat on you with a contractor and leave you for him? Noel, you deserve to be happy. You’re a good man. If the woman who appreciates that is in her twenties, or thirties, or eighties, who cares? Life’s too short.”
I nod. “Yeah. Thanks.”
His expression turns serious. “Have I ever told you the last thing my father said to me when he was dying?”
“No.”
He sets down the bread, brushing the crumbs from his hands. “He could hardly talk anymore. The cancer had taken everything from him. But he worked so goddamn hard to get it out, because he was still in there. His eyes were the same, but his body was shutting down. He said one word to me. Live.”
I’ve never seen Hudson so emotional. He sniffs and straightens his shoulders.
“He told me to live, and I think about it all the time. None of us knows what tomorrow will bring, or if there will even be a tomorrow. So if she makes you happy, and you want to make her happy, hold on like hell and don’t let go.”
I nod, thinking of my own father. He’d love Jules. “I will. Thanks for sharing that with me.”
“You smell those meatballs?” He closes his eyes and breathes in the savory aroma. “When I die, this place is my idea of heaven.”
I raise my glass. “To Domenica.”
He clicks his glass against mine. “To Domenica. And time spent with a dear friend. And living.”
“Cheers.”
“Cheers, my friend.”