23. Erica
Amanda’s white SUV waits in the driveway.
My hands are clammy as I climb in and fasten my seatbelt.
She greets me with a hearty hello and a radiant smile, but she doesn’t force a conversation immediately, allowing me a moment to acclimate.
I’m pretty grateful for that.
Saying I’m nervous to spend time alone with Amanda is a gigantic understatement.
I’m vibrating with anxiety.
It’s only been a few days since my awkward—and entirely wrong—first impression of her.
But Cain wants me to get to know her while he runs errands, and I owe him as much.
The least I can do is make an honest effort to get along with his sister.
To my surprise, my mood lightens soon.
Amanda is the exact opposite of what I expected her to be like.
It’s hard not to relax in her presence on the way to San Antonio.
A sense of familiarity radiates from her while she asks how I like Texas, if I miss Kansas, and if I already tried the local delicacies—especially the ice cream from a mom-and-pop shop in the next small town over.
When I say I haven’t, she promises to take me there sometime.
Then she compliments my perfume and eye makeup and calls me hon.
I can’t stop smiling.
Her kindness and openness are disarming.
It feels like a drive with a good friend, or rather how I always imagined it.
I’ve never experienced it myself.
The closest I usually get to people is the acquaintance stage, like I did with some of the other waitresses at work.
Warm wind streams through the open windows as the blooming landscape zips past.
The smell of new leather seats and Amanda’s light, floral perfume is in my nose.
Her melodic voice fills my ears, singing along to the radio during a break in our conversation.
She brims with energy.
It’s a palpable buzz surrounding her.
That zest for life is contagious, making my chest feel as bright as the sun burning in the cloudless, blue sky.
She wears all white again.
Jeans and a silk blouse with a deep, rippling neckline, making her beautiful tan stand out.
A thick, long scar runs between her breasts, accentuated by multiple rows of dainty gold necklaces.
I’ve seen it before in her videos, but it’s much darker in real life.
“Go on, ask!” Amanda says, her tone cheery, button nose wrinkling as she grins.
I look at the road, blushing.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare.”
“I wouldn’t dress like this if I was shy about the scar. Seriously, you can ask, hon.”
I fidget with the seatbelt that is suddenly too tight across my ribs.
“Where did you get it?” I mumble.
“See, no big deal.” She giggles, slowing down as we exit the highway.
“Awesome story, though. I had a heart transplant.”
I suck in a harsh breath.
“Wow. That’s uh…”
“A fucking miracle of modern medicine is what it is!” She taps the steering wheel in rhythm with the music.
“Also, bonus cool points because I get to say mysterious stuff like ‘ I have another person’s heart in my chest ’.”
Her easygoing attitude makes the heavy topic easier to handle and I chuckle.
“That is pretty damn cool.”
“Heart failure in your early 20s makes you grow up fast. You re-evaluate lots of things, you know?” She shrugs.
“Priorities, goals, relationships. Some folks with transplants live a long, healthy life. Others don’t. So when you never know how much time you have left, you spend it on the people and things that matter. I see that as a positive thing.”
My throat thickens with emotions, and I nod.
“I know it sounds weird, but I took everything for granted before I almost died,” she continues.
“I was bored and didn’t appreciate everything I had. In a fucked-up way, my illness was a blessing in disguise. It made me brave. It made me love harder, give less shits, and live like every day is my last.”
“That makes total sense,” I answer quickly.
I’m fortunate I’ve never been as sick as Amanda, but I understand her on a different level.
Since Cain took me, I feel more alive than I ever have.
The terror of getting kidnapped did something to me, shifted my entire mindset.
Before Cain, all I felt was grey and numb.
Now the world is lit up in neon colors, bathing me in their vibrant shine.
Everything is more intense, and I don’t just mean the sex.
The food tastes better.
The air smells cleaner.
My heart beats steadier.
I laugh louder and fear less.
I’m more honest with myself about what I need or want.
And being Cain’s prisoner made me realize one thing with ultimate certainty:
I don’t want to die anymore.
For all the horrors I’ve been through at his hands, I’m grateful I never got around to using those sleeping pills.
I have him to thank for that.
If Cain hadn’t kidnapped me, I would be six feet under.
How fucked up that a serial killer saved my life.
But his sister doesn’t know about Cain’s dark side.
He told me so himself before I left and I see no point in trying to convince her.
There is the matter of the fake medical files that would paint me as a delusional liar.
And Amanda wouldn’t believe a woman she’s known for two hours over her brother, anyway.
We pull into a parking lot surrounded by lush greenery.
It’s very different from the concrete jungles and malls I know.
“We’re here!” Amanda squeals.
“Aren’t we going shopping?”
“We are! But you didn’t think I was going to take you to a drab old mall, right? No, this is an experience, hon!” She waves her hands like she’s painting a rainbow.
“It’s my favorite place to treat myself when I’m in the area. They have everything . From designer shops to affordable fashion, all packaged in a convenient, beautiful little village type of deal. It feels like a mini vacation!”
I look down at my ripped grey skinny jeans and the faux leather peeling off my old handbag.
My face heats.
I’m underdressed as fuck.
“Hope you’re ready to make good use of my brother’s credit card.” Amanda digs into her purse with the letters L and V pressed all over the cream-colored leather.
She takes out a black credit card.
“Cain said to make sure you spend at least 100k.”
My jaw drops so far, I worry it’s going to dislocate.
“Excuse me?”
“Come to think of it, what I said just now would be a great test to figure out if you’re after Cain’s money.” She puts the card back and pulls out a pocket mirror and a tube of pink lip gloss.
“But you don’t seem the gold digger type and I’m like, the best judge of character.”
My giggle is several pitches too high.
I sound like a squeaking mouse.
“Ha. Okay that bit about the 100k was very funny. You got me there.”
She smacks her lips and fluffs up her hair with a small brush before stuffing everything into the bag again.
Her perfectly arched brows curve.
“I wasn’t joking. My brother is going to give me a hard time if I don’t stick to his instructions and he’s super annoying when he goes on one of his rants. He said he knows you won’t accept the card if he gives it to you directly and he made me the messenger. Don’t shoot me.” She laughs, putting her hands up.
Emotions slam into me.
I can’t untangle the web of anger, surprise, annoyance, and something…
warmer, hot and balmy behind my ribs.
Does Cain think he can buy my compliance?
Pay for my affection?
The concert and the smaller gifts are one thing, but this…
this is too much.
My pulse quickens.
Or is it really too much?
I’ve always lived tiny paycheck to tiny paycheck and never owned nice things.
If I have to play along for the sake of my safety anyway…
maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to enjoy myself for one afternoon?
“Whenever you’re done being shocked, I’m ready to go,” Amanda says, a mischievous glimmer in her hazel eyes.
She gets out of the car and sticks her head back inside.
“Come on! It’s going to be fun!”